Chapter 25
‘This is fancy as hell,’ I say, looking around the studio. Jessica’s right. I’m a doer. I need something to do, and the podcast is exactly that. ‘I can’t believe I’ve never been in here before! It’s so cool.’
‘The new media landscape, init?’ says Tyler proudly, surveying their domain. ‘The uni gave us a bunch of money to drag the radio station into the present day.’
I take a seat in a swivel chair in front of one of the microphones and swivel around. ‘Well, it’s very cool. I feel honoured that you’ve asked me to be part of it.’
‘I would have attempted to poach you from the mag if you hadn’t jumped first. The time just felt right, didn’t it?’
I nod. ‘Definitely. I just hope I’m up to the challenge.’
‘Well, you were certainly up to the challenge of running your own night, so you can probably do this with your eyes closed.’
‘I appreciate your confidence in me,’ I tell Tyler.
‘It’s literally not even that different to what you were doing before. You’ve written the script, right?’
‘Right,’ I say with an assertive nod.
‘And you know how to talk, right?’
‘Right,’ I say again.
‘Then you’re basically sorted. Shall we get going?’
‘Sure!’ I say enthusiastically to cover my nerves.
Tyler sent me a question a couple of weeks ago that I’ve been answering, plus some extra chat to introduce the podcast, all of which I’ve written into a script that Tyler has approved, because of course they have.
They show me into the recording booth, and I slip on the headphones.
Everything is muffled but my voice sounds super-clear.
Different. More . . . serious, somehow. Hearing myself through the headphones sends a little shiver of nerves down my spine.
Everything just got very real. But I can do this. Tyler’s right. It’s not that different.
‘We can do it as many times as you want until you feel like you’ve got it right. Until –’ they look at their watch – ‘like seven o’clock when I have a date with a cute Italian exchange student.’
‘Tyler, if we’re still here at seven o’clock, you have to shoot me.’
‘Let’s get started then!’
Tyler closes the door to the booth and gives me the thumbs-up through the glass.
‘Hi!’ I begin. ‘I’m Mary-Elizabeth Baxter, the artist formerly known as Ask M-E Anything in Quad Magazine, now Genius of Love for Quad Media Podcasts.
Or . . . Quadcasts, if you will. I’m going to be answering your questions in audio form rather than print, but still with my trademark brand of optimism and the pursuit of fun.
Fortunately, we’ve already got a question to kick off the first mini-episode, but any future questions, please just write me a note and leave it in the Quad Radio pigeonhole.
No emails for this one as we found with the magazine that people were much more likely to contact us with a question if they felt it was completely anonymous, so notes it is!
Let’s get started . . .’ I clear my throat before thinking that no one wants to hear me clear my throat. ‘Tyler, you can edit that out, right?’
Tyler nods enthusiastically at me through the window and I give them the thumbs-up.
‘Great. OK, so . . . today’s question: “Dear Genius of Love, I feel really silly even writing this, but I hate the fact that my boyfriend’s best friends are girls.
It makes me so uncomfortable and jealous, and I don’t know what to do.
I know that if I mention it to him, I’ll sound crazy, but I already feel crazy so I feel like I might as well tell him that I hate him hanging out with them without me.
Please help. I really like him and don’t want to sabotage this, but it’s really getting to me! Love, Outta Control Babe.”
‘Dear Outta Control Babe, I think jealousy crops up in more questions to me than any other experience or emotion. You’re definitely not alone – this kind of feeling is something that people are experiencing all the time, whether from their partner’s friends or from an ex or just someone you get weird vibes from.
I completely empathise: I’m not at all immune to this myself and completely know the feeling.
But I think this is something you need to work on in yourself, and you won’t necessarily get the response you want by sharing those feelings with him straight away.
‘I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is whether this jealousy is corresponding to something you feel is lacking within your relationship. Do you wish you saw him more? Does he give his friends something he isn’t giving you?
What is the thing that’s missing, and is it something that you can achieve together?
I find jealousy often flares most strongly in situations when we feel like we’re missing out on something, or, to put it simply, someone else is getting something that we want.
But what is that thing for you? Maybe figuring that out will help you navigate this situation.
‘Have you thought about getting to know the female friends better yourself? I wonder if you’re putting them on a pedestal because you don’t know them, and you’re able to project this idea of perfection onto them, invent ways that they’re perfect for your boyfriend, create scenarios where you’re threatened.
Maybe if you spent time with them – with your boyfriend or maybe especially without him – you’d see that they’re just people.
You might end up with some new besties, but even if you don’t, they’ll at least seem more real and flawed, just like the rest of us.
‘I would really advise against demanding that your boyfriend brings you along to all of their hangouts.
I get wanting to spend time with him, but you have your dates for that, and just like you need time with your mates, he needs and deserves that too.
I feel like the best-case scenario is them talking to him about how cool and great and hot and funny you are, and the worst-case scenario is them all bonding over something you said or did in the heat of the moment, or all giving each other looks because you turned up to their hangout unexpectedly.
‘Communication is great, and generally what I would recommend, but as a first step I would definitely try to work on this in yourself, as figuring out how to sit with jealous feelings is a skill that will probably come in handy more than once in your life. Of course, if you try all of this and you still feel terrible and like you can’t handle it, definitely talk to your boyfriend about it.
But be prepared to hear things you might not like: don’t go in expecting him to dump his friends for you and be shocked if you end up boyfriendless instead.
‘I really hope that helps! Don’t be ashamed of feeling jealous – it’s completely natural but not something that has to dominate and control your relationship. Good luck! I believe in you! Genius of Love.’
I glance out of the booth to Tyler, who is once again giving me an enthusiastic and now double thumbs-up.
‘I hope you enjoyed this first advice slot on the Quad podcast, and remember the more questions you send in, the more questions we can drop into episodes! I’ve been Mary-Elizabeth Baxter, the Genius of Love, and don’t forget, if you want to get in touch, just drop your note into the Quad Radio pigeonholes in the union building. See you next time!’
‘You’re a natural!’ Tyler says when I emerge from the booth. ‘Is there anything you can’t do?’
‘Make good decisions about boys?’ I offer.
‘Can’t help you there, matey,’ Tyler says, clapping me on the back.
‘But, seriously, you have such an empathetic way about you. Like you’re really thinking about this person and trying to help them.
I think that’s going to come across even more in the podcast than in print.
And . . .’ Tyler pauses, ‘I can’t help feeling there’s a new kind of .
. . maturity about you. I don’t know what I mean by that exactly, but .
. . I think you’re just getting better and better. ’
‘Thanks, Ty,’ I say, blushing. ‘Good luck with your Italian exchange student.’
‘Don’t need it, mate,’ they say, squeezing me into a hug.
* * *
When I leave the studio, full of the kind of confidence and enthusiasm that I feared might be gone forever, I head to the Workshop for a silly little iced mocha.
There in the corner, heads bowed and deep in conversation, are Charlotte Sherman and not Laurie this time but Felix.
Ugh. I suppose there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be hanging out.
They’re both in the Quad Media machine. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it, for either of them.
Sort of makes me want to bump into Laurie now, for symmetry. And because he’s quite nice.
Get a life, Mary-Elizabeth, you’ve got bigger fish to fry than either Quad or Felix Balfour. You’re a strong, independent girlie, making content on your own terms. And you have another club night to prepare for! Not just any club night: this time it’s the Christmas Edition!