Chapter 40
Did he just… tell me he loved me?
Was I hearing things or was that real?
Arturo sat there silent for a minute, a smile forming on his lips before releasing the most boyish chuckle I’d ever heard.
“Ha, yeah… I do… I love you.” There it was again… Those three words.
I sat there dumbfounded, unable to get any words out. Fear and uncertainty filled my gut.
But how could he possibly love me so soon? To my knowledge it had always felt like it would take a lifetime or at least knowing someone really well—like Peyton and Luca or my parents—before a feeling that big would take hold.
No, B… You know as well as I do that I fell for Luca faster than I thought imaginable. There’s no rhyme or reason for this. It just… is.
My heart stalled as I thought back to that first moment, the first time I ever laid eyes on him.
I had never despised someone so much or so instantly.
It was like I had no control over my feelings.
Everything about him had rubbed me up the wrong way.
The smug, arrogant way he held himself. The fierce, unwavering determination he had to push me beyond my limits.
The stubborn, relentless way he pursued me…
The way he smells. The frustratingly beautiful lines of his face. The way he’s always been able to make my body vibrate with desire with a single look. The sexy, effortless way he moves his body when we’re training.
It had all been a smoke screen… all the reasons I’d had for hating him.
Fear of how attracted I had been to him had made me push him away hiding from how I honestly felt.
The truth was I was already head over heels in love with him.
I had been falling in love with him the second he’d called me princess and warned me of what was to come.
P was right, I am in love with him. And a part of me knew…
I blinked, a frown appearing on my forehead as I mulled over what to do.
My hesitation wasn’t because I didn’t want to tell him.
God knows I did. I wanted to yell it from his rooftop, but saying those three very important, consequence driving words would cement all of this in stone.
Once I said it there would be no going back.
There was no putting that genie back in the lamp.
And the sheer thought of doing something that could cause irreparable damage to my family and most importantly Arturo was…
unthinkable. It was either a man of my father’s choosing or the single life for me. That’s how it had been for my parents.
What was I going to do?
Besides, even if I could tell him, I had a hard enough time expressing love for myself let alone others, losing people tended to have that effect on me.
It was why I had spent my life running from any whiff of romantic love.
I couldn’t go through that kind of heartbreak.
It wasn’t worth it. And knowing my father?
He would destroy whatever Arturo and I had before it could fully develop.
That scared the shit out of me. But what terrified me more was how quickly I had fallen for Arturo.
I had never wanted to cling onto anything before him.
There were no choices left. All I could do was hang onto Arturo for dear life…
No matter what my father said or did, and hope to god that we found our way through.
Arturo squeezed my knee jolting me from my thoughts.
“I’m goin’ for a cigarette. You good here for a moment?” He asked as if he hadn’t just announced he was in love with me.
Men!
“Y–yeah, I’m good,” I managed, as he leisurely stalked toward the balcony door. It appeared like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Nobody outside of my family, other than Peyton of course, had ever told me they loved me before. What surprised me was how damn good it felt but strange at the same time. Hearing the man you love tell you they love you for the first time was like no other feeling in the world.
I focused on his silhouette on the balcony before taking in his home.
It was sparse. Somewhat clinical and cold.
It made sense though. Arturo seemed at his core a minimalist. Someone who carried no personal attachments or trinkets.
Other than the photographs in his room he didn’t have any other…
treasures. It must have been so jarring, moving into our house that was loud, full of life and colour, and full to the brim with family.
I carried on looking around the room and finally clocked a photo of a loving couple having a picnic in the park. The woman was familiar. As I continued to stare it dawned on me that she was the same one from the photo in his room…
That must be his mom.
Arturo was the spitting image of the man in the photo, who I guessed was his father, but his striking eyes and full mouth had definitely come from his mother.
No wonder he was so good looking. His parents were stunning!
By their feet sat a young Arturo, who looked as though he didn’t have a care in the world.
His smile reached from ear to ear and his eyes shone with happiness.
He must have been Theo’s age if not a year older.
He looked relaxed… loved. A direct antithesis of the man he’d become.
A man who harboured darkness and battled daily against his demons and flaws.
A man who would take a bullet for me and stand up to anyone who tried to keep us apart.
Next to the photo in the park was one of his father sitting on his bike, Arturo between his legs, smiling at the camera.
My heart squeezed as I thought of his bike now sat in my garage as a pile of scrap metal.
He shook it off, but I knew he carried the devastation of losing the only thing he had left from his father every day.
I wish there was something I could do.
Maybe there is… Come on Bells, think.
And, can we just take a moment to appreciate that fine specimen of a man saying I LOVE YOU?
I know…
Okay, so… why didn’t you not say it back?!
I want to. Fuck, I want to. I’m just… scared… Sick to my stomach, terrified.
You don’t need to be, trust me.
“Who you talkin’ to, amor de mi vida ?” Startled mid conversation, I glanced towards the balcony door to see Arturo sliding it closed. The cool air caused my skin to pebble and I shivered, running my hands up and down my arms.
“Oh, uhm, just someone who, despite leaving, never really left.” And I don’t think she ever would.
“Cool, want to carry on with the film?” he asked, collapsing onto the couch beside me as if what I said made complete sense.
“You want to carry on with the movie now?”
“It’s a film, and yeah, why not?” I watched his smile turn playful, he launched himself in my direction, not giving me a second to breathe let alone move.
I could think of worse places to be than beneath him on the sofa.
“Because… You?—”
“Cause I, what? Said I love you?” I had never heard I love you so many times in one night before.
“Listen to me, hermosa , I ain’t expectin’ you to say it back.
I said it because, well it’s the truth and it felt right.
I don’t need a universally accepted special moment to tell you.
For me every moment we have is just that.
So yeah, no point in hidin’ how I feel anymore. ”
His expression was unlike how it usually was. Instead of sharp, dominating, and sensual, it was soft and gentle. My skin burned as he trailed the pad of his finger across my cheekbone, holding my gaze.
Could he see the love burning in my eyes? Was it hurting him knowing I was holding back?
“Come on, hermosa , let’s finish the dino film,” he smiled, pecking my nose.
We sat in comfortable silence until the end of the movie, with Arturo holding me close as I nuzzled into the crook of his arm.
“Can I ask you something?” I whispered, biting my lip.
“Sure,” he smiled, curling a hair behind my ear.
“What were you planning to do once you stepped away from your days as an assassin?” I asked, trailing my fingertips over his thigh.
“You really wanna know?”
“Why do you think I asked?” I teased.
“If I tell you, it remains between these walls. I ain’t shown no one before, and I never planned to.” He rose from the sofa, squeezing my knee as he did. “Wait ‘ere, I’ll be back in a sec.”
He hurried off to his bedroom. From below, I could hear the faint beeping of what sounded like a safe. What was he planning to show me? Was it illegal, is that why he never told anyone? What if?—
“Cool your knickers, lady, it ain’t anythin’ illegal. That I can assure you. I wanted to do this shit all above board.” I hadn’t even noticed him rejoining me. How long was I thinking for?
“I wasn’t thinking that,” I lied.
He laid out some plans on the coffee table. They seemed to be a shop of some sort. My mind whirled as I took in the detail. It was obvious a lot of work went into them.
“I wanted to open a bike shop. Y’know, meet people who love their bikes as much as I did. It's somethin’ I’ve always been passionate about, so I figured… why not? I had the money and the drive?—”
“And then my father ruined your plans by offering you a job… right?”
“Oi,” he turned to me, frowning. “He ruined nothin’. I don’t regret a single thing. It was just an idea, Bella. The shop can wait.” He scratched the back of his head, looking uncertain for once. “And if you like we could, y’know… open it together.”
“Is that so?” The thought filled me with actual excitement. This was something the pair of us could do away from everyone else… Something normal.
“Nah, forget it. Just a pipe dream, innit?” he laughed. “I’m goin’ to take all this out to the bin.” He gathered up the pizza box along with the other trash and headed to the door.
My eyes scanned the plans Arturo had put his heart and soul into. Seeing his father’s bike sketched pride and place in the centre of the shop floor hurt my heart.
Enough .