Chapter 11
Expect Disappointment
Rose:
Good luck on your lunch date today
I want real time updates
Holly:
Thanks
No to the updates
You’ll have to wait until I’m back at the pub
Rose:
That’s cruel
Holly:
I know
Thanks for getting Natalie from nursery for me though
Holly silenced her phone and shoved it into her coat pocket as she got out of her car and made her way to the place they’d chosen in Whitby for their lunch date.
Holly had instigated it, rattled after her conversation with Seb.
She needed to know he was wrong; that Owen wasn’t leaving in a few days.
Owen looked up from the Whitby Brewery menu he was holding as she approached the rustic wooden outdoor seating.
She was too old to be feeling this giddy about a lunch date, but no matter how many times she told herself that, she still had what felt like tiny butterflies darting around in her stomach.
‘Looking lovely, as ever, Hols,’ he said as he reached over and pulled her in for a kiss. She smiled against his pillowy lips and then kissed him back. Warm rays of the sun soothed her nerves as she let herself get lost in their embrace.
Owen broke the kiss first, but only so he could whisper in her ear, ‘Want to just skip lunch and book into a hotel for the afternoon? Joking…’ he added when Holly started to pull back. ‘Unless?’
‘Let’s get some lunch, Owen,’ Holly replied, giving herself a few seconds to collect herself.
They ordered a pizza to share, and Holly reveled in their closeness as Owen pulled her across the bench so their legs were touching.
But despite the happiness she felt at finally being on a date with him, Seb’s words from earlier in the week played on her mind on repeat.
He had a knack of dampening her time with Owen lately, and she’d had enough.
‘So I heard something…’ she ventured tentatively, finally unable to ignore the niggling voice in her head any longer.
‘Something?’ he repeated, between mouthfuls of pizza.
‘Someone mentioned you’re leaving a little earlier than planned?’
Instead of refuting the rumour, Owen set down his slice of pizza and shook his head. ‘I told Tony to keep that to himself,’ he tutted.
‘So it’s true?’ Holly blurted out - no longer caring what she sounded like.
‘Yeah. I got an offer for a job in Cornwall, and they want me to come down before the season gets busy, to set up,’ he explained as if that was all completely reasonable.
‘Oh, so it’s not Capri then?’ Holly wasn’t sure why it mattered, but she asked anyway. The distance became irrelevant if he was more than a couple of hours away so if he was in Cornwall, he might as well be in Capri.
‘No, not yet,’ he said as he took another bite of pizza.
‘When were you going to tell me?’
Owen finished his mouthful, taking his time with his reply.
‘Owen. You were going to tell me, right?’
Owen looked away as he said, ‘I’m rubbish at goodbyes.’
‘So, what? I’d turn up for my lesson on Sunday and you wouldn’t have been there?’
‘No, obviously not.’
Holly couldn’t quite believe it, but Owen had the audacity to sound annoyed when he added, ‘I was going to text you.’
Holly took a moment to process the information.
She should have stormed off - no one would have blamed her for that reaction.
And part of her really wanted to. But the part of her that had been expecting something like this to happen, made her stay.
She swallowed the hurt and rejection and plastered on a small smile.
He was going, he had always been going to leave - there didn’t seem any point in making a scene.
‘So, Cornwall, huh?’
‘It will be great. Hey, you could come and visit.’ His eyes lit up at his suggestion.
‘Bit of a long journey for Natalie.’
‘Oh yeah…’ his voice trailed off. She realised then he’d forgotten about her daughter.
He’d forgotten about the one truly important person in her life.
It was that realisation that told her she couldn’t sit here with him any longer.
She didn’t make a scene, she didn’t call him out on his careless disregard for her feelings. But she did leave.
‘Sorry, Owen. I’m not feeling great. I thought I’d feel better once I got here, but…’ she trailed off, not even able to fully commit to the lie.
‘Oh, OK,’ he said, making to stand up.
Holly stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.
‘Don’t leave early on my account. Thanks for the lessons, Owen.
I wouldn’t have come this far in the water without you.
’ She leant over and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth.
With a sigh, she knew this was their goodbye.
Owen reached out to cup her face, drawing her in closer. But she pulled back, closing her eyes as his hand lingered for a couple more seconds.
‘You were my star pupil, Hols,’ he said as she eased herself off the bench.
She managed a small smile before she walked away.
*
Instead of driving straight home, Holly set her SatNav to Larpool Viaduct.
Luke had messaged to say he and Rose were taking Natalie to the cinema so there was no need to rush back.
As she parked up in the shadows of the towering stone arches that loomed above her, she breathed in the calm air.
The River Esk was fast flowing today, and usually she’d stay far back when it was like this.
But today, she noticed her heart wasn’t racing being so close to the water as it rushed past. And despite the emptiness she felt after her conversation with Owen, she’d always be grateful to him for making the water not so terrifying any more.
The sun was warm and the grass dry underfoot, so she sat herself down on the bank and watched the world surge by.
*
Later that afternoon, in the quiet spell before the evening drinkers arrived, Holly spotted Rose slipping through the doors, the excitement on her face palpable, which made Holly’s heart sink.
She should have just texted her from the bank below the viaduct - updated Rose about her lunch date virtually, to save her from having to talk about it out loud.
But Holly had lost herself in the peace she’d found there, all thoughts of her phone forgotten.
And when she’d arrived at the pub, it had been so busy that Holly had seamlessly slipped back into work mode.
‘So?’ she asked as she sat at one of the bar stools.
‘It was a train wreck,’ she blurted out.
‘No!’ Rose gasped and then covered her open mouth with her hand, muffling the sound.
‘Not only is he leaving this weekend - before my final lessons I might add - but he forgot about Natalie.’
‘He didn’t?’ she said, eyes wide.
‘He did. He wasn’t even going to tell me. Was going to text me when he’d already gone.’
‘I’m so sorry, Holly.’ Rose reached across the bar and grasped Holly’s hand.
‘Not your fault.’ She shrugged feigning a carefree reaction she didn’t feel.
‘Yes, but I feel bad because I’ve been encouraging you.’ She winced and squeezed Holly’s hand a little tighter.
‘I had some fun. More fun then I’ve had in years. Maybe that’s all I can aspire to now.’
‘No, Holly. I told you I’d find someone for you. And I will. I just need to think creatively.’
‘Give yourself the night off. I can’t face thinking about that tonight. I need to wallow in the disappointment that is my life for a bit.’
‘You going to be OK?’
‘Aren’t I always?’
‘Want me to stay over and we can get stupid drunk together?’
Holly was tempted, but she knew her future self would hate past Holly for making her deal with an early delivery with a hangover.
‘Tempting offer, but I’ve got a delivery at 6:30am tomorrow, so - rain check?’
‘Rain check.’ Rose nodded pulling Holly into a tight hug. ‘It’ll be OK, I promise.’
Holly smiled, and watched as her friend left the pub.
*
Hours later, when the last customers were leaving, Holly followed them to the door and locked it.
Switching off the lights felt heavier tonight as she made her way up to bed.
It was as though the day coming to an end cemented the end of her and Owen.
Sitting on her bureau was her trusty portable fortune teller, outlined by the moonlight.
It caught her eye and called to her. She answered its summons, like she always did, pressing the small rubber button.
‘Will tomorrow be better?’ she asked.
When the screen flickered alive and she saw Expect Disappointment, she groaned and nearly threw it to the floor. But she knew she’d never do that - it was too precious. Instead, she sank down on her bed and let the reality of today wash over her.
It was at that moment she remembered she needed the empty jars above the fridge in the kitchen for the delivery in the morning.
Deciding that job would be better done now, she begrudgingly trudged back down to the kitchen.
The fridge was huge, and the jars were tucked right to the back, which meant no amount of stretching on tiptoe would do.
Instead of the kick stool that was in her office, she grabbed one of the short stools from the pub and dragged it along behind her, pulling it up to the fridge.
Carefully, she pulled the box towards her and held it tightly against her chest as she went to step down.
But as she did so, the stool moved and she fell, hitting the ground hard.
Her left ankle took the brunt and a worrying snap reverberated through her as the jars spilled out of the box and shattered around her.
In the chaos of the fall she wasn’t sure if her body, or the jars had made that awful sound.
Her body ached and her head throbbed as she closed her eyes and tried to regulate her erratic breaths.
When she opened her eyes again, Natalie’s worried face filled her vision.
Wanting to reassure her, she went to stand, but pain lanced through her ankle and she stifled a moan.
‘Mummy?’ Natalie said, tears pooling in her cornflower blue eyes.
‘It’s OK, darling. I just had a fall. Can you find Mummy’s phone?’ she managed to say, but with each word that passed her lips, a wash of nausea coursed through her.
Natalie looked around, and thankfully spotted Holly’s bright pink phone case on the worksurface nearest the door.
‘Well done. You’re a superstar.’ She attempted a smile, and hoped it didn’t look as horrifying as it felt, as Natalie handed it over.
With shaking fingers, she unlocked her phone and called him. She should have called Luke. But it wasn’t his phone that was ringing a little after midnight.
‘Holly?’ The concern in Seb’s voice momentarily stole her voice. ‘Holly, what’s happened?’ Hearing his alarm made Holly collect herself enough to speak.
‘I fell, and I’ve tried to stand up, but it hurts. Natalie found me.’
‘Don’t try and move. I’m coming. I’ve got you.’
She could hear him getting up, and pulling on clothes.
She’d woken him up. He was the second person to say those words to her in the last couple of weeks, but Holly could remember the first time he’d said that exact phrase to her.
She hadn’t wanted to believe him then - had tried to erase his words from her memory.
But tonight, she desperately needed him to be telling the truth.