Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Ihave never been so fucking grateful for the sleep sweet spell my mother taught me as I have since coming to find Ash.
Granted, she assumed I’d be using it to soothe fretful babies so my mate could sleep.
No, I use it constantly on my beloved. Gods – no one needs it the way she does, and that’s never been more true than tonight.
I don’t want her to dream or relive what could have, and almost did, happen tonight.
I especially don’t want her memories bursting through now that there appears to be a crack in their containment.
There’s too much on the line and the stakes are too fucking high.
Her breathing is even and, when I take a moment to scan her mind, I realize the spell has done its job as her dreams are quiet. I’d assumed so, but needed to be sure. She doesn’t deserve even more upheaval when her defenses are down.
I can’t help but think, again, that I wish I could just scoop her up, whisk her away from all of this. For all the power of my people running through my veins, so much of it seems useless in protecting, in helping, the person who means the most to me.
And she’d kick my ass for thinking she needs protecting.
The evening spent taking care of her had soothed the bloodthirsty beast inside me. I regret not being able to tear that bastard’s throat out with my teeth, but Ash… Ash has always been able to calm my baser instincts.
Content, knowing she’s safe, I let the cadence of her breathing lull me and I follow her into sleep.
‘Can I have breakfast please? I’d get it myself but, alas, I have no fucking thumbs.’
Calida’s voice sounding in my head wakes me. ‘Please tell me you aren’t broadcasting your hunger into her mind, too. She needs to rest.’
Calida snorts. ‘I’m not an idiot.’
‘Then why not go catch a rat to break your fast? Or eat the pizza left over from last night.’ You know, anything to figure out breakfast that doesn’t actually require thumbs?
She scrambles off her bed. ‘There’s pizza left?!’
I don’t even bother opening my eyes. I’d left the second pizza on the counter anyway, so she can get to it with no trouble. I have absolutely no desire to move.
I don’t think I’ve moved since I fell asleep, but she definitely has.
She’s always been a snuggler. She’s crowded onto my pillow, the scent of her hair filling my nose, one leg hooked around my hips.
My arm is still wrapped around her waist. And I’m desperately trying to ignore where my hard cock is pressed against one pale, silky thigh.
I really should move.
Like, I really, really should move.
Gods, I’ve missed this. Missed her. How easy some things always were, no matter how difficult we were. Loving her was always easy, as natural as breathing.
For a moment, I allow myself to drift on the dream of what would have been if we weren’t who we are, while the scent of her fills those empty spaces inside me.
If fate hadn’t had so many fucking plans and demands for us.
It used to be a game we’d play — planning what we would do when we were finally free and clear.
How we’d have traveled the different worlds, the different realms, before settling down into marriage and family.
Eventually we’d take our children to see those worlds, to appreciate the wonders and all they had to offer.
The beauty, the majesty, the amazing wonders.
To teach them to appreciate, to protect, to have honor and humor and love.
Instead, she went hurtling through space and time, her memories locked in a steel box within her mind with zero idea who I am or who she is, while I remained locked up until I was given permission to take leave.
With Ash wrapped around me and Calida making a pig of herself in the kitchen, I allow myself to fall back.
I was young, covered in bruises from the other children when Ash stumbled upon me, hiding with my book at the Red Willows.
The spot likely had an official name in eons past, but it had long been forgotten.
I had only ever heard of the clearing being referred to as the Red Willows and that is how I think of it, still.
Her hair, which had probably begun the day neatly plaited, was falling in her face from where it had been tugged free. Rather than the dress that most female children would be wearing, she was dressed much like me, in breeches and a short sleeved shirt. She was missing one of her front teeth.
She had asked why I was hurt and became enraged on my behalf. It was the surprise of my young life when this enchanting creature expressed her desire to go “beat the shit” out of the bullies who were making my life hell. I think it was in that moment that I began to fall in love with her.
When I had awkwardly talked her down from hunting down my bullies, she plopped down next to me in the grass, introduced herself as Ember, and asked what I was reading.
As it turned out, she had also read the book I held and was anxious to have someone to talk to about it.
We spent hours sitting there, by the water, talking about books and characters.
Longer, by far, than any conversation I had had with another youth in the village, given my current pariah status for daring to read.
When the time came to return home, she asked me to meet her there the next day and I couldn’t believe my luck. Was this what it was like to have a friend? I was afraid to get my hopes up, but couldn’t smother the kernel of it that settled in my chest as I tried to sleep that night.
I went to the same spot the following morning, half filled with trepidation that this was all some cosmic joke at my expense, half filled with hope that, finally, I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
My father had been killed in battle when I was a toddler and I always had Ma, so I wasn’t really alone.
Strangely, despite my all consuming love for Ma, I ached for other relationships in my life.
For just one person I could call a friend, who wouldn’t want to beat my ass for the sin of being different.
To my awe and delight, she showed up. Dressed like she had been the day before, her hair in braided pigtails, she entered the clearing only minutes after I had.
Thank fuck, because I was so terrified I was being set up.
Not only did she have a book she wanted me to read to have someone to talk to about it, she brought a basket of treats and goodies for us to share.
We whiled away the hours talking about our favorite stories, what we wanted each other to read, what powers we hoped would manifest in us when the time came.
I left the clearing that day knowing that, somehow, I had a friend. My first friend. And, in doing so, had changed the trajectory of the rest of my life.
The movement on my still hard cock has me opening my eyes in panic. Ash’s eyes meet mine, bleary with sleep. Suddenly, they clear as she becomes aware of our position, but she doesn’t move.
Fuck. After last night, the last thing I want is for her to feel obligated. Or worse – look at me and be reminded of him.
After a few seconds, she blinks, seeming to come back into herself. Her eyes widen and she removes her leg. I grit my teeth and hold back a groan. Whether it’s relief or the friction well… who’s to say?
“Sorry,” she murmurs, pulling farther away. The loss of the feeling of her is devastating.
More than the sex, than that soul to soul connection we shared…
I missed the feel of her against me. Just…
her presence. It’s slowly killing me to feel so far away from her when she’s right fucking there.
I feel that loss. I mourn that fucking loss and have every day since she sacrificed herself and was ripped away from me.
The reconnection we’ve experienced lately is more than I ever could have hoped for and as selfish as it is, I want more. I want it all. I want it back.
I keep my eyes on her as she scampers off to the bathroom. Knowing my mate, I groan myself to my feet and head to the kitchen to start her coffee. Despite the fact that I sleep better with her near, and always have, it’s going to be a long fucking day.