Chapter 4 #2
“Fuck,” I whisper, feeling the tears threatening to spill over.
I tilt my head back, staring at the ceiling, forcing them down as my hands fist in my lap.
But my mind is spinning, dizzy with the storm of questions and thoughts fighting for dominance.
“Who is this Nocturne, Nyx?” Adam asks, his gaze searching mine when my head follows his voice.
“They didn’t mention anything about him in the debrief - just said Volokov’s associates would be there.
” Once I feel like I’ve wrestled my emotions into submission, I throw up my wall, locking them in.
Lowering my head, meeting his eyes when I feel steeled up enough.
I don’t want to tell Adam. I don’t want to tell anyone.
But if Noc is alive… What is he doing with the enemy?
Is he a prisoner? Does he need help? And Adam did go out his way to clear the image, I owe him an explanation, no matter how hard it’ll be for me.
“I … knew Nocturne. Everyone did, back at the Seattle base. Hell, his reputation preceded him through a few of them,” I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
“He trained us for covert missions for two years. And four years ago, I joined a deployment on a special ops mission. Here. In Russia. About eighty kilometers from where we are now - monitoring Volokov.” I pause, pushing through the memories.
“I joined the mission as part of the surveillance team initially. I was due for leave, so I wasn’t supposed to be there, a health and safety risk.
” I scoff. “But I managed to find a way in, got myself in the background with the rest of the team.” Adam smirks.
“I can only imagine what you did to get your way.” I give him a weighted smile.
“I wanted special ops. I worked tirelessly to meet their requirements. That mission was my golden ticket. Even if I couldn’t engage in action, it would give me experience.
A taste of what it meant to work like them. ”
The next breath I take is deep and shaky.
I haven’t spoken this story to a soul apart from my dad.
"Cut a very long story short, Noc - Nocturne, got killed when they captured him.
I saw it with my own eyes. They made me watch.
" The mission had gone completely sideways.
They expected us. We lost good people. I can feel myself getting lost in the memory, but strangely, speaking it aloud makes me feel lighter - stronger than when I first told my dad, so I allow myself the freedom.
“I was called in to retrieve the USB drive from one of our guys who’d been killed.
We were so close, but without that drive, the mission would have been a failure.
It contained evidence of the types of chemical weapons they were working on.
The commander radioed in from our extraction point and told me Graves had green lighted my support.
I didn’t even think twice. I ran through the woods, dodging detection, and managed to grab the drive from the body. ”
“When I was heading back, I saw Noc. He was by the cliffs, about a hundred yards north. I had two options at that moment. Run back and deliver the drive, let reinforcements attempt to retrieve him. But he would have been dead by the time they got to him, we were too secluded. Or I could go after him myself. I didn’t hesitate.
I secured the drive to me, stalked around the men holding him.
They were preparing to shove him into the back of a truck parked at the road's edge. Just as I was about to take my shot, a hostile I hadn’t seen snuck up behind me, knocked me on the back of the head. ”
I suck in another steadying breath to continue.
“I was in and out of consciousness as they dragged me away. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, all of them were speaking Russian.
It was like they were deciding what to do with me when I managed to regain just enough consciousness to move.
I reached down, grabbed the knife from my boot and sliced the guy’s Achilles tendon.
" Adam visibly grimaces, clutching his own ligament. Yeah, you’re done if someone gets you like that.
Immediately immobile. "Just as I turned on the other two holding Noc, a man I’d never seen before stepped out of the building - fired a single shot into the air. ”
Adam stares at me, his full concentration locked in.
The laptop between us now forgotten, half-closed - abandoned like an afterthought.
“The details are still a bit fuzzy,” I murmur.
“And what I do remember… It’s hard to say.
” I glance up at him. He nods, silent in understanding.
“You loved Noc.” I give a small, bittersweet smile, my thumb absentmindedly tracing circles over the scar on my wrist. “It was Volokov. We all know who that is now anyway. I didn’t know I’d still be chasing him down four years later.
Still hunting.” I take a breath, forcing the words out, pushing past the weight in my throat.
“He just knew. Guessed that there was something between Noc and I , and he taunted him in front of me. And Noc… He took it. He just stood there, and didn't fight back. That wasn’t like him. I knew then - he had to be severely injured. Too broken to resist what they were doing to him.” The memory tightens around my chest, squeezing like a vice.
But I can’t seem to stop the words flowing from my mouth.
“Volokov turned to me, strolled right up and gave me this.” I lift my wrist, showing Adam the four-inch scar that runs vertically along my arm.
“Guess he hoped I’d bleed out there, that it’d be the end of me.
But something changed in Noc when that happened.
He came alive, fought against their grip, screaming something in Russian back at Volokov, thrashing to break free.
” His last moments replay like a jammed tape in my mind.
Over. And over. “Then, Volokov made two of his associates hold me down, head yanked up by the hair whilst he grabbed Noc, whispered something in his ear…” I swallow hard, but it’s futile.
The words still come. “And then Volokov threw Noc off the cliff … emptying his magazine as he fell.”
A tear slips free, rolling down my cheek before I can stop it.
Adam reaches over and gently wipes it away, his other hand closing around my scarred wrist. “I lost too much blood,” I whisper.
“Between that and the concussion, I blacked out. I couldn't save him. In my head, there was no way he would have survived. He was thrown into the river, full of bullet holes.” Pausing my words as my voice sounds hoarse, I steady myself before continuing. “I don’t know how long I was out. But my earpiece was crackling - static noise, like someone was trying to reach me. It woke me up. I remember shouting into it, calling for help - praying it even worked. I tore my shirt, did my best to compress the bleeding, thankfully it seemed more like a warning slice rather than to inflict a fatal wound. I only made it to the end of the road before collapsing again, my vision going in and out from the head injury.”
Another deep breath. “Two days later, I woke up in the hospital. I still had the drive on me, the team was celebrating our win, showering me with praise.” A choked sob threatens to break free, but I push it down.
“I couldn’t even be happy.” My voice wavers, my eyes burning.
“The man I loved had just been executed in front of my eyes and I couldn’t tell a damn soul what he meant to me.
” Grief tightens around me, thick and suffocating.
Not just for Noc. For the girl I was. Lost. And alone.
Holding a shattered heart with no one to turn to, no guidance on how to go on.
I look up at Adam, seeing the turmoil etched into his face as he absorbs my story.
“I haven’t told anyone apart from my dad,” I admit.
“No one knows Noc and I were together - we’d have gotten in trouble for it.
I understand if you don’t want to help me if it’s against your morals.
But I need to find him. I need to know how he survived, and if he’s in danger.
” Adam lets out a long breath, like he’s been holding it the entire time.
“I won’t tell anyone, Nyx. Thanks for trusting me with this - it’s safe with me.
” While we have our moments, our partnership is solid, all of us in 616 are, we’re like a family.
“I ran his face through the database,” Adam continues.
“Strangely enough, nothing came up, even after I cleaned up the image.”
I frown. Our facial recognition system is the best in the world.
The FBI even uses it. Why wouldn’t it pick him up?
“Then, I searched Nocturne’s file.” He picks up the discarded laptop between us, fingers flying across the keys, deep in thought.
When he turns the screen back toward me, my brows furrow.
“I don’t understand. Does that mean he doesn’t have a file?
They wouldn’t delete it - the system doesn’t work that way.
All mission details are kept on record. Even our codenames flag if we’ve been involved in operations. ”
Adam drags his hand down his face, exhaling sharply.
“I dug a little deeper, not too far. But… his file is classified, Nyx. I don’t know what that means.
And I don’t think it’s wise for us to ask outright.
” An uneasy feeling settles deep inside my bones.
There’s a reason it’s locked. But why? “Can you search mission reports, training logs, any records that would list names of participants?” He nods.
“I can get into them easily enough, not supposed to, but I know a backdoor in the system. Give me something to narrow it down.” I rack my brain, struggling to pinpoint something useful.
“Check the files from 2020. Marksmanship training at my home base.” I try to sit patiently as Adam types, but the seconds drag painfully slow as I give him rough dates and my name to look at as an attendee.
Then, abruptly, he jerks back. “What the hell?” I move to his side, almost climbing into his lap to see “What is it?” My eyes fly to the screen, scanning frantically - then widen.
The trainers’ names are all there, even listed in the descriptions.
But one name is blacked out. And not just once.
It appears repeatedly, concealed across multiple entries.
I spot my own name under the list of soldiers who completed the course, alongside my score.
“That blacked-out name is his,” I say firmly.
“I know it is. Look, my name is right there.” Adam pulls up more files. Same pattern.
The name that should be his is concealed on all six documents we look at.
“This doesn’t feel right, Nyx,” Adam whispers.
“No. It doesn’t.” Noc seems to have risen from the dead.
His file is classified, and any mention of him has been erased from the records we have access to, that are considered public for the military.
Lead settles deep in my gut, nausea creeping in.
Was he a traitor? No. He couldn’t be. God, I don’t even know what to think, but that’s not it.
I stand, push the window open, and start pacing, trying to rein in my thoughts as they explode.
“I would never ask you to do-” Adam cuts me off before I can finish.
“No, Nyx. Listen to me. You said that the first time. I’m here, aren’t I?
” His words pull me back. I stop pacing, my features softening as I look at him.
“I can’t ask you to do this with me, Adam.
This could be serious, I’d hate to get you reprimanded, or worse.
” Adam exhales, determined. “I'm aware there may be risks. But let’s be honest, you’ve got no chance without me.
You seriously think they’re called cookie crumbs for Christ’s sake.
” Despite the pressure I feel, I laugh; leave it to Adam to find a way.
“I’m with you, Nyx,” he says, voice firm.
“We keep this to ourselves. I’ve got a feeling we’ve stumbled onto something we were never supposed to find.
” I know we have. I just have no idea how deep this goes.
Or the danger we’ve just put ourselves in.