Chapter 4
Aurora
It was strange not seeing Creed on Wednesday. He’d become such a part of my life so quickly—the only really happy part—that it was sad to not see him when I normally did.
Plus, Xavier was acting differently after what happened.
I knew it was his guilt—that Andrew almost got me and that I now knew he was my bodyguard.
I’d already known, so there was no need for him to worry about that.
But he was acting differently and it was hard to settle with when there was so much else to settle with.
Right then, it was Theresa’s upset.
“You’re dating an ex-convict. Did I hear that insanity correctly?” she bit out, pinching the bridge of her nose.
I cleared my throat. “He has not asked to court me. I wanted to find out information for Ellie, but honestly he’s just very nice. I am settling in as you both wanted and enjoying cooking. He’s kind and not critical which is all I’ve known. He…”
“What?” she asked, losing some of her upset.
I sighed, wringing my hands together. “Somehow he drowns out the critical voices in my head. The years of Kenneth telling me that I’m useless or my family finding everything wrong with me.
He shrugs things off so easily when I pick on things and tells me the world will not end and I learned something useful. Take it as a lesson not a failure.”
She seemed surprised but then sighed too. “Aurora, I did a background check and—it’s not good. He’s—”
“I would prefer to hear it from him,” I mumbled, lowering my gaze and hoping that I didn’t upset her. “He said we needed to talk after Ellie said we were the worst-matched pair.” I blinked back tears when Theresa snorted. “I’m sorry you’re upset.”
Like always, she didn’t accept it or address any wrongs I’d committed against her. She was clear that she couldn’t discuss the past with me and probably never would.
That we would never be mother and daughter, but since I’d given her life, she would free me to have a life. Her words even.
But then she was done with me. It crushed my soul, but it was better than I’d deserved after all the sins I’d committed. I knew that.
She focused on the situation in front of us, explaining the next steps and what would happen. She had me repeat what I’d gone through and exactly what my brother had done before we had to go to the police and they asked me the same questions. I gave the same statement.
“I’m sorry this was scary and upsetting for you, but it’s good for us that he made such a stupid move and was caught,” she said when we were done.
“And now he’s on the record that they have always planned to force me into their territory to sell me.
Every reply and filing they’ve submitted has basically acted like we’re two hysterical women to be brushed off. ”
“I’m glad this helps,” I offered, not really sure what else to say.
She nodded to Xavier who was waiting by the car Ellie provided for me. Then she turned to me. “Creed isn’t a good guy, Aurora.”
I gave her a smile, touched she cared. “Neither am I. There is no family in the world that would want their loved one anywhere near me after the sins I’ve committed. He’s the only peace I feel in my life—maybe ever, so if he’s willing to keep eating lunch with me, then I will.”
“The only peace ever?” she demanded, breaking her cool mask and seeming hurt.
I realized what I’d said wrong and reached for her, accepting when she flinched away.
“You don’t have a child for peace, Theresa.
You misunderstand that for love. I love—I have always loved you fiercely.
Always. But from the moment you were born, I have been filled with worry.
Fear. Panic for you. It was always—now it’s pride and everything I have no right to feel. ”
She nodded like she might understand, but still that mask came back down and she wished Xavier a good day before leaving.
“She’ll come around one day,” he comforted.
“I don’t care about my feelings,” I whispered as I watched my beautiful daughter walk away. “I will suffer with my pain a hundred lifetimes as long as she finds happiness. Whatever makes it easier for her after all I’ve done.”
“You deserve better,” he argued.
“No, I really don’t,” I chuckled darkly and got into the car.
We stopped at the grocery store, and he stopped acting like he was just the driver and came inside with me. It was honestly fine because Xavier wasn’t overbearing or intruding on what I was doing ever. It was probably better for him to stretch his legs instead of sitting in the car waiting for me.
Then again… I didn’t think he really did that. He’d undoubtedly parked and watched from a distance. That was probably how it had worked.
Well, that was silly, so this was better, especially given how much I liked the grocery store.
Everything was so overwhelming to me. Living this life was so completely different to the one I had been months ago, even if within the same year.
That had been like a time capsule I’d been trapped in and now I was free of that.
So most understood it was overwhelming and tried not to push me.
Oddly enough, all I wanted to do was feed myself. I’d never had the freedom to choose anything, and for some reason I just wanted to cook—learn to cook, cook for myself, make new recipes. Something about making the choices and switching out what I learned I like was amazing.
Without being overwhelming.
The grocery store could be overwhelming, especially if there were a lot of people there.
When it got loud and busy, I couldn’t handle it.
But when it was off hours or early, it was nice.
Too bright, but nice. I could take my time and really see what options there were.
Learn the difference between almond meal flour and almond flour and why there was such a range in price.
Cooking for Creed gave me courage and I made something for everyone in the group meeting I was attending the next morning.
Nothing big, just some egg, cheese, and chive biscuits since the meeting was in the morning.
It was a solid step like the woman in charge of the group kept telling us we could take.
She was shocked when I came in with a container the next morning, quickly hiding her shock and smiling brightly. “Does this mean you’re finally going to speak today, Aurora?”
I swallowed a flinch, knowing it was her goal to push us to share, and I was making a few people uncomfortable by never speaking when I’d been attending for weeks now.
I stared at the container. “I’ve never told anyone my story and it’s been centuries.
It gets harder when you’ve been quiet so long. This was my step to open up.”
“It’s a good step,” she accepted. “You’re trying and that’s what’s important.”
I decided to give them an inch and told them that my brother had tried to abduct me and drag me back to my family now that I was suing them.
It felt bad to use my circumstances to gain sympathy, but that really wasn’t how I’d meant it.
I was trying to make them understand that I wasn’t being nefarious.
“I’m sorry it’s not over for you,” one of the women who took issue that I didn’t talk in group said gently. “When you’re ready, we’ll be here.”
“Listening to you all truly helps,” I promised. “I had centuries of hearing it was normal and expected—my duty. I need more time to…”
“Deprogram,” she offered, nodding when I did.
I was relieved when they accepted that, truly valuing the eight other women in the support group. And it was nice that they all liked what I made, a few giving polite, helpful suggestions since they knew I was new to cooking. One was as simple as recommending a different way to bake them.
No one was mean.
No one was critical.
No one made me feel small.
It made me proud that I’d taken even that step… But I was sad that I wasn’t seeing Creed. He hadn’t said he didn’t want to. I didn’t have his number to even hear from him.
I just couldn’t think that everything would go back to normal after what happened. Ellie said she would handle his situation, and that made me think I was on hold and waiting for some signal, right?
Apparently not, because he showed up at my condo after work and clearly wasn’t happy with me.
“Why didn’t you come for lunch?” he asked when I opened the door. “Are you done spending time with me?”
“What? No,” I answered, shocked he was there.
“No, not at all. I thought—I thought I was—someone was going to tell me when things were fixed or—I don’t know.
” I realized he was still standing in the hallway and stepped aside.
“Please, come in.” Then I frowned. “Wait, are you going to be in trouble?”
“No, I have a new PO, but I have to be home before nine,” he muttered as he stepped inside and took off his shoes. He turned and studied me. “Ms. Reed said your daughter probably told you that I was in the mob. Is that it?”
“Please, slow down,” I whispered as I closed the door behind him and locked it. “This is a misunderstanding and I get flustered fast. Please. I don’t—the women said to make sure my home—I shouldn’t be on the defense in my home.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled. He let out a slow breath. “Sorry. Things are crazy and then you were just fucking gone yesterday and today. It was like a kick in the nuts and I—how did that happen after two weeks only?”
So he was as affected by our lunches as I was? That made me smile. “I felt the same.” I might have said more, but the timer went off. “Are you hungry?”
“Always,” he drawled as I hurried off to the kitchen. “Nice place.”
“It’s one of Ellie’s condos,” I told him. “She uses it to help women. She’s the head of Amanda’s Hope.”
“I heard that,” he said as he stepped into the kitchen and checked it out. “So you saw your daughter yesterday?”
I let out a slow breath as I brought the cucumbers and onions I’d been salting over to the sink to rinse. “We should probably start at the beginning. If you want.”