Chapter 25
HANNA
The past forty-eight hours have been the most excruciating hours of my life.
Since it’s the weekend, I have hardly anything to distract me from the millions of thoughts I have swirling around my mind.
As someone who prides herself on being level-headed and logical, Miles has me feeling anything but that.
He has me all twisted up and turned upside down that I’m not sure where I’m supposed to go from here.
I like him.
Not just like but like like and I haven’t felt like that for another person in a very long time.
He has this steady stability to him that I can’t get enough of.
When he’s around, I want to listen to him talk but also be the one to talk for once.
I’ve been trained to be a professional listener but for the first time, I feel like someone wants to listen to me.
He likes hearing about my parents and my little crochet hobby and he doesn’t make me feel silly or stupid for the fruity pajama bottoms I wear.
He asks questions and seems to actually pay attention to the answers I give him.
He makes me feel interesting when for the better part of my life, I’ve felt nothing other than plain.
I asked him to come over after his shift was done so we could talk.
I know I’m at my breaking point with my feelings for him and while I think I know how he feels about me, I’m not going to assume.
Acting on our feelings any more than we already have this past weekend would be unprofessional, but not acting on them will be an easy way for me to slowly lose my mind.
The plan is to have him come by, have a casual conversation, and tell him that I’m breaking up with him as his therapist.
What happens from there is up to him.
I’m thankful today is Monday because that means I have a full day of clients to distract me from myself.
He texted me a few hours ago letting me know he was heading home to sleep after a late night call and that he’d text me when he’s coming over.
His need for rest worked out perfectly because it allowed me to be present with my patients while still getting some work done.
By the time I’m closing my laptop for the day and heading home in the early afternoon, I get another text.
I’m about to head your way but wanted to make sure you were done with patients and work? I don’t want to get in the way if you still have things to do.
I smile at how considerate he is and type a message back.
I’m just closing up shop for the day. Meet at my place in 30?
You got it.
Sure enough, thirty minutes later, there’s a knock on my door.
I have to hold myself back from running to open it because I can’t seem to get my heart under control.
It’s already starting to speed out of a healthy range and I haven’t even opened the door yet.
I smooth my hair down, press my glasses up onto my nose, and open it.
When I do, he extends his hand towards me and offers me a paper cup.
“One honey vanilla latte for the lady,” he says with a smile. “With almond milk, like you prefer.”
I laugh and take the cup from him. “Coffee? This late in the day?”
“I got decaf.” He shrugs, holding his cup with two hands now.
He looks like he just ran his hands through his hair and is wearing a pair of dark gray joggers and a fresh Firehouse Nine shirt.
He either works out enough to where his shirts are always too tight on him or he intentionally orders them a size small to show off. Either way, I’m not complaining.
“I can’t believe you remembered my order,” I say, taking a sip of the drink and doing a little shimmy when it hits my tongue. He laughs at my dance and takes a step closer.
“Anything to get to see you being so cute. Can I come in?”
“Of course, come on in.”
He follows me inside and waits for me to turn and face him after locking the door behind us.
“So, you said you wanted to talk.”
I see we aren’t beating around the bush.
“I do want to talk, yes. Wanna play while we do?” I nod towards the checkers box that I intentionally left sitting out. This earns me another throaty chuckle.
“You be black, I’ll be red?”
“Always.”
We set up the board and pieces with him sitting on the couch and me sitting on the floor opposite the coffee table, just like last time. He lets me go first like always and after a few turns, I find my voice and speak.
“So this past weekend was a lot of fun,” I say, treading lightly at first. He jumps one of my pieces and removes it from the board.
“I certainly had fun. I don’t think I’ve had such a fun weekend in a long time.” This makes me smile to myself as I move another piece forward.
“And while this weekend was fun, and I like spending time with you, there’s something that I have to say.”
He moves one of his pieces before looking over at me, hands resting in his lap. “You can say anything to me, Hanna. I’ll always listen to anything you want to say. I like listening to you talk.”
While my heart melts at his words, I worry what I have to say next is going to crush him.
“I don’t think we can keep seeing each other like we have been,” I say, sliding a piece across the board closer into his territory. He looks up at me and his face falls. “It’s just, it’s really not professional of me to be dating my client and I like you a lot but I just, I can’t do it.”
His eyes fall to the gameboard for a beat as he sucks on his cheek.
“I can understand that and respect what you want. I thought, I don’t know, I thought after Friday and Saturday, we had moved past that, I guess not. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—” He’s avoiding my gaze as he speaks. My face screws up at his words in confusion.
“What? No. I’m saying I can’t be your therapist anymore if we’re going to date,” I explain as clearly as I can.
The look on his face changes instantly.
“So you’re saying you want to date me?”
A smile slowly grows on my lips. I nod. “I’m saying I’m breaking up with you as your therapist. Effective immediately.”
“Effective immediately? Which means, effective immediately, you’re no longer my therapist?”
“That is correct,” I respond with a solid nod. A devilish smirk spreads across his face and it sets the butterflies off in my stomach into a frenzied flight.
“I never really wanted to go to therapy anyway,” he hurries out.
With one solid swipe, he knocks the checkerboard and pieces off the coffee table between us and reaches for me.
Leaning over the table, he brings his face close enough to mine where he can wrap his fingers around my throat and kisses me deeply.
Sitting on the floor, he has to brace his other hand on the table so he doesn’t fall over completely.
The kiss is hard, but soft at the same time and reminds me of the ones we shared just a few days ago.
A fire that had been nothing more than a dull flame inside of me ignites.
Holding his hand where it is around my throat, I push against him and stand, never breaking my contact with him.
It’s as if my body is answering the call of his as I step up onto the coffee table instead of walking around it.
Towering over him, he tips his head back and frames my face with his hands, continuing to kiss me.
When I go to take a step down he doesn’t let me, instead opting to grab me under my butt and lift me from the table.
I wrap my legs around his strong middle and hold on tight as he lowers us down onto the couch, with me now sitting in his lap.
“God, I could kiss you for the rest of forever,” he murmurs against my lips.
“How about we just focus on right now?” I reply with a giggle.
He pulls away and gives me a content look.
His eyes have a sense of peace to them I haven’t seen before.
The rich brown color of his irises have a tranquil haze to them that makes it impossible for me to not smile back at him.
Running a hand through his hair like I’ve been aching to do for weeks now, I find it’s just as soft as I imagined it would be.
He closes his eyes at my touch and almost seems to breathe the moment in.
When he opens his eyes, he pulls my hand to his lips and kisses the palm of it.
“What do you want to do tonight?” he asks. His hands rest on the tops of my thighs and the way his thumbs are moving back and forth is doing something dangerous to my insides.
Unable to hold myself back, I bring my hands to the sides of his face and kiss him again.
I love the way he tips his head back to reach me when I push up on my knees and bring my lips to his.
A piece of hair slips from behind my ear when I pull away and he quickly reaches to tuck back into its rightful place.
“We could try checkers again since someone threw our game on the floor. You didn’t have to do that, ya know?” I tease, leaning away. My legs are under me and I’m sitting on my knees so it’s more like I’m hovering over his lap.
“No, I’m pretty sure I had to do that.” He shakes his head at me and smirks. “Needed to feel your lips on mine more than I needed air, doc.”
His hands are back on my thighs as I rest my hands on his shoulders.
We hold one another’s gaze for a beat before he looks at his lap and then back at me with pinched eyebrows.
“Is there a reason you’re not sitting all the way down right now?
While I’ve thought about doing some very inappropriate things with you in my free time, I am a gentleman and control myself, you know. ”
“Miles!” I gasp and playfully smack him on the arm. “I just didn’t want to crush you, is all.”
“Doc, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say.
You will never ‘crush me’ and honestly, I’d die a happy man if you did.
Now sit.” He pushes me down with his hands until I’m flush against his lap and my thighs sigh a breath of relief.
While he said he is a gentleman and can control himself, I still feel a distinct firmness beneath his joggers. “Much better.”
I shake my head at him and roll my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
He leans in and kisses me again, quickly making me forget about my fear of crushing him. “How about you let me cook you dinner?”
“You wanna cook me dinner? Isn’t it usually the woman’s job to do that?”
“That’s a pretty sexist thing to say, doc. I thought you were more progressive than that.” He speaks into my neck, pressing kisses along the soft spots of skin.
“I am, I am,” I urge, trying to fight the need to moan.
“I mean, what kind of man would I be if I expected you to come at my beck and call?” His hands move up my waist and hold me tight. “You’ll learn fast enough, I’m here to be at your beck and call.”
“Is that right?” I ask, tipping my eyebrows up at him.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You should always take my word for it. You never know what might happen if you don’t…
” he trails off and for a fraction of a second, a look of mischief flashes in his eyes.
Then, before I can defend myself, he’s tickling my sides and burying his face into my neck, playfully biting and kissing me.
I erupt in laughter and squeals and try to fend him off but he’s too strong.
My laughter grows deeper, heartier, as he continues to tickle me.
“Miles! Miles, stop,” I beg, laughing so hard tears are in my eyes.
“Say you believe me, say it,” he calls out, still tickling and nipping at me.
“I believe you, I believe you!”
“You don’t sound like you mean that,” he teases.
“I believe you, promise! You better stop or I’m going to pee my pants,” I warn, still laughing. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. So long I forgot how good it feels. When he stops, I take a deep breath and use my thumb to wipe the tears out of my eyes.
“I love the sound of your laugh. I think it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” he says, laughing with me.
“Oh, stop it,” I scoff and roll my eyes.
“I’m serious. Fuck little baby laughs or cute puppy barks, your laugh tops all of those things.”
Looking at him, I almost can’t believe what’s happening right now. He’s looking at me with so much care and admiration. Leaning backwards, I snag my phone from the coffee table and swipe open my camera.
“What are you doing?” he asks, ruining the look.
“Nothing, just look at me like you were just now.”
He does what I ask, just like he told me he would. Snapping a picture, I smile at my phone before locking it and tossing it back on the table.
“Just wanted to capture the moment.” I shrug.
His smile grows. “Let me cook you dinner.”
“I mean, if you really want to.”
“I really want to,” he whispers close to my lips before stealing another kiss.
My head turns to look towards my kitchen. “There’s not much in there to work with. Might be hard to make a full meal out of what’s left in the fridge.”
“Trust me, doc. If I can make a meal for the entire firehouse when we haven’t gone to the store in ten days, I can make a meal for the two of us with whatever is in your fridge. I might surprise you.”
“You’ve done nothing but surprise me. In the best ways possible.”
His face softens for a moment as he looks at me. Reaching for my face again, he kisses me deeply before pressing his forehead to mine.
“You’re the best surprise I’ve ever gotten, doc.”