Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Sash and Logan take over the loveseat, the two squishing in beside one another. Adam sprawls in the rarely used leather chair beside the television. Caleb and I sink into the couch, and he wordlessly moves closer when he realizes I’ve left a small gap between us.
“What happened after you were taken?” Caleb asks, the first to speak.
My pulse races. Adam takes the initiative to explain. “They captured us and pumped me full of horse tranquilizer. I don’t remember most of the drive. They took Evelyn to medical upon arrival, and I was put into some sort of reinforced, underground cell.”
Caleb glances at me. I nod to confirm that’s true.
“I was impaled during their attack,” I add on, absentmindedly rubbing the bandage under my shirt. “I woke up shortly after surgery.” My voice wavers, and I clear my throat before continuing. “Daniel was there. He knew that my marking had healed. I cut it off as soon as he’d left the room.”
“They gave you a knife?” Caleb asks.
I shake my head. “Daniel left one behind.”
Guilt works its way down my spine. I breathe, waiting for it to pass. Daniel wasn’t a good man, even if he did a few kind things near the end. I refuse to feel guilty for killing him.
“I was brought to leadership the next day,” I continue. “I tried to play innocent, but they didn’t believe me. They put me in the cell with Adam.” Caleb squeezes my hand. “I was taken to medical a few times afterward.”
I have half a mind to mention Bells, but I decide not to. Everybody knows about her, and things between her and Adam don’t seem to be going well. I don’t want to bring her up in front of him.
Adam takes over explaining. “I was taken in for testing a few times, too.”
“What kind of testing?” Caleb asks.
Adam shakes his head. Silence stretches as we wait to see if Caleb will push. I’ll never forget how Adam’s skin would turn a painful, splotchy blue and his veins would swell. It must’ve been agonizing.
“I’m not discussing it,” Adam finally says.
Caleb nods. “Very well, but the other alphas will ask.”
“And they’ll receive the same answer.”
Caleb hums. “And I assumed you and Evelyn kissed to cause pain? It was… I felt it in my mouth.”
Sash takes this as her cue to leave, mumbling something about putting away the leftover food as she disappears into the kitchen. Logan is quick to follow.
I look at Adam.
Adam looks at me.
We’re all dreading this conversation, but I understand why Caleb brought it up. We did what needed to be done, and I don’t want there to be secrets between us. I want to know what Caleb did, too.
“Yes,” I eventually admit. “He licked inside my mouth. It was gross.”
Adam snorts, but he doesn’t look the least bit offended. I’m sure he was disgusted, too.
Caleb runs a hand down my spine, smoothing my painfully stiff muscles.
“What about you?” I ask.
Adam leaves the room.
Caleb presses his lips to the top of my head, his chest expanding as he sucks in a deep breath.
“I specifically wanted you to feel the pain on your marking,” he says.
“I wasn’t sure if you were with Adam, but I was hoping you would recognize that the pain was from me.
I wanted you to know that I was coming. That you weren’t abandoned. ”
He sighs. “There are only a few men who know that code. We keep the knowledge quiet. I needed…” Caleb turns, pressing his forehead against mine. His next words come out in a rush, like he’s trying to spit them out as quickly as possible. “I allowed a man to rub his penis on my marking.”
I open my mouth. Then I slam it shut.
Caleb continues. “Mate bonds are smart. They can be finicky with what they consider cheating. Kissing Adam would surely do it. He’s an attractive man, and he’s my second-in-command.
Even if you didn’t enjoy it, it doesn’t change the fact that you were intimate with my direct competition. Our bond wouldn’t like that.”
“But you…” I trail off, not sure what to say. “If that’s the case, then why did the bond register your actions as cheating?”
Caleb frowns. “Because our markings are sacred. I let somebody else touch mine. I let them rub against it. That was…” Caleb pauses. He looks guilty—ashamed, even. “What I did was incredibly disrespectful.”
I can’t imagine it. I don’t really want to.
I thought what Adam and I did was awful, but I can’t fathom Caleb’s decision.
How did he even go about picking which man he would choose?
Was it a lottery? Did they volunteer? Were they hard?
What was Caleb doing the entire time? Did they make eye contact?
Did he distract himself with his phone? Was anybody else in the room?
I drag my hands down my face, fighting with everything inside me to keep my expression neutral. Caleb clearly feels guilty. Bonds and markings mean everything to the shifters, and it’s understandable that Caleb would view his actions as horribly disrespectful.
I can’t laugh. I can’t let him know that I find the situation just the tiniest bit funny.
It would crush him.
“Are you upset with me?” he asks.
I clear my throat. “No. Of course not.” I push a strand of hair out of his eye, looking for any excuse to touch him. His skin is so soft. I could spend an entire lifetime touching it and never grow tired.
“I love you,” I start. “And I hope you don’t take offense to this, but what you did doesn’t upset me as much as it upsets you.
I don’t… I don’t feel that strong of a connection with your marking.
I mean, I love it, of course I do, but I don’t feel disrespected because you let a man touch it with his penis.
I love what your marking represents, but it’s just skin to me. Special skin, of course, but skin.”
I’m rambling.
My words aren’t coming out the way I want them to.
Caleb frowns, his eyebrows pulling together as he puts his hand between us. His pink marking stands out against his tanned skin, and I don’t overthink my actions as I dart forward and kiss it. I’m trying to prove that I’m not bothered.
Caleb sucks in a trembling breath. “Thank you, Evelyn.”
I give his marking another kiss, then ask the question lingering in the back of my mind. “Are you upset with me? For kissing Adam?”
Caleb takes a moment to think. My nerves skyrocket when the corners of his lips twitch upward. “I’m trying to imagine it,” he admits. “He must have really been…” Caleb sticks out his tongue, then wiggles it around, imitating what Adam did. His assumption is painfully accurate.
“It was disgusting,” I admit.
Caleb’s smile grows. “I’m not upset,” he admits. “If anything, I suppose I feel a bit bad for you.”
He should feel bad for me. I feel bad for him, too, but my teasing will wait. It’s too soon.
I have so many questions.