Chapter twelve
SIERRA
Kyle is sitting behind the kitchen island, chewing on the pasta I made for dinner. In one hand, he's holding the paper, a fork in the other, while his eyes skim across the words on the invite over and over.
"I'm confused," he says finally. "Is this like... a prank?"
"I don't know." I shrug, my voice quiet. "I don't think so."
"Fuck." He exhales and shakes his head. I can do nothing else but swallow the lump in my throat again.
Ruby Zhang.
The name is stuck in my mind. It has been since an hour ago, and the shock hasn't lessened. I felt like bursting into tears as soon as I opened the envelope.
Right now, I'm sitting across from Kyle, still unsettled and very much quiet. I have no idea what to even say. I'm just wondering how could Elias do this and not even tell me. Even though we weren't in such an exclusive commitment, I still don't understand.
"But I thought that you two... you know," Kyle trails off, sending me a quick glance.
"Not anymore." I meet his eyes. "He broke it off before graduation."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"He didn't even say anything," he says, gesturing to the paper in his hand. "About this, I mean. This is like... out of nowhere."
I nod my head, still trying to wrap my head around it. The realization that I'm not the person he chose has me feeling hurt and rejected because I honestly thought that we could have been something.
I guess I'm a fool for even fantasizing about it.
And after seeing Ruby with him today, I might even start questioning myself whether I'm not good enough. But I refuse to let it get to that point.
"I saw him today," I say. "With her, I think. At a restaurant."
"And he didn't mention it?"
"He didn't see me."
"I mean, he would tell us what's going on, wouldn't he?" Kyle mutters, lost in thought. "Something's off here. Aren't weddings supposed to be planned like months ahead? Feels rushed," he says, looking at the date for next weekend. "And I doubt he would be able to hide it from us for so long."
"I don't know. He'd have to tell us that himself." I shrug slightly, not even knowing how to feel. My voice is dry like sandpaper and my brain feels like it's shutting down. I haven't even touched my food.
A beat passes.
Then another.
"Are you okay?" Kyle nudges me with his hand.
"Yeah."
"You're not," he says. "Talk to me."
I meet his eyes again. I know that he's the last person who would ever say something against this, or tell me that it's not valid. He wouldn't blame me for anything. And yet, it feels like I shouldn't be feeling the way I do right now. Me and Elias are nothing, after all.
"It just feels weird seeing someone that was hooking up with me for four months now suddenly marrying someone he never even mentioned, you know?"
"I understand that." Kyle nods, because I said something that's already obvious. He cuts to the chase. "But do you have feelings for him?"
I pause then, gulping slightly.
"I mean, you know," he tilts his head, playing with his food. "Four months is not a short time, and... it's normal if you do."
I think about it for a second.
Do I have feelings for Elias?
Sure.
But it's not like I'm in love with him.
"It's strange to see him move on just like that," I say. "I don't know. I just thought that we'd progress from here, but he has other plans, so... I have to suck it up." I force a little smile.
Kyle doesn't buy it. He nudges his fork through the pasta, eyes still fixed on me. "You know you're allowed to feel the way you do, right?" he says. "It's not shameful, and it's not embarassing."
I just nod a little, not trusting myself to speak yet.
He pauses, then adds, "Being that close to someone physically can make you hope for something more. That's just human."
His reassurance makes me feel more at ease. It makes me feel understood. But I can't help but wonder what it is that he sees on my face that makes him look so sympathetic. "I just want you to know that if you want to, you can talk to me. Let yourself process this, and we'll go from there, yeah?"
"I know. Thanks," I say softly, earning small smile in return.
??????
The ceiling fan rotates above while a thick coat of silence lays over the table at Bluebird. The six of us are seated in a booth, bitterly distracted by our own thoughts and a soft tune from the speakers after just hearing a dry confirmation from Elias that he is, in fact, getting married.
Everyone is shocked. I can see it reflecting on the faces of my friends. All of us were wondering about how Elias wasn't even dating anyone seriously, but it turns out that he barely knows the bride himself.
Kyle stirs his coffee without drinking it, remaining seated in the corner next to Mia. Elias is on her other side with Sebastian across from him, Jenny in the middle, and me next to her.
The entire table holds long faces and everybody wants answers.
I watch Elias closely. He looks tired, unsettled—like he's lacking sleep and staying consumed by stress on the daily.
It makes my heart ache to see him this way, and I have a feeling that we don't even know half of what he's actually going through.
He was also surprised that the invitations were sent out already. He wanted to tell us everything at his own pace, but Ruby's parents have already started organizing everything, barely even asking him about anything either, so it was news to him that all of us got our invitations already.
"So... it's true, then? You're actually going through with it?" Kyle asks quietly, finally breaking the silence.
Elias nods, eyes still fixed down at the table. "I didn't really have a choice."
"But you don't even like her—what's her name?" Sebastian scrunches his brows, then leans back with his arms crossed.
"It's not about liking her. This is expected from me, or whatever. My dad's made it pretty clear." Elias sighs.
"And you're just gonna let him?" Jenny asks, her blue eyes dark, which means she's irritated and angry, but Elias just smiles bitterly, not replying.
"God, he's a fucking asshole," Sebastian sighs, running both hands across his face, and speaking the words everyone is thinking.
Kyle sighs. "And what about you? What about what you want? Doesn't he care at all?"
"Unfortunately not. He says I have no future with football."
"Bullshit," Sebastian cuts in. "Football means everything to you. Like it does to me. You're not a puppet, Eli. You don't have to let him script your life."
"You think I haven't tried?" he asks dryly, emotionless. "I told him a dozen times that I don't want this. Every time it ends the same way. I never even got a choice to say if I want this or not. It's a command that I have to follow through."
"You still have the right to say no and walk away," Jenny says.
"I wish I could." Elias shakes his head. "Cameron's already done that. And how did it end? He doesn't even come home anymore."
Mia sighs. "At least he's got his freedom now. You shouldn't be tied down to something you don't want. You're gonna wake up and go to sleep next to someone you don't like, just so he can shake hands with a business partner? That's insane."
"What do you want me to say?" Elias sighs, frustrated. "That I hate it? I do. It's fucking tearing me up. But no matter what I want, this is happening."
"Okay, we get that, but... you're not alone, Elias," Mia says, her face showing that's she's not okay with this injustice. "We're standing with you."
"You deserve better than this," Kyle adds.
"I know. And I appreciate all of you. I just don't know how to get out without losing everything."
"Even if he cuts you off, we have your back. You can always come to us," Sebastian says. "We want to help you."
"I know. But the thing is, the contract is already signed. It's too late," Elias says, and silence hangs in the air.
I can't bring myself to say a word.
But all I can feel is dread.
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