2. Chapter 2
“ S he’s alive.”
“We don’t have to pull the plug.”
Through the fog of my mind and my blurry vision, I recognized the words and my two roommates sitting at the foot of my bed, looking bored. Rubbing my bleary eyes to clear away sleep, I revised my assessment. No, they were trying to look bored.
“Aww, how sweet. You guys were worried about me,” I tried to say, though my voice was so scratchy that I doubt it sounded like any human language. Rafael came to arrange pillows behind me while I eagerly clutched the water bottle from the nightstand next to me.
In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have driven myself home last night. I was more than a little exhausted, and I fell asleep within minutes of taking nighttime cold medicine. This stuff is nasty , I remembered thinking just before passing out.
“I’ll get you some more water,” said Rainn, rearranging his Twins hat over his short, messy hair before heading to the kitchen with my water bottle.
“Do you need some, uh, soup?” Rafael asked, sounding uncharacteristically anxious. “Crackers, more meds, or something? ”
Rainn pointed at the floor as he returned to hand me more water. “We stacked a few extra boxes of tissues next to the bed.”
“At least let me tie up your hair, sweetie,” Rafael said, not waiting for permission before he rearranged my matted hair into something resembling a messy bun or ponytail—I couldn’t tell.
Rainn started to sit down but then jumped up. “Oh, how about some hot tea? I can go start the kettle.”
“Can you guys just … like, sit?” I asked, exhaling loudly as I grasped the blanket nearby, which was disturbingly damp. “All this movement is exhausting to watch.”
They stared at me blankly. With his brow furrowed, Rafael ran his fingers through his black hair, streaked with blue. He glanced helplessly at Rainn, who had that look almost of a deer in the headlights, like when a woman talks about her period.
I rolled my eyes. They were the best roommates and the best friends, but they were such guys sometimes.
“OK, so you’ve never seen me sick before.
Blah, blah. I’m just like any other person.
Stop being so weird.” When they looked suitably chastised, I glanced toward the bedside clock.
“Now what have—holy crap, it’s 4 pm? Why did you let me sleep all day? ”
When they didn’t answer, I pursed my lips. “What? You both have a weird look.”
“You were sick. And sleepy.”
“And medicated.”
“Well, yeah, obviously,” I said impatiently while trying to stretch my achy limbs. “But the meds last eight hours, right? It’s been, like … I don’t know how long. I’m still too fuzzy headed to do the math, but at least double that amount of time.”
“Yeah, you slept a lot.”
“I was asleep all that time?”
Silence.
“Well—” Rainn said slowly before Rafael jabbed him sharply in the ribs. “Pretty much.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Out with it. What happened? You’re both being ridiculous. ”
Silence.
Rafael came over to sit closer. “Annie, how about we talk when you’re feeling better? I think you’re going to feel so much better after some soup and more rest, maybe some trashy TV—”
“Out with it. Now.”
He sighed. “I had to try.” He looked at Rainn, who nodded reluctantly as he rubbed his square jaw.
“So, this is awkward, honey. But you wanted to know. So, uh, you did wake up this morning, and you were kind of loopy still, from the cold meds, we figured.”
“OK,” I said, looking back and forth between them. “And I did something embarrassing or … what?”
“I wouldn’t say that. But you saw something on Instagram that upset you, and you started wailing and quickly downed more cold meds. You weren’t exactly incoherent at that point, but you wouldn’t say a word to us, only buried yourself under the covers until the meds kicked in.”
I heard nothing after the word Instagram .
I wasn’t sure how I continued to breathe.
It all came rushing back to me. Him. A selfie at an airport.
A boarding pass from NYC to MSP. Hashtags I wasn’t familiar with.
Block. Block him. I had to block him out.
Nyquil. He didn’t matter anyway. He meant nothing now.
He always meant nothing. He was just a blip.
I wouldn’t see him if he did visit. If I did see him, who cared?
I’d give him a dazzling smile, maybe a smirk.
Or maybe I’d ignore him. Better yet, maybe I’d give him an apologetic smile.
I did reject him, after all. He probably hates me .
And that’s fine. I’d hate me too, if I were him.
But I’m not. I’m me, and I’m awesome. Brandon thinks I’m awesome.
I should call Brandon. Before this med makes me pass out.
Calling Brandon. Grrr, it went to voicemail.
Why isn’t he answering? He never answers his phone.
Well, I know people prefer texts. I prefer texts.
But I wanted to hear his voice. I’m sure he’ll stop by later.
Because he’s the one. HE is the one for me. He is, Brandon, not …
“So you’ll be OK if we head to the gym?”
“What?” I looked up with a dazed expression .
“Rainn and I were going to head to the gym. You’ll be fine, right? Brandon just texted that he’s on his way,” Rafael said, patting me on the head and pointing to the phone in my lap.
“Oh, uh,” I mumbled, looking down slowly. “Sure.”
“I heard my name,” Brandon announced himself, walking into the room. “Rainn let me in. I was just on my way to a work dinner and picked up some soup and stuff for you.”
“Aww, that was sweet of you, Brandon,” I said, smiling and hoping I didn’t look too wretched, having not seen a mirror in almost 24 hours. Thankfully, the light was still somewhat dim. “Maybe we could fall asleep to a movie or something—”
“Sorry, I can’t stay.” He glanced away briefly as my face fell. “But I had to see you, babe.”
I swallowed my disappointment, ever more painful with my raw, scratchy throat. “It’s—I understand.” I turned to see my roommates waving goodbye as they picked up their gym bags to leave.
“I, uh, brought you some chicken soup, lemon honey lozenges, let’s see, what else,” he said, looking down into the convenience store bag in his hand. “Cough syrup. You like cherry flavor, right, babe?”
“I like …” I started to lie.
Since when am I some simpering miss, grateful for a man’s every thought? I’m Annie York, and I tell it like it is.
“I’m actually allergic to artificial cherry flavor. It put me in the hospital when I was young.” I’d never forget it either. In fact, my mother would never let me forget, as she had to miss a big society party because of it.
“Aww, babe, I’m sorry—” Brandon said, scratching his head of golden blond hair, probably wondering whether he was supposed to have already known this.
Yes, I’d mentioned it once before, but we’d probably both been drunk.
I tended not to talk about my mother unless I was under the influence. Two bad habits intertwined.
“Brandon, it’s fine. I actually really appreciate that you got all this stuff for me.
It’s …” I paused, feeling a big sneeze coming on.
“It’s really thoughtful of you. And I am probably still half drugged fr om the cold meds from this morning or whenever, but I, uh, have something important to say to you. ”
His eyes widened a bit, and he straightened his posture. “Uh, OK. I—are you sure now’s the best time? I mean, you’re not feeling well, and I have this work thing soon.”
I smiled, ignoring his protests and wishing I could reach out and grab his hands. “It is the best time because you’re here with me. We don’t have to make a big thing of this right now. But I’m gonna say it anyway: I think I’m falling in love with you.”
He stared at me, not in the usual way. His lips moved, about to form words, several times.
Finally, he pressed his lips together and nodded vigorously.
“Babe,” he choked out. “Annie, that’s—you’re so sweet.
So beautiful.” He drew in a long breath and exhaled quickly while putting his hand to his chest. “For some reason, I’m the luckiest guy there is, Annie.
I’m sure I’m not worthy of you. You’re—”
“What?” I scoffed. “Of course you are. You’re a damn catch, and you know it. We both are. That’s what makes us so perfect together.” I laughed and leaned forward before forcing myself to stay back, wishing I could soothe him with a kiss.
“Perfect together, yeah,” Brandon echoed, his eyes moving to his watch and then back to my face. “Annie, I know this is awful timing, but I have to jet. I can call you later, OK?”
My breath stalled.
Seriously? Now?
“You can, but there’s a very good chance I’ll be knocked out by some strong cold meds again. It’s probably why you couldn’t get a hold of me last night … or this morning.” I turned to discreetly wipe my nose before it could make a mess down my chin.
“I … oh, right,” he said quickly, turning to leave. “Get some rest and feel better, babe. Let me know when you’re up for hanging out again.”
“OK, have fun with the …” I trailed off. He wouldn’t hear me anyway, already out the door .
My face twisted into a grimace. Where were my roommates when I needed them? I wasn’t a fan of extended introspection in general, and I definitely didn’t want to succumb to it while sick.
There was plenty to overanalyze here.
Was this the wrong time for the confession?
Hmm.
What about his reaction to my confession?
He seemed shocked, as though … as though this kind of thing wasn’t a totally normal next step. At least for him.
But he seemed happy too, didn’t he? He said he was the luckiest guy! Suh-woon.
He probably just needed time to process this. Maybe he’d never heard the L-word from a girl, or never even said it! Maybe I was his first. That wasn’t a bad thing.
Regardless, why … why did I choose this moment to make the confession?
Am I trying to push aside thoughts about something, someone else?
Trying to forget the past?
No, shut up, shut up, intrusive thoughts!