Chapter 12 #2
They had a lot of different sandwiches and sourced their ingredients locally. I liked that.
Rachel returned with our drinks. “Our soup today is a beef vegetable and minestrone.”
“I’ll have the minestrone and the Strong Chicken sandwich,” Emma ordered.
I glanced at that on the menu. Oh wow, a chicken breast, bacon, avocado, lettuce, and tomato on a toasted roll with aioli spread. My stomach grumbled.
“I want the Mudd Roast sandwich with a house salad,” Cassie said.
Mudd Roast? I looked through the options: Roast beef, turkey, bacon, white cheddar cheese, with barbecue sauce on a toasted roll. Those all sounded delicious.
“And for you?” Rachel looked at me.
“The kale Caesar salad and the deluxe club but no tomatoes, please.” I’d stick with my choices for today. I had a feeling this was going to become a new lunch place for me.
“Got it. Salads and soup coming up.” Rachel gathered the menus and walked away.
“So how are things going with you and Lucas?” Cassie’s question caught me off guard..
“Fine.” I arranged my napkin on my lap to avoid looking at her. After our talk Saturday, I’d been prepared for Lucas to be different this morning. But he’d been totally professional. I wished I could say my thoughts about him were professional.
“Just fine? Friday night, the man took responsibility for the two of you breaking up.”
“Yes, there has to be more to you two than just fine.” Emma fiddled with her napkin.
I didn’t know what to say. But I did want to talk about Lucas and what was going on between us. It might help me figure out the man he was today and maybe even settle my own fears. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“What? Talk?” Cassie asked.
“I know how to talk.” I couldn’t stop a nervous chuckle. “It’s the whole spilling tea to girlfriends.”
“Wait a second. Have you never had a close girlfriend before?” Emma stared at me.
“I was the nerdy kid at school and then in college. I was always reading or studying.”
“Family?” Emma voice was soft.
“Parents and a sister. But we’re not close.” My family didn’t care about me. Of course, that didn’t stop my mother from calling me when she wanted something. But that was a topic for another time.
“I’m not close with mine either.” Cassie’s response was matter of fact.
“Asher took mine to task when they acted up.” There was pride in Emma’s voice.
“Now that sounds like a story.” Maybe I could get the attention off me.
“Later.” Emma waved her hands in the air. “Spill, girl. Tell us about you and Lucas.”
Well, I guess I wasn’t going to get away with not talking. I thought for a moment, then started off by telling them about meeting Lucas at the mixer at the company we worked for, our relationship, how he left me and how hurt I was. Even now, my stomach clenched with the memory of the pain.
“And have you forgiven him?” Emma smiled her thanks when Rachel set the soup in front of her.
“To a point.” ” Fear was still there. My salad looked delicious. My tummy rumbled. At least a part of me was hungry.
“Was that before or after you came to work at Fantasies, Inc.?” Cassie asked.
“After. I tried to get Lucas out of my mind.” I’d only thought about him in passing, and then only rarely. “I thought I’d succeeded until I saw him in the lobby on my first day, and it all came tumbling back.” For me, everything seemed tied up with our previous relationship and all the emotions.
“Were you surprised to see Lucas?” Emma dipped her spoon into her soup.
“I was. At first glance, I thought he was the same old Lucas I knew from before. The flirt and playboy.”
Cassie burst out laughing. “Lucas? Playboy?”
“Why is that funny?” Had Lucas really changed that much?
Why was I questioning this? He’d taken responsibility for our breakup and wanted to make it up to me.
A part of me accepted that at face value, but there was a part that was worried about getting my heart broken again. Maybe I wasn’t explaining this right.
Cassie took a drink of her tea and waved her hand in front of her face. “I’ve never met such a straight-laced person working for FI as I have with Lucas. I mean the man never talks about his love life, and from what I know, he’s only had a few dates in the last five years.”
I blinked. That couldn’t be true. That wasn’t the Lucas I knew. And I wasn’t the same either. I’d noticed other changes in him in this last week. Even Saturday, he explained why he left, and he seemed embarrassed by it. That wasn’t the cocky man from my past. Maybe I was being too critical.
“Maybe he has changed.” Part of me wanted to believe that, but my heart warned me things weren’t always what they seemed.
“Some men do, especially as they get older and realize they made mistakes,” Emma said.
“He’s only thirty-five.”
Cassie and Emma stared at me. I closed my eyes. Why not just tell them I was interested in Lucas? I set my fork down and pushed my empty salad bowl away. “Confession time: I’m still interested in Lucas.”
“We already knew that.” Cassie’s smile confirmed her admission. “It was evident Friday night.” She glanced at her plate and then at Emma before she turned to me again. “I hope you don’t mind me asking: Do you have panic attacks often?”
I sipped my water, an excuse to gather my thoughts before answering. “That was the first one in a long time.” I wasn’t lying. “I’m sorry it happened Friday night.”
“Do you know what causes them?” Emma asked.
“They usually happen when I get extremely overwhelmed. I had horrible ones in college.” I took a deep breath.
“And when my family, particularly my parents, started in on me. Those were the worst, because sometimes I couldn’t get away from them.
Talking with a psychologist in college, and later on as well, helped me learn how to center myself, but it all went out the window Friday night. ”
“Oh my, we did that.” Emma covered her mouth.
“No, you didn’t. It wasn’t you or Cassie.” I sighed, not wanting them to feel bad. “It was when Lucas made his declaration about taking responsibility for the breakup in front of everyone.”
“Well, you have us in your corner,” Cassie assured me as our sandwiches arrived.
The turkey, ham, and roast beef melted on my tongue. Now this was my version of a club sandwich. Savory and filling. “This is so good.”
“I love this place,” Cassie said.
“New hang-out for us as long as we keep it a secret from the guys,” Emma commented.
“Are the guys the reason we didn’t eat in the employee café?” I was curious why they’d go out rather than eat where the food was paid for.
“Yes.” Emma rolled her eyes. “Asher always finds a reason to eat with me.”
“Marcus isn’t much better. Even if I make lunch for both of us, he’ll still come to my office to eat.” Cassie shook her head.
“They didn’t say anything today?” I frowned. It seemed like their men kept them on short leashes. I wasn’t sure I could live like that.
“I can see by your face you’re think our guys are too possessive, maybe?”
I opened my mouth, but Cassie held her hand up.
“We didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression. We enjoy eating with our guys, but sometimes we need a break. Speaking for myself, Marcus understands when I tell him I need my space.”
“Same with Asher, especially since we share an office. There’ve been times when I’ve told him to leave for a while.”
“Really? And they listen?”
Cassie grinned. “They better. We’re not doormats. Relationships involve give and take, and trust me, I make Marcus back away when I need breathing space, and he’ll do it if he knows what’s best for him.”
“It only took once with Asher,” Emma said. “He overwhelmed me, and I told him if he didn’t back off, no sex for a week. Let me tell you, his whole attitude changed.”
Laughter bubbled up inside me. “I need to learn from you two.” I did. Standing up for myself had never been easy, and even now, I tended to not speak up. Maybe it was time I did. I was in my thirties, for goodness sake.
“We’ll help you. That’s what girlfriends are for.” Cassie grinned.
Girlfriends. That sounded wonderful. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I belonged, and it wasn’t a bad feeling.