Chapter 9
Ifound myself sitting on the side of my bed staring at another photo. This one was of me and the only mother I’d ever known, the beautiful Janina, who adopted me when she was forty-four years old and gave me a good life. There was no arguing with that. Still, there was always something missing, a void she just couldn’t fill no matter how hard she tried. I loved her, though, and I was thankful for her. I did my best to show her all of that. I’m not sure if I truly succeeded.
In the photo, she was wearing a white dress with a high, frilly collar obscuring her chin. Her hair was in braids pulled up into a loose bun. Big, round wooden earrings adorned her ears, a gold stud in her left nostril. Her skin was a deep shade of golden brown accentuated with cinnamon freckles, and her smile…like sunshine. My mom’s smile always shone in her big, round eyes.
I took in every inch of her, down to the hands that held me in her lap, fingers long and graceful, chunky rings on each one. Brass bracelets crowded her wrists and lower arms. Janina was so unique, such a singular soul—all talent and heart and art.
I missed her.
She’d dressed me in a little white suit with a pink tie, a tiny pink fedora on my head. I was smiling, but mine didn’t reach my eyes. I mean, she had just adopted me. I barely knew her and had no idea how wonderful she was going to be, how funny she was, how brilliant she was. I had to be confused, afraid, unsure.
Hell, truth be told, those feelings plagued me now, becoming especially acute after the loss of Janina.
I was so deep in thought and introspection that the text message alert on my phone startled me. Snapping my head to the top of the bedside table, I smiled at the message previewed on the phone’s screen.
Ishmia: Pics?
I’d made it home from the wedding festivities hours earlier, and I’d totally forgotten to send her the pics I’d taken.
Me: My bad. Sending now.
I selected a few shots, mostly of the bride, groom, and other members of the wedding party. When I came to a selfie I’d taken of me in my tux via the huge mirror in my bathroom, I hesitated, shrugged, and sent that one to her, too. About two minutes later, she called me.
“Soooo, everyone at the wedding was fine? That’s crazy,” she declared after I answered the call.
Chuckling, I said, “Pretty much.”
“You looked nice, friend. Dapper.”
“Dapper? Thanks.”
“Mmhmm. No picture of your date?”
“Uh…no. No date. I went solo.”
“Oh. Your girlfriend was busy?”
Was she trying to find out if I had a girl? And if so, why’d she want to know?
Wait a minute…did she want some DICK?
Awwwww, shit!
“No girlfriend,” I divulged.
“Orlando, we’re supposed to be friends, like, for real. You don’t have to lie to me about having a girlfriend.”
“I’m not lying. Why do you think I am?”
“Because…I mean…look at you!”
Frowning, I probed, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do I have to say it? Really?”
“Look, I’m confused as a motherfucker, so yes, I’ma need you to say it.”
She sighed into the phone. “Orlando…you don’t know that you’re handsome?”
“Oh that? Of course, I do.”
“Wooooow.”
“What? I’m supposed to think I’m ugly? I got mad mirrors. I see myself all the time. I’m handsome as fuck. My eyes really set things off.”
“You do have nice eyes. They’re so…you know what? This conversation is so far off the rails at this point…”
“I’m fine, too.”
She mumbled something, prompting me to inquire, “What?”
“Nothing, but you’re just making my point for me.”
“How?”
“Well, you’re handsome, fine, and no girlfriend? That just doesn’t add up unless you’re gay.”
“I see.”
“Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Gay!” Her voice was shrill. I was working her nerves. That made me smile.
“Oh, the last time I checked, I was straight.”
“See?”
“Ishmia?”
“Yeah?”
“Does it bother you that I’m single?”
“Bother me? Why would it bother me? I was just wondering, that’s all. Didn’t want to step on any toes with these phone calls.”
“Gotchu. Are you single, or are you and Smoke still seeing each other?”
A pause, and then she replied, her voice strained now. “My status is public knowledge. Smoke and I split a year ago both professionally and personally.”
“You could’ve reconciled in private. I don’t assume that you put all your business out there.”
“I don’t…I…I’m going to call you back.”
Before I could respond, she ended the call.