Chapter 29
And a happy bloody new year. And now I’m being good.
I’m getting everything back on track, like I told myself I would.
Everything that I want to get back on track anyway.
I’m properly back in the swing of going to lectures, accepting that it is, in fact, an integral part of being at university, and that I really did not enjoy my brief detour into my little pit of misery and avoidance.
It’s just not me. A new term feels like the right moment to very gorgeously commit to myself, and not to be distracted by boys and nonsense.
New year, new me and all that! A more serious Mary-Elizabeth Baxter. More focused.
I’ve just been in the booth in the little studio to record a couple more problems for the podcast, and I didn’t even need Tyler to hold my hand for it!
There was a silly one about how to gently tell someone’s partner you hate an item of their clothing (‘History’s Ugliest Coat’, as they called it) and then another one about cheating, which required a bit more thought.
Dear M-E aka the Genius of Love,
Is it ever right to get back with someone who cheated on you?
I’m feeling the urge to get back with my girlfriend even though I only broke up with her a couple of weeks ago for sleeping with someone else after a night out.
She’s been pleading and begging to get back together and she regrets it big time.
I know she’s not the only hot gay girl in the world, but I’m worried she’s the only hot gay girl in the world for me.
Can you rebuild trust in a relationship when someone’s done something like that? Or is it broken forever?
Love,
Moping Lesbian
Dear Moping Lesbian,
I can’t tell you what to do, only offer a range of things to think about while making your decision.
Firstly, I know it’s maybe controversial, but I think there are a lot of reasons people cheat and it’s maybe worth excavating the ‘why’ of it all, and trying to figure out if it’s something that’s likely to happen again.
I believe in the capacity of people to change, and I don’t believe that ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’, like it’s an ingrained personality trait.
I don’t personally believe that anyone is forever lost, irredeemable, whatever.
I believe that people make choices. Is this a choice you think she’s going to make again?
Even if the answer is ‘no’, it’s still OK to realise that she’s hurt you too much and that you don’t want to go back there, even though you really miss her.
I think if you do decide to get back together, it has to be on the understanding that it can’t ever happen again, and also that this can’t be a stick for you to beat her with.
It can’t be your ‘get out of jail free’ card, or something that you hold over her head.
If you do reconcile, you both have to be on the same page about what happened, and approach the new attempt at being together as a team, not as adversaries.
If you can’t do that, then maybe it’s best to start getting excited about one of the many gorgeous, gorgeous girls of the QAC campus.
You didn’t cause her to cheat on you, it’s just something that happened, and I think it would be a shame to carry that fear into a new relationship and project it onto someone else.
Approach anything you get into with an open mind and try not to take this experience with you too much, even though I know that’s a lot to ask.
I hope I’ve given you some things to think about, and that you’re feeling a bit clearer and stronger!
Love,
Genius of Love
So here I am, striding across the quad that gives Quad Media its name, when I see someone waving very enthusiastically at me from the opposite side of the square. Not just waving, but properly barrelling towards me at great speed.
‘Mary-Elizabeth!’ Tyler leans forward, putting their hands on their thighs, bent double trying to catch their breath.
‘I’m happy to see you too,’ I say, a little baffled at being actually chased.
‘You are literally the exact person I wanted to see,’ they say between gasps. ‘God, I really need to get a bit fitter – can’t be on death’s door after a little sprint.’
‘How can I be of assistance?’ I say perkily. ‘My new podcast segment is in the can, as I believe is the technical term. It’s scheduled for tomorrow afternoon,’ I reassure them.
‘It’s not that, it’s actually something else, something that just came up.’
‘Intriguing,’ I say archly and put my hands on my not insubstantial hips.
Tyler grimaces at me, which does not bode well. ‘I was hoping you could do me a favour. Not just . . . any favour.’
I swallow. ‘What?’ I ask, more than a little warily.
‘We’ve got this . . . this whole Quad Media party tomorrow night to kick off the new term.’
I shrug. ‘I know, I’m not going.’
Tyler’s face falls. I can tell this is some high-stakes shit and I’m intrigued. ‘But you’re not busy, are you?’
I squint at them, give them a slightly sideways look. ‘Yes?’ I venture, sensing I’m about to get dragged into something I do not wish to be dragged into. ‘Very busy. Lots of plans . . .’
Tyler clasps my elbows, like the desperate grasping of a drowning person. ‘Oh, Mary-Elizabeth, please!’
I sigh dramatically to signal how very above it all I am, whatever it is. ‘What am I being asked to do exactly?’
‘The thing that you do best,’ Tyler says, finally releasing my arms from their vice-like grip.
‘I just got a message from the guy who was meant to be DJing saying he’s got norovirus!
Well, obviously we can’t have that at a Quad party, can we?
So . . . I am very much in search of a superstar DJ, and it will come as no surprise that I thought of you. ’
I let out an involuntary groan. I swear it was involuntary! ‘I assume Felix Balfour will be there?’
Now it’s Tyler’s turn to give me a sideways look. ‘Do you want me to say yes . . . or no? I’m a bit lost with this one, my friend.’
‘I want you to say no, obviously,’ I huff.
‘Well, he is going, so there’s no point lying to you about it.
’ I twitch my nose, deep in thought for a moment.
Tyler raises a finger to stop me in my conversational tracks, lest I say no too decisively.
‘One compelling reason to do it could be the fact that we have . . .’ They raise their eyebrows meaningfully. ‘A budget.’
‘A budget, you say?’ I reply keenly, but not too keenly. Got to play it cool, remember? Not that playing it cool has ever been my strong suit. Too earnest and too enthusiastic, that’s me. But not today!
‘We were paying him ￡200, but I can do ￡250 for you . . . an inconvenience fee, you know?’
‘I want ￡275,’ I say instantly, hoping I’m so fast that Tyler will just agree to it because they’re so relieved I’m entering into negotiations.
‘My final offer is ￡262.50,’ they say even more quickly than I had, as if they had come prepared with this exact figure in anticipation that the conversation would go precisely like this.
The specificity of the number provokes a smile that I simply cannot suppress, which turns into a laugh, and finally an agreement. I hold out my hand. ‘Deal,’ I tell them, grasping their slim hand in mine.
‘It’ll be fun.’ They nod reassuringly. ‘I know you want to put the whole thing behind you, but I do think this’ll be a good opportunity for you to make some money, get some more DJing experience.’
‘And show Felix what he’s missing,’ I say, raising a finger as if I’m making a very important point, which I suppose I am.
‘Er, yeah, that too,’ Tyler says, though I can tell they’re not entirely convinced, and who can blame them?
I’m not entirely convinced either, I’ve just got hyped up in the moment.
I blame the prospect of an unexpected ￡262.
50 on my horizon. ‘I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, mate.
’ It feels quite nice doing Tyler a favour actually.
And the podcast, which was totally their idea, has given me a nice sense of structure and purpose away from the magazine.
‘Now I have to think of something cute to wear,’ I say, already mentally rifling through my wardrobe in search of something suitable.
‘If anyone can come up with the perfect look-what-you’re-missing-out-on-you-total-fuckboy outfit, it’s you,’ they say with a smile.
‘That is precisely the look I’m going to go for,’ I tell them.
They take their phone out of their pocket to check the time. ‘Shit, I’m late for my tutorial – been spending too much time negotiating this business deal with you,’ they tell me.
I hug them goodbye and wonder if I should have stuck to my initial instinct to not go. But no, it’ll be good to see Felix. Remind him exactly how cool and talented – not to mention devastatingly gorgeous – I am.