Chapter Thirty
Before
For our twentieth wedding anniversary, Ali and I went back to the Dominican Republic for a second honeymoon. It was our first real holiday alone since having kids.
Something about being on vacation brought out the sexy in us. We made love a lot that week. Not nearly as much as on the honeymoon, but plenty for a seasoned couple twenty years in, with all the emotional bumps and scrapes to prove it.
During the day, we relaxed in loungers by the beach, indulging in fruity drinks and ordering a variety of appetizers, rather than full meals, to snack on. At night, we went to dinner and sometimes stayed out long enough to dance to the live entertainment.
Once we had children, nothing was about us anymore. But during that week in the DR, we felt like ourselves again, like in the beginning. And we started to see how our life would change once Adam joined his sister at college.
“We’ll be able to do more traveling,” Ali pointed out, his long body stretched out on the lounger, his skin glowing bronze in the sun.
We were both older, a little heavier and less toned, but Ali never stopped being attractive to me.
He continued to hike and work out regularly.
Up until the end, I saw the version of him that I married and still got a thrill whenever I saw him naked.
I dipped a chip into salsa and then guacamole. “We won’t be confined to planning all of our travel around the kids’ school schedules. Think of all the deals we can get in the offseason,” I teased, knowing how much my husband loved a bargain.
“I can’t wait.”
“Where do you want to go?” I asked.
“Anywhere.” He sipped his drink. “I’ll go anywhere with you, baby.” The words were more playful than hot.
Adam had protested after hearing our plans to travel more once we became empty nesters. “Why are you guys going to start doing all of the fun stuff after we leave?”
“That’s the point, son.” Ali had playfully wrapped Adam in a headlock, which the boy easily twisted out of. “We put in the time raising you and your sister. Now it’s time for Mom and me to have some fun.”
“It’ll be just the two of us,” I said now to Ali as we lounged on the beach. “Like in the beginning.”
“Lucky me,” he said like he meant it.
“Ireland looks beautiful.” I reclined on my lounger, feeling completely self-indulgent, relishing the nurturing warmth of the sun on my skin. “Let’s go there.”
“Ireland?” He paused. “You’ve never shown any interest in Ireland before.”
“The pictures Ayla took of cycling along the coast, those gorgeous cliffs, changed my mind.” Our daughter had visited Ireland with a student group back in high school. “The hiking views must be insane.”
“I’d rather push Ireland down the list.”
“Why?”
“Since I’ve already been there.”
“You have? When?”
He didn’t answer right away. “Right after college,” he finally said. “With a friend.”
“How could you not mention that? Ayla went to Ireland and you never once brought up that you’d been there.”
“Because I went with an old girlfriend.”
“That must mean you went with Lizzie.” Thinking about Ali with his ex still made me a little crazy, but I wasn’t about to admit it.
“That was a long time ago.” I forced a casual tone.
I didn’t want the specter of that woman intruding on our second honeymoon the way it had the first. “I’m too old to worry about college girlfriends. ”
“Hallelujah!” His surprised gaze met mine. “That only took twenty years.”
I shrugged, pretending to be much more nonchalant than I felt. “By the time we hit our thirtieth anniversary, I won’t even remember her name.”
“That would be nice. I barely remember it myself.”
I sipped my frozen drink. “You were such an idiot to invite her to the wedding,” I couldn’t resist adding, recalling my devastation when I spotted Lizzie’s name on the guest list.
“If you recall, I didn’t mean to invite her. But, yes, it was stupid of me not to check the guest list.”
“I wonder what happened to her. Does the group ever hear from her?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t ask. She knows I don’t want to hear from her. I mean,” he amended, “I don’t wish her any ill will.” He spoke haltingly. “If she were in deep trouble and desperately needed help, obviously I would do what I could.”
Irritation rippled through me. As if that were his place. But I forced a playful tone. “Hero complex much? You dated twenty years ago,” I reminded him. “If she got into trouble, she probably has other big strong men in her life to come to her rescue.”
“Why are we even talking about this?” He got up. “I’m going in. You want to come?”
I smiled up at him, surprised to note the tense lines around his mouth. “No, thanks. Maybe later.”
“Come on.” He reached for my hand. “Come into the water with me.”
I relented. We waded into the cool water, and once we were deep enough, he pulled me into him. It was unusual for Ali to get handsy in public.
“We can go to Ireland if you want,” he said.
“No, that’s OK. There are a million other places I’d like to see.” Places that would be new to both of us. Enjoying the water’s buoyancy, I wrapped my legs around his waist and looped my arms around his neck. “Is there any other country you visited with an ex-girlfriend that we should avoid?”
“Nope.” He studied my face for what seemed like a long time. “You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, right?”
“Of course.” I could feel the tension in his body. He’d been so relaxed until the subject of the old girlfriend came up.
“I want you to know that I never loved anyone more than I love you,” he said. “What we have, you and I, is on a whole other level. We’ve built a life together. Nothing means more to me than you and our family.”
“I know.” I tried not to dwell on it, but sometimes I still wondered if I had been Ali’s second choice. But I also knew my husband never said anything he didn’t mean. I feathered my fingers over the frown lines in his forehead, longing to erase them. “It’s in the past.”
“I’m so relieved that you understand that.” He paused as if measuring his words. “Lizzie was—”
“Why are we even talking about her?” I interrupted, wanting to forget about his ex and get back to our indulgently romantic holiday, to our own little world.
“I just want to be clear with you regarding—”
“It’s clear.” I kissed him. “You love me. I’m your wife. That woman is twenty years in the past. Let’s leave her there. Now, loosen up. We’re on vacation.”
He paused, but then his face cleared. “You know what would loosen me up?” He waggled his brows and kissed me deeply. Heat rolled through me. “Do you want to go back to the room?” he asked against my lips.
“As if you have to ask.”
It had been a long time since Ali used the chemistry between us to create a diversion. Only this time was different. Instead of attempting to divert me, it felt like Ali was trying to distract himself.