Chapter Twenty-Two
With his men behind him, Rob led Jocelyn towards the gates.
When Connor arrived this morn, Rob understood why Duncan was delaying—either he knew or suspected that Connor would not stand back and let anyone handle it for him.
In a way, though the danger was high, he would finally speak to Connor for the first time in more than four years.
If he had doubted it, Connor’s voice yelling out his name over his wall confirmed it.
Dougal held the lady in place behind Rob and Rob nodded for one of the wooden-gate doors to be opened. With guards in position to both defend it and ready to close it immediately if the need arose, Rob walked forwards and found Connor standing on the other side of it.
‘Laird Matheson,’ he said in the booming voice that spread fear and terror in those who opposed him, ‘you have something of mine.’
Rob nodded and Dougal walked Jocelyn forwards.
Connor drew his sword, but Rob only placed his hand on his, leaving it in the scabbard for now.
Both of them cursed him under their breaths as they passed him.
Connor reached out and grabbed Jocelyn, pulling her roughly to him and kissing her before they spoke in whispers.
A moment later, Jocelyn sent him a dark glare and walked into the throng of MacLerie warriors.
‘And my daughter,’ Connor called out once more.
When Rob did not react, the Beast of the Highlands continued.
‘I will put this keep to the torch and tear it down stone by stone if you do not return my daughter now.’ He advanced a few paces until he stood but inches from the entrance—outside the wall but not by much.
Try as he might, when confronted by the man who was more father to him than his own had been and while he looked at the man who had had as much a hand in destroying Lilidh’s spirit and life as he himself had, Rob could not stop himself.
Although he’d sworn that his clan’s needs came first, his need for vengeance or absolution sparked the anger in his blood and he could not simply acquiesce to his mentor now.
He stepped closer and spoke in a lower voice so that none would hear it but Connor.
‘I think not. For if you harm one Matheson this day, your beloved daughter will discover your part in what played out four years ago.’
A bleak expression entered Connor’s eyes and was gone in a second. ‘You have not told her?’ he asked.
‘I will let her think what she might, as long as you pay the gold as demanded and leave.’
‘Gold?’ Connor laughed. ‘So this is more about your greediness and less about your honour, as I suspected.’ Rob’s hand tightened on the pommel of his sword and he fought not to pull it free and strike.
‘And there is one more condition,’ Rob added.
‘Another?’ Connor asked. ‘I am not certain you are in a position to make any more demands.’
‘I am. I hold your daughter and you want her kept in ignorance of the way you forced me to disavow her. You do not want her to know that you demanded I humiliate her so that there was no hope of a future together. You do not want Jocelyn to know either. And they will unless you seem to find an honourable way to end this now.’
When Connor let out a breath, he looked much older than Rob had ever realised. And more vulnerable. ‘You will seek no retribution against my clan for this incident. When you leave, when Lilidh leaves, it is over between us.’
Somehow Rob knew he would accept. Under it all, this beast of a man loved his wife and his daughter and would give anything to protect them.
And if it was from the truth of his failings or from the truth of his past actions in this matter, Connor would do it.
Rob began to walk away, intending to get Lilidh himself, when Connor delivered a blow as only he could.
‘I have a condition as well, Matheson.’
The air thick with foreboding, Rob faced Lilidh’s father and waited to hear it.
‘You must end it completely with her. As you did before. I will not have her pining away, thinking something will come of this.’
Rob closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore the screaming in his heart and soul.
If he was going to be laird here, if he was going to be worthy enough to be chief and command the respect and loyalty of his kin, then he must be loyal to them.
If he did as Connor demanded, his clan would be left unmolested and able to ally themselves elsewhere.
If he did not, Connor would return and destroy them later.
If he was going to be the leader he must be, he had to let her go completely.
Again.
Turning away, he began walking back to the keep.
Dougal followed him, whispering furiously, but Rob waved him off.
He walked through the silent hall and the kitchens to the chamber where she waited for him.
Opening the door, he prepared to do something he’d regret until his last breath to the woman he loved.
‘Lilidh, your father waits for you at the gates,’ he said. ‘Your things are already there.’
She began shaking her head at him. ‘Rob, let me speak to him. This can be worked out. You were willing to handfast with me and I am certain he will accept—’
‘It is over, Lilidh. Now, come with me.’
He did not wait for her to argue more, he simply took her by the arm and led her out.
He kept the pace a quick one so that she would have to concentrate on her path and her leg and not be able to continue to argue with him.
A cowardly thing to do, but it was a kindness compared to what he must do next.
They crossed the yard and made their way to the gate where Connor yet stood, unmoved in the time since Rob left him there. Only his eyes betrayed any emotion when he caught sight of Lilidh approaching. Steeling himself for what he must do, he released her arm a few paces from the gate.
‘Rob. Father. We should speak in private,’ Lilidh began.
‘There is no need for that now, Lilidh. Your father will take you home now,’ he said.
‘But, Rob, we have—’ He knew she would reveal the vows, so he interrupted her and began his descent into the hell his life would be.
‘We have spent memorable hours together, my sweet. I will miss having you to warm my bed,’ he said, adding a coarse laugh to his words.
‘I was happy to oblige a widow’s need for such things, but nothing else can exist for us.
Your father understands I accepted what you offered me, but now I must wed as my clan directs. Tyra has waited long enough.’
She gasped and began to sway. ‘Rob, you said—’
‘Well, Laird MacLerie,’ he called out as he pushed her towards Connor, ‘you have your daughter. Where is the gold?’
Lilidh stumbled the few steps until she reached her father. He pulled her close and whispered something to her that Rob could not hear. Then he called to one of his soldiers, who carried a chest forwards. Connor took the chest and tossed it at Rob’s feet.
‘Your gold, Laird Matheson.’
Rob stood frozen as the sound of Lilidh’s soft cries echoed across the yard.
Connor led her to the centre of his men and Rob ordered the gates closed.
He could not speak to anyone right now or he would begin to beg for her forgiveness and her love, so he climbed the steps to the top of the wall and watched the MacLeries begin to leave.
* * *
Three hours later, when the midday sun reached high overhead, they were gone.
* * *
At the evening meal that night, one he did not eat, the elders toasted the way he’d handled the MacLerie laird, they toasted their good will and they toasted him as a worthy son to the late laird.
But Rob had never felt more unworthy than he did now—for he had failed once more to stand up as a man to Connor MacLerie. And he’d hurt Lilidh more deeply than she deserved.
* * *
How she got home, she never knew, for one minute she stood in Keppoch Keep thinking of ways to convince her father to accept her vows with Rob and the next she lay in the same chamber where she had slept before her marriage.
Lilidh remembered bits and pieces of the journey, but very little after Rob humiliated her again with his easy dismissal of their time together.
Of their love.
Her siblings and cousins visited her to welcome her home throughout the next week.
Her father occasionally informed her of letters from the MacGregors, asking after her and about her recovery from the unfortunate incident.
Other than that, she could not face him.
Twice she’d been a fool to believe Rob’s word and twice he’d humiliated her in front of her father.
Even when she found him watching her expectantly, she could not speak to him. Her mother spent time with her and never mentioned Rob or the time that she’d been at Keppoch...
Or the passion they shared.
Or the love that he swore and then disavowed.
Or the way he’d made her feel whole once and again.
Shaking off her despondency was difficult because he returned to her in her dreams and she woke sobbing in despair or shuddering in pleasure as her body and soul remembered every moment of it.
Lilidh became a master of deception in those next weeks—deceiving herself and others that it had mattered not to her.
She spent her days reading or sewing and ignoring the devastation in her heart. She spent her nights dreaming of being back in his arms.
To get away from some of the pitying glances, she began spending time in the village with her cousin Ciara, who was awaiting the birth of her second child. Since she could no longer travel with her father on the laird’s business, Ciara did any work in her home, one built by Ciara’s husband, Tavis.
Ciara was intelligent and had a similar sense of humour as Lilidh had, so it was a wonderful diversion to spend days with her. And it was a chance comment by Ciara, about two weeks after Lilidh’s return to Lairig Dubh, that made her realise her courses had not come.
And that she was carrying Rob’s bairn.