Chapter 16
Darina had found herself entirely unprepared for the effect his scars would have on her.
At first, she had demanded to see them because some part of her was convinced these stories of abuse in his childhood had been fabricated, that he and Freya had dreamed them up together in an attempt to coax sympathy from her so that she would agree to marry him.
There was the other reason as well, of course, a shameful one that she was not terribly eager to admit to herself: That she had longed for a glimpse of his exposed body ever since the first moment she’d laid eyes on him.
How could she not? His shoulders were so broad, his torso so V-shaped, that any lass would be eager to view and appreciate his naked form.
She’d expected to be titillated by it, but instead, it had opened a surprising door within her heart—one from which the deepest empathy and sorrow poured forth, unbidden and uncontrollable, prompting her to reach out for him in the most literal sense.
He had suffered, and greatly. Anyone could see that. No man’s eyes could insincerely hold such a wounded look as his; eyes that spoke of tragedies and agonies beyond counting, of a lifetime of unspeakable torment at the hands of the very person who was supposed to love and protect him.
It made Darina think of her own childhood.
She knew now that she had always taken for granted how truly fortunate she had been to have parents who had treated her well.
She had mourned and lamented the hardships of war many times over, but how much worse must that have been for one who did not even have his own parents to lean on during such times of strife and sadness?
What must it have been like to be raised by a tyrant, a monster?
In that moment, every fiber of Darina’s being wanted nothing more than to give him comfort and warmth. She wanted to bestow upon him even the smallest shred of the acceptance and affection she had been raised with so that perhaps he might not feel quite so alone in the world.
She barely knew him, and during the brief period of their acquaintance, it would be fair to say that he had victimized her in ways she should have found wholly unforgivable.
Instead, though, she found herself drawn to him in ways she’d never felt toward any other man before.
Ways she was not nearly strong enough to deny.
So Darina closed the distance between them, and her lips met his.
She could feel his surprise run through her like a flicker of summer lightning, and then he relaxed, his arms enfolding her.
His hands were on her back, pressing her closer to him, and she could feel the sharp stiffness of his desire for her.
There was something hungry and desperate about the way he clung to her, as though he might drown if he let go. The sensation was thoroughly disarming, and she surrendered to it utterly, allowing him to embrace her as tightly and urgently as he wished.
Why not, after all? Tomorrow was not guaranteed to any of them.
With that in mind, her fingertips brushed against his bare skin, caressing him gently but insistently as they made their way down to his trousers.
In that frenzied moment, she was fully prepared to throw propriety to the winds and do as her body wished with no thought of any consequence.
What, would she jealously guard her maidenhead now that her very life might be taken from her within a matter of hours?
Before her hands could reach their intended destination, however, he took her by the wrists and pulled himself away from her. She could see the reluctance in his eyes.
“Nay,” he said quietly. “We cannae continue down this path. Nae yet.”
“Why nae?” she breathed. “If it is a matter of bein’ married; if that will truly stop the horrors tae come, then I shall go through with it. I can stand on the ramparts and let my family ken that I have agreed tae it, so there shall be nae need for them tae—”
He shook his head. “That will nae work. There is every chance that they will believe ye are bein’ coerced, which might lead them tae attack regardless.
Besides, my father’s whims are black and capricious indeed.
Agreein’ tae marry me might nae be sufficient anymore in his eyes.
He might order ye hurt or killed regardless, out of madness or simply tae see how it will hurt me.
” He paused, then added, “Nay, there is more tae it than that. The fact of it is that although I do wish tae be with ye, I dinnae want it tae happen this way, as a result of my father’s mad and dangerous scheme.
Even if it placates him, it will nae be enough tae liberate us both from a life of misery beneath his heel. ”
“Then what do ye intend tae do?” she asked.
Fergus’ lip curled scornfully. “I mean tae kill him and take his place.”
Her eyes widened. “Do ye truly believe ye will be able tae do that?”
He nodded. “He is nae well-liked by his own people. They have always seen him for what he truly is: a vile and dangerous beast nae tae be trusted with the runnin’ of this clan.
None have stepped forward tae challenge him, for they have felt it was nae their right tae do so.
But as his son, it is my right and the only sensible course of action left tae me.
There are a handful of fools who might remain loyal tae him, perhaps, but they will be vastly outnumbered by those who will be happy tae be relieved from the horrors of war at last.”
“Perhaps,” she agreed carefully, “but that is nae quite what I mean. Do ye think ye will have what it takes tae kill yer own father? Even a brute such as him?”
Fergus considered the question carefully. How many times in his life had he fantasized about doing that very thing? How many bitter nights had he spent nursing some fresh wound that the old man had inflicted upon him, dreaming up ways to end his father’s reign over him once and for all?
There had been so many pictures of that scene in his mind: A dramatic sword duel, perhaps, or more satisfyingly, a fight with their bare hands.
Oliver was not nearly as young or virile as he once was, and Fergus had grown taller and more broad-shouldered than Oliver years ago.
But it hadn’t stopped Oliver from physically abusing him, or Fergus from accepting such treatment without ever fighting back.
Previously, the lad had been determined to simply wait it out as patiently as he could until the time came when he could lead the clan himself.
And if one of his brothers was named successor instead, well, that prospect hadn’t bothered him overmuch so long as he would be free of the old man’s tyranny.
Now, it seemed, he had a chance to make all those daydreams of settling the score between them come true at last. More to the point, it was his duty, perhaps even his destiny, to do so without further delay in the name of saving Darina and the entire clan from his madness.
Even so, did all of that guarantee that when the moment of truth came, he would be able to act without hesitation? Or would he pause at the last moment, giving the craft and ruthless old bastard precisely the opening he would need to prevail?
“I dinnae ken,” he answered her honestly. “I only ken that in the name of all that is right and decent, I have tae try.”
“Ye dinnae,” she said, taking his face in her hands tenderly, “for there is another option: Free me and let us run away together. If we move quickly, perhaps we will be able tae reach my father’s forces before they arrive and persuade them tae return tae the castle with us rather than continuin’ their intended onslaught. ”
It was a tempting prospect, to be sure. One that appealed to him far more than shedding his own father’s blood.
Still, he shook his head. “Nay. I cannae agree tae that, much as I would like tae.”
“Why nae?” she urged.
His eyes met hers, and in them, she saw a steely defiance that was so blindingly intense it almost frightened her.
“Because it is nae enough for us tae escape from him,” he told her.
“He must be stopped, once and for all. It is the only way for this war tae end. And more than that, I owe it tae my brothers, rather than runnin’ off and leavin’ them behind tae continue tae suffer his abuse.
I have a chance tae end this horror this very night, and by God, I intend tae do so whatever it takes. ”
The fire in his gaze, the strength and determination in his voice…
Darina found herself transfixed by these things and was surprised to find that she had managed to fall in love with him in spite of herself.
He was unlike any man she’d ever encountered, and now he was prepared to battle his own father to the death in order to save her life.
“If that is how it must be,” she said, “then I will do all that I can tae assist ye.”
Before he could respond to express his gratitude, he heard boots in the corridor outside the room. He reached for his tunic, scrambling to put it on as quickly as possible. He managed it mere moments before a pair of guardsmen appeared.
“What is it?” he demanded of them. “What dae ye want with her?”
“Nae just her, Master Fergus.” The guard sneered, drawling as he spoke the honorific with barely-concealed contempt. “Laird Oliver suspected we might find ye in here, and he wants both of yer down in the great hall at once.”
“Why? What does he intend tae do with her?”
The guard grinned, revealing rotted and broken teeth. “Knowin’ Laird Oliver, nothin’ good, I expect.”