Preview | At His Discretion #3
He doesn’t say anything for a long time, and I go to the window as I hear Kitty’s footsteps pattering about upstairs. Staring out into the late-day New York sunshine, my gut churns as he sighs.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, Vi,” he murmurs eventually. “About the life Kitty has in New York, and everything that she’s missing out on.”
My fist clenches at my side. “Missing out on?”
“You know as well as I do the school she’s at is shitty.”
I brace myself against the window frame. “I know that, sure.”
“And she’s a bright kid; she deserves to have the best education.”
“We’ve been through this, Dan. I don’t feel comfortable sending her to a private school. It’s not a real snapshot of life. She might get a great education, but she won’t learn real-life lessons in the process. It’s not normal to be around a bunch of rich kids.”
“I hear you, but isn’t that more your problem than hers?”
I clench my jaw, fingers curling around the peeling wood. “What are you getting at?”
“It’s not just the school, it’s the house, and the neighborhood where you live. I was in that house for a long time, too, remember? It was falling down before I left. God knows what state it’s in now. And you won’t let me help repair it.”
“It doesn’t need repairing. Mom and I lived here just fine.”
“Exactly. You won’t compromise on anything if it involves my money, and I have a lot of it, Vi. I can help you.”
“I don’t need your help,” I growl, my voice low and angry.
“Look, Christine and I both think that Kitty would have a better life if she were in a different environment.”
Anxiety spirals upward in my chest as my heart begins to beat painfully hard, sweat forming on my palms.
“We’re coming back to New York because we believe this is the time when changes can be made. Kitty won’t be impacted as much while she’s young, and there are some excellent schools in Beijing, better than any in New York.”
“Wait, whoa, hang on a second. You’re thinking about taking my daughter to China?”
“Our daughter, Vi,” he says, and there’s a thread of coldness in his voice I’ve never heard before.
“Danny, you can’t be serious. You can’t move her out of New York; she loves it here.”
“You love it there, Vi, and you know I love you, but it’s not a good environment for a little kid. She’d be better off with a stable, calmer setup.”
“For fuck’s sake.”
He doesn’t say anything in response to that as I spin around, keeping my voice low so Kitty can’t hear me, but letting anger ooze from every syllable.
“The only reason you want to take Kitty to China is because of Christine. You were fine being a long-distance dad, running your business, and making your millions before she came along. You’ve let Christine get into your head and convince you this is for the best when it’s the total fucking opposite.
Christine can’t have kids, and she wants a daughter of her own. That’s what this is really about.”
“For Christ’s sake, Vi, of course that isn’t it. Kitty’s my kid, too.”
“Well, maybe you should have spent more than five weeks with her over the last two years, then,” I bark out. There’s dead silence for a second, then a scoff, and the line goes dead. “Shit!”
I press the back of my hand against my forehead, trying to calm my breathing as I hear Kitty coming down the stairs.
There’s a loud creak and a shriek of panic, and I’m out of the living room and up the stairs in seconds.
The broken board has splintered now, and half of it has come away, leaving a hole in the step right beside where she’s standing.
I grab Kitty, lifting her up and into my arms, as we both glare downward into the dark hole beneath. The box Christine bought her is visible there, shimmering back at me like a demon from the depths.
I kiss Kitty, carrying her down the last few steps. “I’m gonna fix the stairs tonight, okay, baby?”
She nods, looking a little scared, and I take her hand, leading her into the kitchen, just as I realize that I forgot to buy groceries and there’s nothing to eat in the house.
I stand staring at the empty kitchen counter, the shadows from the trees moving outside the window, throwing dappled shade over everything.
My whole body is shaking now, the fear of losing my daughter rising within me like a tidal wave.
Jesus Christ, I can barely even afford groceries… How the fuck am I going to fight them if they take this to court?
“Shall we get takeout?” I ask, and Kitty nods, grinning up at me as I get out my phone to place the order.
Logically, I know that nothing is set in stone.
Danny is a reasonable guy; if I can persuade him that Kitty’s school isn’t as bad as he thinks, and the house is more stable, this might all blow over.
He doesn’t really want her in China with him; she’d drive him nuts.
He never had any patience with kids, even though he loves Kitty; the hands-off approach suits him a lot better.
I stare at the phone, unable to process my thoughts enough to decide on what to get for dinner, and Kitty gently takes it, scrolling through the options until she reaches the one she wants.
We’ve ordered out so much that she knows how to do it herself at six years old.
No wonder I don’t have any money in my checking account…
I close my eyes, the fear of what Danny could do, what Christine could make him do settling deep inside me, squatting there like an ugly goblin.
I have to fight this. I have to prove that Kitty belongs with me. I just have no idea how I’m going to afford to do it.
CHAPTER THREE - VIOLET
After a sleepless night pacing around the downstairs of my house, the journey to school the next morning is a lot less fun than it was yesterday.
Kitty doesn’t seem to notice, skipping around me, picking up leaves, and pointing out a cloud shaped like Snoopy. I try to keep it together, watching everything I love about my daughter come out in full force, as if the universe is showing me everything I could lose even more clearly.
I drop her off, exhaustion tugging at my eyelids as I step onto the bus. Pete doesn’t work today, so we didn’t get any breakfast, and I forgot to pack Kitty snacks. I left her with five dollars, which I know she’ll spend on sweets.
Am I a bad mother?
As I step off the bus, the wind has increased, and the bright sunshine from yesterday has been replaced by ominous dark clouds. As I look up, a drop falls on my face, and then the rain starts falling hard as I run the half block to the salon.
Even running, I get soaked, and as I push through the door, a pool of water runs down over my feet from my coat.
I didn’t check my schedule and only realize who is waiting for me on the couch as I close the door behind me. Her name is Milly, and she’s a fucking nightmare, doesn’t tip, and always changes her mind about everything.
She’s been a client of mine for three months, and I keep hoping that if I’m boring and kind of rude, she’ll move on to another salon, but she just keeps coming back.
“Hi Milly!” I say brightly, trying to inject some cheer into my voice. “I’ll be with you in five minutes.”
“Take your time, you look like a drowned rat.”
I turn away, grimacing as I go into the back, checking my appearance in the small mirror above the sink. My hair is plastered to my scalp from the rain, and I take a few minutes to blow-dry it to give myself some semblance of professionalism before going out.
I like to dye my hair all kinds of colors, and the current shade is pale pink over my usual blonde. I’m not completely sold on it, but I like it better than the magenta I had before it. Kitty likes it too, and whatever color my hair is, she always has a streak in hers to match.
That’s something else I love about her. Oh God, what the fuck am I going to do?
Placing the dryer down, I head back into the main part of the studio, finding Milly already seated in my chair, looking expectantly up at me.
Lewis comes through from the back, giving me a meaningful look as he glances at the clock.
I’m ten minutes late for her appointment on top of everything else.
Perfect.
Getting down to work, I try to concentrate, but my head is all over the place. Milly asks me about the total cost for the cut and blowout, and I rattle off the standard price, trying to work out whether, if I triple the number of clients I see in a day, I can make enough money for a lawyer.
If they’re serious about taking Kitty to China, I have no choice but to fight them. I have no idea how much that’s going to cost. Danny has so much money that even considering fighting them feels absurd, but I don’t have any other choice.
I guess I could sell the house?
I tug through a stubborn knot in Milly’s hair as a shiver runs up my spine.
I’d rather sell a body part.
Through the next hour, I work like a robot, barely talking to Milly at all, other than to follow her endless instructions.
She has beautiful coppery hair and wants it styled exactly as she has seen online.
Sometimes I hate the internet. The number of people who thrust a phone at me and say they want their hair to be rainbow colored ‘just like they saw on TikTok’ is crazy.
And none of them realize the cost of the services they’re asking for, blaming me for not being able to get what they want without paying a premium for it.
It takes me longer than I expected to deal with Milly’s hair, partly because I’m such a mess today, my brain calculating costs and rates rather than concentrating on what she’s asking for. But in the end, she looks gorgeous and is beaming from ear to ear.
“Would you be okay checking her out?” I ask as Lewis passes behind me. “I’ll be two minutes.”
I’m desperate for the bathroom and leave Milly pulling on her jacket and complaining that the rain is going to ruin her new hair.
When I get back, I expect her to be gone so I can prepare to do a fantastic job for Bethany, trying to maximize her generous tipping streak. But instead, when I return, I find Milly standing beside the register with a very pissed-off Lewis next to her.