22. A Point to Prove #3
And worse, I knew how that fear felt. When you’d caught a glimpse of the life you wanted, and feared someone with more power might take it from you.
I’d always sworn I would never be that man.
Dear God, what was wrong with me?
‘I may have some ideas,’ Kham offered dryly.
‘It was a rhetorical question,’ I returned.
But I made myself meet Grace’s big, blue gaze, and sighed.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been unfair,” I admitted.
My fingers ached because I grasped the block of bark so tightly, my knuckles were white.
But I had to hold onto something. “It’s not your fault that I’m angry.
And you aren’t doing badly. You aren’t at risk of not being Acknowledged, Grace.
Trust me. Your path won’t be easy, but you will be Flameborne, I’m sure. ”
She inhaled sharply. “Are you certain?”
I nodded, reluctantly, but a tiny part of my heart eased at the joy that lit in her gaze.
I cleared my throat. “I’m fighting battles that are none of your concern,” I said tightly. “I’m not normally so, er, hot headed.”
She nodded, but her expression wavered into skepticism.
I supposed I couldn’t blame her.
“There’s a great deal that is unknown right now,” I went on.
“And you’ve caught me in a moment of weakness.
I’ll try to do better. Just know that, while you lack a man’s strength, you are easily as skilled—perhaps more so—than our usual Flameborne.
If there’s still a dragon Keep when we return, I have no doubt you’ll be accepted within it. ”
Her brows popped up. “You think your Keep might be destroyed?”
Shit. I really was off my game if I let little details like that slip.
“It was a figure of speech,” I lied. “I’m just trying to say, you don’t have to worry.
If I’m irritated or disapproving, it doesn’t mean I’ll stand in your way.
When we reach Vosgaarde, I’ll take you straight to Donavyn.
Or whoever is in charge,” I added hurriedly, praying whoever that was, they weren’t riding to war with the king himself.
Or worse, not fighting.
Dear God, what were we walking into?
For a moment I had visions of arriving in Vosgaarde to all-out civil war, carrying an untrained Flameborne—a woman.
I couldn’t let them harm her. But I couldn’t let our hidden enemies remove Donavyn, either.
Unaware of my thoughts, Grace slumped with relief. “Thank you,” she said, blinking and smiling like she was fighting tears. “Thank you.”
I blinked. It took a moment to remember I’d told her that I wouldn’t stand in her way to being trained.
God, she was easy to please.
“Eat,” I said gruffly. “Then sleep as soon as you can. In a few hours, we’ll be flying again.”
She nodded quickly, then trotted to the very same tree I’d intended to sit against, sat down, and tucked into the meat, holding the bones with her delicate fingers and tearing mouthfuls off with her teeth.
There was a moment, standing there, when I forgot everything else and just watched her.
She sat on the dirt, knees bent up to hold the plate, that cloak around her shoulders, eating with her fingers like a man—eagerly—and it made me smile.
The image of her in her gowns and with her pompous airs, superimposed over this little wood-nymph who clapped when she was happy and ate meat off the bone with her straight, white teeth.
Then I caught myself grinning, and turned away, heart pounding, to sit near the fire, with my back to her, and breathe.
I shook my head as I tore into the meat myself—it was juicy, but chewy. I caught myself wondering how she felt about the darker, stronger meat of a wood hare. But I couldn’t ask.
I couldn’t speak.
I could barely think.
There was something very, very wrong with me. Something in my bones that sent me spiraling at the slightest excuse.
It wasn’t how I lived, and certainly wasn’t how I led.
Was this unsettled, erratic lack of control going to stick with me?
Why would God put me in this place, at this time, saddle me with this kind of responsibility, just when so many things were going so drastically wrong?
‘Sometimes, the only way to become stronger, is to struggle with the weight you cannot possibly lift alone.’
I wanted to curse at him—but I recognized the urge for the childishness it was. ‘We don’t set those we lead to a task they can’t possibly achieve. It gains nothing but a broken spirit.’
‘And yet, sometimes it’s only in failure that we recognize our need for others. Sometimes… sometimes we place those we lead to a task that isn’t insurmountable, but impossible alone.’
I knew what he was getting at, and didn’t like it.
‘A woman would not make me stronger. A mate would not make me more effective as a spy and leader of men! That’s the purpose I was given—you’ve always told me to aim for my purpose and trust the Creator to take care of the details over which I have no control. ’
‘Yes. I have.’
I frowned into the coals of the fire. Because he said those words like he’d made a point.
But wasn’t he just proving mine?