Chapter Thirty-Four
Ash
My parents visited later that same day, bringing armfuls of supplies they thought we ‘might need’. Translation, they were nosy fuckers, and wanted to know all kinds of shit. It was good to see them though.
“So proud of you, son,” dad Dory said, as he sat on the sofa beside me, while my other parents were unloading food into cupboards or whatever.
“Why? I was a fucking wuss. I had nightmares last night too.”
He sighed, reaching up to ruffle my very carefully fucking styled hair, the bastard.
“Dad,” I groaned, trying to resurrect whatever coolness had existed before his touch. He grinned, picking up his coffee instead.
“Nightmares are to be expected. Trust me, we’ve all been there. It was your first murder, but I promise it gets easier.”
And he was the supposedly ‘less crazy’ one. Jesus.
“Dad, I don’t want it to get easier, for fuck’s sake. After we do his parents, I’m done with this shit. I just want to fuck, and live my life, and not mess up that kid we seem to have adopted along the way.”
“Yeah, where is he?”
I faked a shudder. “Jogging. They’re actually fucking jogging. Did I pick a normie or what?”
He laughed again, watching mum and dad Gray as they joined us too, finally finished cramming food into every fucking orifice in the kitchen.
“The kid okay?”
See how amazing my parents were? They cared this much about some kid they’d barely even met, and his own parents didn’t give him an ounce of that interest, and they fucking created him.
I know it might have been more logical to let my parents take on the responsibility for Ren, because they were great at it, but something in me wanted to be a parent too, even if it wasn’t done in the right way, with me having fuck all experience. I just had to emulate them, right?
“Kinda thinking about killing his parents too,” I mused, chewing the side of my mouth as I wondered if I had that in me.
It kinda made a mockery of my statement to my dad just then, but we could make them the last kills.
They deserved it, but I wasn’t like other members of my family.
Killing wasn’t that appealing to me. I was getting scarily close to normie level, and it bothered me.
“Ash-”
“Does it make me a pussy if I think I can’t? I feel like I’m letting you all down.”
Mum held up a hand as dad Gray opened his mouth, shushing him as effectively as a dick in his mouth would.
“Ash, baby, you don’t have to try and be anyone you don’t want to be.
Do we try and push you to be someone you’re not, or do we empower you to make those choices for yourself?
Believe it or not, killing people isn’t a fucking pre-requisite for fitting in with the family.
I know your dads are nuts, and Blaze too, but you don’t have to feel like you’re failing if you’re not. ”
“Damn, did we make you think you had to be like us?” Dad Gray asked, dragging a hand through his hair as he leaned forward. “Ash, you’re an amazing person exactly as you are, and if you change, you’ll still be amazing, but the important thing is to be you. You’re the only one who can.”
He frowned. “Wow, that was deep. I’m kinda impressing myself here. Dory, does that make you horny?”
Here we go. Mum slapped his leg and ignored his laughter. It was typical of him to drag every conversation to the gutter, but he made sense too. Weirdly enough.
“He’s right, for once, ugh, he’ll get bigheaded now.”
“You enjoy my big… head, Wilms.”
“Gray, shut it.”
I waited for them to stop bickering, but secretly I loved it. They were so in sync with each other, smiling even as they pretended to be pissed at each other. Wasn’t that how it should be?
“So, the kid, Ren? He’s staying?” Mum asked, trying to get us back on track, like that’s ever possible with these two around.
“Yeah. Are we okay here? I don’t think my flat’s big enough, and Cal was staying with those asshole parents, so we can’t go there. I don’t think you want us all coming to yours either?”
Dad Gray snorted, sitting back again and crossing one ankle over the other knee.
“Not with Nix and ‘Pyro’ causing so much trouble, no. They’d be bad influences. You’re fine here.”
Wait, what?
“Pyro? Who the fuck is that?” What the hell had I missed? Nobody was called Pyro?! Did they adopt someone too?
My parents all sighed, and dad Dory finally spoke up.
“Cole is now Pyro. He felt his name wasn’t right for him, and you know what, if that’s how he feels, then he’s called Pyro now. I mean, Gray likes it, of course, but the trouble is the school. They were insisting on calling him Cole, and he’s getting into all kinds of shit over it.”
“Burned down the fucking school office! I was so prou… I mean, we have to discipline him, of course,” dad Gray tried to save himself, but mum slapped his leg again.
“Expelled is the word. Well, potentially facing criminal damage charges, but I think deadnaming him will put them in some trouble too. He was pushed into it.”
“Figured destroying the school office would wipe out their records and references to his old name, bless him.”
I’d been out of the loop for a few weeks at most, and this had all happened? Jesus fuck. What the hell was my little bro going through that he felt the need to take such extreme action? And he was expelled too? Was Nix going to be the only one who made it through an entire school career?
“Is he okay?”
“Mad at the world, but embracing his new fire obsession, so not all bad,” dad Gray said with a grin, dodging mum’s hand as she made to slap him again. Instead he caught her fingers and lifted them to his lips, kissing them gently.
“I’ll always be proud of our children, sweetness, don’t expect me to change now.”
Cal
Ren seemed to be bouncing back from his horrific night far better than Ash or I had.
Maybe that was the benefit of his youth, and of course, the fact that we stopped things from going too far.
If we’d been just twenty minutes later, things would have been very different.
We were meant to get there in time. I firmly believed Ren was supposed to be a part of our lives.
It wasn’t that I still believed in a God, if I ever had, but I believed in fate.
In things happening for a reason. Ash came into my life for a reason.
To help me find the real me inside, and fight to keep him, but he’d gone through his own hell because of me too.
Was he fated to suffer like that? At what point did I wonder if fate was also bullshit?
“I’m bored.”
I shook myself free from my thoughts, slowing my pace to see where Ren was. I thought a run and some fresh air would be good for him, as good as it usually was for me, but he’d complained several times already, and kept slowing down and stopping.
“We can turn back.”
I leaned my hands on my knees and took a moment to breathe slowly. I’d been moving at a slow pace for Ren, but clearly a few days away from running had affected my fitness enough that I needed this break too.
“Sorry,” Ren said, glancing at his feet, “I know you didn’t sign up for having an annoying kid around. I can try.”
I sighed, straightening up and stretching my back for a moment.
He seemed to be losing confidence since he’d arrived with us, like maybe the excitement of the previous night had given him courage he didn’t normally have.
He’d still been half doped up by what those fuckers used on him, so did he even realise what he’d been saying or asking of us?
He was suddenly acting like he thought we’d take him back to his old life, like he had to perform a role to get to stay.
“It’s okay if you don’t like the same things I do, Ren. Same with Ash, in fact, it’s probably a good thing in his case. You tell us what kinds of things you enjoy, and we’ll make them happen for you.”
He chewed his bottom lip, taking a moment to respond, but I saw my words hitting him, not like blows, but like they confused him.
“If I don’t fit in with what you want, you’ll send me back.”
Jesus fuck. I grabbed his shoulder as I stepped up beside him. There had to be a way to say this right, but I didn’t have any parenting skills, did I? I really wanted to give him stability and security, so he could decide for himself who he wanted to be.
“Ren, I don’t know how else to say this, so just try to hear what I’m saying, even if it’s not the most eloquent response.
We don’t care what you like or don’t like.
What we care about is that you’re safe and happy.
We’re not going to throw you away if you’re not a carbon copy of one of us, again, that’s probably a good thing, because we’re both fucked up.
I wish someone had been there for me like this, so I’m trying to make sure you have what I didn’t. Support. Friendship. Family, even.”
Ren squeezed his eyes closed, and took a deep ragged breath.
“I was never enough,” he whispered, biting his lip again as it trembled. The poor fucker had done enough jumping through fucking hoops to suit others. There was no way in hell I was letting him feel he had to do that for the rest of his damn life.
I dragged him into a hug, which I expected him to resist, but he didn’t. If he had, I wouldn’t have forced the issue, but he needed it, and I think I did too.
He tried to cry quietly, but I could feel every shudder, and hitched breath, every sob. The fact that he tried to hide it made me want to find his parents and break them. How could they have left him feeling like he wasn’t enough unless he was what they wanted?
“It’s okay, Ren. You’re one of us now, and we look out for our own.”
“Thank you,” he practically sobbed, burying his face against my chest, while I silently cursed my dead uncle, this kid’s parents, and every other fucker who’d ever been involved in their sickness.