26. Aryn
Aryn
Bright sparks spiral into the cold night sky as the bonfire crackles.
Musicians huddle together, playing drums and string instruments.
Cameron and Ronan sit in the shadows, wrapped up in each other, and I lost track of Lillith and Taryn an hour ago.
Several other groups have gathered, laughing and talking over the music, but I don’t join them, and I certainly can’t relax.
The Elduin we met at dinner has pulled Cato into his group. His name is Lirien, and his iridescent teal skin shimmers in the firelight while his long silver-white hair catches every flicker of gold from the flames.
He’s stunning, and I’m not the only one who noticed.
Cato hasn’t been more than a few feet away from Lirien since we made it out here.
Lirien knows some words in English and asked Cato to teach him more.
He’s light and teasing as he tries to repeat them, flirty in a way I’ve never been.
He laughs too easily and is far too bold, finding every excuse to touch Cato’s arm.
My jaw tightens every time Lirien leans in closer.
Cato seems mostly unaware, but he isn’t clueless. He’d have to be blind to miss the signals being sent his way. Lirien says something else that makes Cato chuckle, and the knot in my stomach twists tighter at how he smiles.
It’s loose in a way he never is with me.
I know I have no real claim on him. We haven’t defined anything between us, and despite the way he’s clearly drawn to me, he’s always been honest. He doesn’t want… this.
Me.
Still, watching someone else flirt with him so openly makes my tail twitch with irritation beneath my coat.
Lirien pulls out a neatly rolled herb cigarette and takes a long pull.
One of the Nu’vak plucks it from his fingers for a drag before handing it back, and a charming smile curves Lirien’s mouth as he offers it to Cato.
Firelight gleams off his hair as he looks down at it, then meets my eyes as though seeking permission.
He excuses himself and walks over, dropping onto the bench beside me.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “They, uh…” His laugh comes out nervous, and my stomach clenches tighter. “They’re smoking? From what I could understand, it’s called threeva?”
“Thraeva,” I correct gently.
He nods, glancing back toward where the Elduin is watching us. “He just keeps saying ‘good’.”
“You don’t need my permission,” I respond, the words coming out more clipped than I intend.
He stares at me for a second, jaw tightening. “I know that. I just… I don’t know. Letting loose sounds fun after the week we’ve had, but I don’t want to be all fucked up here.”
My nostrils flare as I take in the scent.
It’s familiar—dried thraeva leaves that carry scents of the dark honey imbued in the vines.
“What they have is fairly mild, but it will lower your inhibitions,” I tell him honestly.
“Everything will feel… warmer. Easier. You’ll be more open, probably be more talkative.
It won’t knock you out or cause blackouts, if that’s what you’re worried about. ”
Cato studies my face. “You okay with…” He gestures toward the group again.
Every part of me wants to say no—to bare my teeth and tell him he has no place beside them. I force a small nod, though, and grit my teeth through the urge to deny him.
“It’s your choice.”
“You’ll make sure I don’t do anything stupid?” he asks with a crooked grin.
My heart aches at the smile, half-breaking at the way he needs me right now. “You’re always safe around me,” I make myself say. “I’ve got your back, Cato.”
Cato watches me for a long moment, and for a foolish few heartbeats, I think he’s going to stay. But then he flashes me that smile again before he walks back to Lirien.
It feels like I’ve been kicked in the throat as the Elduin passes him the wrapped herbs.
Cato takes a slow pull, holds it, then exhales a long stream of pale smoke.
After a few more hits, his shoulders loosen noticeably.
His laugh comes easier, and his body language opens up.
He keeps talking with Lirien, who now stands so much closer, they’re practically shoulder to shoulder.
My tail cinches around my middle until it hurts.
The longer they talk, the tighter the knot in my chest grows. Lirien keeps touching Cato’s arm, laughing at everything he says and tilting his head in that deliberate, flirtatious way. Cato, loosened by the drugs, smiles more freely than I’ve seen in days.
Fight or flight locks my limbs. I’m torn between wanting to run, to remove myself from the torture of watching him with someone else, and marching over there to rip Lirien from his side.
His choice, I remind myself. His choice, not mine. I can’t leave when I promised to keep him safe.
Minutes tick by with the dread in my gut building until I can barely breathe past it. My fingers tighten against my thighs, and finally, my composure slips.
“Cato,” I snap, my voice cutting through the crackle of the fire and the music.
He turns, blinking slowly, but walks over without hesitation. “What’s up?” he asks, speaking with a thicker drawl than usual.
“Sit.”
He watches me with those heavy eyes before dropping onto the bench beside me.
The cigarette is held between his fingers, with soft whirls of smoke dancing in front of his face.
He’s gorgeous in the firelight, all golden oranges that highlight the pale brown in his irises.
Even like this, even relaxed and slow and sweet, that fight waits in his eyes.
He’s untamed, with no desire to be domesticated.
I glance away, finding Lirien watching us from across the fire. “I don’t like this,” I finally say.
“Like what?”
My eyes find Cato’s once more. “The way he’s looking at you.”
Cato studies my face, something unreadable flickering across his expression. “And how is he looking at me?”
“The same way I do.”
His brows flick up at the honesty. “And how do you look at me, Aryn?”
I lean closer, barely keeping the snarl from my face. “Like I want to eat you alive.”
His gaze moves to my mouth as his tongue slips between his lips to wet them. “You jealous?” he asks, voice low.
“Yes.”
Cato stares for another long moment. The firelight dances across his relaxed features, softening the usual hard lines of his jaw and turning his eyes hazy and warm. The thraeva has clearly taken hold—his shoulders are loose while his movements are slower and heavier.
“You don’t have to be jealous,” he says, “because I don’t want him.”
I blink, surprised by how direct he is. “Then why are you letting him rub all over you like that? Why stand so close, and fucking… laugh at everything he says?”
“You don’t want me to laugh?” he asks, wrinkling his nose.
I scoff and glance away. “Not at him.”
“Well, I’d laugh at you, but… you aren’t that funny.” When my jaw clenches, he chuckles quietly. “Come on, lighten up. It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re encouraging him to flirt,” I say, meeting his eyes again. “If you don’t want him, then why are you there and not—”
Here.
Cato huffs a breath, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh, and a lazy smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. “Because it’s easy.”
“Easy?” I repeat as I jerk back.
Cato grabs my arm and shakes his head. “Would you stop getting mad and listen? He’s just some guy. Talking to him doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t come with all the complicated shit that comes with you.”
“That’s what you want, then?” I challenge. “Something uncomplicated?”
“I wanted to see if… flirting with someone else might get you out of my head.”
“And did it?” I breathe.
He sighs and shakes his head. “No.”
“You certainly looked like you were enjoying the attention,” I say, unable to keep the bitterness from my voice.
He leans in closer, eyes half-lidded as they drop to my mouth. “Don’t pout with those pretty lips.”
I don’t give in to his teasing. Instead, I glance toward Lirien, who watches us from across the fire, silver-white hair glowing and a tense smile fixed on his face. Cato follows my gaze, then looks back at me.
“I don’t want him,” he repeats, quieter this time. “I don’t want anyone but you. That’s been fucking with my head.”
My heart stutters inside my chest, ready to beg him to stop before he makes this harder on us both, but before I can find words, Cato climbs on top of me.
He settles on my lap, uncaring who sees in his unguarded state.
A few people nearby glance over, but I barely register them as his eyes lock onto mine.
“We only have one rule, Cato,” I say, sure he can feel the way my pulse hammers against my sternum. “One rule. We can’t break it.”
He groans and rolls his eyes. “You and your gods-forsaken rules.”
“All or nothing,” I remind him quietly.
He presses into my lap, voice going rough as he stares down at me. “Maybe I’m ready for all,” he murmurs, resting a hand on my shoulders as his thumb swipes along the sides of my neck.
I grip his hips, trying to steady both him and myself. Red moonlight and orange fire dance over his skin and through his hair. He’s a living flame on top of me, and I’ve never wanted so badly to burn alive.
“You say that now,” I force myself to say. “The herbs are making everything feel more intense.”
He smirks. “Yeah, they are.”
I shake my head. “You can’t make a decision like this tonight. Not in this condition.”
“I know what I’m saying,” he insists, leaning in until his lips nearly brush mine. He rolls his hips forward, grinding against me, and the friction pulls a sharp breath from my throat.
I turn my face away at the last second, denying the kiss even as my body begs me to take whatever he’ll give. “Not like this, Cato. I won’t be your regret.”
The warning doesn’t stop him. He leans in even closer, lips grazing the shell of my ear as he grinds down again, slower and more deliberate this time.