Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Idon’t understand what the fuck is happening right now.
One minute I’m just brushing my damn teeth and the next, a surge of something fills my chest and water starts filling the bathtub.
Now I feel like I have lightning in my veins.
Flint tries to walk me through grounding and breathing but my thoughts and emotions are far too out of control for my usual coping skills to work.
There’s just fear and anger, swinging wildly back and forth. I can’t get a handle on it.
He offers me his hand. Is he out of his fucking mind?!
I’m supposed to be happy about this? That I have magick?
Look — on any other day, this would be pretty fucking epic. Right now, though? My mirror is shattered, my bathtub is filling, and my guy is… for Gods’ sake. Flint is just… steady. Unwavering. Offering me his hand like a lifeline in this storm.
“Give it to me. Don’t lock it inside. Just… breathe it out. Push it through me, like a storm. I can take it.”
He is, in fact, out of his fucking mind.
The air in my lungs feels backed up. My throat feels scorched. “I’ll hurt you.”
He shakes his head. “You won’t. But even if you do, let me be hurt. I’d rather bleed with you.”
In literally any other moment, that sentence would turn me into a puddle but, right now, I have bigger worries on my hands.
“Trust me.”
I do.
Damn it.
I reach out, pressing my palm against his.
He laces his fingers with mine and for a moment, nothing happens.
Then a switch flicks and Flint’s eyes begin to glow, more brightly than before.
The release hits like a terrifying wave.
Silver light seems to burst from my skin, a pulse that lights the bathroom in stark relief.
I cry out, collapsing against Flint, as more fragmented images flood my mind.
His body is rigid, locked tight, but he stays upright, arms wrapping around me and somehow managing to keep us both on our feet. “That’s it,” he whispers. “Keep breathing, love. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
The storm inside me seems to slowly uncoil. It feels reluctant, as though the power or whatever it is doesn’t want to push from me and into him. Like it’s meant to be mine.
When the last wave of energy pulses from my body, I sag hard against Flint. Every muscle is trembling and I feel like I’ve just ran a marathon. Maybe. This is what I think I would feel like if I actually ran anywhere.
Flint’s eyes continue to glow, their sapphire color star bright.
He kisses my temple, voice rough. “You’re finding it. Piece by piece. Don’t be afraid of what’s yours.”
The bathroom smells of ozone. The air feels heavy with what must be the residue of power. At least it’s quiet now.
Needing a distraction, I look at the mirror. Through the cracks, I can see my eyes have returned to normal.
“My mirror,” I whisper. “Like I need any more bad fucking luck.”
I feel Flint chuckle. “We’ll fix it.”
We stand there, heart to heart, Flint’s arms holding me tight to his body for a long while.
“Flint?”
“Yes?” His voice is a deep grumble where my ear is pressed against his chest.
“Can you kindly explain what the fuck?”
“I’ll do my best.” He pulls back, looking down and studying my face. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” I answer honestly.
“You will be.” He retorts, confidently. “Come on. I have an idea.”
Flint prods me into getting dressed. I’m exhausted from the onslaught and my mind is buzzing with so many questions.
I don’t know what to ask or even how to ask it.
The best I can manage is a continuous carousel of “what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?!”.
Flint nudges me out of the bathroom. I’d protest that I still need to finish brushing my teeth, but in the ridiculousness, I don’t even know where the hell my toothbrush went.
Is it normal to think of such trivial shit after a major upset or is this just an ADHD thing?
I glance around, realizing that Calida is gone. Hopefully she cleared the field before I lost control. Control I didn’t know I was supposed to be maintaining.
“What are we doing?” I ask, fighting my curls into a bun and anchoring it at the top of my head.
Flint is in the process of putting on his jeans. “We’re going to go get some air and talk.”
I sit on the bed, flopping back to stare at the ceiling. “What if I don’t wanna?” I know I sound like a petulant child, but I really don’t care.
“You'll feel better out in the light and air. The grass under your feet. You need to go touch grass.”
I bite back a groan. “Where did you hear that?”
He shrugs. “I’ve heard other people say it at the shop. What? Did I use it wrong?”
I stifle a giggle. “No.”
He reaches down, tugging me to a sitting position. Any humor drains away.
“You don’t need to look so distressed. We’ll figure this out.” He presses a soft kiss to my fingertips. “We always do.”
The late morning sunlight slants through the trees as I lead Casie back through the park, back towards where we had our picnic.
It seems like a lifetime ago already. When I chose it, I did so carefully — hidden enough to not be spied by unnecessary prying eyes.
At the time, it was so no one would notice Calida joining us and I could ease her into my use of magick.
Today, however, I’m even more grateful that the park is largely vacant.
The open space will come in handy should anything explode.
Now that Ash is regaining some of her power, I’ll have to help her learn to control it again.
Otherwise, every time her emotions run away with her, she’s going to manifest.
The first thing I do is cast a shield around the area, to block others from seeing or hearing what we’re about to do. I lay a blanket on the thick grass, gesturing for Casie to sit, while I make a circle of stones a few feet away.
“You look pleased with yourself,” she mutters.
I give her a smirk and drop to a crouch, adjusting the last rock.
‘Isn’t he always?’ Calida’s voice sings sweetly in our minds. I glance up, finding her perched on a low branch nearby, tail flicking as though she’s heard the beginning of this argument before.
That’s because she has.
“What are we doing here?”
“You wanted to talk so we’re going to talk. I’ll answer what I can but, Cas, I need you to know — I don’t have all the answers.”
She nods. She seems so lost, so fragile.
“I feel… different. But not,” she begins. “I mean, if I’ve got magick–”
“Are you really questioning if after what happened in the bathroom?” I’m not judging. I’m honestly curious at where she is mentally.
She props herself up on her elbows, narrowing her eyes in my general direction. “Fair point.”
“It’s not about feeling different or feeling dangerous.
Magick doesn’t usually sit on your skin like static.
That’s not what it’s for. When you feel strongly, when you let yourself connect to it.
It’s often quiet until you call on it. Which is what you did.
I know you didn’t mean to, but you drew more power than you intended. That’s all.”
“…am I really Fae? Have I always been?”
Once again we’re on treacherous ground.
“Since it’s not something you can just suddenly change into, yes.”
She seems to think that over. I wait, quietly.
“You said all Fae have ways their powers manifest, right?”
“I did.”
“So what? Am I a water witch? Was that what the thing with the bathtub meant? Am I… I don’t know… a mirror witch, since that shattered? Do I work with metal? Why did my eyes go stupid?”
Careful truths. Gods, I don’t want to lie to her.
“I don’t know, exactly, what your true powers manifest as.
We’ll practice and work on it; I’ll help you learn.
I think you pulled on general power and because you were taken by surprise, it got away from you.
Your eyes did not go stupid — they simply changed color which, as I showed you, is normal. ”
“So if I’m surprised, I’m going to flood the apartment?”
“Well emotions can make things… less predictable.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Less predictable. Great. Just what I wanted to hear.”
I give her an encouraging smile. “Think of elements as instruments, okay? They’ll play when you call them, usually clear and steady. They want to help. Your emotions can influence them — their volume, their sharpness. If you’re calm, the song is soft. If you’re afraid or upset, it gets sharp–”
“Like in the bathroom.”
“…like in the bathroom, yeah.”
She nods. “Okay, I get that. But what about the special part?”
“Special part?”
She waves a hand in the air. “Like the princess. You said she could wield emotions, right? So what is my special perk in this?”
I try to seem nonchalant. “Why don’t we work on the basics first? You’ve obviously blocked your powers for a reason and trying to unearth everything too fast might make things harder.”
She appears lost in thought, staring off into the air.
“Cas?”
She starts, coming back to the present. She stares at me until I want to squirm, but doesn’t say anything.
“Cas? Talk to me, witchling.”
The nickname pulls a smile out of her. “Am I… do I really have magick?”
I smile back. “Yes. You really are magick.”
Her smile falters. “Am I dangerous?”
“We can all be dangerous, simply by being. Can power, magick, be dangerous? Of course. But I’m going to help you.”
She seems to perk up. “Really?”
I smile. “Really.”
“Is that what that’s for?” She gestures to the stones I’d arranged in a circle.
“Yes. To give you something to focus on."
She sits up fully, seeming both excited and wary. “Okay. And what exactly am I trying to do?”
“Do what feels right.”
She looks at me like I’m crazy and I bite the inside of my lip to stop from laughing. Pre-human world, she would have smacked me by now.
“How the fuck am I supposed to know what feels right, Flint?” she asks with false sweetness and a good dose of irritation.
I can’t help the chuckle. I’m about to step onto a battlefield and it’s going to be so much fun.