Chapter 18 #3
“No, no, Aurora. I think—I talked to him less than ten minutes. If that. It was… I just needed to see him myself.” I moved over by her and didn’t move until she stopped what she was doing and looked up at me.
“I don’t like that you suffered this long wondering and upset.
Next time, call me. I would have immediately come to you and fixed this. I’m really sorry.”
She pursed her lips and I gave her a soft kiss. “Thank you for saying that. I truly feel you believe that and you care for my feelings when you act this way.”
I cupped her cheek. “Nothing is more important to me than you, Aurora. Nothing. You’re my mate. I don’t want you to ever worry about anything with me and have questions. Everything stops and I come to you.” I gave her another kiss and then let her have her space.
She cleared her throat again and then did something that made all the blood pool in my groin, something she’d been doing to be bolder.
“Yes, well, then I will accept what happened after you apologize fully after dinner. I think this is a matter that should be handled with many more kisses and all over.”
“Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more,” I replied and tried not to purr.
Dinner was great, but I couldn’t hide my anticipation. She was undoubtedly clued in because she was clearing her throat the whole time to the point I almost worried she was hurting herself.
I asked her to leave the dishes and promised to handle them later. All the cleanup.
She chuckled nervously. “One of the women of my support group says that’s how her mate always gets her to be intimate. He takes things off her plate so she has time and takes care of her to… Oh.”
“I would have done it anyways,” I muttered, feeling awkward that I fit some trope.
“Yes, you help all the time, but we do it together,” she mumbled, picking up on the tension as well.
And that was the last thing I wanted.
I swooped her up into my arms, chuckling when she let out a cute yelp. She smacked my chest and told me to quit it even as she chuckled and flushed. She loved it. She loved that I would carry her off to be spoiled. Sweep her off her feet like the princess she was.
No, Aurora was so much more than a cliché, but she wanted the princess treatment. She’d been denied that when she’d literally been set up to be one basically as a coven leader’s life.
But that was all in the past. This was about us.
About our future.
And I was a man who treated women well.
No, not women… My mate.
I apologized in the best ways and promised her that only she mattered to me. I kissed all over her body and gave her a few orgasms before fingering her. She really liked that now which gave me hope. She still couldn’t touch my dick extensively, but it didn’t seem to scare her as much.
And that seemed only to be about the size now, not the rest. Not being scared I would ever hurt her or violate her.
That was everything to me.
“Green light,” she whispered when I pulled my fingers out of her sated pussy.
I froze, thinking I’d misheard her. I blinked at my fingers coated in her delicious juices and then slowly stared up at her. “We don’t have to.”
“Please do it before I chicken out,” she mumbled.
Oh, my sweet, sweet mate. I hated that was how she felt and that was the mood for our first time… But I also knew it took all of the courage in the world for her to be this bold. I knew it was the best it would be after her abuse.
And I had to accept that. I had to swallow down my hopes for perfect given that wasn’t life and even love couldn’t just fix everything.
Did I want better for us? Of course. I wanted her to be magically healed and excited for everything I could give her.
But that just wasn’t life. Real life was way more complicated, and no amount of magic could just fix something as bad as what Aurora went through unless it took her memories.
And honestly, I didn’t even think that would be enough. The mind and body remembered. It remembered so much.
It definitely remembered our pain like muscle memory.
Plus—and this was a big thing—all of what she’d been through had shaped Aurora into who she was. I loved who she was—scars and all. So this was our real first time and we could have perfection later.
We would have perfection later.
Right then, I would just show the woman I loved the difference between sex and being raped. Making love and enjoying it even would come later.
My lion whimpered inside of me. We didn’t want her unless she would want it more and enjoy it. But that wouldn’t—couldn’t happen with her traumas. So I mentally begged him to stay with me and give our mate what she needed to heal and move forward.
All I had to do was frame it like that to him and he was on board. He was wrapped around all of Aurora’s fingers and willing to give his pelt to her if she was cold.
“I love you,” I whispered as I moved over her. I ran my hand along her thigh. “I promise you it won’t ever hurt as much as today, and one day you will crave this as much as I do you. I swear it, Aurora.”
She blinked back tears. “I want to believe you. I believe you believe it. I just… I want to share everything with you.”
And that was the best I would get. I knew that. It killed me, but I knew that. I kissed her and was more gentle with this woman than I had ever been with any other. The shock on her face made it clear I was bigger than… I was bigger. She’d basically said as much.
I checked probably too much that she wasn’t in pain and I could keep going. It was difficult to stay hard and in the moment while still checking. It started so awkward and almost—it was off.
But then she gasped, and for a second her eyes glazed over. Even if only for a second before she was hesitant and distant again, there was that moment where I knew we could have a fulfilling intimate life in the future.
I held onto that moment and showed her as best as I could that sex wasn’t what she’d known.
At least sex with me would never be scary or horrible to her.
And I think it worked?
I really hoped it worked.