62. Unwilling Heat
SOUNDTRACK: Come Closer (Worship) by Nation Haven
~ VOSKI ~
I stopped at the second ale, the moment I found myself staring and let her eyes catch, and I didn’t break the gaze.
I couldn’t stay. Couldn’t keep watching her beam and giggle. Couldn’t listen to Gil flirt with her just to needle me. And the other brothers try to tempt her to swear—because I knew that was coming next. I couldn’t remain.
And yet, I didn’t move.
I stared. Gazed. Hungered. Wanted.
And I fought.
Under the table, I hung onto the seat of my chair for dear life, nails scraping in the wood, reminding myself over and over that she was not for me. That this sudden rush of want was simply an aftermath of the shock of having watched her almost be hurt.
That moment she’d fallen into my chest, sobbing, clinging, it hadn’t repulsed me because she’d almost died. I would have felt that bone-humming relief if any of my brothers faced their mortality.
But then my eyes dragged to that scrape on her cheek and I imagined kissing it, tasting the salt on her skin and—
I would have stood, but Grace beat me to it, giggling and almost stumbling. She was woozy. Not drunk, but loose. It was early yet. She would get looser. And the brothers with her.
I had no concerns for her physical safety with them.
But with me? If I drank more?
If she offered herself?
If the dragons began to mate? Even at this distance, we’d feel them. After the exhilaration of the day, it would affect us even more.
I took a deep breath. That must be it. The dragons. I was feeling Kham’s need. I swallowed to wet the roof of my mouth, and kept my eyes down on the table.
That’s all it was. They were going to mate and it would suck, but then they’d be done, and I’d still be here with the others and that would keep me in check. Better than being alone and dwelling on the feelings. The thoughts. The memories.
Heat and need flared behind my navel, and against my will, one of those memories flared to life.
Her mouth, a honey-sweet heat that opened and welcomed me. Her heart, singing in the bond, just as open. And her legs—she arched backward over my arm, open to my touch, and grasping for me.
I shuddered with the battle between my flesh and my soul. As I explored the sweet, slick depths of her, her head fell back to offer her throat, and I reveled in the tangible evidence that she wanted me as deeply as I hungered for her.
But that thought threatened to snap the last leash I held on my need, and I shook again.
Then her precious, ragged voice broke through the pounding of my blood in my ears.
“You are… mine.”
I bolted to my feet, shaking. “I’ve got early patrol,” I offered, though no one had asked. Gil and Ronen both looked surprised, but the others tried to convince me to stay. I shook my head, eyes on the door.
Just a few feet. I could escape. And even if it was torment, I wouldn’t do anything stupid.
Thank God she’d left the room. Thank God I hadn’t given in. Thank God.
I continued to say my farewells, shake my head, and brush off their grasping hands, urging them all to stay and have fun, that I’d call Kham to come pick me up.
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t be close to that well of need.
I needed away from it—in my dragon, and in Grace.
I finally got a hand on the doorknob and waved to them all, nodding, pushing it open and they gave up, returning their jibes to each other, just as I was about to step through. Then Grace appeared.
Standing in the doorway on the opposite wall. Her movement caught my eye, and I froze for half a second—long enough to see her face fall in that familiar misery that made my heart shrivel—then I blinked, ducked my head, and closed the door.
When I let the door close behind me and stepped away from the warm light of the tavern windows, I was torn. Half-relieved. Half-despairing.
But I felt the urge at the base of my spine. The questions rising in my head.
Did I really need to avoid her? Was it really such a bad idea to give in to the bond? Was it really such a risk?
I heard my own thoughts and spluttered with disbelief—and fear. Yes, the risk was real. Far too real. She had no idea…
So why wasn’t I moving?
I stood on the cobbled street outside, breathing the chill night air and staring up at the moon, which was high, but half-hidden behind clouds, gilding them in the dark night.
My body trembled. I shoved my hands in my pockets and dithered about which direction to walk. Because there was always the option not to go back to the Keep. I could, instead, find another way to sate the dragon’s desire.
I was in the city, after all. I hadn’t visited Veni for months. But I knew she’d welcome me.
Perhaps that was the answer? Perhaps what I needed was to douse the flames rising in my blood?
Tend the fire.
The words came unbidden, and I flinched, forcing my feet to turn, not toward the Keep, but in the opposite direction on the street.
Veni was only a few streets further east. And it was only Second Day.
She probably wasn’t working tonight. Oddly, my stomach opened in a pit that made me ill.
Perhaps it wasn’t release I needed after all?
Maybe just to be in soft company would ease some of this pressure, and—
The tavern door opened and instinctively, before I’d even turned to look, I sank into the shadows of the alleyway between the buildings, slipping aside silently, then backing up to the wall, pressing myself to its solid chill.
I closed my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? When had I lost so much control? Become so distracted? And why did my hands tremble right now, purely for thinking of her?
Mate.
I shook my head.
I couldn’t allow it. I couldn’t.
My heart sank and I turned, just as a small, trim, curved figure slipped into the dark behind me and I froze.
She stood in the shadow, little hands balled at her sides, and her shoulders crawling toward her ears. Her eyes were big, and round, those orbs shining with the bare hint of light remaining from the moon over our heads.
Shining, because they welled with tears.
“Why?!” she whispered.
I blinked. “Grace, you shouldn’t be out here by—”
“Just tell me why!”
“Why, what?” My voice was too high. Too tight.
She stamped her foot. She stamped her fucking foot. And it was adorable. And then she spoke, and something inside me broke.
“What did I ever do to make you hate me?” she whisper-screamed.
“Because you pull at me. And it doesn’t stop!
I tried, Voski. I tried to leave you alone.
I tried to show you I’m safe. But you keep doing that thing where you turn your back and walk away like I’ve offended you, and how can I show you anything if you aren’t even looking? !”
“Grace—”
Her tears spilled over and sent a blade right to my heart.
“I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.
I know that. I’m grateful! Your advice was good, even when you yelled it.
I remembered it today and it helped me. And I thought maybe you weren’t angry anymore when you hugged me because that was such a relief because I was so scared. And you’ve been staring tonight—”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“—and I thought maybe you’d actually talk to me this time, and I wanted you to, but you left. You left! Why?”
The word echoed in my chest. Sang in my ribs. Knocked on the walls around my heart.
I flinched. And she caught it.
I half-turned from her, sucked in a breath, and fisted my hands. “How did you get out here without anyone noticing?” I asked flatly. I had to. I was wrestling everything inside me to—
“The same way you would,” she said. And her voice broke.
I closed my eyes. “Voski, I… When I want to, I can move without people noticing. We’re the same.
” She breathed the words. I barely heard them.
But they broke through everything I’d ever wanted to believe about myself and—God, she was incredible.
My limbs shook.
I opened my mouth, though I didn’t have words. Couldn’t have words. But then the door of the tavern opened around the corner and that bell jingled again. A wave of loud voices, laughter, and clunking glasses washed out, then were cut off by the door’s closing as boots sounded on the walk.
Grace turned her head, and the thought that she’d leave, or she’d run to the arms of someone else, slayed me.
I grasped her arm, pulled her to me, and turned us both, pinning her against the wall of the building. And when, shocked, she opened her mouth to question, I softly, tenderly, firmly placed my fingers over those lips.
And as I felt the plump swell of her lips under the pads of my fingers, I stared.
If anyone walked past, they’d likely see nothing. We were both dressed in black. But it meant nothing. Because she was right. We sank into this shadow as if it molded to us.
We were the same. God made us the same.
We both disappeared in darkness.
Something about those words rang in my chest, a resonant gong. But there wasn’t time.
The footsteps and cheerful voices that exited the tavern were fading off in the other direction on the street. There was no one coming. No one to see us. No need to protect her, or myself.
I should let her go.
But then her breath fluttered between my fingers and she stared up at me, eyes big and round and shining, and her lips were so soft and…
I couldn’t.
I shouldn’t.
I wanted to. So badly.
“Grace,” I croaked.
Her eyes widened. “Voski,” she whispered. “Why do I need you?” And her lips brushed against the pads of my fingers.
I shivered.
The light of the lanterns on the street barely reached us in this dark shadow. But the reflection of the light gleamed on her huge, liquid eyes as she stared. And I stared back. And, dammit… I felt her shock give way to relief. Then hope.
No. No.
I braced to push away from her, to release her. To make her safe. To say nothing else, but sink into the shadows and disappear—I could make sure she made it back to the Keep without her even knowing I’d followed.
But in the hairsbreadth of a moment before I moved away, a tiny noise cracked in her throat, and the sheer desperation of it froze me in place.
I knew how that sound felt.
Her nostrils flared, breath tearing in and out, rushing over my fingers, and raising the hair all the way up my arm.
Neither of us moved, our noses barely half an inch apart. I felt her breath like water on my skin—did she feel mine?
But it was the wrong question to ask because an examination of myself left me drowning in the deluge of her.
That hollow space behind my ribs, cavernous, and echoing hunger, ached with relief because she was right there.
Finally, my soul sang.
That frightened me, so I braced again, intending to release her. To disappear. But the sheer fucking heat of her under the leathers, radiated like the blacksmith’s forge, threatening to burn me.
The soft pillow of her chest gave deliciously against my elbow when I shifted, because I’d pinned her against the wall.
Her wide, liquid eyes shone, so close. Lashes long enough to cast a shadow, fluttering now as she blinked and sucked in another breath.
Then her head sank back against the wall, and a challenge entered her gaze. And in response, the wall I’d built around my heart chilled, as if coated in ice.
I waited for her gaze to narrow, and the venomous fang of her words to sink in and remind me that she was everything I had worked to avoid.
But she didn’t move.
Her breath didn’t slow, it grew heavier. Her eyes didn’t narrow, they sparked. And the heat under her skin rose to stain her cheeks so dark I could see it in the shadows.
She raised one, trembling hand, like a hesitant child reaching up to soothe a nervous horse.
“Stop,” I snarled senselessly.
It was time to release her and disappear. To find my strength once more. I’d been weakened by watching her in danger today. But now—
Grace’s eyes dropped to my lips and a jolt of thrill leaped in my belly. It was so potent, my cock thickened.
My breath rushed from me like I’d been punched.
When she opened her mouth and her full lips moved against my palm, I yanked my hand back like I’d been burned, cursing. But though I’d intended to pull away, to let the chill night air cool her skin and my ardor, somehow, I didn’t.
I stood, toe-to-toe with her, eyes locked, both our chests rising and falling—too fast, too deep.
“Why? Why can’t I stop wishing for you?” she whispered, and the tremulous question almost undid me—a few small words, pregnant with fear, and hope, and wonder.
I clenched both hands at my sides. I would not touch her again.
But the V of consternation appeared between her brows and her gaze darkened. She didn’t move away.
Her throat—that delicate arch of vulnerability—jumped as she swallowed and her chin rose, but her gaze never left mine.
“Voski…” she breathed. Hunger and joy rushed through my veins, prickling under my skin and sending my pulse sky high. The sound of my name on her tongue ran second only to the moment Kham had Chosen me. How the hell did she—
“What are you doing?” Her voice cracked.
Those massive, penetrating, beautiful eyes welled, the light behind me gleaming on unshed tears seeping toward her lashes.
Comfort her. She needs you. She needs to be sure of you. She belongs to you. Comfort her.
The urge was so strong, so undeniable, I swayed forward, forced to flatten a palm on the wall over her shoulder so I didn’t crush her against the brick.
Our noses barely brushed, but her breath was suddenly hot on my lips, mine washing over hers. Every prickle of sensation within me, poured to the surface of my skin, seeking even a hint of her warmth, her softness, her touch.
A tiny, tortured groan eked out of my throat and I shuddered, swaying closer until it seemed I must taste her.
“Voski…” The movement of her lips brushed them against mine, her whispering breath raised goosebumps on my neck in a sweet promise of what was to come if I only bridged that last, infinitesimal gap.
Yet, as I swallowed my pride and prepared to give in—to take her mouth, finally—that cold, certain voice rose in my head.
She’ll strip you of your discipline.
Steal your control.
Make you weak once more.
And then you’ll destroy her, just like—
Grace swallowed again and pressed up on her toes to kiss me. But that soft, sweet slide blistered.
With a strangled curse, I threw myself away from her, boots slapping on the slick cobblestones because panic drove me so I couldn’t even attempt silence.