Chapter 19
The next morning, Cora and her traveling companions rose extremely early and went out to the courtyard where their carriage and driver were waiting for them.
Laird Cawley was waiting for them, which surprised Cora.
Somehow, she had convinced herself that they might be able to slip out into the dawn without any further encounters with the Wallaces.
However, she supposed this was probably a bit of decorum for a laird to personally say farewell to his guests upon their departure.
As she got closer to him and saw the expression on his face, though, she began to wonder if that was truly the case or if he had simply made a special point to do so on his own.
There seemed to be no pomp or formality to his presence.
He was not flanked by guardsmen, advisors, or other members of his coterie.
He was not even attired particularly formally.
He was simply standing there patiently, a sad smile on his face.
“I must say, I am extremely sorry to see you go, Lady Cora,” he said, clasping her hand in his. “Your attentions made my son happier than he has ever been in his life, and I truly believe your presence brightened up this old keep significantly. You will be missed.”
“That is very kind of you to say, Laird Cawley.”
Cora felt awkward and more than a little sad, knowing that he was ailing and being unable to express any concern or sympathy toward him about it.
She knew that if she did, he would be displeased with Cameron for having revealed his secret.
Plus, then Harry and Matilda (and Carstairs, for that matter) would have known as well, and that would have felt like a betrayal of Cameron’s trust.
All she could do was give his hand an extra squeeze before releasing it.
“Laird Cawley, it has been my very great pleasure to be a guest in this magnificent castle,” Carstairs spoke up. “It is truly a shame that Scottish nobles do not employ valets, else I would petition to be yours.”
Cawley’s smile widened. “You know, Carstairs, I know I have been mocked here and there by my countrymen for my English-influenced affectations, but now that you mention it, that actually sounds like a rather superb notion! Let us remain in touch, and perhaps it can be arranged.”
Carstairs looked as though the clouds had parted and he had been touched by the finger of God, and stepped up into the carriage.
“You have a wonderful castle, M’Laird,” Matilda said with a curtsy. “I would say that I hope I have the chance to see it again someday, but I imagine that to be unlikely given the circumstances of our departure.”
“More’s the pity,” Cawley replied, “for you made a splendid guest.”
Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably, mumbled something under his breath that sounded like “Indeed, gracious hosting, much appreciated,” and then joined Carstairs in the carriage.
“I know you do not feel as though you were well-suited to this place,” Cawley said to Cora, “but I hope you will be able to look back on your brief time here with at least some fondness. Do you have any final message you wish me to convey to Cameron before you depart? I’m sure you can well imagine why he chose not to see you off himself.
He…was concerned, I think, that in his grief, he might lose control of himself.
He is not always comfortable displaying his stronger emotions around others.
It’s why he relies on humor and wit so often, I believe. ”
Cora was deeply touched that Cawley would share these things with her, personal as they were.
“I am so very sorry to have hurt him,” she answered. “I had no desire to. If anything, I am doing this so that he can find true happiness with another rather than being shackled to a woman who would forever be dissatisfied.”
Cawley nodded gently. “I understand, my dear. And I believe he does as well. Safe travels to you all.”
She stepped up into the carriage, and when the door shut behind her, the driver rode out through the arch of the gate and off toward London.
As it turned out, Cora had been correct in her prediction regarding Harry’s conduct on the way back to England.
His gloating was insufferable. He went on and on about how right he’d been about the odious nature of Scotland and proceeded to list (over a period of days) all of the things he’d found detestable about the place.
Cora sat and endured it in silence, doing her best to ignore her brother completely. Her heart was terribly heavy, and with every new mile they put between themselves and the Wallace keep, she felt more and more lonely.
After the third day of Harry’s ridiculous behavior, Matilda—who had, until that point, displayed the patience of a saint in the hope that he might simply tire of his tirade and move on eventually—finally told him that she would order Carstairs to push him out of the carriage if he did not cease at once.
“Carstairs is a proper English gentleman’s gentleman!” Harry snickered. “He’d never do such a thing!”
But a quick glance in Carstairs’s direction gave Harry pause after all, for the valet looked as though he’d had his fill of Harry’s nonsense as well.
“If you even think of it, Carstairs,” Harry growled sullenly, “I shall see to it that you will never be able to find employment in any respectable household again.”
Still, Harry remained quiet for the remainder of the journey.
They stayed in many of the same inns and taverns they’d been guests in on the way to Wallace Castle.
Although the accommodations were every bit as cozy and welcoming as she remembered, they brought the pang of remembering the excitement and uncertainty of making the trip there with Cameron, as opposed to the heartbreak of traveling back without him and knowing she had brought him such grief.
Matilda clearly saw these emotions in Cora and did her best to be there for her sister-in-law, though naturally, it was difficult for her to find any occasion to talk about it with her since Harry and Carstairs were around so much of the time.
(Likewise, Cora could see that Carstairs sympathized as well, but his impeccable English breeding prevented him from speaking openly about such things.)
So, for the most part, Cora was left to wrestle with these dreadful feelings on her own.
“One thing I do lament,” Harry remarked as they reached the familiar outskirts of London, “is that so much of the season has passed in our absence. Think of all the balls and other grand affairs we’ve missed, eh?
Why, any number of them might have been fine occasions for Cora to find a man who’s fit to wed! ”
“There are a handful of events remaining before the season draws to a close, I believe,” Matilda commented. “Though given her current state of mind, I highly doubt that Cora will be in the mood to attend them.”
“No, I shall,” Cora spoke up, “if only because I know that it will prevent me from quarreling with Harry about it and because such activity will most likely be preferable to simply draping myself around the house with my heartbreak. However, I wish to make this very clear: I will not be attending in an attempt to secure a husband for myself. I shall enjoy the music, the dancing, the food, and perhaps even the small talk if my ennui gets the best of me, but I have no intention of being introduced to potential suitors, no matter how much appeal they might hold for you as prospective in-laws. Do I make myself understood, Brother?”
For a moment, it looked as though Harry might protest. However, when he fully realized how serious Cora was being, he sighed and nodded dismissively. Then he went back to staring out the window of the carriage until it brought them to their townhouse.
Cora went up to her room, and a few moments later, there was a knock on the door. Matilda poked her head in.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get more chances to speak during the trip, Cora, my dear. How are you?”
Cora shrugged helplessly. “What else is there to be said? I broke the heart of a man who adored me in ways I’d never experienced before. But what else could I do? How could I be a good wife to him in a place where I would never be fully accepted?”
Matilda considered this for a moment as though attempting to frame a delicate response. Finally, she said, “You did what you felt you must, Cora, even though it was hard. I admire you for that, and I shall be here for you in whatever ways you need me to be.”
Cora sniffled, and she realized she was on the verge of tears once more. She’d been holding them back for a week, knowing that Harry would be positively insufferable if he saw her crying about leaving Scotland behind.
“Just be a good friend to me, as you’ve always been,” Cora requested, “and try to help me take my mind off my woes during the final events of the season? And, perhaps, see to it that Harry isn’t too awfully beastly to me?”
“The first two will present no problem,” Matilda replied with a weary laugh, “but the third might be a bit much even for me to manage!”
To his credit, Harry did come to understand what a difficult time Cora was going through in the days that followed, and his approach to her softened slightly. Even if he did not agree with her reasons for being sad, it seemed the sight of his sister in pain still affected him.
“Are you quite certain that the best course of action would not be to simply find some other fellow for her to become infatuated with?” he whispered to Matilda one night as they readied for bed.
“Harry,” Matilda retorted, “that would be the worst course of action one might employ with her by far, and if you make such an attempt against her explicit wishes—”
“Yes, yes, you’ll have Carstairs throw me out of the carriage,” he joked.
At that, Matilda relented, finding he was still able to make her smile here and there.
Cora got dressed up for the remaining events and attended them somewhat listlessly.
She found herself increasingly aware of how uncomfortable her gowns were, how they seemed wholly impractical, restricting her movements and cinching the breath from her body.
Likewise, every time she got her hair done in a tight and fashionable style, she could not help but remember Edwina’s words about how it pulled horribly at the scalp.
She felt that now, too, and sure enough, it provoked the very perpetual headache Edwina had guessed at.
Still, Cora went through the motions of it all—for, as she’d said, it seemed preferable to having some silly argument with her brother every time she decided not to attend a party.
And Matilda did remain by her side the entire time, whispering jokes into her ear to get her to laugh. Sometimes, it even worked.
What made Cora sad, though, was realizing that every time she stepped into a crowded ballroom, she immediately scanned the room for a man who she knew was not there. It embarrassed her, and she tried to force herself to stop, but to no avail.
Until, at the final event of the season, held in Lady Hepplewhite’s parlor, she did see him.
At first, she was certain that her eyes were playing tricks on her. It must have been the memory of him that had risen up to taunt her, nothing more.
Except that she had never seen that suit on him before.
Could it be someone else? she thought. Another tall and powerfully-built man with the same color hair?
It could have, yes—except that no one else in the world had eyes quite like his. And no one else looked at her as he was looking at her now.
She turned to Matilda to confirm that she wasn’t going mad, and Matilda nodded to confirm that she saw him too.
As if in a dream, Cora crossed the room and stood before him. “What on earth are you doing here?” she asked in wonderment. “I was certain you would never return to a place you so despised!”
“I do not enjoy London, my lady, this is true,” he conceded. “However, I have decided that I would live here happily—or anywhere, for that matter—as long as I could call myself your husband.”
“But that wouldn’t do at all, would it?” She frowned, confused.
“You are next in line to be laird of your clan! And with what you told me about your father’s prospects, shouldn’t you be there, preparing for the transition?
I mean, it isn’t as though you could be laird of the Wallace clan while living here with me! ”
His expression became solemn. “No, I could not. Which is why I have renounced my position as heir. Logan will lead the clan when the time is right.”
Cora’s eyes widened. “You…would do that? For me?”
Cameron put his hands on her upper arms and looked deep into her eyes. Some of the other attendees noticed this behavior and remarked about the impropriety of it in hushed tones, but Cora didn’t care.
At that moment, all she cared about was that this incredible man had given up so much to be with her.
“Cora, I would do anything to have you for my wife,” he told her, “because you are worth everything to me. Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” she agreed, “on one condition.”
“Name it,” he assured her, “and it shall be yours.”
“My condition is that, once we are married, we return to Scotland at once so that you can become laird when the time comes.”
His jaw dropped. “Do you truly mean it? How did you change your mind?”
She nodded happily. “By seeing you here. I can become accustomed to living anywhere if it means knowing that I am with a man who values me so. And perhaps, in time, I shall learn to be comfortable and happy there. At any rate, your status as heir is far too important for you to cast aside. I would much rather you accept it and allow me to be by your side every step of the way.”
Cameron beamed at her, and then he threw all caution to the wind and kissed her, right there in front of all assembled.
Their dumbfounded silence was finally broken by fervent applause, which came from Matilda.
The thud which was heard shortly after that came from Harry as he swooned and sprawled on the floor.