34. Jax #2
“Uh, what are you doing?”
He puts his arms around me and meets my gaze, raising his eyebrows.
“Thought you might pass out there for a second. Just relax for a little while.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.” I hand the coin back to him, and he takes it from my palm, letting out a little sigh of relief.
“Why do you have an old dime in your pocket?” I ask.
He holds it up to the light, a strange look on his face. “I always carry it. It’s the first money I ever won,” he says. “Back in the day, when I thought making bets might make me rich.”
“Did it?”
“No. I was going down a really dangerous path, and then one lucrative bet paid off. The kind of money I never dreamed of, and I managed to walk away from a bad situation. It allowed me to break out of a life that might have gone in a very different direction if it had remained unchecked.”
I frown at him, thinking of Scott balancing on that knife-edge himself.
“Do you still gamble?” I ask, trying to keep any judgment from my voice.
He smirks. “Not if I can help it. I used to be a demon at poker, but I don’t play any longer.”
He places the coin into his inside pocket, smiling up at me. “I don’t need to gamble, I have all the money I’ll ever need, and that dime is in my pocket to remind me of my freedom.”
I nod, shifting on his lap, wondering why he hasn’t pushed me off yet. But he seems unwilling to let go of me, and as his arms tighten around my legs, I attempt to get comfortable.
“Did I hurt you?” he asks gently. “Tell me the truth.”
“Gray, I’m fine. I would tell you if I weren’t, but I need to get back to work.”
“Just take a few more minutes to relax. I shouldn’t have done that here. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head again, my mind still foggy from pleasure, my body languid and unlike itself. I feel as if I could take on the whole world, my mind a calm oasis.
Finally, after another few moments of stiffness, I melt back against his body.
He rubs my legs lightly and places a soft kiss on my temple.
I pull back at the gesture, looking down at him.
Our eyes lock and hold for the longest time, his fingers smoothing gently over my thighs.
I’m not sure which one of us moves first, but then my lips are crushed against his, his tongue pushing into my mouth.
This isn’t like the kisses we’ve shared before, in the heat of sex, or the wild abandon of our hard, quick fucks in the office.
This is long, drawn out, and so unexpected that I want to pull back. Every pass of his tongue makes me press against him, looping my arms around his neck as he pulls me toward him.
The kiss seems to last for hours, and when I finally pull back, I find myself straddling his hips, pressed against him as he blinks up at me.
Neither of us speaks as I stare into those impossibly blue eyes, wondering what the hell is happening.
After a little while, he sighs. I expect him to push me off and leave, but instead, he rearranges me against his body again, kissing my neck and reaching into his pocket for something.
I frown as he pulls it out with a little shrug of his shoulder.
“Happy birthday,” he says, handing me a long oblong box.
I take it from him, his arm holding me steady.
“You didn’t have to buy me anything,” I whisper, fighting the overwhelming urge to hand the box back, rise, and walk out of the room.
He doesn’t say anything else, waiting for me to open it. I stare at the box, unsure how to interpret what he’s done, and terrified of making this more meaningful than it is.
Surely, this is just his way of keeping me happy enough to keep fucking him?
Then I open the box and wish I hadn't. It’s awful to be pressed up against him in that moment, with nowhere to hide.
Inside the box is a tiny golden necklace. It’s delicate, sparkling in the light, and utterly perfect. The chain is so slim it almost doesn’t seem real.
The pendant is a tiny wind chime. At the base of each tube, there is a sparkling jewel, a little bit like the crystals that hung from the one I gave to his mother. I shudder to think what they are made of.
He cannot know how much this affects me, how synonymous this tiny object is with my memories of my mother, and how wonderful it feels to have her next to me like this.
“I saw it and thought you’d like it.” There’s something off about his voice now, and I’m struggling to draw in a full breath.
Don’t cry, Jax, for fuck’s sake. Do. Not. Cry.
“Thank you,” I say, managing somehow to insert every emotion I possess into two syllables. “It’s beautiful.”
His fingers smooth over my thigh again, and when I look at him, he’s staring at the charm with that same wistful expression I saw in his mother’s house.
“I haven’t seen you wear anything but black and gold,” he says.
I chuckle, glad to break the tension. “Gold-plated, sure. I’m assuming this is gold-plated and these are crystals, right, Gray?” I ask, holding it up to him.
He swallows, his eye twitching. “Uh… sure.”
I narrow my eyes at him as he smiles.
I don’t know what else to say or how to respond, so I just pull it from the box and move to put it on. I fiddle with the clasp for a few seconds before he takes it from me, brushing my ponytail aside and fastening it around my neck.
“How does it look?” I ask, forcing a casual nonchalance into my voice that I don’t feel.
He stares at it for a long time, his fingers coming up to adjust it, placing it gently at the center of my neck.
“It looks like you,” he says softly, and a tidal wave of emotion floods through me, so strong and violent that it’s impossible to suppress.
I push myself off his lap, tears pooling in my eyes.
“I need to get back to work.”
He stares at me, his arms lowering from where they were wrapped around me. “Of course.”
“Thank you for the necklace. Stay for as long as you like,” I mutter, and then stride out the door without another word. I need a minute alone to find the darkest corner of the club where I can gather myself.
My fingers skim over the charm as I lean against the wall, feelings overflowing as I stand in the dark, holding back sobs.
I don’t know why I’m crying, my mind flooded with memories of my mom, her sweet smile as she arrived home, pulling yet another trinket from her bag with such excitement and glee it spread through the whole house.
I haven’t received a present for my birthday in years.
My fingers clutch the tiny wind chime as I breathe deeply, trying to get myself under control. Somehow, in a mad and overwhelming time in my life, I have managed to find someone who truly sees me for who I am.
And I will never really know him at all.