Chapter 14
“Where are you going?” Luca asked as I reached the garage door.
“Nowhere. Just out. I need to clear my head.”
“Do you want some company?” he asked.
“Nah, you’re alright. I prefer to be alone.” It was true. Being around so many people who were quickly treating me like family was a little uncomfortable for me. Suffocating even.
“All right, man, see you when you’re back.”
I pulled on my helmet, revving my bike as the garage door opened.
I sped off down the driveway, my leather clad fingers gripping the handlebars tightly as I steered towards the open road.
I’d missed this. I hadn’t had much chance to ride since moving here.
Lorenzo preferred us all to use SUVs, they were apparently safer as he liked the argue.
But tonight I was finally able to escape.
Sighing, I thought about where I was heading, a quiet spot, a place that meant more to me than anywhere else. Somewhere I went to be closer to my parents. Despite them being buried in England, I’d found somewhere nearby that made me feel close to them.
I had found this area quite out of the blue. It was a tranquil spot, surrounded by trees and a tiny river that bent round in a circle.
Yanking my helmet off, I kicked my bike stand out and walked out to a spot where I could sit.
“ Hola , Mama, Papa.” Leaving England and my parents behind was one of the hardest decisions I’d ever had to make.
It felt like I was abandoning them, but had they been alive today, I knew they would have wanted me to get out while I had the chance.
The faint burning in my nose made me scrub my eyes.
Pain flickered in my heart. Taking a deep breath, I raised my head to the sky.
Despite it being years, my mother tongue flowed easily from my mouth.
“Sé que han pasado unos días, lo siento.”
“I know it’s been a while, I’m sorry. The truth is someone’s been taking up a lot of my time… Not that I mind,” I chuckled, knowing they would be doing the same too.
“There is something about this woman, Ma, something I’ve never seen in another person before.
She’s… special. I don’t know how to explain, but…
I feel this pull towards her. And I know I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t because of who her father is…
Who I am. But I can’t stop… And I don’t know why. Why can’t I stay away from her, Pa?”
I don’t know why but I sat there in the quietness and waited for an answer.
“Ma, you always told me to follow my gut, but what if my gut is wrong? What if every decision I made is what led me here? Everything I have ever touched turned to dust.”
I punched the ground and took in heaving breaths to calm my heart.
“But when I’m around her I can’t think about anything else. I want her. I crave her. She makes me dream of things I’m not allowed to have. But haven’t I paid my debts enough? Am I not allowed to be happy?” Again, there was no reply. The only answers I had were the ones I refused to give myself.
Before I knew it, an hour had passed and I was all talked out.
It was rare for me to talk about anything personal but my parents would keep my secrets.
After all, they were the only people who knew me and that was the way it had to stay.
If anyone were to learn of the things I had done I’d be a dead man.
Maybe we could let her in…
Yes, let her in, Arturo… Let her see the shit bag you really are.
I may have wanted Isabella, but I couldn’t let her see the darkness that hid just beneath the surface. My demons were mine and mine alone. She didn’t deserve to taste Hell. I wouldn’t do that to her.
As I rode back to the house, I felt like a weight had been lifted.
The evening had been illuminating for sure.
The reality was, no matter how much I wanted I knew that Lorenzo would never let me have his daughter.
Isabella was the kind of woman who wanted and deserved a forever, no-holds-barred relationship and that wasn’t something I could give her.
I had to stay away from her.
As I pulled into the garage, I saw a very giddy Theo. His face lit up the moment he eyed my bike in all its glory. I shut off the engine as he sprinted towards me.
“This is so cool!” he exclaimed, running his sticky fingers along the paintwork in awe.
“You know, T-man, I hardly let anyone touch my bike,” I teased. The poor kid was so scared he yanked his fingers away like they’d been burned. I chuckled then swiped him off the floor and sat him gently on the seat in front of me.
“But you said—” he gasped.
“Yeah, but you ain’t just anyone.” I ruffled his jet black locks as his hands gripped the handlebars pretending to steer.
“This is so cool. When can I get one?”
“A bike? Hmm, when you’re old enough,” I smiled.
“Like, when I’m ten?” he grinned, making motor noises.
“Sorry, mate. We’re talking eighteen at the very earliest.”
“But that’s ages away!” he huffed, leaning back against my chest.
“Alright, T… Here’s the deal. You promise to wait patiently and work hard at school, and I will buy you your first bike. I might even teach you how to ride it. How’s that sound?”
“Really, Arturo? You really mean it?” He clapped his hands together in delight. This interaction was just what I needed after tonight.
“Really, really. Now, let’s go inside. I’m starving and need to make some food.” I said, lifting him off the bike.
“Okay! But, can I have one like this?” he said, giving me great big puppy dog eyes.
“If they’re still around, little man, sure. But I can’t make you a solid promise.”
“Yay! Thank you, Arturo!” He gripped my hand in his and started dragging me towards the door. “Oh no! Wait, I nearly forgot!” He hurried back to the bike and placed a kiss on the paintwork before joining me once more. “Now, we can go.”
I think I was beginning to like this little kid.
“Ah, Arturo, there you are,” Ana beamed at me the moment we entered the kitchen.
I frowned as she began plating up dinner. That was odd. Everyone should have had dinner two hours ago.
“Sorry, had somethin’ I had to take care of. You didn’t need to wait for me.”
“We eat together or not at all. We’re family and that’s what we families do,” she said, placing her hand softly on my forearm. “Especially if someone needs an hour or two alone.”
I did my best not to yank my arm away. There was no way I could offend this woman. She couldn’t know that I wasn’t used to tactile contact and that the slightest touch could make me very uncomfortable. “Uhm, thank you.”
I knew they didn’t always wait if someone wasn’t home. There was always food saved for anyone who was out handling shipments and any other jobs Lorenzo had. So, what made tonight any different?
“ Nonna , Arturo let me sit on his bike, and he’s going to buy me one when I’m big. He’s going to teach me how to ride and everything!”
I staggered backward as Theo jumped into my arms with all his might.
“Well, that’s very nice of Arturo,” Ana patted his cheek with a sweet smile. The close proximity made me stagger. I hadn’t realised just how much Bella was the spitting image of her. But where her mum was soft and warm, Bella was all thousand foot high walls and closed doors.
“Can you carry me to the dining room?” Theo asked, and out came the puppy dog eyes again.
“Alright, lazy bones! Let’s go and sit down, shall we?” I started to make my way towards the door but then my mother’s voice started screeching at me in Spanish, making me pause. Shit! “Apologies, Anastacia, I didn’t ask. Do you need a hand?”
“No, thank you for your offer though.” Her eyes caught mine and for some reason I saw a brief twinkle that made my eyebrows furrow. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at me that way.
I continued on my way to the dining room where everyone was waiting. Laughter and conversation filled the room, but someone was missing.
Isabella.
“Welcome back,” Lorenzo smiled, raising his tumbler at me.
“Where you been, man?” Red asked, swigging his beer.
“Sorry I’m late. I had somethin’ to take care of. You all could have eaten without me though.”
“What, and give Mama a reason to shoot us all?” Andre called from beside Red. A chuckle resounded across the table. I nodded at the younger Ricci. I hadn’t seen too much of him since he was busy with college, but he seemed like a decent lad.
“That, Andre Ricci, would have been the least of your problems!” Ana’s voice came from the kitchen.
“I could’ve pinned you with something worse, like god forbid, making you do your own laundry.
” I pressed my lips together as Andre’s eyes widened.
“Too many men in this house, I swear.” I turned when the voice was all of a sudden right behind me.
Ana sighed heavily, carrying three heaving plates.
“ Mi amore ,” Lorenzo jumped from his chair and relieved his wife’s arms. “You sit down, me and Arturo will bring the rest,” he said before slapping me on the shoulder. I raised my eyebrows before putting Theo down.
“Thank you, my love,” Lorenzo was rewarded with a soft kiss on the cheek before we headed into the kitchen.
“You good?” he asked.
“Always.”
“Good, but if you need anything, you know where I am.” His eyes were sincere as he handed me a couple of plates.
“I appreciate that.” I worded my next statement carefully. “I’m used to being alone. It’s takin’ some adjustment, you know? To get used to all of… this.” I flicked my eyes around the kitchen before directing them towards the dining room.
“I get that, and I know my daughter hasn’t given you the easiest start. She can be a little…”
“Stubborn?” I joked.
“Exactly.”
“Where is she?” I asked. I knew it wasn’t my business, but fuck it.
“She’s in bed. Ana said she wasn’t well this afternoon,” he sighed. “I worry I’m pushing her too hard.”
“I doubt it,” I gave him a pointed look. “Could be she’s a little under the weather. You want me to take her something up?”
“No, she said she didn’t want anything. I’ve let her be this evening.”
He might have, but I wasn’t going to.