12. Clarity
~ GRACE ~
When I woke on the sixth day after I followed Vane out of the castle, it was easier to breathe. Even before my eyes were properly open, I knew something had changed.
I blinked awake to glowing leaves overhead, blazing yellows and greens, as bright, warm sunlight illuminated them from behind.
I’d slept all the way into morning?
I rolled over, groaning against the aching in my body and pushed back the strands of hair that had fallen loose from my poorly executed braid.
Which was when I saw, for the first time in several days, that my hand didn’t shake.
“How much pain are you in?”
I inhaled sharply and whipped my head around. Vane was on his feet, though swaying, still tied in his bonds in the shadows of those twin trees. The muscles at the back of his jaw flexed as he stared at me.
A strange mix of fear and thrill jangled through me—but for the first time, my watery muscles and bleary eyes didn’t fade into the background of an onslaught of sudden, impenetrable want.
I looked down at myself. At my chest, which ached woefully. It felt hollow and empty. But my heartbeat was finally a normal rhythm.
The need I’d been bathed in for days had eased to a trickle—and apparently, not just for me. Vane no longer looked like a caged animal.
His eyes remained dark. He was dirty and sweaty and his upper lip looked like it would curl back into a sneer at the slightest provocation.
But he stood firm, his weight evenly distributed on both feet, his shoulders broad and upright, instead of hunched.
I blinked and looked back and forth between my aching—but calm—heart, and his. I swallowed.
Was it over?
“I’m sorry if I frightened you. It was necessary,” he said in a low mutter, only barely loud enough for me to hear, despite the short distance.
I didn’t know what to say, so I pushed to my feet and brushed off my trousers, now caked in dirt and sap and the remnants of hunting small, unsavory creatures to keep us both alive.
Something was wrong. But not what had been wrong for all this time. Not that searing, impenetrable need. This was… hollow. Dissonant.
“Don’t fear me. I’m under control again,” he said quietly. His lips tightened, then he lifted his hands the few inches that he could. “If you could free my knots, I… I would be very grateful.”
I blinked at the sudden humility in his voice.
Was it a trick?
But I’d seen the way the leather abraded his wrists. I’d listened to the unholy sounds he made when he thought I was far enough away that I wouldn’t hear him. I’d watched him writhe in torment.
He’d fought a battle even more intensely than I had—which left me breathless. So, I hurried to his side, focusing on his hands and arms, not looking at his face, because I didn’t know what to say.
He looked so rugged.
Dirty. Sweaty. Exhausted.
Strong. Capable. Handsome.
That flutter began in my chest again, just as I reached him, and he hissed. But he didn’t pull his hand away when I gently took it and began working the knot.
He closed his eyes as I tentatively turned his wrist up and held it flat so I could slide my fingers between the slipknot—now stained with his blood—and the raw skin beneath it, and loosen the grip it held on him.
I winced as I did so, knowing the pressure, along with the salt on my skin, must hurt on the raw wounds. But Vane didn’t flinch. Just waited until I wriggled and loosened the knot, until the grip gave on the leather and it opened enough for his hand to draw out.
He groaned as he bent his elbow to lift the hand. But at least he was free on that side.
I stepped to his other side, working that strap in the same way until he could draw that hand free as well. To my surprise, he didn’t move immediately. Barely breathed. Like he was brittle. Ready to shatter. And any sharp movement might break him.
He watched darkly as I tossed both straps aside, then dropped his gaze, turning both hands over and back, shaking his head slowly, before shrugging off the leather jacket. We both winced as he pulled back the sleeves and drew them off his wrists.
The shirt underneath was revealed—dark, odorous stains under his arms, damp patches across his chest and back, the collar limp.
But the dirty linen fell from broad shoulders—bonier than they’d been a week before—and when he finally lifted his eyes to meet mine, they were sharp.
Dark.
“Thank you,” he said through his teeth.
“We need to wash.”
We both did, but at least I’d had the freedom to reach the water. Been able to rinse away grime and wet my hair and—
“We do,” he said flatly. “And then we’ll need to get you back to the castle. They’ll be looking for you. But if you’re wearing these clothes and looking that tired, you can just tell them you got lost and they won’t—”
I took a quick, sharp step back, shaking my head. Vane’s brows shot up.
“I’m… no,” I whispered. “I’m not going back.”
His jaw went tight and his head eased back. I recognized the posture of a man about to explain why things could not be, and rushed on before he had a chance to speak.
“Koa says that she and I are linked now. That we’ll be together forever. And that’s… that’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I said, hating myself for the pleading in my tone.
“Grace, I know this has been a shock, but the world has not stopped while we’ve been… distracted,” he said coldly. “You’re a woman of the blood. Your absence hasn’t been ignored. If the people who know you aren’t shown that you’re alive and well—”
“I can’t. I won’t!” I insisted, and took another step back from him in case he tried to grab me. “I will not be forced back into the arms of a—”
“No one is forcing you anywhere. This has all been about not forcing you—remember?” he snapped.
I took a third, startled step back at the fury in his gaze. But I didn’t flee. I would not flee.
‘I’m not leaving you!’ I sent to Koa.
She murmured sleepily in my head. ‘Do not fear, Firebird. We are forever.’
Those words soothed the panic a little. But it flared again when I met Vane’s gaze once more. He’d folded his arms and stared down at me, his jaw hard. “You’re noble. You understand duty,” he muttered.
Hot, angry panic flared in my chest. “Yes, I understand duty,” I snapped back. “I also know what a stubborn, arrogant pig looks like!” I didn’t know where the words had come from, and clapped a hand over my mouth as Vane’s brows shot up again.
“I’m not suggesting you have to return to the castle forever, Grace. But we have to let them know you’re safe. Otherwise—”
“No! I won’t do it!”
“You aren’t listening to me!”
“You’re the one who’s not listening!” I stabbed a finger at his chest. His hand shot out, faster than a blink, to clamp on my wrist.
I inhaled sharply and instinctively reared back to pull myself free, but he held me, his fingers curling all the way around my wrist like a manacle, his knuckles white. And the moment my weight shifted, he jerked me closer.
Imbalanced, I stumbled. My other hand landed on his chest, palm flat, right at the center, while he caught my waist with his free hand, to steady me.
A crackling jolt of something shot through me from the point where my palm planted on his chest, up my arm, through my body, to clang behind my navel.
He swore and jerked both hands off me, stumbling backward, wide-eyed.
We broke apart, both panting, and came to a silent halt, staring at each other.
A piece of that simmering want had bubbled up again, trilling behind my belly-button. But it was a thrill. A tease. Not the aching, inconceivable drive of the days before.
Sweat had broken out on Vane’s brow again, but his gaze narrowed. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand without breaking eye-contact.
“I’m not going back,” I said quietly.
“Yes, you are. Even if it’s only to—”
There was a flash, a grunt, a deep hiss, and the resonant snort of air pushed through a set of lungs the size of a small pony.
I sucked in a breath to scream, but then released it in a shaky laugh when I realized Vane lay on the ground, both hands above his head in surrender.
And Koa stood over him, one foot planted on his chest, and each of her five talons pinioning him to the dirt, just inches from each limb. Her scales flashed red in the sunlight—one moment near black, then she shifted and the sun sparked shining crimson.
‘You go nowhere you say no, Firebird,’ she sent me.
Vane’s eyes widened as she extended her snout and bared her teeth, letting her breath puff over his face and blow his hair back. ‘If Piggy so strong, he can force me.’
I couldn’t help but grin. “I think he understands that,” I said, rolling my lips together to keep from laughing when he spluttered.
“What? What did she say?”
I would have answered him, but at that moment a huge dragon with pale, shimmering gold scales and dark eyes slipped out of the trees, easing across the small clearing until it stood facing Koa, behind Vane’s head.
I backed away, recognizing his dragon from the moment he’d landed between us on that first night. He was bigger than Koa, and loyal to Vane. I worried he’d be angry with her for pinning him.
But as Koa crooned and nudged him with her snout, he gave a low, deep rumble that shook the earth under our feet. A moment later, he made a strange noise in his throat.
Koa snorted once more on Vane, then lifted her foot, stepping back.
He scrambled to his feet, stammering at the gold dragon. My chest pinched because I didn’t want him to say bad things about Koa, who was just being protective.
But the male gave a short, sharp growl and Vane’s mouth closed so quickly his teeth clacked. His shoulders hunched a second later, and his expression turned dark.
Nerve chittered in my chest, but when he turned to face me, the gold dragon’s eyes stayed on him, not me.
His jaw rolled like he had something distasteful in his mouth, but then he sighed and his hands clenched at his sides.
“I’m sorry,” he said tightly.
I frowned. “For what?”
“You’re right,” he replied a moment later with a glance at his dragon. “Of course you have to stay with Koa. And Koa has to stay with Kham. And Kham is with me. You two are bonded just as strongly as we are. It’s not my place to ask you to separate from her.”
Then he looked at the dragon who snorted once, so hard that the leaves at Vane’s feet skittered. Then it turned and walked away. Koa crooned once to me, then followed him, while Vane stood, jaw jutting forward, glaring at his back like a child who’d been reprimanded.
When the dragons were gone, he reluctantly turned to face me again. “We both need to get clean,” he said coldly. “Then we’ll figure something out.”