39. Rest
~ GRACE ~
I’d barely been alone in the loft for a moment when I heard the heavy footsteps pounding on the stone floor of the stable aisle.
Curious—was there an emergency?—I hurried to one of the four, slat walls that surrounded this little space, peering through a thin crack between wooden planks that gave me a view of the aisle below, and the stables on the other side.
My heart leaped as Voski jogged into view, coming to a stop in the doorway just across the aisle—Kham’s stable.
For a moment, he went very still, and I stopped breathing.
Was he looking for me? To apologize? I couldn’t decide if that would be wonderful or mortifying.
After hearing him tell Ronen how awful it had been to travel with me, I wanted to shrink under a rock.
But my stupid heart wouldn’t stop hoping.
Every time I saw him, something in me lifted.
I didn’t know why. Usually if a man rejected me—even one I’d had an eye for—I was quick to let go of any hope.
It seemed pointless to torture myself for someone who didn’t return at least a glimmer of interest.
But no matter how I tried to turn from Voski, to ignore him, something about him drew me back. I was exhausted. Yet, I yearned to fly with him again, circled in his arms, listening to his thoughtful instruction when he’d forgotten he was annoyed, and just shared his skill.
That only reminded me how he’d described that time to Ronen and I felt sick. But if he was here, perhaps he really hadn’t meant it? If he was looking for me, would he come up to the loft? Or just the stable?
Yet, he still didn’t move. It wasn’t until his dragon seemed to react to nothing, I realized they spoke in their minds.
Of course. He’d come to see his dragon. Not me.
Heart sinking, I sighed.
I should have left the crack then, left them to their privacy. But I couldn’t take my eyes off of Voski.
His shoulders were slumped as if he carried a heavy weight.
He had a bag slung across his chest—was he leaving the Keep?
Had he been called away? My heart chilled with fear at that thought and I flattened a hand against the slats, mentally scrambling for a reason to make him stay.
But, that was stupid. He was a Furyknight.
If he’d been ordered to a task, he had to do it.
Voski stared at his dragon, who grunted a moment later, rose to his feet and shook like a dog.
Before long, Voski harnessed him, and it was everything I could do not to pound on the wall and demand that he tell me where he was going, and why, and—
I caught myself, mouth open, about to shout, and took a quick, sharp step back so I couldn’t see through the crack anymore.
What was wrong with me? Why did I panic at the idea of his absence?
He was a Furyknight. This is what they did.
What I would do, if I could pass their tests.
If he had a mission, or a patrol—if he’d been punished and now he had to fly to some menial task…
it was all a part of his job. A job he took pride in. A job I wanted.
I swallowed. Inching back over to the crack, I watched as Voski quickly, efficiently, closed the last buckles on the harness, then stepped back with a pat to his dragon’s leg, and the two of them left the stable and made their way down the aisle, until they were out of sight.
I blew out a breath, trying to ease the pinch in my chest.
Voski was upset. Angry. Hurt. Scared. I could feel it in him. See it in his stiff posture.
I’d always been perceptive of the emotional state of others, but something about him was far more vivid. I knew he was hurting, and I ached to comfort him.
Which made no sense!
Why did I ache to be close to this man when he did nothing but despise me?
‘The mate. Kham’s bonded One,’ Koa said in her careful tones. ‘Your heart wants close.’
I huffed and nodded, though she couldn’t see me. There was a thick, wooden floor between us.
‘Yes. You’re right, Koa. My heart wants close,’ I sent back, smiling.
The question was why? Why did my heart want to be close to a man who was so deeply unsettled by my presence?
I’d thought we were getting along better these last two days. He’d been quiet, but thoughtful, helping me not panic when the dragons were agitated, explaining what was happening, introducing me to Ronen and…
Everything had gone wrong after he spoke to the other men, and they wanted to put me in his squad.
With a frustrated groan, I dropped onto the narrow bed that had been made here for me.
Voski was nice to me, to keep the peace until we got here because he thought he’d be rid of me. Then they put me in his squad, and he realized we wouldn’t be apart. And that made him so angry, he got in trouble with his superior officers.
I felt sick.
‘No.’ Koa’s voice was low and soothing, but firm. ‘Not right.’
I sighed. ‘Do you know where they went? Is he in trouble because of me? Has he been given a task? Or is he… are they leaving?’
‘Not leaving. Not work. Kham comes back.’
Well, that was something. At least he wouldn’t be angry with me because he’d been forced out on some task all night when he was already so tired.
‘He goes to sleep. Away.’
She meant the words to be encouraging. To help. But the thought came screaming, unbidden. Does he sleep alone?
‘Firebird, come to me.’
I blinked. In the stable below, Koa shifted in the straw and blew loudly from her nose. ‘Come.’
I crept down the ladder, looking around. But no one else had arrived. Koa remained curled up in the straw, legs tucked under her.
When my feet landed on the straw, she chirped and lifted a wing, then turned her head to look at herself. ‘Come. Rest.’
I swallowed, because her care had raised a lump in my throat. But it was true, I felt relief and delight at the thought of not having to sleep alone in that narrow bed upstairs.
Wrapped up in the night shirt and coat I’d been given, I trotted through the straw, then settled into the crook of her foreleg, resting my head against her.
When I found a comfortable position, Koa dropped her wing so I was covered, completely sheltered from other eyes, and warmed by the heat under her scales.
I hugged her leg and did my best to snuggle in.
‘Thank you.’
‘Not thank you. Our bond is new. Good to be close. Together.’
Grinning at her stilted word, I nodded. ‘It is good to be close. That’s why I said thank you.’
‘Ah.’ She blew out a breath. ‘Then, yes. Rest.’
With a heavy sigh, I tried to settle in. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But there was a pressure in my chest, nudging me like an insistent dog. And the hollow behind it burned.
I told myself to ignore it—it had been present since Koa first Chose me. I didn’t want to worry her, so I didn’t complain, just did my best to settle in.
But it took a long while to drift off—I heard Kham return. Koa warned me he was alone. I worried about that. Kham reassured Koa that Voski was safe, and sleeping.
Which was what I needed to do.
I tried again, and finally began to sink…