Chapter 39 - Ashton
ASHTON
My heart is beating out of my chest, my breathing fast and ragged.
I think I’ve officially gone insane. I had every intention of letting go.
She told me what she wanted, and I had to respect her choice.
You can’t force someone to love you. You can’t make someone forgive you.
Even if I could, I wouldn’t. That’s not who I am.
Then Declan texted me that Allie’s dad showed up at her house, and all rational thought flew out the window.
I didn’t even recognize myself as I sped down the road to her cottage.
I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t even know what I was going to say or do when I got there.
When I walked in and saw the sadness and anger in her eyes and knew he put it there, I lost it.
Little did I know the man is a cross between a brick wall and a fucking ninja.
The blood pouring out of my nose didn’t faze me.
Maybe it was the adrenaline or the fact that I just don’t care about anything else anymore, but either way, I would have stood there bleeding out if Declan hadn’t pulled me away and held pressure.
He and Nate tried to calm me down and keep me outside, but I had to go back in.
Then I heard her tell him that she didn’t have a boyfriend, which of course is true, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
I meant every word I said just now. The choice is hers. It’s always been hers. But I won’t stop loving her.
“What the fuck was that, Ashton?” Her voice breaks through my hazy thoughts.
I spin around, having been nervously pacing up and down her hallway.
I know I shouldn’t have come here. I’ve already involved myself in her life too much.
I’ve overstepped and kept things from her.
I should have let her talk to him without barging in.
She deserved that much. Regret claws at my insides as I step up to come face to face with the woman who I can’t seem to stay away from even when I try my hardest.
“Why would he think you’re not safe with me?” I demand, going in a completely different direction than the apology I had intended.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you flew in here like a raging lunatic and tried to deck him?”
Damn right, I did. Then he had the nerve to look at me like I was the threat instead of him? He’s the one who walked out on her. He’s the one who refused to see her.
It’s better for us both if we leave the past in the past.
That’s what he said to me. I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him. How could I tell her I found her father only to then say he didn’t want to see her? I tried to save her more heartache, but instead, I just broke her all over again.
“Allie, listen.” My voice sounds so small. “Your dad…he—”
“I know.”
She knows.
“I know he didn’t want to see me, and that’s why you didn’t tell me about him.” Her footsteps echo in the now-empty room as she comes closer. “I know you were trying to protect me.”
Of course he told her.
I didn’t even have time to wonder what Declan was doing at her house in the first place when he texted, but now it all makes sense. He was being a meddling son of a bitch, as usual.
“Motherfucker.”
Allie lets out a soft chuckle. “Throwing punches and now you’re even cussing like me. Guess I had an influence on you after all.”
My lips tip up slightly, but not enough to form an actual smile. Not yet. “I’m so fucking sorry, Allie.”
How many times can I say that before it loses all meaning?
“I mean, you didn’t actually hurt him. You, on the other hand, look like you could use some medical attention.” She reaches out to wipe some of the dried blood off the side of my face.
“I don’t mean your dad. I don’t regret coming after him for a fucking second. He hurt you. No one gets away with hurting you, Allie. I don’t care if he beats me into a bloody pulp next time. I will always fight for you.”
She sighs. “When will you learn that I can take care of myself? I’ve been doing it for a long time.” Her finger slides under my chi and she gently tips it up.
“I know you can.” I gently remove her hand, walk into the living room, and drop onto the couch. “I just thought I could be the one to take care of you for once.”
“You did,” she says softly. “On the beach. In the equipment shed. You knew exactly what I needed, and you gave it to me. No questions asked. No judgment.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, we’ve established that I can get you off. Is that all this was to you?”
“Do you honestly think that?”
“What am I supposed to think? You just named two examples that involve sex.”
“You didn’t let me finish.” The couch dips as she sits down beside me. “You also took care of me when I was sick, helped me with my mom, brought me to your grandmother’s garden. This has never been just about sex, and we both know it.”
My hands are shaky as I reach up to cup her cheeks. “What are you saying?”
She takes a long breath, her expanding lungs a contradiction to my constricted ones.
“I love you, Ashton,” she finally says. “I’m in love with you.
The last time I told you that was out of anger.
I was angry that you made me fall for you.
Not just because you hurt me, but because I thought I would never find love, and I had made peace with that.
You came around and turned my world upside down, Ash.
I may have brought color into your life, but you wrecked mine in the best way possible. ”
She reaches out and wipes the single tear running down my face with her thumb.
“You—you really love me?” My voice trembles as I try to get the words out.
“I do. And I want to be able to trust you again, and I don’t know how long that’s going to take, but I want to try.”
“Try?”
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The woman I’ve been obsessing over for the past year is telling me she loves me back, and all I can do is repeat her words back.
“Yes, but we have to be honest with each other. No more secrets.”
“No more secrets,” I promise, now allowing the tears to flow freely down my cheeks. “We’ll take it as slow as you want.”
Thank you,” she says. “But I need you to understand I don’t give third chances. I’m barely able to give a second one, so if you fuck it up this time, we’re done done.”
“God, I love you.” Not able to resist another second, I lean in and press my lips to hers. She opens her mouth, deepening the kiss and sliding her tongue against mine.
When she grinds into me, I have to use every ounce of restraint in my body to pull back. “We should stop,” I say with a shaky breath.
“What, why?”
“Because we’re taking it slow, remember?”
“Those were your words, not mine…” She flips her hair over her shoulder and purses her lips. If I wasn’t already hard from that kiss, I definitely am now. I love it when she scowls at me. Still, I ignore it and soldier on.
“Okay, well I want to take you on a date first.”
“Oh.” She softens. “That’s sweet and all, but it’s been—”
“Twelve days and eight hours since I’ve been inside you? Yeah, I know, but I’m still taking you on a date.”
Allie huffs, but I see the hint of a smile forming behind her frown. “Fine.”
“Good, then it’s settled. I’ll pick you up at six tomorrow.”
“Who says I’m available then?” Allie taunts. I just chuckle and stand up.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to get back to work before anyone realizes I’m gone.”
“What?” she gasps. “You’re covered in blood!”
“I’ll run home and change.” I bend over and drop a kiss on her forehead.
“Wait, Ash.”
“Yes, Chaos?”
“You quit The Lantern and went back to work for your dad.”
I nod. “I did.”
“You did it so he would help me with my mom.”
I nod again. “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
I smile, cupping her cheek and kissing her again, this time on the lips. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”