Aspen

Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

ASPEN

B eyond the entrance of the hallway lay a maze of more hallways, dimly lit with modern sconces. We passed three other dark turns before we came across an entrance to a room with purple light pouring from the wide entryway. I was thankful for the shadows in the hall to hide my wide eyes, attempting to soak in the large, cushioned areas spread throughout the room, filled with groups of people tangled in sex.

“Would you like to stay and watch?” Lucian asked quietly.

“Is that allowed?”

He released a rumbling laugh. “If they wanted privacy, they would be in a private room, not one with an open doorway and viewing area.” He pointed to a wall of leather couches and chairs where others sat, offering me a chance to join them.

I looked around, overwhelmed by the mix of limbs and multiple groups. “No,” I answered. I came to observe and if this was the first room we saw, I didn’t want to miss what all the others held.

With every step, his hand never strayed from my back. Part of me wanted to fall back into my familiar attitude and snap that I could walk fine without being guided like an errant child, but something stopped me. Something that whispered that I was there because I needed to step away from the familiar. I leaned into the whisper. I gave into the unknown. I accepted the surprising comfort his hand created against my back.

We passed room after room, all illuminated with different colors: yellow, green, magenta, orange, red. Despite the array and diverse set ups, they all contained small seating areas for viewers. Some with modern furniture, some with classic wingbacks similar to a gentlemen’s club.

Each room had various levels of scenes playing out, but like the main room, none of them screamed the sex club I originally imagined with heavy techno beats and flashing lights. Although, I figured that area existed somewhere within the maze because a pulsing bass reached through the walls.

Crack.

A moan followed the familiar sound of a hand against flesh.

Crack. Crack, crack, crack.

The sharp noise pierced my chest and sank between my legs. As if I was Pavlov’s dog, trained to be turned on just by the sound. My heart thundered with each step closer to the room. If the sound aroused me, then what would witnessing it do?

We stepped into the deep blue light spilling from the doorway to find a single couple occupying the space, despite there being enough apparatus for more. Large wooden Xs stood upright in the corners. Walls of whips, floggers, rods, and so many more tools I couldn’t name.

Crack.

I jolted, returning my attention to the couple. A woman lay naked over a curved bench that reminded me of the vault I used in gymnastics as a little girl. Her hands stretched down in front of her, handcuffed to the base. Her feet bound to opposite sides of the bench, leaving her legs slightly spread. Despite all the tools around them, the man, clad only in a pair of black slacks, used his hand.

Crack.

I bit my lip to keep from moaning with the woman. I remembered the sharp sting against my own skin. I remembered the heat spreading between my legs. I remembered the way my muscles uncoiled under the weight of his palm holding me in place against the desk.

“You’re such a good slut for me,” the man praised.

“Yes, Sir,” the woman whimpered.

“You’ve been so good. I think I’ll fuck you now.”

“Yes, please, Sir.”

“Is that what you want, slut? You want me to stuff your pussy full of my fat cock?”

“Yes, Sir,” she begged.

“Then say it. Say what you refused to admit when we got here. Admit to me what you truly are.”

The woman hesitated. Her cuffs rattling against her twisting wrists, clearly uncomfortable with whatever it was he wanted.

“Do we need to start over?” the man asked angrily.

“No, Sir.”

“Then say it.”

My chest rose and fell with quick breaths. I glanced to Lucian, wondering if he clung to the edge as I did. He looked as calm as ever, standing comfortably in the shadows embracing him. Even the blue light barely illuminated his features while I felt like I stood in the spotlight.

I turned back to the scene before he noticed my attention. Despite his lack of acknowledgment, I knew he caught me staring at him when his thumb made circles against my back. As if noticing my anxiety over the scene playing out. He’d told me not to react or judge, and I’d kept my word, but I struggled as I took in the woman’s hesitance.

Was she safe? Was this what she wanted? The NDA stressed consent, but could they monitor every room or the couples away from everyone else.

“Say. It,” the man commanded.

“I-I-I’m a slut,” she finally answered.

I stiffened.

Feeling the change, Lucian expanded his touch, stroking up and down my back.

“Again.”

“I-I’m a s-slut,” she repeated, tears garbling her words.

“Again.”

What the fuck?

Lucian’s hand coasted up and wrapped around the nape of my neck as if to hold me in place. Probably because the need to step in and defend this crying woman poured off me.

“I’m a slut!” she shouted.

“Again,” he shouted.

Lucian squeezed a warning, but otherwise didn’t move.

“I’m a slut. I’m a slut. I’m a fucking slut.” Each statement grew with ferocity.

“Good girl. You’re such a good girl. Such a good slut,” the man praised as he unfastened his pants. He dropped them to his hips and stroked his impressive length. Then soothed his hand along the woman’s back and lined himself up.

“Please, Sir,” she begged, tears still choking her words.

“Is my little slut wet for me?”

“Yes, Sir. I’m a wet slut.”

He rubbed his head between her thighs. “So fucking wet. I’m gonna make a mess of your slutty pussy.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He thrust in, pulling a shriek from the woman. He thrust again and again, making the woman moan and cry out in pleasure. When he leaned over her back and spoke softly just to her, I felt like an intruder. Despite how rough he’d been before, this moment seemed romantic and private.

I took a step back, and Lucian’s hand dropped away from my neck, guiding me from the room.

We headed toward the glow of white light at the end of the hall, but my mind kept going back to the blue room. I kept pouring over the ebb and flow of emotions, trying to decide which one outweighed the others.

Desire, intrigue, confusion, concern, want. Excitement…

Excitement.

Even when I wanted to object, I was excited.

Each sensation was heightened, bringing forth an emotional rush that had me leaning further out onto a precipice—the thrill pulsating between my chest and core.

“Her ex-husband called her a slut,” Lucian stated, stopping me before we reached the next room.

I turned to face him, but the dark kept his features hidden.

Except his eyes.

Somehow, even in shadow, I saw his eyes—as if they called to me. “Is that her ex?” I asked, shocked.

“God, no.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “She divorced that prick last year.”

“So why is that man making her say she’s a slut?”

“Because he’s helping her take control of the word. Because there’s nothing wrong with being a slut or being called a slut if it’s what you want. Especially here, where it can come as a term of endearment. He’s helping her find pleasure and release from the negativity someone assigned to it.”

“Oh...”

I didn’t know what else to say. I barely knew what to think.

I thought back to the scene and saw it take on a new meaning. My anger dissipated, replaced by empathy and awe of the romance and care they created.

“It’s a different world here,” Lucian explained. “But no matter what you see, it’s always consensual and done with respect.”

I nodded, hearing the reminder he knew I needed, feeling embarrassed that I needed it in the first place.

With that, he led me into the white room that somehow managed to have a dark and alluring vibe. Even with the white leather chairs and white tile floor, shadows still lingered.Unlike the other rooms, nothing illicit played out. The most daring thing I could find was a couple curled into each other with groping hands while others laughed around them.

However, even if no one was having sex, it didn’t mean there weren’t plans for it. The center of the room contained a black glossy stage with a simple ladder-back chair. Beside it was a table with various ropes and a wooden box. The unknown contents of the box called to me more than anything else.

“Come,” Lucian ordered. “I want you to meet some friends.”

I blinked away from the stage.

Friends? Why was he introducing me to friends?

That seemed... personal.

Before I could dwell on it too long, we arrived at a couch along the back corner of the room. On it sat a couple that looked like they should be on the cover of a magazine.

“Lucian. It’s good to see you.” The man smiled up with oceanic eyes.

“Good to see you too. This is my guest for the night. Aspen,” Lucian introduced.

“It’s nice to meet you, Aspen,” the woman greeted, her eyes almost as blue as the man’s. “I’m Rose and this is my partner, Corbin.”

The man glared at the woman before directing his attention toward me. “Her fiancé,” he corrected. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Fiancé?” Lucian asked.

“Yup. I finally got Miss Berkshire to say yes.”

“As long as I don’t have to change my last name.” Rose directed her own glare toward Corbin, hinting at the sensitive topic.

“Berkshire?” I asked. “As in the owner?”

“The one and only,” she confessed, sitting tall.

“Oh, wow. This place is amazing,” I said, instead of what I really wanted to say. Like holy shit. How old are you? You seem way too young to have such a successful business.

I cringed, hearing the words in my father’s voice. Part of me wanted to say it and record Rose’s response so I could show my father that young women could run a successful business.

Not that he thought I couldn’t.

Ugh.

I squeezed my fist, attempting to get control of my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about any of it right then. I wanted to let it all go and be present for the night.

“Sit down. Join us, please,” Rose offered.

For the first time all night, Lucian’s hand dropped from my back, and I hated to admit how much I missed the comfort. I wanted it now more than ever with the pressure of others—his friends—watching me. Not that I seriously thought they would judge me, but that inner voice always sounding in my head reminded me to be on my best behavior. Be professional and polite. Be aloof, calm, and in control. Don’t give them anything to use against you.

While he collapsed into the cushions, relaxed as ever, I held myself on the edge, forcing an attempt to scoot back and release an ounce of tension coiling around my spine.

It didn’t work.

“So, how do you all know each other?” I asked. “Did you meet here at the club?”

“Actually, Lucian and I move in the same business circles,” Corbin explained.

Rose groaned and rolled her eyes. “Booooring.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her dramatics, sinking a little deeper into ease at her honest reaction. Maybe I didn’t have to hold myself so carefully in at The Berkshire. Even with his friends. “What do you do?” I asked Corbin.

“He’s in shipping,” Rose answered for him in a flat voice.

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Corbin defended.

“Except that it’s boring.”

He glared, and I pinched my lips to bite back another laugh.

Rose Berkshire was my kind of girl.

I glanced back to Lucian and found him watching the couple with a lazy smile, leading me to believe that their bickering was part of who they were together. It was kind of cute.

“Hence why I converted The Berkshire to what it is today,” Rose explained.

“What was it before?” I asked.

“It used to be my father’s escort business,” she announced, as if she weren’t sharing such a shocking fact about her dad.

“Oh...”

“I get that a lot. It’s a weird family business.” Rose laughed, waving away my wide eyes. “He had a lot of other businesses too, but this one was definitely the most exciting for me to cultivate. The rest I merged with Corbin’s business, and he takes care of all the boring day-to-day management while I reap the benefits.” She sat back with her head held high and sipped from her glass of red wine.

I’d just met her, but with how quickly she put me at ease, I think I loved this woman. She emanated strength and confidence and... happiness. The weight of her business sat on her shoulders like a diamond necklace—like it belonged there and didn’t make her eager to find release because of its heft.

“Is that how you two met?” I asked, choking back my envy.

Corbin and Rose laughed, sharing a private look. I looked back to Lucian to see if I overstepped, but he was laughing too. I turned back, eager to be let in on the joke.

“No,” Rose answered. “Corbin did business with my father and became his protégé, of sorts. When my father passed, he made Corbin my guardian.”

My gaze bounced between them, noticing the age difference. Not that it was obvious. Corbin had a youthful smile, but it also created deep grooves beside his eyes. Rose’s confidence added the illusion of years, but I saw her youth. Sometimes people assumed I was older than my twenty-five years because of the way I ran a board room. Despite my lack of confidence in the club, I had it in spades everywhere else. I just wished I wore it as well as her and didn’t feel so exhausted by it.

Shaking off the thought, I replayed her answer and paused. “So, Corbin raised you?” I asked, wincing as soon as the question left my mouth. It didn’t make sense that he would raise her and also be her fiancé, but I blamed the long walk to the room wearing down my critical thinking skills.

Lucian snorted behind me. I went to glare, but Corbin’s rolled eyes and groan distracted me. Meanwhile, Rose laughed.

“Hardly,” Rose responded once she collected herself. “I was a teenager when my father passed. Corbin and his ex-wife didn’t know what to do with me, so he gave into her demands and sent me away to boarding school and paid my way through college with very minimal communication. But,” she started, her mood changing to something more upbeat, proud, and more than a little seductive. “When I came back after college to claim my father’s empire, I took full advantage of his guardianship and wormed my way into his life until he couldn’t live without me.”

“I’m so sorry about your dad.”

Rose shrugged, brushing it aside.

Corbin stretched his arm along the back of the couch and wrapped his hand around Rose’s neck. It was a move of dominance, but also comfort—like he knew the first part of the story caused her distress. Or maybe he had at one point.

I imagined the scenario—the young woman making an older man notice her. Making an older man, who was in charge of caring for her, see her as a woman.

It was hot for lack of better words.

Very, very hot.

“So, Lucian,” Corbin started as an aside, “have you tired of Emily and now you’re looking for a replacement?”

“Yeah, right,” I barked a laugh, intervening, ignoring the sting of jealousy over hearing her name. “If I was here with Lucian as anything other than a guest who is observing, I sure as shit would be more than a replacement. I’d be the top and only pick for someone.”

Corbin raised his brow with a look toward Lucian that said, goddamn, you gotyour hands full with this one. And it didn’t bother me. It didn’t make me want to pull back and retract my words because of this man’s reaction to a more forward side of me.

“This is who Lucian requested to come as an observer tonight. I made sure she signed an NDA,” Corbin explained to Rose.

“So, you don’t have any plans to participate with Lucian?” asked Rose, her brows pinched tight.

I hesitated, remembering the last room we saw with the woman bent over the bench. When I arrived, I had no plans to do anything with Lucian, but after watching that scene, I couldn’t help but wonder.

“I don’t think Aspen has any intention of playing tonight,” Lucian answered for me.

“So, if you and Lucian aren’t here as partners, then how did you two meet?” Rose asked.

I considered lying or creating a less complicated story for his friends, but ended up going for bold honesty. “Lucian Daire is currently purchasing half of my family’s company and attempting to steal the rest from me before I can steal the rest from him.”

The honest confession provided a barrier of relief, reminding me of the man I came with. Reminding me who Lucian truly was outside of the man who guided me through the confusion of hallways, introducing me to a whole new world.

Lines blurred between our animosity and my curiosity, and I didn’t quite know where to go from that because I didn’t know what lay on the other side of my curiosity, but I didn’t know what lay on the side of my animosity either.

“Do you often come to private clubs with someone who is trying to steal your company?” Rose asked, a hint of humor in her raised brow.

Since I’d never been to a club like this before, I struggled to find an answer, but her direct question encouraged me to continue my blunt honesty.

Hell, maybe viewing someone else’s reaction to my situation would give me insight to where I should even start in understanding it. Maybe their faces would screw up in shock and affirm how absolutely insane I was to even consider letting Lucian take me anywhere, let alone touch me.Or maybe they would accept it, not react, and give confirmation that my curiosity wasn’t as ludicrous as I imagined, like when Lucian talked about us and how it made me feel less alone.

“No. Not usually. But he caught me in some rare moments of being...overwhelmed,” I answered carefully, still unsure of how much I wanted to share. “Then one thing led to another and...” I hesitated.

Should I?

Shouldn’t I?

I went back and forth, weighing the pros and cons.

Looking around the room, remembering I was in a sex club, I settled on my answer. I settled on being bold—fearless. If you couldn’t be yourself inside a club that encouraged everyone’s unique tastes, then where the hell could you be honest?

“In the end, he had me bent over a desk, spanking me. Which somehow managed to calm my nerves. I know it sounds completely and utterly crazy, yet here I am.” I finished the ramble with a manic laugh.

“Not crazy at all,” Rose answered, as if I’d told her I thought I was crazy for drinking water. She shrugged with a pensive gaze and continued. “There’s actually quite a bit of research on how impact play releases endorphins. It can help ease anxiety and aid people in letting go of past trauma.”

Just like the woman in the previous room. She had appeared to be more relaxed before we walked away than when we arrived.

Corbin choked on a laugh. “The year we transitioned The Berkshire into what it is now, Rose and I participated in more impact play than ever before.”

“It really did help. As well as many other things,” Rose said, shifting a devious smile to Corbin that left me wondering what those other things were.

“I had to reach out to Lucian to assist me through some of them. He’s one of the best dominants I’ve witnessed in an impact scene.”

I blinked, my mind racing.

Corbin had seen Lucian perform.

Lucian performed in front of others.

Lucian performed with someone else...in front of others.

Was it Emily?

I shook my head. It didn’t matter what he did or who he did it with. None of it mattered to me.

It shouldn’t.

It didn’t.

“I instructed you the best I could,” Lucian said.

“I think you did an amazing job—if I had to say from experiencing all he learned,” Rose gushed.

“Thank you.” Lucian tipped his head. “So, what is happening on the stage tonight?”

“Unfortunately, no spanking scenes, but we have a new toy to showcase on a female. We plan on testing the claim that it can make any defiant sub orgasm no matter how much she tries to stay in control while being bratty,” Corbin explained.

“I doubt that,” I muttered to myself. I’d tried more than a handful of vibrators, and I’d yet to find one that could make me comewhenI tried to.

The conversation stopped as all eyes turned toward me, letting me know my disbelief escaped louder than I meant it to.

Lucian’s gaze tugged my attention like a hand forcing me to face him. He studied me with an arched brow. “Do you think you’re able to remain in control of choosing whether to orgasm or not?”

Awareness prickled along my spine. A warning that I was encroaching on dangerous territory.

I ignored it, instead, focusing on the challenge glinting in his dark depths. “Of course,” I proclaimed and rolled my eyes. “I’m in more control than some man with a toy.”

“Oh, shit, girl,” Rose muttered. Although, not in support. More like she feared for my safety as I poked a bear.

And she might be right.

Lucian’s lips slowly tipped into a gloating smirk that said I played directly into his hand. I’d ignored the warning signs, and I had a feeling I was about to find out what lay beyond them.

Without looking away from me, he spoke to Corbin. “Is tonight’s demonstration performed by a couple, or is it open to volunteers?”

“One of the employee dominants, Clive, will be utilizing shibari and the vibrator, but I don’t think he was set on any specific woman,” Corbin informed. His excited tone pulled my attention to him. He looked between me and Lucian with a matching smirk before settling on me. “He might be open to volunteers, Aspen, if you’d like to give it your best shot.”

Before I could formulate a polite rejection, Lucian snorted, and I whipped my head around and glared. “Aspen is only here to observe. And I’m pretty sure she’s never even kissed in front of people. I highly doubt she’d get on a stage in a crowded room to get fucked by a vibrator.”

Heat spread up my neck, wrapping around my rejection and tugging it back. His doubt ignited a fire under my skin, pushing me to fight back. “Actually, I would love to be put on display. Especially if I get to make Lucian eat his words and show him how in control I am.”

Maybe he needed a reminder that just because he caught me in a few weak moments didn’t mean I was weak. It didn’t mean I couldn’t control myself. Just because I enjoyed the way he controlled me those few times, didn’t mean I was some malleable princess.

“I’ll see what arrangements I can make,” Corbin announced. He stood with a smile, offering his hand to Rose. “We have a few things to take care of, but we’ll be back for the performance. I have a feeling it won’t be one to miss.”

I watched them walk away with one thought ringing in my head.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

I snagged my glass of wine, draining it before placing it back on the table. Lucian stretched his arm along the back of the couch, his heat encompassing me, urging me to give him my attention. But I refused. I knew I’d find his arrogant smile and didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of spotting a single ounce of nerves written on my face.

“So, you really think that you’re going to be able to go up there—in front of everyone—and let someone you don’t know tie you to a chair and fuck you with a toy?” he asked with too much glee for my liking.

I wanted to shut him up with a quick retort, but his reminder about the rope left me frozen. I hadn’t considered all the other possibilities that came with volunteering to prove a point. God, I hadn’t even asked any questions. Like, did I have to get naked? Could I meet this man— Clive —first? Was he going to touch me in any other way? What the hell kind of vibrator was he using? Would it hurt? How long would he try to get me to orgasm? Was there a time limit?

I forgot about everything except barreling headfirst into Lucian’s challenge to make a point.

Masking my nerves with a slow, deep breath, I forced my muscles to relax enough for a shrug. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Part of me kind of hoped that this man would be able to get me off. That way, I could dismiss the notion that Lucian somehow unlocked something inside me and held the key to making me come. Maybe I was playing this wrong. Maybe I should use the opportunity to orgasm with this magic vibrator—with someone other than Lucian. If ever there was an opportunity, this was it.

Some of my nerves abated with the new plan. Sure, I’d have to admit defeat when I came, but I’d win so much more with the peace of mind.

“Do you even know what shibari is?” Lucian asked softly, his words stroking up my neck.

“No,” I answered, attempting to hide the way his deep voice sent a shiver to my core. “I’m assuming it’s the rope thing.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “The rope thing.”

He shifted, and I stole a glance, swallowing a gasp when I found his face inches from mine. His eyes moved slowly over my features, holding me captive while he studied every angle and curve.

“It’s an art.” His words brushed against my lips. “The lines across a woman’s flesh. The way the rope presses against the skin and enhances her curves. The way it crosses and stretches into a pattern that pulls you in whatever position a man could want.”

Each word walked across my skin, working their way closer between my thighs. Each word pressed against my chest, forcing small panting breaths I struggled to hide.

Like a star streaking across the sky—or more like an asteroid about to obliterate the moment—Emily strut in with her beacon of blonde hair. But beggars couldn’t be choosers, so I latched on to the escape offered and changed the subject.

“Are you and Emily a couple?”

He stiffened, only his brows pinching low.

I glanced over his shoulder, sucking in a breath of relief when he pulled back and turned toward the entrance. Emily clung to the arm of an older gentleman that looked like he was the foundation of every woman’s fantasy to work their daddy issues out with.

I watched Lucian carefully for signs of jealousy, but found none. Instead, he appeared more relaxed when he turned back to me, dismissing the pair.

“Why?” he asked, his lips twitching. “Would it bother you?”

“Not at all,” I said, shoving aside the same pinch from earlier. “It’s not like I have any concern of being the other woman. All you did was spank me. Just because you happened to accidentally give me an orgasm doesn’t mean we have anything sexual going on.”

How I managed to string those words together without being struck by lightning would forever shock me because if I was in a relationship with a man and found out he touched another woman, keeping myself under control would be the last thing on my mind.

“I’d hardly call it an accident,” he gloated.

“Of course not.” I rolled my eyes. “Your manly pride couldn’t handle it.”

He shook his head and laughed, brushing off the comment. “Either way, it wouldn’t matter if it was considered sexual or not.”

“I don’t need to know what your standards are—or care to know,” I sneered. “But for me, I prefer the man I’m sleeping with to not be fucking other women. And if it’s casual sex, I definitely never want to meet the other people they’re with—especially in my workplace. However, I’m sure you’re willing to fuck anything with a skirt. Your partners probably bump into each other at the grocery store. Their only concern is hoping to avoid whatever diseases you come with.”

“No need to worry there, princess. I’m always safe.”

“Good for you.” I deadpanned. “So? Are you two a couple—open relationship or otherwise?”

“Again, why do you care?”

Good fucking question.

Lifting my chin, I tried to mask the driving need to know. “Curious, I guess.”

“Hmmm…” He dragged it out before finally putting me out of my misery. “We are not a couple—casual or otherwise. However, in this community, it helps to have a certain amount of familiarity which tends to come with repeat experiences together. With that comes a certain level of trust and understanding about someone’s limits. Allowing you to go further with your play. Allowing it to be more intense.”

“So, you’re not in a relationship, but you have spent enough time together to form a bond of trust and comfort…so you can play together?” I guessed.

“Yes. When we are at the club, if she happens to be here, then we will usually partner together for the evening—if we want to.”

“Hmmm…” Now it was my turn to hum—to buy myself time to figure out what the fuck the mess of heated chaos swirling between my head and chest and down to my thighs was.

Imagining that level of trust between two people sounded more intense than any relationship I’d been in.

Imagining having that level of trust created an excited buzz that had me shifting against the smooth leather.

Imagining Lucian having that level of trust with Emily created?—

Nothing.

I cut the thought off, fearing that the more I prodded it, the more it would grow into something I didn’t want to think about. I’d already ignored one warning sign tonight and look where that got me.

“Why would you not want to partner together?”

“Sometimes, we partake in various scenes without each other. Sometimes, I’m not looking for anything sexual, and I’ll find a different kind of release with impact play.”

My brows pinched. “You don’t find spanking a woman sexual?”

“Didn’t you just say that despite me spanking you, it wasn’t sexual?” he asked with a raised brow.

“Well, yes. But…I came to you to…to…to zone out.” I stumbled for the right words. Trying to figure out how to state my thoughts, I looked around, taking it all in. Couples pressed closer. Hands drifted under clothes. “In a place like this, how can it not be sexual?”

“Like Rose said, spanking can release endorphins, creating a different kind of relaxation.”

“But like you said, there has to be some form of trust and familiarity to let go, which alludes to a connection of sorts.”

He smirked. “Why, Aspen, are you saying we have a connection?”

My face flamed, and I hoped the shadows hid it. “I?—”

“Hey, you ready?” Rose asked, saving me from having to answer. She set two glasses of wine on the table and reclaimed her seat.

I blinked away from Lucian and lunged for the glass, ignoring his low, rumbled laugh.

“I’ll take that as ready as you’ll ever be,” Rose chuckled.

“That about sums it up.”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Lucian stood, his stare locked on Corbin and another man beside the stage. “I need to check on something.”

I sighed with relief, grateful for the space to collect myself after he verbally cornered me. However, the further he moved away, flares of panic swallowed the gratitude. Was he leaving me? Was he going to check on something—or someone —in another room? Not that I needed him there, but also, he was familiar. He hadn’t left my side since we walked in and something about him leaving now felt wrong.

Although, I guess I did need him there to watch me come. I needed to prove to myself and him that I could come without him.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back. Something tells me he wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Rose said.

“Of course. Yeah. I’m totally fine. He can totally leave.”

If I say totally one more time…

Rose smiled. “It’s okay to be nervous.”

“I’m not going to lie and say I’m not.”

“It’s good to be honest with yourself. Sometimes we put on a badass face to prove to them we can, but always be honest with yourself.”

“Have you ever done…anything like this before?”

She laughed. “Oh, yeah. But I fucking love exhibitionism. I love having people watch me get fucked, having them watch Corbin own me and let them know he’s mine and I’m his. Or having the crowd’s eyes on you—wanting you. God, it’s such a high to feel so fucking desirable.”

The way she described it allowed a tinge of excitement to bleed into my nerves. An excitement I remembered experiencing and relishing in as a teen—before it was taken from me. Memories tried to take this budding excitement now, but I shoved them down, ignoring them like I always did.

I’d come to The Berkshire to learn—to let go, but now, I needed to be in control.

“It’s also okay to back out,” she said softly.

I looked to the stage.

I studied the chair.

I eyed the rope.

It’s art.

I imagined it pressed against my skin.

I imagined him watching.

“No. I want this.”

“Then go get it,” she stated with a wide smile, passing her untouched glass to me.

“Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we will be demonstrating a new toy that has the capabilities of making the most stubborn of submissives orgasm,” Corbin announced from the stage. “And one of our very own guests will be acting as our submissive tonight. This is her first time in front of a group, so please be respectful.”

With that, he stretched his hand out to me, silently ordering me to come. I stood tall with my chin lifted high and my best attempt at the icy mask Lucian accused me of wearing. With each step closer to the stage, I scanned the room, looking for him. It wasn’t until I reached the stairs that I saw him sitting at a table right in front of the stage.

What the fuck was he doing there? He was supposed to be in the back, in the shadows—out of my line of sight so I could focus on the other man. How was I supposed to block him out when he sat at the edge of the spotlight—so close to intruding? What if I couldn’t ignore him, and I came? I’d never know if it was him or the man?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

My feet faltered at the foot of the stairs.

No. I can do this. I want to do this. I want the excitement Rose explained. I want it.

I inhaled as deep as I could and slowly let it out, shoving aside my doubts with the promise I wouldn’t look away from the other man.

Corbin met me at the side of the stage with a firm gaze. “Are you ready?”

I nodded, but remembered the questions I should have asked beforehand. “What are the requirements? Like…do I have to be naked? Am I expected to do …things…?”

He smiled, the creases around his eyes comforting. “The requirements are at the dominant’s discretion. However, a good dominant always respects his submissive’s limits. Since you haven’t discussed your limits, he will be watching you carefully for signs of pleasure or distress. He’s very adept at observing reactions. And of course, you can always stop at any moment by saying red. The most important thing is that you feel safe.”

Submissive.

Two parts inside me pulled in opposite directions at the word. One screamed that I was no one’s submissive. Another part reached for it.

I shook my head. I could unpack every thought, feeling, and emotion later. I would pull it apart and analyze it piece by piece…later.

“Okay. I’m ready,” I told him.

Corbin guided me to the center of the stage, and I looked anywhere other than the front table. He didn’t exist. I would not let him distract me.

“We have one more surprise for the evening,” Corbin announced. “Our Dominant for the evening will be Lucian Daire.”

My eyes almost fell from my head as I looked toward the one place I said I wouldn’t.

Lucian stood from his chair with the most devious smile that stretched beyond his lips. It moved beyond his eyes, sinking into his skin. He approached slowly, embodying every sin at once and more.

How was I supposed to survive the devil himself?

A manic giggle threatened its way up my throat.

At least I didn’t have to worry about him distracting me from the front row.

Because now he was going to be distracting me face to fucking face.