Chapter 5
5
Sienna
Damn it. I’ve flown under the radar for four years until this stupid shit happened. It almost cost me a ride to the hospital, where I’d have to explain things I didn’t want to have to talk about ever again—like why I had scars through my shoulder and who I really was.
Thank goodness my blood pressure had dropped and the ECG was normal. When that Michael guy advised they should still take me to St. Vincent’s to get evaluated, I refused treatment. Neither he nor his partner liked it, but they couldn’t do anything about it. Not like I had good health insurance to cover it. I was all too familiar with the agonies of medical debt.
I rested my forehead on the top of my steering wheel, letting the last few hours run through my head. My chest still hurt, and I wasn’t sure I could even drive without shaking.
Aside from my major freak out and panic attack, I couldn’t stop thinking about the handsome fireman who’d rescued me. I closed my eyes, picturing him again. He never told me his name, but Hayes was printed on the patch on his fireman’s jacket. Maybe Hayes was a common name all across the country, like Miller or Smith?
Just seeing another patch on a man made my mind swirl into darkness, but I had to remind myself that a fireman was nowhere near the kind of evil Diesel was. A guy named Hayes had pulled me out of danger, not shoved me into it face first.
Every time my eyes met his, I could tell he was analyzing me; questioning what was wrong with me while trying to put the pieces together. I rubbed the constant ache in my shoulder, wondering why trouble just kept following me. Was I cursed?
After all these years, was I still paying the price that Diesel had put on me? The suspicion on that fireman’s face reminded me of the hours I’d endured being questioned by every branch of law enforcement—of that intimidation for me to confess all my truths. So much so that I almost gave my real name to his partner.
My hands still trembled a bit as I plugged my phone into the charger. My screen had shattered when the blast knocked me down so I wasn’t even sure it would work, but I needed to call Candace. I just needed the battery to charge. I was positive she was worried. Shortly thereafter, missed call after missed call scrolled up my broken screen.
I tapped the screen several times, trying to get it to connect. As soon as it started ringing, Candace answered.
“Sienna!” she yelled. “Oh my God! Are you okay? Where are you? I called all the hospitals.”
Her love for me cut through my shattered nerves. “I’m okay. I’m still at the mall. I’m… I’m in my car.”
“Okay, I’ll be there in two minutes. The police are finally letting cars into the lot. Don’t move!”
I couldn’t admit to her I wasn’t able to move. The gravity of the day felt like a ten-ton building sitting on my chest, keeping me from even breathing, let alone driving anywhere. I knew the guilt from her asking me to run the booth today was going to be huge, but what had happened wasn’t her fault. She had no idea a major explosion would happen today. The mall was supposed to be safe. Lots of people. Security. She may not know my entire life’s story, but she knew enough about Diesel and what he’d put me through to cause her to worry.
My phone rang again with another familiar number—one I couldn’t ignore either. I took a deep breath to steady my voice.
“Hey Dad.”
“Hey Pumpkin, how’s California these days? You get that earthquake at the hair salon? I heard it was only a four.”
I drew in another deep breath—in through my nose, out through my mouth just like that fireman had said to me. I needed to protect him. He’d been through enough, living a life filled with nothing but worry—first for Mom and then dealing with almost losing me. “No, Dad. I’m all good. I didn’t feel anything.”
On my last day in Arizona, I’d driven from Prescott to Phoenix. I testified against Diesel in a court of law and then high-tailed it out of town. I went from state to state for three weeks, ensuring I wasn’t followed. Always stopping in small towns—places where a biker would stand out.
When it looked safe, I would choose a new destination, map it out on my phone, and head towards a new place to call home. I lived in my car for months when I first got to Nashville. The $500 gift card Freddie had given me for my birthday had gotten me through a few states but buying gas and feeding myself quickly depleted it.
And the money I’d cleared out of Diesel’s stash didn’t last either. He kept most of the dirty club money in the safe at the clubhouse. Every once in a while, he’d leave money for me to buy beer and groceries but leaving the house to earn my own money was completely out of the question. Fortunately, he didn’t keep that close of a watch on what I spent on food, so when he wasn’t looking, I’d stash a few dollars between the pages of my favorite books.
After several months of being on the run, I’d been completely out of options and desperate.
I’d resorted to searching dumpsters behind grocery stores and restaurants for leftover food. You’d be surprised how low you’d be willing to go when you’re hungry. I had no idea how I was going to survive. I couldn’t apply for a job. That required a social security number—one that would tie me to Syla.
The Double Daggers might be a bunch of outlaw bikers, but they were far from stupid. They had money, and money buys you all sorts of information. If anyone searched, they’d easily find out where I was.
Several times, strangers would tap on my car windows in the middle of the night. Each time it scared the shit out of me, and I’d have flashbacks that it was Diesel or one of his brothers who had found me.
One night, I drove farther out of town to where the houses sat on land instead of housing projects. I found a quiet road and kept going until I was officially out of gas. When I woke in the morning, there was a note on my window.
My name is Candace and I live a half mile down the road in a white house with blue shutters. You can’t miss it. Please don’t be scared but stop by. I have hot food and a warm shower if you want one. I was once you.
I held the note and contemplated whether I could trust this person. For all I knew, the Double Daggers had found me, and this was just a ploy.
I was starving, dirty, and tired of living my life like a vagabond. So, I took a chance on a stranger’s kindness, packed up what I could carry out of my car, and headed down the road to the white house with blue shutters. I rang the doorbell and waited.
The door swung open and a nice looking, blonde-haired woman in her fifties (if I had to guess) greeted me with the kindest smile. “Hi, I’m Candace.” She held her hand out and I shook it. “I won’t ask your name because you probably won’t tell me a real one. Come on in.”
I took a deep breath and made that first step. She was fit and dressed nice and her house was lovely—all soft colors and fresh, clean scents. And whatever she was cooking smelled like heaven.
“You hungry?”
A wave of dizziness washed over me. “Yes ma’am.”
She looked me over and gave me another gentle smile. “There’s a bathroom and shower on the right down the hall. There are fresh towels and a few other things in the basket if you need them. Feel free to lock the door and meet me in the kitchen when you’re all freshened up.”
This was all too good to be true. People weren’t this kind. “You don’t even know me,” whispered out of my mouth.
Candace eyed me over again, her presence oddly comforting. “You living in your car?”
I nodded, feeling another unhealthy dose of shame wash over me.
“Your car has an Arizona license plate on it. You lost?”
“I was actually trying to get lost. Seems I’ve lost myself along that way.”
Her mouth wrinkled up. “You have a safe place to go to?”
No place was safe for me. “No, ma’am.”
She leaned towards me a bit. “I think I know you better than you could ever imagine. Now go on. Nothing here is gonna bite.”
I followed her order and tiptoed down the hallway. I’d been dirty for so many months; quick washes at a sink in a gas station restroom didn’t count as a real shower. The thought of what it would feel like to have running warm water was more enticing than the fear that Candace might kill me. To be honest, there were days I’d wished I was dead.
I stood in the shower and watched the lathered soap turn brown and red as it dropped to the tiled floor. Seeing how dirty I was opened the door to a thousand tears that fell from my eyes. This was my penance for falling in love with the wrong person. For not listening to the warnings that were provided to me, but most of all, for bringing the vile man into my life who took the life of a dear friend.
My blonde hair was stringy and in dire need of a trim. And my complexion… the circles under my eyes reflected too many days without nutrition. I ran my comb through the tangled mess, grateful she’d left me conditioner too.
I quickly washed some of my underwear in the sink, using more of the amazing body wash she’d set out for me. They’d be all stiff in my pack drying like that, but I didn’t have much of a choice. At least they were mostly clean again. Asking a stranger to use their washer and dryer didn’t sit well with me.
I found the least smelliest clothing in my pack and got dressed. I thought about stealing a roll of her toilet paper, but I couldn’t do that to a woman showing me kindness, so I rolled up a thick wad and shoved it between my legs. It would have to make do.
I cleared my throat when I stepped into the kitchen. “Thank you for letting me use your shower.”
“No problem, sweets.” Candace smiled. “As I said in my note, I’ve been you. Have a seat.” She walked to the stove, reached for a plate, and piled some scrambled eggs and a few slices of bacon onto it. “Hope you like eggs and bacon.”
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” My stomach growled loudly when she placed the plate in front of me.
Candace ignored my starvation with a gentle smile. “Enjoy your breakfast.”
I shoveled the eggs into my mouth before she had the chance to change her mind and tell me to leave. After all, good people haven’t existed in my life, not since Freddie. My own father had turned into a ghost after my mom had died. It’s hard to take what you need from people who are empty.
When I swallowed the last drop of milk, I wiped my mouth and placed the paper napkin on the empty plate. “Thank you for breakfast.”
Candace gave me a friendly nod. “You want some more?”
I could’ve eaten ten pounds of bacon, but I didn’t want to be greedy and behave like a starved animal, so I shook my head no. “Would it be all right if I had some more milk though?”
She filled my glass back up to the top and then returned with a small container of grocery store muffins, which she set right next to my hand.
“They’re blueberry. Try one.” Candace sat across from me at the table, probably trying to figure me out.
I slipped a glorious muffin from its spot, peeling the paper off the bottom. It smelled divine, just like the muffins I used to get at the Safeway. Mom had loved the cranberry ones. They used to make her smile, even though that smile had turned crooked and wilted on her face. Dad… Dad was all about the chocolate chip kind.
It might be a while until I’d be able to get more food, so I needed the calories. I didn’t know my current weight, but by the way my jeans were hanging off my hips, I’d lost quite a bit.
“Let me tell you a story. About twenty years ago, I found myself in a similar situation but, unlike you, we didn’t have a car to sleep in.” She took a big sip of coffee. “You see, my husband decided to leave this world a selfish man. Our construction business was so far in debt there was no way to recover. He’d taken out two mortgages on our home and still couldn’t get caught up, so instead of manning up, he took the cowards' way out. And of course, the life insurance company wouldn’t pay out because it was a suicide. Left me with a slew of bills.”
Candace took another sip, swirling in her own memories. “Eventually, the bank foreclosed on the house. They repossessed the cars. I was thirty-six, a housewife with no job, an eight-year-old boy growing like a weed, and no family to rely on. And Daniel’s family, well they blamed me for his death, rambling some bullshit about how he’d worked himself to death trying to keep me in a lifestyle I’d grown accustomed to. So, asking them for any assistance wasn’t an option. It took the last of my savings to hire a lawyer. Daniel’s sister wanted to fight me for custody of my own child. Can you believe that?”
She stood and opened the cabinet, retrieving another coffee mug. “You want some coffee?”
I nodded so fast I felt a bit lightheaded. I hadn’t had coffee in weeks. “Yes, please.”
She filled my mug and moved the milk and sugar bowl closer. “I don’t know if you have family, but I do know firsthand what rotten shits they can be. I never knew my parents.” She pointed at herself. “I grew up in the foster system. I couldn't care less if Daniel and I lived in a mansion or trailer home. I loved my husband regardless of his wealth. He was the one obsessed with money.”
Candace sat and paused, taking a moment to read my face. “I’m guessing my situation isn’t exactly like yours. But it doesn’t really matter now, does it? We all fall on hard times now and then.” She lifted a muffin from the tray. “It wasn’t until I swallowed my pride and God gave me the strength to ask the local shelter for help that I got back on the right track. I got a job at a local flower shop and learned all I could about the business. The kindness of strangers put me on a whole new path.”
“I’m not used to kindness, ma’am. Most people don’t even see me anymore.”
“What’s your name?” she asked now.
My name was my downfall, so I gave her my middle name instead. “Sienna, ma’am.”
“You done feeling invisible, Sienna?”
I nodded, wiping the shame leaking out of my eyes.
“You on drugs?” she asked straightforward. “How old are you?”
“No. Absolutely not. The drugs and alcohol of others got me here. I’m twenty-two.”
Candace winced at that, and then she leveled that heavy gaze on me. “You planning to stay or are you just passing through?”
My car was out of gas. Last night I’d considered hard on becoming the whore Diesel used to call me when he was drunk. Going home just put me right back in the middle of all that evil. Dad had barely paid off all of the medical bills Mom had incurred and then adding mine on top of it all… I was just a burden he didn’t need to bear. The reality of it all was too much to contain. More of it dripped down my cheeks. “I’m sort of out of options. I appreciate the breakfast, ma’am. Thank you.” I needed to go.
“Not so fast. Sit back down,” Candace ordered. I obeyed. “Where are you going to go?”
I didn’t have an answer. Nor did I have a plan. I’d been running on terror and adrenaline for so long, I hadn’t thought it through. I just knew if I’d stayed in Arizona a second longer, the Double Daggers MC were going to put me in a dirt hole in the dessert, just like they’d done with the others who’d dared to cross them.
“You have children, Sienna?”
“No.” I wiped my cheek and winced through another menstrual cramp, grateful for the pain.
Candace apparently didn’t like all of that swirling down my face. “I’m gonna make you an offer. A kind woman once took me in and changed my fate. I’d like to pay it forward and offer the same to you.” She held her hands up, adding, “My son and his girlfriend moved out of the basement last year. It’s not much, but it’s clean and warm. There’s a couch and a bed, and it’s got its own door to the backyard. I promise I won’t ask about your past; you’ll share it with me when the time is right.”
I broke down in tears, feeling as if my own mother had sent me a guardian angel from Heaven. It took me a while to fully open up to Candace, but once I did, she did everything she could to help. I dyed my hair black and cleaned her house every day. I cut the grass and pulled weeds and helped carry boxes of flowers into her flower shop for a year. She even got me a part-time job doing reception and clerical work for one of her friends which turned into a full-time job. I didn’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for Candace and her offer.
So, I pulled myself together and waited for her to come rescue me one more time. I had to remind myself that I was a survivor. No bullets hit me today. And Diesel was still in jail.
For now.