Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
C ecilia
Soft tickles on my face wake me up abruptly. I slowly blink my eyes and realize my hair is blowing gently around me. I sit up in bed and look around, finding the balcony doors open to the right of our bedroom. I crawl out of bed, my body feeling slightly fatigued, but in the best way possible, if you know what I mean.
I slip my robe on and walk out onto the balcony, where I find James leaning over the edge of the railing, wearing nothing but his sweatpants and juggling a small crystal ball in his large hand. He looked deep in thought, so I went to him, pressing my chest to his back and wrapping my arms around him from the back. It was so cold out that I was surprised he could stand it without a shirt on.
“You look deep in thought,” I remark.
I feel him exhaling, and he looks over his shoulder, his eyes cast downward to meet mine. He was beautiful, the sunshine outlining his body and face, creating shadows from the side that wasn’t facing me. The notion that nothing is perfect is put to shame every time I laid eyes on him.
“I’ve just been mulling something over,” he answers, a sly smirk crossing his face.
“Like what?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Is it for work?”
“Sure.”
I chuckle against him. “You’re being vague.”
“Anyways,” he quickly blurts, changing the subject, which makes me more suspicious. “What are your plans today? I was thinking we could get out of the house?—”
“Oh,” I cut him off, wincing. “I actually was going to stop into work today.”
“Work?” he responds, surprised. “Are you sure? You haven’t been since?—”
“Yeah, I know, but I can’t stay away forever, and I feel…better.” James and I have been locked up in the house for the last couple of weeks, doing absolutely nothing but lounging in bed together, reading books, cooking, walking through the maze, and taking very long showers together. Sometimes more than once a day. It’s been heaven. It was the ultimate healing treatment if you ask me, but it was time I put my big girl pants back on and face the real world. I couldn’t stay away from the library forever. A library can’t run without its librarian. I also had a book club meeting today. I thought it would be a good distraction during my first day back. It had always been something that was just mine, so it would be good for me to be with everyone and do something I enjoyed.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I laugh again. “Come to work with me? What would you possibly do there?”
He shrugs. “I can do some work there at one of the tables.” He turns in my arms, facing me now and wrapping his own around me. “I could watch you,” he murmurs, dropping to kiss my cheek. “I could picture all the ways I could have you against your desk. The shelves. Against the windows of your office.”
I shiver and swallow, but it’s hard to. My throat was extremely dry now. “As tempting as that sounds, you would be nothing but a distraction. Like I was saying, we need to get back to our normal lives, which means my job at the library and your job in the city.”
He shakes his head, his jaw clenching. “My job is no longer in the city. I’m working solely out of Boston from here on out.”
My brain misfires at this news. It was shocking, to say the least. He was the CEO of a huge crystal organization, one that operated legally and illegally. How could he not be in the city?
“What do you mean? How can that be?”
“I’m the boss, babe. I can do whatever I desire.”
“Okay, but…how will that work? You need someone to run things in New York.”
“Don’t worry about it. I have it all handled.”
“Is that what you were mulling over?”
“Partly.”
“What’s the other part?”
“Like I said,” he rushes out, urging me back into the house. “Don’t worry about it.” He shuts the balcony doors behind him and walks to the bedroom door. “I’ll make some coffee. You go ahead and get ready for the day. I’ll drive you to work.”
I smile at him. It was all I could do because I was still in a state of shock. I hoped he wasn’t making this big change just because we lived together now. I was okay with him being gone some days for work. I didn’t want to be a burden to him.
“Are you sure you don’t want security with you for your first day back?” he asks, hopeful.
I slowly shake my head. “I need the freedom, James. I’m sorry. I know it would make you feel better, but I can’t stand it. Especially now since it’s not Marco.” Marco actually lived to see another day, believe it or not, but he was still recovering. He lost a lot of blood and damaged his right lung, but he was going to make it. I couldn’t stand the thought of having any other security guard because I grew to be comfortable with Marco, but I also felt guilty for getting him shot, and I wasn’t ready to put someone new in the same position.
“When he returns, we’re revisiting this conversation.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.” We’d discussed this numerous times in the last couple of weeks, but I would indulge him again, I guess. I believed I wasn’t in much danger anymore, but who knows what will happen in the future. Maybe if it's Marco, I’ll reconsider.
James was clingy the entire time I got ready for work and was even hesitant to let me leave the car by myself once we got there. I knew he was anxious and noticed he was trying to restrain himself. I felt awful that he was having this kind of anxiety. I didn’t mind his extra closeness, though. It turns out that having a man constantly touching you, helping you clip your hair back, putting your blush on for you, and strapping your heels on was actually kind of endearing, in my opinion. He seemed so interested in everything I did and wanted to be a part of it. If it were anyone else, I think I’d hate it and feel suffocated, but of course, it was him, and I loved everything about it.
I didn’t take my time walking into the library today. I decided I wouldn’t let myself think too much and dwell on the new. I was going to just keep going. I wanted to focus on my job, the people around me, and my love for books. It was all I was allowing into my brain today.
I rush inside, heading straight for my office. I quickly unpack my stuff, straighten my outfit, and head outside toward the door, flipping the closed sign to open. I admire the light snowfall beginning to drizzle from the sky.
Just before I walk away, I hear the door open, and I jump, turning to face it again. That was quick? When I turned around, I saw Ambrose heading straight for me with a giant smile and a small bouquet of daisies.
“Hi, gorgeous. I’m sorry, I was waiting outside until you opened. Is that weird? It’s a little weird. Anyway, these are for you,” he rambles, setting the bouquet into my arms.
My head spins as I take them from him and hold them stiffly in my arms. So much for not making today a big deal, but the gesture was nice. Ambrose was the type of person to make anything, and I mean anything, a big deal. I couldn’t fault him for it. He was an overly expressive and emotional guy, which was one of the reasons I liked him so much. He made book club so much more fun.
“Thank you,” I smile at him. “You didn’t have to do all of this.”
He waves his hand. “Of course I did. I’m so happy you’re back. That other bookseller you’ve been having run the place is a little rude, to be honest. She told me my skinny jeans were no longer a thing, so I told her that her dark eyeliner down to her cheeks made her look like a panda bear, and not in a cute way—a rather startling way if you ask me.”
Ambrose had a very specific style that consisted of tight skinny jeans and crew neck sweaters that were bright, vivid colors. It fit him, though. He was a small guy with mousey features. His hair was brown and so soft, but he had this cute little bald spot on the top of his head. His husband, Marlin, was the complete opposite. He was tall and wide with muscle, always wearing tight spandex workout clothes. His skin was a warm brown, and his hair was shaved neatly to his head. While Ambrose was loud and expressive with his personality, Marlin was quiet and reserved. Yet, somehow, they fit together perfectly.
I laugh. “That’s Jessica, and she’s only here until she finds a job with her degree from college. She’s nice once you get to know her.” Other than me now, she was the only other worker I had here, and she only worked twenty hours a week. So, it looked like I had to add another thing to my do list and start looking for some help around here.
“You know, Marlin is looking for some work.”
“I thought Marlin was a writer. Isn’t he busy?”
“He writes mostly at night. The man is a horrible insomniac, but he wants something to keep him busy during the afternoons and add some structure to his days.”
Excitement flowed through me at the idea of someone I knew and was comfortable with possibly working with me. “That would actually be really great. I’m super interested. Tell him to stop in anytime, and I’ll hire him on the spot.”
“He’ll be here for the book club meeting today. Do you want to grab some dinner after?”
I wince and look around the unorganized library I’ve left unattended for far too long. “I was actually going to stay after closing and do some organizing. Jessica isn’t the best at floor work.”
He nods in agreement as he looks around. “Well, how about we order some dinner? Marlin and I can help you out. You shouldn’t be by yourself doing all this work, and you’ll get to see him in action.” He leans in, putting his hand over his mouth like he’s telling me a secret despite it being just the two of us. “He’s one of those label-maker kind of people, so he’s very organized.”
I nod, giggling to myself. “That is commitment.”
“I have a label on my toothbrush holder that says toothbrushes. It’s gotten out of hand.”
I glance around at the shelves. “Honestly, I should start labeling the shelves here. We have such a huge selection. It would help narrow things down more.” And give me something else to keep busy with around here.
Ambrose’s eyes light up. “It’s a match made in heaven then. I’m going to run home and see how he feels about the idea, and we will be back later for book club and dinner after. Have a good day, gorgeous.” He blows me a kiss as he turns back toward the doors and leaves. I wave goodbye and then return to my desk, pulling out the bouquet of fake flowers from the vase and setting the real ones inside. I use my water bottle to pour some water into the bottom and fluff the daisies out so they sit just right.
The rest of my day, thankfully, goes by fast. I made myself so busy the entire time that the hours ticked by like seconds. By the time I knew it, my book club was showing up for our first meeting back, and I realized I hadn’t even eaten lunch. I also hadn’t checked in with James.
Oh shit.
I scramble to my desk, pull my phone out of the top drawer, and find one text and two missed calls from him. Honestly, not as bad as I thought it would be until I saw the text.
James
If you don’t respond to me by seven o’clock, I’m sending in the Calvary…Calvary meaning me. Put me out of my misery, babe, and let me know you’re okay.
I can’t help but smile. I hated worrying about him, but seeing how loving and overbearing he was compared to who I thought he was when I met him only made me love him even more. I call him, and he picks up after one ring.
“This better be you and not someone about to demand a ransom for your kidnapping.”
I laugh. “It’s me. I’m sorry I didn’t check in with you. Time kind of got away from me today.”
“It’s okay, as long as you’re alright.”
“I’m fine. My book club is starting, so I can’t talk long.”
“I’m finishing up some work anyway. I’ll see you in what? An hour?”
“Actually…I’m working late tonight. I have a lot of cleaning to do here, and Ambrose and Marlin are going to stay behind and help me.”
“Should I bring by some dinner?”
“That’s okay. We’re going to order something.”
He makes a huffing noise. “Your first day back, and you’re already on top of the world. I miss you from down here.”
Butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I try very hard to control the cheek-to-cheek smile he’s forcing onto me. “Hardly. I’ll be home a little after nine. Don’t wait up for me if you’re tired.”
“Of course, I’ll wait. I’ll see you after nine. Before ten,” he says, making a point.
I roll my eyes. “I will be home before ten.”
“I love you,” he then says, and my heart feels like it starts thumping harder. Every time he says it, he says it with a tone like it’s the last time he ever will. Every time, it causes a glitch in my heartbeat.
“I love you,” I answer, then hang up the phone. When I turn around, I see Ambrose walking past me, excitedly shaking a bottle of wine.
“I brought the good stuff,” he chimes.
“Oh boy,” I remark as I flip the open sign to closed on the door and head up the stairs where everyone is gathered. A feeling of contentment and gratitude makes me feel like I could burst. I was so thankful for this, for everyone here, for James and his understanding, and for my first day back, which had gone perfectly.
It felt like finally, after everything I’d been through these last few months, all the changes and revelations, I could finally feel the one thing I had been chasing in the aftermath of it all.
Acceptance.
A few hours later, I shut the library door, unable to contain my laughter, as I watched Marlin carry a very drunk Ambrose to their waiting cab. We decided to order tacos for dinner because…well, does that even need an explanation? It’s tacos.
Little did we know you could also get margaritas delivered. So, on top of the wine, Ambrose ordered a pitcher of margaritas and drank almost all of it himself, which is why Marlin and I were still in our right state of mind. Well, mostly. Marlin was slightly intoxicated, and I felt a very light buzz, but I could think clearly for the most part.
I was mostly feeling warm and energetic. I walked over to the counter behind my desk, where an old stereo sat, and I turned it on, finicking with the dial to find the least fuzzy station. It settled on the oldie station, and energetic 80s rock filters through the stereo. I turned it up, did a little jig back to one of the tables where we had eaten, and began cleaning up.
I dance around the library, cleaning up trash left behind, wiping tables down, and sweeping the floor. It’s only ten past nine, so I decided to put back my returned books for a change before I head out. I was trying to sweat out the remaining alcohol in my system before I got home, and so far, I felt relatively back to normal.
I pick up a stack of books and shimmy into the endless stacks. I carefully find their homes, dancing around each shelf and getting rid of each book one by one. I smile when I get down to the last book, realizing it’s my favorite—The Noble Woman’s Lover.
I crouch down on the floor, flipping through the pages, reminiscing as I slowly bounce to the music. I’m nearly at the end when I feel a strange awareness prickling up my back as if feathers were caressing me. I look over my shoulder and nearly freeze, my heart feeling like it drops into my toes when I see James looming at the end of the aisle, leaning against the shelf, his stark gaze laser-focused on me.
“Holy shit,” I shout over the music. “You scared me!”
He smiles now, and I relax as he approaches me, his eyes never leaving mine as he stops in front of me. “I apologize. I didn’t want to interrupt…whatever you were doing.” His eyes furrow in confusion as his smirk grows. “Was that dancing or reading?”
I shrug, embarrassed. “A mixture, I guess.”
He nods, carefully taking the book from my hands and closing it to read the cover. “Ah, the noblewoman strikes again.”
I smile, nodding my head. “She always does.” I walk around him, head back to my desk, and turn off the stereo. The silence felt loud at first, and then I sat down, finally feeling exhausted after today.
He walks over to me, kneeling on the floor in front of me, although his height is still leveled with mine. “You look tired.”
“I think I overdid it today a little.”
“I was worried you would.”
“I feel good, though. I feel happy,” I mention, so he’s not as worried.
“You looked it,” he remarks. “How can I get you to dance like that at home?”
I laugh. “Make me deliriously tired and add a little alcohol to it.”
“Hmm,” he hums as he leans forward, brushing some of my hair behind my ear. “What if I asked you to be my wife? Would that make you dance more at home?”
I feel like I’m electrocuted—like my brain just short-circuited. Did I just hear him right? My hands shook slightly on my lap, and my mouth hung open like a fish out of water. I was sure my eyes were gaping just as wide.
“What did you…what?” I sputter.
“Marry me,” he murmurs. Nothing else. Just that. He was so calm and still, like he wasn’t scared at all. His eyes pierced mine with a fierce resilience that I felt all the way to my bones.
“Why are you asking me this?” My voice is trembling—No, my whole body is trembling. He smiles softly and rubs his large palms up and down my thighs in an effort to calm me. He stops and wraps them around my waist, locking them between my back and the chair.
“Because I want you to be my wife. I want to be wholly surrounded by you, within you, every day for the rest of my life.”
Tears clouded my vision, and it was hard to speak. I sounded like a blubbering baby. “Is this what you were thinking about this morning?”
He nods, amused by my crying. “I was debating if I should wait until things were back to normal or not, but as soon as you left, I realized I didn’t want to wait any longer. I want to be tied to you in every way possible, as soon as possible.”
I blow out a long breath, trying to calm the nerves that feel like they are dancing and reaching their nonexistent hands out to James. “So, you’ve thought about this? Like really gave it some thought?”
He slips his hand into his pocket, pulls out a small black velvet box, and gently places it in my hand. “It’s all I’ve thought about since the moment you became mine.”
“Oh,” I squeak, fresh tears filling my eyes again. I slowly open the box, finding a gorgeous white gold ring with a pear-shaped blue gem in the center, surrounded by clusters of shining diamonds. Just looking at it took the breath right out of me.
His fingers caress my back as I sit still, trying to compose myself. “Are you going to give me an answer, little owl? I’m getting kind of nervous now,” he exhales, chuckling nervously.
“I’m sorry,” I cry, wiping my tears. “Of course, I’ll marry you.” I slide out of the chair and onto my knees in front of him. He takes the ring out and slides it onto my finger, then plants his hands on my hips and lets them travel up my sides until he’s cupping my face with both of them, and I’m rendered speechless when I meet his gaze, my teary one meeting his very own. They looked as if they were sparkling. I don’t think I’ve seen a sight more beautiful in my life.
He pulls me to him, kissing me hard. His hands slide into my hair, gripping it hard as if he was barely holding on. I didn’t mind the bite of pain that followed. It was the only thing that kept me tethered to the ground because I felt like I was simply going to float away.
I lean into him, deepening the kiss, my stomach swirling with a heady excitement and savage need for him. A growl rumbles from deep inside him, and he tears his mouth away, but his grip remains hard and tangled in my hair.
“Get your things. I’m taking you home now, or I’m going to make a promise on all the ways I could have you right in this library.”
I suck in a breath, debating if I should move or not because those promises sound awfully tempting right now. But the privacy of our home wins out in my brain, and I spring into action, standing from the floor, gathering all my stuff in my bag, and quickly pulling my coat on.
His grin is full of mischief as he watches me bounce excitedly toward the door. “You ready?”
I jump into him, looping my arms around his neck. “Take me home,” I chime happily.
He kisses my cheek, takes hold of one of my hands, and twirls me. I laugh as I spin, and he holds his hand out toward the doors. “After you, little owl.”