30. Lissa
Lissa
At the start of the following week, Henry is ready to leave the hospital. He’s had a good few days, and he’s been eating plenty of solid food. Dr. Erkhart is really pleased with his progress, and every day it feels as if he’s getting stronger.
I’ve left work a little early today because Oliver is in an off-site meeting and Adelaide insisted I leave so I can be with Henry.
I go up the elevator to Henry’s floor, my mind focusing fully on my son as I step out in front of the mural of the bullfrogs. I feel so different from the first time I saw them.
Everything so far has gone well, and Dr. Erkhart hopes to start chemo as soon as he shows clear signs of recovery.
The length of the treatment is still unknown, but the sooner it begins, the sooner it’ll finish.
I haven’t heard from James for several days, except for the nurses confirming that he’s been visiting.
The silence feels ominous, as if something’s coming. If he is going to fight me for custody of Henry, the legal bills are going to cripple me. But I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Turning the corner into the room, my spirits lift. Henry is sitting on the bed beside Bethany, his eyes lighting up when he sees me. He has the little googly-eyed purple monster in his hand, a constant companion since I gave it to him.
He looks so much better than he even did just this morning, and he even manages to climb down on his own and come and give me a gentle hug.
I place my hand on his head and kiss him as he smiles at me.
“You ready to go, Buddy?” I ask, looking at Bethany as she comes over and gives me a much tighter hug.
Henry tugs on the sleeve of my coat. “What happened to that nice old lady, Mom? She hasn’t been by in a while,” he asks suddenly.
“Oh, I think she went home, sweetie. She was doing so much better.”
“What old lady?” Bethany asks with a frown.
“I met this lovely woman in the cafeteria, and she offered to come and watch Henry when I couldn’t be here. I wish I knew where she lived, I’d love to thank her for doing that.”
“Are we going to Bethany’s apartment?” Henry asks, and I nod, glancing at the window and the gathering dark clouds.
“Yeah. Mommy’s going to be out tonight for just a little bit, and then I’ll come and pick you up, and we’ll go home and get all snuggly.”
He giggles as I glance at Bethany. She frowns at me as I bite my lip.
“I should cancel,” I say finally, voicing the feeling that has plagued me since I woke up this morning.
“Hey, Hen and I have had this date scheduled for weeks,” Bethany protests as Henry goes to her and she puts her arm around him. “I promised him Finding Nemo, chocolate chip ice cream, and bedtime stories. We have a date, just like you.”
“But I should cancel,” I say again, dreading the date with Noah more than anything. We’re going for an early dinner, and I’ll be picking Henry up by eight, but it still feels like an endless amount of time away from him—especially since he’s finally going to be out of the hospital.
“You’ll have fun,” Bethany says warmly. “And it’ll be good for you. And the bad weather we might be getting should hold off until after you get back.”
I’m glaring at her irritably when Dr. Erkhart comes in with Henry’s medication and some other paperwork.
“I’ll call you in the next few days to find out how he’s doing,” she says, smiling down at Henry and ruffling his hair. “I’d expect we’ll start chemo in a couple of weeks. You be a good boy for your mom, okay?” she says with a smile.
She’s a wonderful doctor, and I couldn’t have asked for a better team to care for my son.
“You give yourself some R the brown envelope in his hands is exactly what I have been expecting.
But something is different. For the first time, as I approach him, I’m not scared, or cowering away, wondering what he’s going to do. Today, I’m spitting mad.
Fuck him.
He’s destroyed everything in my life up until this point. The only good thing he ever gave me was Henry, and now he’s trying to take him away.
How dare he fucking try to do that?
James descends the steps, his expression stern and angry as he thrusts the envelope at me. A wave of something moves through me; it’s not rage this time, just a strange, sweeping feeling of calm.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” I say, and my voice comes out a lot louder than I’m expecting. James stops, faltering for a second before he continues advancing.
“Divorce papers,” he says triumphantly. “Don’t get used to having sole custody of our son, my son; those days are coming to an end.”
“The reason I have sole custody is because you almost killed me,” I spit out. I don’t know what’s come over me, but it’s empowering as hell.
“Excuse me?” his mouth is slack with shock. It’s the first time I’ve ever spoken back to him, and his disbelief is palpable.
I snatch the papers from his hand. “Is that it?” I ask.
“You’re here violating the protective order against you.
Again. You could have sent somebody else to deliver these, but you’re doing it to show how much control you have over me.
Well, you don’t. I’ll fight you in court, and I’ll win custody of Henry.
You’ll get your visits when I allow you to, and until that point, don’t fucking bother me again. Is that understood?”
I’m shaking like a leaf inside. I’ve never said anything even remotely combative to him in all the years I’ve known him. But there’s a fire inside me now, it feels a lot like the little flame that burns when I’m with Oliver.
“What did you just say to me?” he demands, disbelief in his voice.
“You heard me,” I say.
My whole body feels as if it’s going to vibrate right through the sidewalk, but I don’t back down, taking a step toward him, and for the first time ever, he retreats from me.
“I won’t stop you from seeing Henry when you are permitted to come here, but don’t talk to me again unless absolutely necessary. Is that clear?”
His eyes move to the car, where I know Bethany will be glaring daggers at him. I just hope Henry can’t hear any of this.
James laughs mockingly. It’s always the tactic he uses when he’s surprised by something. Making fun of someone who got the better of him is always easier than admitting defeat.
“I’ll be seeing you,” he says, in a surly tone, but I just shake my head.
“No. You won’t. You’ll be seeing Henry. And that’s it.”
He scoffs, walking away, looking small and unimpressive. I watch him for several seconds and then glance back at the car, laughing to myself as I see Bethany doing a little dance in my honor in the front seat. Henry waves at his dad, but James barely even acknowledges him. Fucking asshole.
I head quickly up to my apartment, grabbing my things and looking around at how awful it is. I wish I had a cleaner, tidier place for Henry to recover in.
One day at a time, Lissa.
I grab a few things, unsure which clothes to pack or why I’m even going on this stupid date, and get back down to the car in record time.
Bethany is beaming.
“What did you say to him?” she whispers. “You’re such a fucking badass.”
I glance back at Henry, whose headphones are still over his ears, and let out a little sharp bark of laughter.
“I don’t even know, it’s kind of a blur, but I told him not to come back here without my express permission.”
“Fuck yeah. You da bitch,” Bethany says in a ridiculous accent that makes me laugh even more as we head toward her apartment. I’m buzzing with adrenaline, feeling proud of myself, and stronger than I have in a long time.
Bethany’s gorgeous apartment is always immaculate, but tonight, instead of the clean lines and clear surfaces I’m used to, there’s a dinosaur blanket and a picnic set up in front of the TV.
“I told you I’ve been preparing for this for ages,” she says triumphantly.
“This is me and Hen time,” she says as Henry walks over to the dinosaur blanket and immediately sits down, the purple monster in his hand and a huge grin on his sweet face.
Bethany hands him a juice box and puts on the TV, ruffling his hair.
“I love you, little man, you know that, right?” Henry nods. “And who loves you more than me?” she asks.
“Mom!” he shouts excitedly, making me smile.
“You got it!” Bethany cheers as she comes over to me. “You want help with your makeup, babe?”
“I won’t wear much.”
“Let me help you anyway. You know how much I love it.” She goes to her room and comes back with a gold bag that’s filled with Dior makeup and is probably worth more than my monthly rent.
“So, why are you so worried about tonight, anyway?” she asks. “I know you want to be here for Hen, but he’ll be fine. I thought you were excited about Noah.”
“I was. To begin with. It was nice to be asked out, but I don’t think I’m really into him now.”
Bethany pulls back, assessing the foundation she’s dabbed across my face. “Why not?”
“I don’t know,” I say, attempting to sound casual, but she stares at me for so long I have to look back at her, and her expression is one of worry.
“This isn’t about Oliver, is it?”
“What? Of course not.”
“Liss.”
“It’s not!”
“Because that’s rule one, babe. This isn’t like the movies. Don’t get your heart broken by a man who sees you as the hired help. This is what I was afraid of—you’re too sweet for this job.”
“I know Oliver isn’t interested in me.”
“Do you?”
“Yes! I’m not an idiot,” I say, anger rising, and Bethany looks at me quizzically for a moment.
“Alright. Then go be with a guy your own age, who likes you for you, and doesn’t expect anything in return.”
She goes back to working on my makeup, and neither of us speaks much until it’s time for me to leave. I can’t shake off the nerves I feel, but it has nothing to do with Noah. I can only hope Oliver never finds out about this.
I shouldn’t care. But I do. Far too much.