Chapter 20
“Mishka, what’s going on in that head of yours?” My Dedushka asked with a concerned voice.
“Nothing, I just ? —”
“Bella, we both know you are in your head today. Your moves aren’t smooth and fluid, they’re irritated, predictable, and sloppy.” He lowered himself onto the grass beside me. “This isn’t you. If something has happened, you know you can tell me.”
But I couldn’t tell him, I couldn’t tell anyone.
Shame filled my gut as I relived that night with Arturo.
After all the flirtatious banter, punishments, and forbidden glances, I had finally given in.
And it had felt so right at that moment.
I felt things I had never felt before. But as soon as I woke up I could sense the change in him.
For whatever reason, Arturo’s feelings had shifted, and the thing that killed me was that I had no idea why.
The lump in my throat grew as I pushed back the tears.
My grandfather was right, that wasn’t me.
I never got upset easily, but with each passing day I seemed to learn more about myself.
I knew there was nothing wrong with hurting, or crying, but something inside me needed to do it silently and away from others.
I had to hurt alone. Like everything else, I played off my hurt with anger, but this feeling of helplessness was crushing. What was I supposed to do?
“Bells, are you okay? Your face has changed a good five times in the last ten seconds.” My father’s voice brought me crashing back to earth with an almighty thud, and suddenly the silence I had been enjoying in my own head was replaced with cheering families and screaming coaches. “Bella?”
“I’m fine, Papa,” I insisted. His brow creased as he stared at me. He could read me better than anyone else, even better than my mother. If I wasn’t careful he would figure out I was lying and push me for the truth.
“Are you sure? You seem like you want to be anywhere else but here.” That was true in so many ways, but, like the rest of my family, I had promised to support my brother at his game.
“Papa, I said I’m fine, can we drop it now?” I asked, hoping he’d take the hint.
“You and your mother only say fine when you really aren’t. So, come on… spill.” He continued.
“Papa, please can you drop it? I’m fine.”
Was I?
Yes, of course I was.
“Bella—”
“I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” I replied, ignoring my father’s gaze as I climbed down the bleachers.
I rounded the corner towards the entrance of the college, allowing myself to enjoy a moment of peace, and the further I got from my father’s insane round of twenty questions the better I felt.
Despite it only being an excuse, I had just made it to the door when a noise stopped me.
“You know you really shouldn’t be wandering around in the dark.” I whipped around to see a figure stood in the shadows.
“And you really shouldn’t be lurking around in the dark. Guess we all do things we aren’t meant to.” I folded my arms and leaned against the cool brick wall.
“You don’t scare easily, do you?” With a chuckle, the figure stepped into the light, revealing a tall, good looking guy with a footballer’s body. His blonde, tousled hair fell onto his forehead as he smiled. I quickly noticed he was wearing the opposing team’s colours.
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“Disappoint? Nah, I like that in girls,” he laughed. I raised an eyebrow as he stepped closer, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I saw you out there, you know? Spent the better part of the first half trying to figure you out.”
“Oh yeah? Well, that must have been riveting for you.” I cocked my head to the side. Who was this guy?
“It was actually. Not that the older guy next to you appreciated it. Looked like he wanted to kill me every time he caught me staring.” I narrowed my eyes as the nameless guy ran his finger down my arm. To my surprise, the feeling was unwelcome.
“That’s because he could, mate,” said a deep, masculine voice, one I knew all too well.
The guy frowned before turning around. I took the opportunity to suck in a deep breath.
“Touch her again though and you’ll wish he’d gotten to you first.” The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as Arturo’s voice got quieter.
“Oh yeah? That sounded like a threat, mate . ” The guy laughed, brushing a hand through his hair. I rolled my eyes. Men trying to out testosterone each other, how wonderful.
“I don’t do threats, just promises. Now do yourself a favour and walk away. I’m only goin’ to ask once,” Arturo replied, his tone casual.
“Nah, I don’t think so,” the guy replied turning back to me. “We were just getting to know each other.” He smiled and made a gesture that looked as though he was going to take my hand.
“Alright then, guess I’ll just have her brother do a number on yours.
” I suppressed the urge to tell Arturo to shut up as worry flashed in the guy’s eyes.
Surely he wasn’t serious? “Can’t be too careful these days.
A minor tackle from the wrong angle and…
” he clicked his fingers, “bye bye football career.” At this the guy flipped, swivelling round.
“What the fuck is your problem?” He snapped as Arturo grinned back at him, looking every bit the perfect psycho.
“Me? List is endless, mate. Now jog the fuck on before I give a wave and watch your brother’s bone snap.” Finally the guy got the message, and turned back towards the field.
“It was nice to—” he started.
“Hey! Don’t talk to her. Don’t even look at her.
Know what I’m sayin’” Arturo ordered. With one last glance in my direction the guy heaved an angry sigh before running off in the direction of the opposing team’s stand.
I glanced around the corner to see him joining a group of guys that were a similar age to me.
Shaking my head and gritting my teeth I looked over my shoulder.
“Why did you do that?!” I snapped, as his gorgeous face came into view. “You made your feelings or lack thereof perfectly clear, so why the fuck are you shoving your nose into my business?”
Ignoring my question, Arturo simply replied, “your dad’s askin’ for you.” My eyebrows raised at this. Against my better judgement I stomped towards him to get up in his face.
“You know what, I finally have you figured out.” His eyes searched mine, giving nothing away.
“You may have my mother and father fooled, but you’re just another piece of trash psycho, out for what he can’t have.
” I could have sworn I saw his pupils pulse and his jaw tighten but as I continued to stare him down he didn’t so much as flinch.
Clearly he didn’t care. “But don’t worry, I won’t fall for it again. ”
I turned to walk away only to feel a hand around my wrist pulling me back. When I looked up we were nose-to-nose and flickers of pain shrouded his eyes.
“Don’t do that, mi princesa. ” His forehead came to rest against mine. “What happened?—”
“Was clearly a mistake, judging by the way you threw me out of your room like you couldn’t give a shit about me,” I hissed before my brain had time to catch up.
“Isabella, you have no idea how I felt!” His grip on my arm tightened.
“Well then I guess it’s a good job I don’t need to then, isn’t it?” I snatched my arm away. My heart sped up as I tried to hold back the pain and humiliation of his rejection.
“Bella—”
“No! You don’t get to call me Bella anymore.
No more Bella or mi princesa or whatever it is you say to me in Spanish.
The moment you decided to treat me like something you stood in, you lost the right to dictate anything I do, or who I speak to.
From now on, when you speak to me it’s Isabella, Miss Ricci or Boss.
” I clenched my fists. “Oh, and next time you feel like interfering, don’t. I can handle myself”
“I don’t give a fuck if you can handle it on your own or not. Nobody touches you but?—”
“You?” I winced, interrupting his rant. We were both breathing hard and the warmth of his lips brushing against mine was creating a ball of fire that burned furiously in my lower belly.
“Isabella, you don’t understand!” He pressed a hand against his forehead.
“Of course I wouldn’t,” I fumed. “Last night I fell asleep by a man who claimed he needed me more than his next breath, and when I woke up today that same man couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
” I sighed. “There is nothing left to say. Whatever happened between us is gone. Erased from my memory just as I imagine it is from yours.” I stepped back, creating some distance between us.
To my humiliation he didn’t look hurt, upset, or pissed off.
He was vacant.
“Now I’m going back to watch the game and you are going to stay out of my way.
Don’t look at me. Don’t talk to me. The only time we’re going to speak is in the gym or at the shooting range.
” My eyes met his for a moment. “And if you so much as look at me in the wrong way, it won’t be the target dummy riddled with bullets… It’ll be you.”
“Isabella,” he said, cocking his head to one side. “You couldn’t do that to me.” I frowned as he continued. “Fact is you don’t have it in you… yet.”
“You have no idea what I’m capable of. You might be some fucked up, world class killer, but you know nothing about me. And you lost any chance of knowing.” To my confusion, I saw a flash of regret and sadness in his eyes.
“I’m not tryin’ to hurt you—” he started, but there was no way in hell I’d let him finish.
“I have to go, Arturo.” There was nothing else I needed to say, I was sure my face said it all, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
He let me walk away for the second time, and I couldn’t deny that this time hurt a little more than the first. But I didn’t look back, not once, because I wouldn’t let myself be wounded by someone who blew hot and cold like the damn wind.