Chapter 10 #2
There was genuine fear in his eyes, and she regarded him shrewdly, guessing at the contents of his mind.
She turned to the servant girl. “Leave the tray, please. I shall attend to him.”
The girl seemed doubtful, and Edwina supposed she couldn’t blame her. It was largely considered indecent for a woman such as her to be alone in a man’s bedchamber, and no doubt it was something the girl wasn’t used to.
Again, Edwina had little patience for formality. “I have said you are dismissed, girl.”
The girl set the tray upon the floor (for there was no furniture intact to rest it on) and departed without a backward glance. Clearly, she was somewhat intimidated by Edwina.
Edwina had no problem with that, as long as it meant the girl would stay out of her way.
“You are afraid of humiliating yourself by being violently ill in front of others,” Edwina observed. “To do so is not, to your point of view, a manly thing. It betrays weakness.”
“You accuse me of vanity?” he growled.
“I do, as a matter of fact, and I say this: A display of vanity, in your case, is not a bad thing. It shows that you have not given up on yourself entirely. It displays a willingness to cling to your former self, to keep fighting to return to it. It’s admirable, and I would generally encourage it.
That said, you must eat, James.” Her voice was gentle now.
“You may be sick before me with no fear of my reaction. I have already seen you in your extremes, and this will not shock or upset me. It will not make me think any less of you.”
His brow creased with worry. “I fear that at this point, given what you have seen of me, it would be impossible for you to think any less of me.”
“You have had a difficult life, James, and you have stumbled rather hard, as happens with some men. But I think quite a bit of you because my sister has told me that you were a fine man indeed before doing this to yourself, and she is rarely wrong.” She paused, then added, “Only never tell her I said so, or I shall deny it to my dying breath.”
James laughed in spite of himself at that, then nodded. “Very well. Let us try.”
Edwina fed him the broth slowly, and he took it, though she could tell there were times when he fretted it might come back up. The bowl was finished, and, to the surprise of both of them, he was able to keep it down.
“We shall allow your body to absorb that a bit,” she told him, “and when it has, it will build a platform within you that will let you more fully feel the effects of the medicine in a few hours. Until then, the nourishment will assist you in fighting the return of the pain, if you will let it.”
There was some medical truth to the things she was telling him, but more than that, she knew that planting these suggestions in his mind would help his own body bring about the results.
More of recovery was about the strength of belief than most people could ever imagine – one of the more fascinating things she’d learned from Drusilla.
“Tell me,” he inquired, “what is it, exactly, that makes you so certain you can succeed in locating the rest of the blade, where the other healers failed? You are certainly no healer yourself, though you seem to know much about it.”
“I am not a healer in the strictest sense, no,” she conceded.
“Indeed, most would probably dismiss me as little more than a dilettante. However, the woman who taught me was perhaps the cleverest and wisest healer in all of Scotland. She could have removed this fragment herself, and I feel that I have sufficiently absorbed her tutelage to do likewise. I have observed these sorts of things many times over and even assisted in a couple of them. You will be safe in my hands, James. I would never do anything to jeopardize your life. You have my word on that.”
He said nothing in return, but there was a faint glimmer of comfort in his eyes, where a day ago there had been nothing but darkness and agony.
As she made her way toward the door, he said, “No, stay a while longer yet. Tell me, what has transpired of late?”
She frowned at him, confused. “I do not understand the question. With regard to what?”
“With regard to the affairs of the clan. What of the bandits who attacked us, and…did this to me? Has there been any progress in tracking and apprehending them? Have there been any more such assaults?”
“I would have no way of knowing any of that,” she answered honestly.
“Such matters are your brother’s purview, and he has not confided them to me.
Perhaps because, frankly, I have not asked.
I was summoned here to tend to your maladies, not to involve myself in the day-to-day doings of the McDougals. ”
“Yes, I understand that,” he countered impatiently, “but you could find out for me, could you not? You could ask him these things and relate the answers to me?”
“Certainly I could,” she affirmed, “but I have absolutely no intention of doing so.”
His expression grew angry. “Then you do mean to torture me senselessly, or else why would you withhold such important information from me? Why would you needlessly keep me in ignorance? Unless…” His eyes filled with flinty suspicion.
“Is it that you do know something? Something you are unwilling to share with me? Something that you fear will make my outlook worse? Oh, out with it, for heaven’s sake, before I am driven mad from not knowing! ”
“Again, I applaud your passion, sir,” she remarked dryly.
“It will serve you in good stead these coming weeks in terms of helping you combat your agony. As I said before, I have no intention of being dishonest with you in any way. To tell you falsehoods would damage your ability to trust me and to heed my ministrations as you should. However, I will not make these inquiries on your behalf because simply put, the answers to them may create additional aggravation in you, which might make your condition worse. You need to rest, and you won’t be able to if you get yourself worked up over things that are out of your control. ”
“Everything will be out of my control from now on,” he grumbled, “now that I am less than a true man.”
“Nothing need be out of your grasp once we have finished with you, James,” she informed him.
“If you wish to return to your life as a warrior and protector of these lands, I have every confidence that you will be able to. You will have to work a bit harder at it, perhaps, but that outcome can still be yours if you are willing to work for it.”
“Now you are telling me a falsehood. Do you expect me to believe that with a leg damaged beyond repair, I can be of use to anyone on a field of battle?”
“Your leg,” she said with a faint smile, “may have some use in it yet. You shall see.”