Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Brynn
“Popo, are you ready to lose to me at Rummy?” Olivia asks on Saturday night.
“I don’t know that I’ve ever lost to you,” he teases.
She giggles. “Gran taught me her tricks, Popo. I beat you every time.”
“For the life of me, I never figured out how she was so good at the game.”
“She could read you like a book, Dad,” I say with a fond smile.
My mom ran a tight ship growing up. She didn’t allow Dad to do any work from six p.m. on a Saturday night until five Monday morning. If I had something going on at school, he was present. He would take me to school in the morning, and Mom would pick me up.
“That’s why we hired Bill. Your baby girl needs to know you, needs to know that there’s more to life than working your days away,” Mom would say on repeat if Dad tried to work through Saturday night or on Sunday.
“It’s our ranch.”
“I’m well aware, but she’s our daughter, and we’re going to do everything we can to raise her better than we were raised.”
Dad would nod and smile, kiss her on the forehead, and then help her in the kitchen or get the cards ready for our Saturday night Rummy game. Those were some of my favorite memories, all the laughter and love that filled that kitchen.
I’m grateful that Olivia got to see those moments, that love between my parents before Mom died. My stomach tightens, and my eyes prick with tears as the wave of grief crashes over me.
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, sometimes that grief hits so damn hard.
I linger in the doorway, watching them, my heart full.
“Did you get the snacks?” Dad asks.
“Snacks? Y’all just had dinner?” I say with a laugh.
“You’re not supposed to say it in front of her, Popo,” Olivia says in a loud whisper.
She turns to me and winks. I giggle and shake my head.
It’s a little game they play because I only allow Olivia soda or junk food on one day of the week, and they fill up for the month on their Saturday nights together.
I pretend like it’s a horrible thing, but I secretly love the relationship the two of them have.
It will break my heart the day that he doesn’t recognize her anymore.
I blow out a breath and try to shake that thought out of my head. I can’t focus on that, I have to be present for the time that we have with him now. I’ll handle the other when it gets here.
I’m grateful for this time with them both. It’s moments like this that remind me why I moved back to Hicks Creek. Family is everything.
I hear Rachel’s car pull up outside, and I start toward the door, calling over my shoulder, “Be good for Grandpa, Livvy! I’ll be right next door if y’all need anything.”
“We won’t!” she chirps, already absorbed in her game.
Rachel honks lightly, and I hurry out to meet her. She’s leaning against the car, her usual confident grin in place. “Ready for a girls’ night?”
“Absolutely,” I say, sliding into the passenger seat. “I need this.”
“I grabbed the food from the Italian place.” She grins widely as she holds up the takeout bag.
“I’ve been starving myself all day for this.”
I gesture for her to follow me before I take one of the bags from her. The two of us make our way to my house and up the steps inside.
“Me too, girl,” she laughs. “It’s been one hell of a week.”
“I’ve got the wine and margarita mix in the kitchen.”
We put the bags down on the table, and I move about the kitchen, getting us plates and utensils.
She follows me, grabbing the bottle of wine and two glasses. “It’s definitely a wine night for me. This week has been crazy, and I just want to chill so that I don’t feel like shit tomorrow morning.”
“Perfect. It’s been a crazy week, for sure. I wonder if Mercury is in the microwave, or whatever that is they say.”
“Mercury is in retrograde,” she laughs.
My house is filled with the warm scent of garlic, and it smells homey.
It reminds me of Mom and when she’d make homemade lasagna for our birthdays. It was such a special treat, but the house smelled amazing for days.
“None of those vampires you like reading about will come within fifty feet of our house for a month,” Dad would always tease.
“When I picked up the food, Rocco asked about you,” Rachel says with a raised eyebrow. “Says he hasn’t seen you in a while and wanted to know how you were.”
The two of us start plating up the meals. I make a face and roll my eyes. “Olivia, Dad, and I would go there for birthdays after Mom died. He was overly flirtatious.”
“I think he’s sweet on you.”
“I’m not on him.” I shrug.
“He’s hot. And he’s a business owner, too. I think I’ll give him my number next time I’m there.”
“I think that would be extremely cute.” I grin widely.
“You only say that because I’m not trying to talk to you about your dating life,” she says with a shake of her head.
We sit down at the table and dig into our food. Over plates of pasta and glasses of pinot grigio, we catch up on everything. Hicks Creek may be small, but it’s never short on drama. Rachel leans in, her eyes sparkling as she recounts the latest.
“Did you hear about Marcy and Todd?” she asks, twirling her fork.
“No, what now?”
“Apparently, she caught him sneaking out of the diner with one of the waitresses. But here’s the kicker—it was during the lunch rush.”
I nearly choke on my wine. “You’re kidding.”
“I wish I were. Marcy stormed in there the next day and dumped a pitcher of iced tea over his head. Right in front of everyone.”
I laugh so hard my sides hurt. “I don’t know whether to feel bad for her or applaud her.”
“Both,” Rachel says, raising her glass. “To Marcy, for keeping Hicks Creek interesting.”
We clink glasses, and for a while, it’s easy to forget everything else. But as the conversation winds down, Rachel gives me a knowing look.
“So,” she says, drawing the word out. “Are we going to talk about the Jack Renfrew situation, or are you just going to pretend it didn’t happen?”
I groan, sinking back into my chair. “Do we have to?”
“Oh, we absolutely have to. Girl, all I’m finding are dating disasters. Give me something good for once.”
I hesitate, swirling the wine in my glass. “We kissed,” I admit finally. “Well, more than kissed.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Details. Now.”
“It was… intense,” I say, heat creeping into my cheeks. “I don’t know what came over me. One minute we were arguing, and the next…it happened before but this last time…it was like I couldn’t have stopped kissing him even if I wanted.”
“You were locking lips with the gruffest cowboy in town,” Rachel finishes, grinning. “Not bad, Brynn. Not bad at all.”
I laugh, but it’s short-lived. “It’s just… complicated. I don’t trust myself when it comes to men. Not after Clay.”
Her expression softens. She reaches across the table, her hand covering mine. “Brynn, it’s natural to feel scared. And after what you went through with Clay, it makes sense that you’d second-guess everything.”
“There were so many red flags that I ignored. I don’t trust my judgment.”
“That’s normal. We all do it. But listen to me. Clay’s behavior? That’s on him. It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve any of it.”
I swallow hard, her words hitting a nerve. “I hear the words that are coming out of your mouth, but it’s so hard to…accept them.”
“Trust me, I get it. He was verbally and physically abusive, controlling…the mind fuck alone can take years to get past. Rewiring your brain is no small feat and, newsflash, you’ve done that. This version of you? Clay wouldn’t have even gotten five sentences in with you.”
“I know, but…”
“It’s hard to see your own growth. I get it.
Clay is still controlling you in a way, though.
He wins because you don’t want to date or even look at another man.
In his head, he’s been dating whatever will take him, which means that he wasn’t the problem.
We all know that’s not the case except in his twisted head. ”
“It is,” I sigh. “I’m just not ready. I haven’t found a man that…”
Except for Jack Renfrew.
He’s broken through whatever impenetrable wall I once had around me.
“Because you’ve been so closed off from the possibility of getting hurt again that you, you won’t even look.
I get it, though. You left Clay, lost your mom, and took over handling the ranch while also raising a child on your own, and then added in the flower shop.
You buried yourself in work and life. Maybe you did that to close yourself off.
Maybe it’s just the way everything fell.
You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve worked so hard to heal all of that, Brynn.
Why would it be so bad to allow someone into your life? ”
“It’s not just Clay. It’s… cowboys in general.
They’re all the same. Players, drifters, never sticking around.
All the Westerns and all the country songs talk about how cowboys don’t stick around, how they don’t show emotions, and whatever else.
That’s not what I want for my life or for Olivia’s.
She’s already dealt with that with Clay not being around; I can’t let it happen again. ”
She raises an eyebrow. “So, you’re basing your life decisions on a Toby Keith song?”
I blink, then burst out laughing. “When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”
“Because it is,” she says firmly. “You’re only seeing the negatives, Brynn. Not all cowboys are like Clay. Look at your dad. He was a cowboy, and he treated your mom like a queen.”
I nod slowly, memories of my parents flooding back. Dad was everything Clay wasn’t—gentle, faithful, loving. He and Mom had the kind of marriage people dream about.
“He did,” I sigh. “She kept him in line.”
“And what about the Callahans?” Rachel continues. “Father and son both. Solid, loyal, family men. Everyone thought that Wade was a player who would never settle down and that man has Sutton on a pedestal. They’re amazing together.”
“Do you really think Jack Renfrew doesn’t have it in him to be the same?”
“He’s divorced with no kids.”
“And Joanne told you that he raised their nephew, that he and his wife couldn’t have kids, and then she cheated on him. You’re just looking for excuses.”
I take a deep breath, letting her words sink in. She’s right. I’ve been so focused on the bad that I’ve ignored the good. Jack’s not Clay, and it’s unfair to paint him with the same brush.
“You’re right,” I say finally. “I’ve been looking at this all wrong.”
Rachel smiles. “Clay may have been an asshole that abandoned your daughter, but she has a plethora of men surrounding her that haven’t abandoned her.
Your dad, Nick, Paulo, and all of the ranch hands treat that little girl like their own child, and I have no doubts that Jack will soon be the same way.
You’re so scared of getting hurt that you’re not seeing the bigger picture. ”
I let out a long groan and lean back in my chair. I take a long pull from my wine glass, emptying it, before I sit up and look at her.
“You’re right. I’m terrified. I’m scared that Jack and I are going to pursue whatever this is, and he’s going to bail like he did the last time.”
“You two weren’t anything back then. You’d met for like an hour. You’re just looking for excuses.”
She’s right. I am. But…shouldn’t I be trying to protect myself from the inevitable?
“I hate saying that you’re right,” I giggle.
She grins back at me widely. “Jack may be here full time and around Olivia. If the two of you decide to pursue whatever it is between you, then you don’t have to expose Olivia to that. Your child doesn’t have to meet every man that your vagina does.”
I throw my head back and laugh. I shake my head and roll my eyes. “You’re ridiculous. And you’re right. Thanks for this, I really needed it.”
“I’m always here for this. My love life may be a disaster, but it doesn’t mean I don’t give fantastic advice.”
“What is it? Do as I say, not as I do?” I say teasingly.
“Exactly,” she says, raising her glass again. “Now, let’s finish this wine and figure out what you’re going to do about Jack Renfrew.”
We laugh, clink glasses, and dive back into the conversation. But this time, my heart feels a little lighter.
Maybe none of this is even about Jack but about allowing myself to hope and open up to the possibility of finding a good man. Cowboy or not.