Chapter twenty three
ELIAS
Dusk is right around the corner. I puff out a cloud of smoke, and lift the glass of whiskey to my lips, spending yet another night on my own.
I'm standing on the balcony, somewhat peaceful because Ruby is not at home. She didn't tell me where she was going, and I also didn't ask.
I tend to spend less and less time in this house during the renovations.
Ruby's been dealing with that because truthfully, I haven't been in the headspace to even care about it.
I keep myself busy playing football with Sebastian or going out with Kyle, and spending an overwhelming amount of time in the office just to stop letting my mind wander.
I inhale the smoke again, watching the burnt end fall into the round ashtray that I previously placed on the top of the stone railing. With an absent mind, I finish off the cigarette and head back inside. I pull my phone out of my pocket, and my fingers type away a text message.
Me: Wanna see you
I toss the phone on the mattress then, sighing to myself and throwing myself on the bed, facing the ceiling.
Minutes pass, and when there's still no reply from Sierra, I send another message.
Me: Still thinking about you
I wait again, and just as I'm about to give up, a notification pops up on my screen. I sit up immediately, eyes skimming over it.
Sierra: Don't tell me stuff like that
Me: You say that every time and still end up in my bed. You must like it ;)
Me: You also left your earrings behind. Intentional?
Sierra: It's almost ten Elias
I chuckle to myself. She's trying to avoid me at all costs, and I understand her. Things are definitely not how they used to be, no matter how much I try to convince myself they are.
I know that the earrings on my nighstand are proving that her actions were intentional. She left them behind at the cabin the morning after, and it's obvious that she needs an excuse to come back, even if she doesn't fully admit it to herself yet.
Me: I know
Me: I can't sleep
Me: I miss you
Sierra: That's not going to convince me to meet up
Me: Just to talk then. I want to hold you
She doesn't respond again, and my desires get the better of me. I change into another pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, then brush my teeth twice, making sure that she won't smell the cigarette smoke on me.
I call a cab and leave to her place. As soon as Sierra opens the door, she lets out a sigh of defeat and tilts her head. "Really?"
"I couldn't help it," I say and step forward, closing and locking the door behind me. "Let me stay with you."
"I'm going to sleep, Eli," she says and makes her way to her bedroom. I follow right behind, already discarding my shirt and sweatpants as she tucks herself under the covers. I slip in beside her, spooning her from behind, not forgetting to place her earrings on her night stand as I go by.
"I wanna hold you, baby," I murmur and kiss her neck, hearing her let out a soft breath while shifting back against me. I keep my arm wrapped around her middle, and my hand sneaks under the tank top to touch her stomach.
No matter what, I know that her body craves mine in the same way, even if she denies it a million times.
Even like this, we're unmistakably intimate.
Whether it's just a simple touch, I crave it when it comes to her.
I crave that affection and casual touches and kisses that don't even have to lead anywhere near sex.
I kiss up her skin, finding her neck again and making her turn around to lay on her back. She complies with little to no protest, welcoming me on top of her right before I kiss her lips.
"We're not supposed to do this. We said we won't," she lets out softly, conflicted.
"Yeah. We lie a lot." I kiss her deeper, sucking on her tongue and claiming her lips in a slow, sensual kiss.
I feel her hands glide up my arms, and I enjoy the way she wraps her thighs around my waist. This is the way I want her, always. Willing and affectionate, needing me just the way I need her.
We break our kiss and I let out a breath that contains so much fondness in this moment. I place my head in the crook of her neck, just enjoying her comforting presence. This pull between us can't really be ignored, and I have a hard time comprehending that things have been so difficult for us.
Sierra threads her fingers through my hair, and in that moment, I'm a lost cause. We lay like that for a long time, and I even doze off somewhere in the middle, planting all my weight on her involuntarily.
"Eli," she wakes me up with her soft voice, and I stir without opening my eyes yet.
"Mm?" I move a little, tightening my arms around her while giving her a lazy kiss on the collarbone.
"I can't move," she mumbles, and I chuckle a bit before sliding off her, still remaining close.
"Better?" I ask as she snuggles into my chest. I keep her close, kissing her forehead as she hums in response. My hand slides down her side and grips her ass. I can feel myself getting hard, but I ignore it.
Sierra chuckles a little, noticing, and that makes me grin.
"We should take this off, hmm?" I kiss her earlobe and teasingly slide off the strap of her tank top.
"No," she murmurs, wrapping her thigh around me. I let out a small exhale, letting both my hands slide down her back and grip her ass cheeks firmly, kneading them.
"Eli..."
"Don't tell me to stop. Let me make you feel good," I say lowly, getting more and more aroused by the second. My fingers slip between her cheeks, brushing over her, and after a few strokes, she's damp through her shorts.
"Fuck, baby..." I grunt, grinding my hips upwards to meet hers. She keeps letting out those small sounds, and all I want right now is to take those little shorts off and fuck her senseless.
Sierra begins to move her hips along too, sliding up and down against my cock. It drives me insane.
"Let me," I breathe out. "Fuck, let me take these off you..."
I move, so I have her pinned under me. I take off her top, and slide off her shorts, tossing them somewhere on the floor before getting rid of my boxers too.
I touch her between her legs, finding her soaked for me. My fingers move along her slit, spreading her wettness around. "So good for me, aren't you?" I murmur, feeling her squirm when I slip two of my fingers inside. Her gasp is like a reward, back arching off the mattress.
God, she's beautiful.
"That feels so good..." she moans, and I press my thumb against her clit, circling it along to get even more of her addicting reactions.
"Yeah?" I hum, not stopping for a second. I pull her into a kiss and curl my fingers. I swallow her moans, knowing that she's getting close. She begins to clench around my fingers, and like a dream, her moans continue as her pleasure shoots up to the sky.
When she calms down, I pull my fingers out and smirk down at her. Desire overcomes me and I slide them past her lips, her wet tongue licking up her own juices and her lips wrapping around my fingers. The sight makes me want to combust at the spot.
"You want more, baby?" I ask her lowly, my eyes stuck on her tongue as she licks her lips after I pull my fingers out.
"Yeah," she says, turning around, and my grin doesn't falter when she pushes her ass up and settles on all fours. "Like this?"
"Perfect." I get behind her, smacking her ass a couple of times before I stroke myself and tease her entrance.
"Elias," she whines, and I grant our needs then, gliding inside of her easily. I groan at the pleasure, my hands gripping her hips firmly as I guide them back and forth, impaling her onto me over and over again.
My head falls back, and I grunt, eyes closing as I lose myself in how good we feel together, and I already know I won't be able to stop anytime soon.
??????
Sierra's bedroom is in disarray and the lighting is minimal as we drown in the aftermath of another secret night together. I'm holding her close under the thin sheets, and my lips trail down her bare shoulder.
"Does that mean we can do this again?" I murmur, tightening my arms around her waist.
"No. It means I'm stupid and can't even control myself," she sighs, probably already feeling the guilt creeping in a hundred times worse than the last time.
A moment passes, then I sigh too.
"It's not wrong to want me. I want you too," I say.
There's a heavy silence before Sierra speaks. "You should go. Ruby's probably wondering where her husband is," she says quietly, not looking at me.
My stomach drops. "Don't do that."
"What? Tell the truth?"
"You know it's not like that."
"Oh, it's not? You're married to someone else, and you're here in my bed. Again. Seems pretty damn simple to me."
"That marriage is not real."
"Not real? Then what are we, Elias? Because this isn't real either. This is just borrowed time, and I'm tired of pretending I'm okay with it."
"I didn't come here to hurt you."
"But you are. Every time you leave, you go back to a life I'm not part of. She will always come above me because you chose her whether you meant to or not."
"I didn't choose her. You know that."
"Yeah. But you always come back to me when the guilt isn't bad enough to stop you."
I take a deep breath, staying calm. I know that she's hurting, and I would only make it worse if I reacted fiercely. This isn't something I should fight her about. This is something that I'm supposed to handle in a way that will make it the least painful for both of us.
"So what do you want, Sierra? You want me to never come back?"
She watches me, her hands tucked under her head as she remains beside me. "I want to be someone's first choice. I want to wake up next to someone who isn't someone else's husband. I want to stop being the secret you run to when your life feels wrong, and I hate being the other woman—"
"Sierra, I love you."
She sits up, and her brows furrow. "No. Don't lie to me just to make yourself feel better."
I stare at her, searching for something more to say, but there's nothing left to offer that doesn't hurt. She has to hear the truth.
"I'm not lying," I say. "I'm in love with you. I've been for a while now."
She watches me as if I've said something impossible, but I take the moment to continue. "You've never been the other woman for me. You're the only one," I say, shifting so my whole body is facing her. "Me and Ruby don't even sleep in the same bed, Sierra. We barely talk."
I watch her look down at her lap, and she fiddles with her fingers. My hand reaches out to touch her jaw and make her look at me.
"Listen, I know that this is a situation that's making us doubt—making you doubt over and over. But I'm being honest with you. I mean it when I say I love you. You're important to me."
Sierra hesitates for a second, then asks, "have you ever.... with Ruby?"
"Never." I take her hands in mine. "I'm yours, Sierra. I have been from the moment we were together for the first time. I think that you're amazing, and beautiful, and you make me want to spend every day with you by my side. And I'm not talking just in bed. I want you completely."
My eyes fleet between hers, and I add, "And I guess what I want to ask you right now is, if you feel the same." I know that she does, but I want to hear it. "Do you?"
Sierra opens her mouth to speak, but an abrupt, sharp ringing of my phone cuts through the air. I shift my eyes and decline the call from my dad before looking back at her. But then a row of messages come through and I sigh with annoyance, letting my eyes glance at what could be so urgent right now.
Then, with each word I read, my chest tightens more, and I stare at my phone screen with utter disbelief at what I'm seeing.
Dad: Answer the phone, Elias
Dad: Do not make me come all the way over to your place
Dad: [sent 3 images]
Dad: You are going to explain this to me!
??