Chapter 21 Maggie #2
I wish I could say I sprang out of Rue’s house with a noble purpose and stormed up to Evie and fixed everything in one glorious day, but that would be a lie.
All the lessons from my childhood with Rue swamped me with uncertainty.
Fear still gripped me hard, even with my new power and determination.
I wanted to be the person that Rue thought I could be, but those muscles had atrophied over the years.
Every shitty thing I’d done wouldn’t be undone in one day. Or even a week. Or apparently a month.
I woke up every day with the intent to work on myself and my mistakes and I took one action each moment to make that a reality.
Sometimes it was sitting with Fallon and learning about her growing passion for food beyond the bakery she ran in our human village.
I didn’t miss how Declan helped in the kitchen most days.
Sometimes it was crying alone in my room.
The release of grief slowly cleared my head.
Sometimes it was showing up to some sort of Queen event Evie was forced to host and actively cheering her on.
I made sure I stood well away from Ward at those events. More out of respect than fear.
I practiced my magic, my fighting stances. I took naps and attempted, once again, to go flying with Evie. My stomach didn’t survive the trip even though she had gotten better. I helped Evie wash the vomit out of her hair.
I didn’t forget about Noth in all this work.
How could I? I meant what I said when I needed to deserve him.
We communicated a little through the bond.
I couldn’t say I didn’t come from a couple of sessions where he poured hot filth into my mind from afar.
It was comforting and tempting at the same time.
I could probably go back to him just the same and he would welcome me.
But that wasn’t good enough now. That would be dishonoring Rue’s gifts to me.
I was just beginning to understand the opportunity Noth gave me.
The second month after I left, the bond went silent.
I ached, but I was too terrified to reach out first. Did his silence mean he had given up on me?
On us? It was better, I tried to convince myself.
I would face him… tomorrow. There was still more to do.
Because after a month of deliberate support and purposeful action, I felt strong enough to start being the sister Evie deserved.
I found her on her ass in a bunch of straw, tending to her horse Greg in the most unqueenly manner possible. She picked his hooves with more spirit than finesse and half of it was ending up all over her.
“Need any help?”
Evie swung around and smiled at me. “Of course.”
If nothing else, at least Greg would be the best-groomed horse in all the Harrowlands. The delicate Pasifino was already in great shape, but I grabbed a curry comb to give my hands something to do and to add a shine to his cherry roan coat.
I swallowed hard as we worked. I was an adult and I could force the words out for the first time ever. Noth and Rue had shown me I could be more than angry. A clever, courageous woman was more than capable of saying these fucking words to her sister.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Evie’s head snapped up and her hands stilled. Greg swung around, nickering at her softly.
“Sorry,” she said to him. She rested his hoof across her thigh again.
“Abner,” I clarified. “Fish face. It wasn’t your fault he left you or slept with me.
” Her silence was unnerving so I plowed ahead anyway.
“Abner tricked me in the worst way with a glamor.
And I was ashamed to admit it, because I shouldn't have been fucking someone the day you needed my support. When he spread it all over town, I was hoping my fuck-up would shift the village gossip over to me rather than to you.”
Possibly brushing a bald spot into Greg, I came around to where Evie sat and put the brush down.
“I should have killed him.” Evie’s snarl was downright feral.
My knees buckled and I fell down into the straw with her, as some of it stuck in my hair. I didn’t care that it turned me into a mess. This was far more important. I set my blackened hands on her knees and looked up into those eyes so like my own.
“My entire adult life I have told myself what a villain I am and that became a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. My life ended up between men’s sheets and in the cracks where trouble grew because that's what I thought I deserved.”
Evie inhaled but didn’t contradict me. I was glad to see that she had grown more confident.
“I've been selfish. How long have you deserved an apology for what happened?” The tears welled up in my eyes and I let them spill forth rather than suck them back in.
How long had I wanted to truly matter to someone when all I had to do was turn to the people trying to hand it to me?
“I’m sorry, Evie. I’m sorry I hurt you and continued to hurt you afterward.
I didn't know how to act or get the words out but, Godds bless him, Noth showed me the way. I will not be ashamed of needing sex. It got me this.” I blossomed a flower out of the straw and I tucked it behind Evie’s ear.
“But I was wrong to search for power anywhere I could. I can tell you I will do better, but that won’t mean much if I don’t show you I will do better. ”
Evie touched the flower in her hair.
“I can see you trying. Is that why you’re here rather than with Noth?”
“Yep,” I confessed, shrugging. “And I could really use some sisterly advice on how the hells I’m supposed to be a Queen because, turns out, we’re mates.”
“Advice from me!?” Evie squeaked.
“From you, E. I couldn’t have asked for a better teacher.”
“Well, first off, you need a crown if you’re going to be a Queen.”
My heart overflowed with gratitude. This was okay.
We would be okay. I tried to gentle my smile from the grimace slowly forming.
I saw the crown she made for Ward and it was a hideous monstrosity with wrong angles and random spikes sticking out of it.
Breathe in. Breathe out. It didn’t need to be perfect to be valuable.
That Evie didn’t give up on me, humbled me more than I could say.
“I would love a crown.”
Evie shook her hands out and called up her dragon magic full of light and awe.
My magic surged in return, happily mimicking hers.
Blinded, I had to close my eyes against her sorcery.
When I opened them, a beautiful creation of silver and radiance winked in her palms. It looked like she captured live stars in a field of darkness that swooped and soared.
Delicate metal would curl around my ears and bracket to my chin to hold the dainty chains that dripped from the crown.
I knew just what to do. Taking Rue’s diamonds from my storage pouch, I pressed them against the crown until they hung from every fine chain Evie created.
I eagerly grabbed it to set it on my head and I found a lumpy curl at the back–a swirl of unmolded metal.
“Oh, sorry,” Evie started to say, “I can fix it.”
I gently brushed her hand away. “No. I love it.” I worked the final and largest diamond into the lump at the back and set the crown on my head.
“How do I look?” I asked, giggling.
Evie whipped out the crown Ward made her and set it on her head too. “We look fabulous!”
We both laughed loud enough for Greg to swish his tail in annoyance. I hugged my sister and went back to horse chores in our matching crowns.