Chapter 6 #2
I let out a slow breath, not upset since he’d stopped to check we were going to spend more time together.
Ellie had always been like that when she was upset.
She needed space from the situation and to think.
I wasn’t… Wired that way. I wanted resolution and to communicate better or at least take a break together, not leave things up in the air.
But in a way it was a break until tomorrow.
There was one thing I wanted to clarify with him, and when I saw he’d written his number on the whiteboard I had on the wall for my grocery list, I picked up my phone and opened a text message.
Me: I want to clarify a misconception I believe you have.
I have tried to discuss the past with both Ellie and Theresa.
Neither is open to it. Ellie has said eventually there are things we need to discuss, but it seems now that day will probably never come.
Theresa has been clear from the start it will never happen.
Me: I cannot force them and after—this is my punishment for not protecting them better.
Even if I did not birth Ellie, I am the reason she was born, Creed.
It was my job to protect them and instead I committed grave sins against them.
I am the parent, even if not Ellie’s biologically.
Even if legally I won’t be when the divorce happens with Kenneth. I am her parent.
Me: And I need to respect what my daughters want even if it is harder on me.
Theresa thinks me a liar on so much and she’s not wrong.
Ellie too. I lied about so much, but they’re old enough to hear the truth now.
They were children when I failed them and had to send them off for their safety, knowing they would be hurt.
Me: That failure is my sin too, Creed. One I will burn for and I accept that.
I failed in everything, but I did try to correct the falsehoods they believe about the past. If it helps them think more was my fault or they cannot reopen the wounds because it’s centuries later, so be it.
I only want their happiness. They’re both on good paths now. They did that all on their own.
Me: I only failed them.
Creed: No, you sacrificed yourself so they had a chance to become the women they are. I’m pissed at both of them for not being smarter and seeing that.
Creed: And honestly, I would give ANYTHING to have more answers from my adoptive parents.
If there was more to the story like it was done behind their backs or they were ordered to adopt me but actually ended up caring about me—their bio kids fucking threatened—ANY REASON, it would help me, Aurora. They need the truth.
Me: How will them knowing I suffered more help them? That I was a weak woman without morals who sold herself? Both my daughters are strong and save people. I sold myself and should be ashamed.
Me: The only way I keep moving is no one but the gods and I know that shame.
Creed: Oh, beauty, the shame isn’t yours. You’re the fucking victim. You’re the hero in my eyes. You threw yourself in front of them as kids. It just wasn’t a sword that pierced you and it was more times than you can count.
Creed: It’s a whore if you do it for yourself.
You did it for them. But I’m on your side of this.
I beg you to tell someone neutral. I’m biased because of my own past. Tell someone more neutral and I promise you that they will see it as I do.
You said you have a support group, yeah?
Tell them just that part and I swear to you that none will call you a whore.
Not if they have a shred of fucking decency.
I thought about that for several minutes, deeply and truly.
Me: I will think on that or maybe call Alexis who is an attorney now working with Theresa and knows Ellie but is removed and professional.
Me: Thank you, Creed. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You are a good man.
Creed: I’ve committed enough sins that I never paid for. I want to do better and give back, that was the whole point of the EMT program since I can’t ever practice law again.
Me: Could you clerk? Help out in a law office?
Creed: No one sane will take a former mob attorney and I have limits of what I can handle too. I used to be the fancy attorney handling it all. I want to pay for my sins, but killing my soul clerking after all the hard work I put in—I’d rather clean toilets forever. Seriously.
Me: I’m sure your birth parents are proud of you from where they sit next to the gods. I would be to have such a son who works hard to pay for his mistakes—many who weren’t his when they basically brainwashed you as a child.
Creed: That’s why we click. You were brainwashed too. It was just the brainwashing of the whole world back then and you were forced to stay in it longer.
He wasn’t wrong. He definitely wasn’t wrong. I wished him a good night and was glad when he told me that he had arrived home safe.
I sat up a bit longer and thought about what he’d said and then decided to text Alexis asking if she could meet with me before I had lunch with Creed.
She was up as well and replied that she didn’t feel comfortable getting in the middle of my cases when she’d already upset Theresa but promised to at least hear me out when I said it wasn’t professional.
It made me extra nervous the next morning when there was a tight air around her and it was clear she didn’t want to be there.
“I apologize for bothering you,” I whispered, disappointed in myself. “This was clearly a mistake.”
She sighed and waved me to stay seated, sitting across from me. “Well, I’m already here, so at least tell me why you contacted me.”
Why was everyone so harsh toward me besides Creed? I quickly blinked back tears. “Can you please be unbiased and not hate me so much?”
She was quiet for several moments. “I don’t know because I adore Ellie and have known her for so long. I’ll try.”
“I really have no one I can talk with besides him,” I whispered without meaning to.
“You mean the mob lawyer?” she drawled, disgust in her tone.
That angered me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about and what he’s been through,” I snapped.
“None of you understand us and are so quick to judge.” I pushed to my feet, ignoring the shock all over her face.
“Fine, Ellie and Theresa can stay in the dark and hate me. I didn’t want to tell them anyways, but Creed said if it was him, he’d want the truth. ”
She grabbed my arm before I could leave, stronger than me, but suddenly Xavier was there ready to interfere.
Alexis made note of it and let me go, nodding to him that things were fine before meeting my gaze.
“Give me a break too, Aurora. I’m Ellie’s friend and you did something unthinkable to her.
I fight for good and Creed fought for the mob. ”
I opened my mouth to defend him but then sighed. “It’s not my story to tell, but you are a smart enough woman to see something wrong with a lion who grew up with wolves and became their lawyer if you looked into him, yes? No red flags there?”
“Okay, I’m the bitch because I didn’t pay that much attention and wrote him off.
But if he’s pushing you to tell Ellie something he thinks she needs to know, even if she’s being a bit stubborn on learning the truth about the past, I’m liking him better.
So please, sit, and I will stop being a bitch.
” She let out a slow breath when I didn’t move. “I’m sorry.”
Fine, I could accept that and took my seat, Xavier moving back to his position.
“I need to know you won’t just tell either until I’ve had more time to accept my daughters might learn of this.
” I sighed when she opened her mouth. “I see Ellie as my daughter. She thought me her mother. Just—everyone stop correcting me when I gave everything for her!”
This was so stupid. Why did I keep hurting myself for everyone else? Creed was right and it was time to start being selfish and try to have a life worth living instead of just surviving or existing. I wasn’t my family’s punching bag to abuse anymore to keep Ellie and Theresa safe.
Horror filled me when I realized I’d said that all out loud and Alexis had heard me.
“What do you mean you were abused to keep Ellie and Theresa safe?” she whispered, something in her eyes that I couldn’t decipher. “Why would you do that? You didn’t care enough about them to run with them or—”
Tears blurred my vision as I rolled up my sleeve and showed her what was on my right arm just above my elbow.
“It’s a magical brand. It’s put on every Graves girl when they’re born.
It’s so the head of the family can always find us.
If I ran with them, they would have been found.
I told them both that I could not run with them.
“My father still has a map with my name on it to track me. That’s how Andrew knew to come here instead of where Theresa is in London suing him.
I tried to tell them that, but they didn’t want to listen to why I didn’t run.
I still tried to run later because I heard of a witch in Spain who undid my cousin’s brand. That was when…”
I shook my head. No matter what, I didn’t want Ellie or Theresa knowing I probably lost my immortality. They would only forgive me out of pity or something then and I didn’t want that.
“Okay, first, yeah, Theresa needs to know that as your attorney because that’s super illegal. Like seriously, and she needs that map,” Alexis whispered, reaching over and lowering my sleeve. “But you weren’t coming to talk to me about this today. What did you want to ask me today?”
I wiped my eyes and then opened my mouth before closing it again. It took me two more tries, but then I managed words. “They are both unaware of things I did to protect them or how…”
“Aurora, I promise you that I won’t tell them, but it’s clearly killing you to carry this. Tell someone,” she begged.
“I told Creed and he got super upset but didn’t judge me. You’ll judge me for being a whore,” I managed to choke out.
She sighed as she moved chairs and sat next to me, rubbing my back.
“The elders forced themselves on you to get things done around the coven, didn’t they?
” She nodded when my head snapped up and I met her sad eyes.
“It’s never just one of us, doll. I’ve heard this story before.
Recently even. It’s a tale as old as time with men in power. ”
“This world is too terrible to survive,” I breathed and mopped up my face as best as I could. “They didn’t force me.”
“I get it. You offered because it was all you had to use as a commodity.” She sighed when I nodded.
“Ellie said a few times that you had gold and jewels from your family or her father but—” She nodded again when I snorted.
“I’m older and knew that wasn’t the way of things.
I lived in an Asian coven—I’m two hundred years older than you. I’ve seen it all.”
“I know I’ve sinned and can never be forgiven. I’m not asking for forgiveness,” I told her.
“You just want to stop being treated as the villain.”
Did I? Is that what I wanted?
I wasn’t so sure, but it sounded nice.
Really nice.