Chapter 4
4
C apri pulled her red truck into the gravel lot of Grand Teton Whitewater Adventures, the familiar sound of tires crunching against the rocks filling the quiet morning air. She glanced at the rearview mirror, taking in the pile of boxes stacked neatly in the truck bed. A sigh escaped, a mix of exhaustion and determination.
She had a busy day ahead and now had to deal with finding a place for these boxes that would be out of the way—at least until she was ready to go through the items. There were things she’d no doubt like to keep. Even if her mom couldn’t bear to look at Dick’s belongings, all Capri had left were her memories and his stuff.
The best place might be one of the bays in the back where they stored extra rafts, kayaks, and paddles.
As she stepped out of the truck, early morning sun glinted through the nearby aspen trees that lined the river, casting long shadows across the parking lot. The cool mountain breeze caught her hair, whipping it around her face. She tucked a few loose strands behind her ear and headed toward the back, ready to start unloading.
“Hey, Cap!” a voice called out, drawing her attention to the lanky figure strolling out from the office. The familiar nickname signaled the voice belonged to Bodhi West, one of her employees. He sauntered over with a relaxed grin, his long brown hair falling in casual waves around his tanned face. He wore a faded REI T-shirt and cargo shorts that had seen better days, the kind of outfit that might’ve been new once upon a time, but now had the worn-in, lived-in look of someone who spent more time outdoors than indoors.
“Bodhi,” Capri greeted. “Give me a hand with these, will you?”
“Sure thing, boss,” he replied, moving to the back of the truck with the kind of ease that came from someone who didn’t exactly rush through life. He grabbed a box, balancing it effortlessly on one arm. “You know, these early morning shifts are starting to grow on me.”
Capri rolled her eyes with a smirk. “That’s because your morning routine consists of rolling out of bed and into the truck. Real tough.”
He chuckled, unfazed by her jab. They carried the first set of boxes together to the designated storage area, the small talk flowing easily between them. Once inside, Capri set her box down with a slight grunt, wiping the dust from her hands on her jeans.
After several trips, she turned to him. “Thanks for the help,” she said, brushing her hands off. “You can head back to?—”
Bodhi’s phone buzzed loudly, interrupting her. He glanced at the screen, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Hold on a sec,” he said, stepping toward the door. “It’s my girl in Seattle. She’s coming to visit soon.”
“Sure,” Capri replied, her voice flat as she watched him slip outside, the door creaking slightly behind him. She stood there for a moment, letting the quiet of the storage area settle around her. The place smelled of old wood, dusty aluminum, and the faint scent of river water, a comforting scent that usually grounded her.
But today, her thoughts were elsewhere. Capri’s gaze drifted to the open box beside her. Without thinking, she reached over to close it, but her hand froze as she spotted the familiar cover of a collection of Gilmore Girls DVDs. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she felt a sharp pang in her chest. Memories flooded back—late nights with Dick, curled up on the couch, laughing and talking as they watched episode after episode. He had given her that box set for her birthday years ago, a gift that had meant more to her than he’d probably ever realized.
Her fingers hovered over the DVDs for a moment longer before she quietly pulled them from the box. She didn’t say a word, didn’t let herself think too much about it. Instead, she turned on her heel and headed back to her truck. The DVDs landed on the passenger seat with a soft thud.
Capri’s breath hitched as a memory formed. She was in grade school, just before her mother married Dick, and Willie McKee, the town’s new bully, had made the mistake of taunting her in front of everyone. “Hey, Capri! Where’s your daddy? Oh, right—you don’t have one!” he’d sneered, his voice dripping with cruelty.
The sting of his words hit harder than she’d expected, and before she knew it, she’d launched herself at him with a ferocity that shocked even her. She remembered the sound of fists meeting flesh, the way the playground had fallen silent except for Willie’s cries.
“Take it back! Take it back!” she’d yelled, her voice raw with a pain she didn’t understand at the time.
It wasn’t until Charlie Grace, Lila, and Reva pulled her off him, their faces pale with shock, that she realized the entire playground had been watching. She’d gotten grounded for her outburst when the teacher found out, but in her heart, she knew it had been worth it.
She hadn’t just beaten Willie that day; she’d fought against the deep-seated loneliness that had followed her for as long as she could remember, the fear that she wasn’t worth sticking around for.
What did it say that her real dad had left and never bothered to return?
That question had haunted her, gnawing at her self-worth, making her feel like she had to prove she was strong enough to stand on her own. Beating Willie wasn’t just about silencing his taunts; it was about silencing the doubts inside her, the ones that whispered she wasn’t enough, that she didn’t belong. Even now, those doubts chased her, driving her to push harder, to take risks, to show the world—and herself—that she could survive, no matter who had left her behind.
Yes, her heart was in pieces right now. But she’d find a way to survive this.
Capri closed the truck door with a decisive click, taking a deep breath before heading back to the office, ready to tackle the rest of the day. After checking incoming emails and phone messages, she rejoined Bodhi outside.
Capri moved for the garage doors of the main building and yanked them open. Inside the aluminum and wooden structure, where the rafts and gear were stored, was a mix of rugged functionality and organized chaos.
The walls were lined with sturdy wooden shelves, each one sagging slightly under the weight of coiled ropes, helmets, and paddles, their bright colors standing out against the rough-hewn wood. The floor was scuffed and worn, bearing the marks of years of heavy boots and dripping wet gear, with a faint smell of rubber, river water, and the earthy scent of damp wood hanging in the air. In the center of the space, multiple massive rafts were propped up on metal racks, their faded exteriors bearing the scars of countless journeys down the treacherous rivers. The high ceiling, crisscrossed with exposed beams, gave the room a cavernous feel, the light filtering in through small, grimy windows casting long shadows over the equipment.
Despite the disorder, everything had its place, a testament to the countless hours spent here preparing for the unpredictable adventures ahead.
Bodhi sauntered over, stretching lazily as he approached the stack of gear. “Ready to load up, boss?”
Capri shot him a look, her voice edged with a tinge of impatience. “Let’s get moving. We’ve got a long day ahead.”
They moved with practiced ease, securing two rafts to the company trailer, tying down the life vests and paddles. Capri’s hands were steady, but her mind was anything but. She was the owner, the boss, the one who knew these rivers better than anyone. But today, they weren’t here for the tourists or the thrill-seekers. Today was about testing the water—literally. The spring thaw had swollen the rivers to near-dangerous levels, and she needed to ensure their routes were safe. At least, that was the reason she told herself.
As they drove toward the river, Bodhi leaned back, a casual grin on his face. “So, why the sudden need to ‘test’ the water? Don’t we have guides for that?”
Capri kept her eyes on the road, her knuckles white against the steering wheel. “The Snake River’s been unpredictable this year. I want to see it for myself.”
In truth, she needed the rush. The way the water could rip you apart or cradle you in its currents—it matched the chaos inside her head.
When they arrived at the riverbank, the Snake River snarled ahead of them. The water churned, dark and fast. The air was thick with the scent of wet earth and fresh pine, a combination that usually brought Capri peace. But today, it only fueled the fire within her.
“Capri, are you sure about this?” Bodhi’s voice had lost its earlier levity, replaced with concern. He could see the danger in the water, the way the rapids twisted and turned, foaming white against the jagged rocks. “Make sure we stick to the left channel. Reports coming in say it’s a bit tamer.”
Capri ignored him, dragging the first raft toward the water. “Got it.” She turned to him, her voice challenging. “You can sit it out if you want. But, I need to check the runs, just like I do every year. It’s the job.”
Bodhi hesitated, watching her with a mixture of worry and disbelief. “Well, Cap. I ain’t letting you go alone. The rapids are wicked, and the water’s running high?—”
“Just load the raft, Bodhi,” Capri snapped, her voice cutting through the roar of the river.
As they launched into the river, the water moved with a steady, almost deceptive calm, its surface rippling gently under the early morning light. The current was strong but not yet menacing, carrying the raft forward with a sense of purpose.
Overhead, an eagle soared, its wings outstretched against the clear sky, casting a fleeting shadow on the water below.
The riverbank slipped away behind them, the aspen trees lining the shore swaying slightly in the breeze as if bidding them farewell.
As the raft glided smoothly down the river, Bodhi relaxed a little, leaning back as he dipped his paddle into the water with easy strokes. “Not so bad after all,” he said, flashing Capri a grin. “I was thinking you were leading us straight into the jaws of death.”
Capri smirked, her eyes on the horizon. “Don’t get too comfortable, Bodhi. The river’s just being polite right now. It’ll show its true colors soon enough.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “You always gotta be so dramatic, Cap? Maybe this time we’ll get lucky.”
Capri’s smile faded slightly as she murmured, “Luck can often be fickle.”
As they continued downriver, the gentle current gradually began to shift, the once calm waters now starting to bubble and churn with increasing energy. The trees along the banks thinned out, giving way to jagged rocks jutting out from the shore, and the soothing sound of the river was replaced by the distant roar of rapids.
Capri’s grip on the paddle tightened, her gaze sharpening as she scanned the turbulent water ahead. The air grew cooler, and the sun dipped behind a cloud, casting a shadow over the river, as if warning them of the challenge that lay just around the bend.
Suddenly, the raft surged forward, caught in the grip of the current. Capri’s hands clenched the paddle even more, her muscles tense, her mind focused on the treacherous path ahead.
“Hold on, Bodhi. Here we go!” she yelled over the roar of the water.
The first rapid hit like a freight train, the water slamming against the raft, jerking it sideways. Capri’s heart pounded in her chest, but she didn’t flinch. She powered through, her paddle blade digging into the churning water, forcing the raft forward.
Bodhi’s voice cut through the chaos, yelling over the roar of the rapids. “Capri! Left! Take the left channel!”
But she was beyond listening. Yes, the right channel was narrower, rockier—deadlier, but she was a highly skilled raft guide. She had this. And that was where she was going.
The world around her blurred, the river and the sky merging into one angry, relentless force. The smell of wet earth and the metallic tang of the water filled her senses as she pushed forward, determined to conquer the river, to prove to herself that she could still control something, anything.
The raft careened toward the rocks, and for a moment, the world tilted dangerously. Bodhi’s shouts grew more frantic, but Capri’s focus was razor-sharp. She wasn’t just fighting the river—she was fighting everything. The loss of her stepfather, the way her life was spiraling out of control, the fear that she was secretly losing herself.
She’d ridden through so many changes lately. Her close-knit group of girlfriends, once inseparable, seemed to be moving forward in ways that left her feeling unmoored. Charlie Grace was deep into a new relationship with talk of a possible wedding ahead. Reva had thrown herself into a new relationship, along with motherhood, and Lila, despite her struggles, had found love again. They were all evolving, their lives shifting like the currents of the river, while Capri felt stuck—caught in some invisible undertow that she couldn’t name.
It wasn’t just about the loss of her stepfather or the sudden weight of caring for her grieving mother; it was a deeper, gnawing sense that while everyone else was forging ahead, she was trapped in a place where she couldn’t even see the path forward. She was surrounded by change, yet rooted in the same old patterns, unsure of how to break free from the trap inside her head.
The raft scraped against a jagged boulder, the impact jarring Capri to her core. But she held on, her knuckles white, her teeth gritted. The water surged around them, wild and unforgiving, and for a heartbeat, Capri thought they might actually make it through unscathed.
But then the river reared up again, a massive wave crashing over the side, nearly flipping the raft. Capri was thrown forward, barely holding on as the water tried to rip her away.
“Capri! We need to bail out! Now!” Bodhi’s voice was desperate, but Capri was beyond reason.
She tightened her clutch on the paddle, her jaw set in grim determination. “I’m not quitting,” she hollered, directing the path of the raft with all the strength she could muster, her muscles burning with the effort.
The roar of the rapids drowned out everything but the pounding of her heart as she fought against the surging water. “Not now, not ever,” she added, her voice fierce as she steered the raft toward the wildest part of the current, refusing to be overpowered by the river—or by the chaos in her life.
The river thundered in response, the final rapid ahead looming like a monster. The water foamed, the rocks below just waiting to tear them apart. But Capri didn’t care. She was going to ride this out, no matter what.
As the raft plunged into the final descent, Capri felt a twisted sense of calm. The danger, the adrenaline, the sheer force of nature—it all mirrored the chaos inside her. She might not be able to control her life, but she could control this moment. She would face the rapids, the danger, the pain, and come out the other side, even if it tore her apart in the process.
And then, with a final, bone-jarring crash, the raft burst through the last rapid, the water calming around them as they drifted into the slower current. Capri was drenched, her heart pounding, but she was still there. Still fighting.
Bodhi was panting, his face pale. “You’re crazy, you know that?” His anxiety-stricken expression softened into a faint grin as he shook out his soaked hair.
Capri didn’t answer. She just stared at the river, her breath coming in ragged gasps, the chaos inside her still swirling, but quieter now.
The river’s fury had taken its toll, but she’d won this one.
She turned to Bodhi. “Yeah, I might just be.”