Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rakell paced back and forth on the gym floor, trying to catch her breath after an hour on the Stairmaster, readying herself for Pilates. She would start shooting in the L.A. studio the following morning. The schedule in Georgia had been intense, the days on location long. Then she’d return to her hotel room in the evenings and rehearse her lines for the following day of filming. On too many nights, she had fallen asleep on the phone to Jake, only to be jarred awake by his voice's rough, distant disappointment. “Rakell, Rakell, you’re asleep again.” Her voice scratchy, she’d answer, “Sorry, so sorry.” The long days for each of them, combined with the time difference, made connecting at night tenuous. The frustration she had registered from his not-so-subtle comments, more likely loosely veiled complaints, accumulated in her subconscious.
She missed him, too, yet somehow, his neediness increasingly seemed to morph into blame. Last night, when she’d said, “I love you, too,” amid a yawn, sounding almost robotic as she begged her eyes to stay open, he’d responded, “Yeah, I can tell,” sarcasm lacing his tone. That underhanded jab had felt like an ice pick in her back, spiking her fully awake. “What the hell does that mean?” she spat back. “Jake?”
“I just miss you, and well, I guess…” She’d heard his intake of breath. “Damn it, I’m dying to see you, touch you.” His audible gulp rushed through the phone. “I need you by my side,” he added, his voice softening as if purposefully flattening the irritation she’d heard earlier. “At least now that you’re starting filming back in L.A., we won’t have to battle the time zones just to have a chat, so I should be less grouchy.” She wasn’t buying that this was the whole problem but chose not to address it.
Flopping back on her bed in the apartment she was sharing with Vee, pausing, giving thought to her next words, she’d said, “I know it’s been hard to connect; I’m trying…” The apology in her voice struck her. Why the hell was she apologizing? For her career? Not being there for his? “You’ve said this wouldn’t be easy but that we could do this, that other couples…”
“The past two months with you in Georgia have been tough.” He’d halted before going on. “Hey, I’m proud of you for pursuing your dreams.” She heard his words of affirmation but sensed something foreign about how he communicated. His voice had a glitch as if he had just offered her a platitude of reassurance. It was like he was sort of, kind of behind her. There was no way not to register the “but” behind his words. “Listen, you get to bed. I know relocating back to L.A. after months of living out of a suitcase has been a lot. Thanks for making time for Melissa every time you passed through Austin.”
“Of course,” she’d said, thinking she hadn’t done so because of Jake. She genuinely felt connected to Melissa and the rest of his family.
“I’ll be in a better mood Friday when I can get my hands on you,” he’d said, and again, she felt that he was masking something.
The next day, Rakell met with Tanya, the intimacy coordinator. Tanya handed her a cup of coffee andthen shared details on the scenes for the following week, including which angles the crew would be shooting from. She reiterated, “Rakell, please remember that even though you’ve signed a nudity rider, you have the right to say no to any scene, even if you’re in the middle of filming. Sometimes that happens. Let me know. I think these will go smoothly since you’ve been shooting the non-intimate scenes with the actors for several weeks already.”
“Yes, working with the guys on location in Georgia has eased some of my concerns. Joseph has been checking in with me,” Rakell reiterated.
The location scenes they’d shot in various places around Atlanta had limited interpersonal contact with the male actors, allowing her time to get to know them before being in front of a camera for the intimate scenes. Still, the in-studio videotaping would require elevated onscreen intimacy, necessitating varying amounts of nudity. The parts in the movie that had her on edge contained fairly explicit “sexual reenactments” (as the intimacy coordinator referred to the sex scenes), mainly with Joseph, her co-star and executive producer, and a couple of scenes with two other male actors, Lucas and Moss. She knew Joseph was forty-six, Lucas was probably in his late twenties, and Moss was in his mid-thirties. Her character seduces them, meticulously baiting each man until they are wrenched by their obsession with her.
Rakell had spent countless hours in front of a mirror nude, moving in various ways, examining how her body looked when turning to the side, bending, or twisting. She’d even laid a mirror down on her bed and straddled it, gyrating up and down so she could pick apart how her breasts looked; if she arched back slightly, would they look perkier on camera? Did her neck look wrinkled when she looked down? If she tightened her jaw, did that make her neck appear longer? She set up a tripod and videotaped herself in every position imaginable, a trick she’d discovered in a famous actress's blog.
“I want to show you how to use the adhesive cover-up for the shoot we’ll be doing toward the end of the week,” Tanya explained, holding up a roll of pale-flesh-toned tape. “Tomorrow will be the scene where your character slowly undresses for Joseph's character. Since she’s stripping for him on FaceTime, she sets the phone up on her dresser and performs for him, who’s on the other end. He won’t be on camera, but he’ll be part of the crew, directing it and recording when he should do his lines according to what you do. I know you have been practicing, so I thought we could do a dry run-through. The costume team designed three different outfits. It will come down to what looks best on film and which can be taken off effortlessly so as not to interfere with the seductive mood you are creating. We want you to concentrate on how you move your body while keeping eye contact with the phone. The audience needs to see that you're simulating arousal, fooling Joseph into believing that he’s turning you on by watching you. The second the call ends, you flop onto your sofa to finish a half-eaten turkey sandwich and a beer while still completely naked.” She raised an eyebrow over one eye and added, “Then you pick up your phone and Facetime Joeseph’s wife.”
“That’s so fucked up,” Rakell mused, shaking her head.
“Sick and delicious,” she replied with a gruff chuckle, waggling her eyebrows.
“Let’s hope moviegoers don’t think it’s too evil,” Rakell retorted.
“Never! It’s demonic in only the way humans can be,” she hissed, her lips curling into a sneer.
Chuckling, Rakell said, “Mmm…I am learning that humans are more devious than any other species.”
Tanya bobbed her head in agreement as if Rakell had just said the truest thing in the world before launching into the schedule for the next couple of days. “We may not shoot the scene that follows tomorrow, but that take will be fast and furious. The camera will be mostly on you again, but it will also pan to your phone, again set up to record the image of a woman masturbating, obviously the wife. The audience won’t see the face, but you’ll look at the phone while you’re on top of Lucas and smile because you know who’s masturbating while watching you with your boyfriend. That’s where this film gets even more twisted.” Tanya exhaled, chuckled, and took a small sip of her coffee.
Rakell shook her head. “I’m not a psychologist, but I think the whole thing is a mind-fuck.” She shot Tanya a knowing grin. She had been spending a lot of time with Tanya and was grateful to have her to run scenes by. She was involved in every intimate scene, and there were many in this film. Even when it came to hand holding, kissing, back rubs, or the light touch of a shoulder, Joseph and Astrid consulted Tanya. “Is it normal for actors not to know the final scene in a movie, so we don’t know how it ends? Is that typical for thrillers?” Rakell asked.
“No, but this is a unique film. I am not sure if this analogy has already been used, but I explain it as a sexual thriller in the vein of Memento , and Joseph is a master at building suspense, both sexually and psychologically. He hired Astrid, and she has freaky directing talent. Just like you said, after you watched some of her Swedish films, you felt like you needed to see them several times to tweeze everything out.”
“She is brilliant. I feel so lucky to be a part of this. I was nervous, especially since all the parts I’ve had previously were peripheral characters at best, sort of cookie-cutter roles, no depth.”
Tanya stood, moving toward a wardrobe rack. “Well, there’s a bit of typecasting. You are the face of Leather and Lace, and we all had to admit when we watched the advertising videos you’ve done for that lingerie company that you owned the screen. I mean, it’s one thing to photograph well, but the video takes it to a different level, and even if you didn’t speak on camera in those commercials, you were able to say a lot with your body and face. We weren’t sure how you’d do with the Southern thing, a Georgia accent, but you have nailed it.”
“That’s what Jake said to me before I got this.”
Tanya took a dress off a hanger. “Jake Skyler, the NFL star, that’s the only part that seems incongruent. You—with a Texas guy—much less a football player. He must be fairly open if he’s comfortable with this film.”
“He is, but truthfully, he doesn’t know all the scenes in detail. Of course, I didn’t let him read the screenplay, but he’s aware that there are some sex scenes. I didn’t go into anything too descriptive.” Rakell cleared her throat, feeling the force behind her next statement. “He knows I have career goals…and the truth is, so does he.” Catching a bewildered shift in Tanya’s eyes, she stood, diverting her gaze to the strappy denim Bardot-style sundress Tanya was holding up. She cocked her head, then nodded in approval, knowing that Tanya was trying to find a dress that seemed sweet but could be easily lifted up from behind for the scene in the restaurant bathroom.
“Let’s have you try this on. I may need someone from wardrobe to shorten the skirt for this to work in the scene,” Tanya said, moving the fabric between her thumb and fingers. “Try this one first, then this one next,” she instructed, gesturing toward the other dress. “When you get them on, see if the straps can effortlessly be pulled down from your shoulders. We want it to be easy to inch the bust section down so your breasts spill out. I think you know the look they want in the mirror. The camera will be positioned over Moss and your right shoulder to the side, so it isn’t picked up in the reflection. The other camera will be off to your left, showing more hip before panning back up.”
Rakell sucked in a breath. Her instinct told her she could trust Tanya. “So, in this scene, will the camera film him taking off my panties, or will it be hidden by the material of the skirt on the dress?” Tanya had already told her that every question matters and that she should clarify anything she wasn’t sure of. She’d learned a lot about Tanya during the weeks they had filmed in Georgia. Their rooms were next to each other; they had hung out a few nights after the especially long, grueling days of filming.
“We can walk through the details of the scene after you change. Do you want to change in there…” Tanya tilted her head toward the bathroom.
Rakell shrugged. “I think you know what’s under here…” She slipped off her robe and laid it on the chair she’d been sitting on.
Tanya helped her shimmy into the denim sundress, instructing Rakell to turn toward the counter. Tanya zipped it up, sliding her hand around Rakell’s waist. “In this scene, Moss will be behind you as you both stare at each other in the mirror. He’ll have one hand here and use the other to bend you over.” She pushed gently on Rakell’s lower back. “Plant your palms on the counter in the bathroom we have on set to brace yourself. Glare in the mirror first, almost as if you’re telling yourself something as we, the audience, see an imperceptible flicker at the corner of your mouth because you know what you’re going to do to him. Then the camera will focus on you, blurring the twisted expression on Moss’s face behind you. In this scene, he’s seething with jealousy.”
“I read the script but wasn’t sure how he would get this dress to stay up?” Rakell asked.
“Let’s go in the bathroom and act it out,” Tanya suggested, walking toward the bathroom in the studio office.
“Okay, let me think about this for a minute. I’m shorter than you. Actually, Moss is only an inch taller than you, so we may need to think about shoes. We could have you barefoot for this scene. Once he gets you in the bathroom, we can have him standing on a small step. I can still move you through the physical parts of it, so give me your hand,” she said, extending her hand and then grabbing Rakell’s wrist forcefully. “Put your hands on the counter like you’re bracing yourself after being jerked into the bathroom. You’re panting slightly—that’s it. Lean forward.”
Rakell studied herself in the mirror, her lips outlined and coated with a pink gloss. Tanya walked her through everything she was doing, advising her on what Rakell’s expressions should be.
“Rakell, part your lips when I peel the straps down. Yes, perfect. Let me see your chest rising and falling. You’re turned on yet slightly alarmed by how aggressive he’s being. He’s jealous because he suspects you were with another man. First, he slowly peels your straps off your shoulder. Then he says, ‘Was it good? Did you like it?’ in your ear. I’m not tall enough to act that part, so just imagine the gruff, low, angry voice asking you that. He’s a guy you think you’ve fooled, then you say—?”
Coated in a Southern drawl, the words, “I wasn’t, I didn’t. Junior, I would never cheat on you,” dripped from Rakell’s mouth. Her eyes fixated on the mirror.
“Excellent, remember he doesn’t believe you. You’re at a fancy restaurant, and then he…” Tanya coiled her fingers around the dress straps. “I’m going to tug hard to see if this works.” She yanked on the straps of the sundress, exposing Rakell’s breasts to just below her nipples, then immediately pulled them back up. “Okay, let’s try the light-blue sundress. One thing we may need to do is unzip the dress in the back an inch or so. He’s probably stronger than me,” she added, chuckling. “But they want it to come down in one swoop.”
Rakell straightened, bringing her hands to her chest. “I thought it came down quickly, my…”
“Yeah, they want your chest completely exposed above the material of the dress…we can figure that out. You read that part, right?”
“Yes, I wasn’t sure how that would happen. I mean, if the back was elastic, maybe…” Rakell’s voice trailed off, contemplating.
“Brillant, yes, if they inserted elastic, yes.” Tanya’s face lit up. “I think that would work. Lift your arms.” Rakell did, and Tanya took a pen out of her pocket and drew a V under her armpit. Do you want me to show you what his hands will be doing when you bend over the counter and sink? I know you read it, but it’s easier to feel and respond to it.”
Rakell bent over, her hands on the bathroom counter. Tanya lifted the back of her dress with one hand, snapping the waistband of her panties with the other. Instinctively, Rakell’s pelvis contracted. She felt moisture coating her outer lips— no, this is a simulation.
“After he snaps your waistband, the camera will move slightly to capture his hand slipping under the edge of the right side of your lace panties. They want you to wear white for this scene.” Tanya moved her fingers under Rakell’s panties to cover the right side of her ass. “Then he’s going to grab your flesh. I’ll do it lightly, but they want to show his fingers and wrist straining while digging into your bottom. Remember, he won’t hurt you, even by accident. I’ll be right there. We have strategies to make it seem more forceful than it is. The film will show his hand pushing the panties to the side. I won’t do that now because you don’t have an adhesive protective covering. We’ll have you apply that before filming. So if his fingers accidentally graze you between your legs, he won’t be touching your skin. Does that make sense?”
Rakell’s breathing sped up. She could feel the heat pooling between her legs, the dampness in the crotch of her panties. What the hell? She blew out a forced breath, trying to gain control of her lungs as Tanya slid her hand out, touching Rakell’s thigh inadvertently. She wanted to part her legs, beg Tanya to keep going, touch her more. Rakell, get it together , she admonished herself. “Sorry,” she murmured as Tanya flattened her skirt.
Tanya shifted to the side, catching Rakell’s eyes in the mirror. "Why? Because you got into it? I can already tell you will blow up the screen; part of that is your mind letting your body go there. I'm unsure how you learned that since you haven’t been in the industry that long, but it makes my job easier.”
Rakell twisted around so she was facing Tanya, who stood a few inches shorter. She was about five-seven, Rakell guessed, with broad shoulders and a square face—the kind of face that was interesting on both a man and a woman. It was handsome, but in a different way on a female, Rakell thought.
“I think we’re finished in here,” Tanya said, dropping her eyes from Rakell’s stare as she turned.
Following her back into the office, she said, “Sorry, I wanted to ask a stupid question, or maybe an embarrassing one. I…” Rakell stammered.
“Nothing is embarrassing or stupid. You would not believe the stuff I’ve heard.”
“Okay, well, I mean, it happened to me when I did a photography shoot once, but no one knew it. What if I get aroused? Sometimes, I go out of my mind and think about, well, on that photo shoot, I thought about Jake and being with him. Never mind, this sounds soo…” Rakell uttered, covering her mouth.
Tanya chuckled. “I know the question, and yes, it does happen. Two people are touching each other intimately, and people get aroused. I expect that will happen in this film, especially with the newer actors, Moss and you. That’s not unusual. Joseph has been doing this for a long time and says he hasn’t had a surprise erection in many years. Actually, I’m not supposed to tell that story. But you have done remarkably well embodying this character who uses her sensuality in a scheming way, which is interesting because she’s exposing the deviousness of men by doing what she’s doing, so however you need to get in that headspace is fine.”
“Okay…” Rakell hushed.
Tanya offered Rakell a cajoling smile before continuing. “It’s sweet that it’s your boyfriend you’re imagining. I saw a few photographs of you two on Instagram. I suggest you picture him when the actors are touching you. If that makes your eyes roll back in your head and your pelvis engages, well, go with it. Also, there are times when we will need to take a break if biology takes over too much. If it happens to you, give me the signal, and I’ll cut the scene. But know that in order for a scene to be believable to the viewer, it must be to you as well. I think the prickliest scenes will be with Joseph, and he’s the ultimate professional. He’s divorcing his third wife,” she said, her eyes darting to the side as she shook her head, “but professionally, I haven’t seen anything to give me pause.”
“Thank you, just makes me nervous, especially the scenes later in the week, when I am on top of him and…”
“Yes, that will be tricky, but we’ve done them before. He’ll be wearing a sock, and you’ll have on a prosthetic adhesive, so if…”
Rakell grimaced. “If I get wet?”
“Yes, that can happen. You read the scene, probably a few thousand times, I’m guessing.” She smirked. “You’re moving your pelvis on his, his hands will be on your breasts…but remember, we will shoot these in short takes, and then the film editors will work their magic. It won’t be one continuous scene. Maybe as shooting continues, some of the later scenes can be shot straight through, but it’s not typical, especially for actors who haven’t done this before.” Tanya was intriguingly provocative but also disarming, mostly due to her matter-of-fact speaking style and her full lips that were naturally poised in a contemplative smile, as if everything Rakell expressed mattered to her—that, paired with the warmth in her eyes, rimmed with thin-framed glasses.
“Okay, I think I’m going to be good.”
“Rakell, let’s go with great. I know a responsive body when I see one,” she said, and then her eyes flitted away. “Also, I heard Joseph chatting with Astrid, saying he was fascinated with your natural ability to fall into a seductive role. It is pretty uncanny that you portray someone fairly innocent, seemingly normal, and then, in the snap of a finger, you can shift to full-on seductress. These sex scenes may be more difficult than the flirty thing you did during the location scenes. It’s not easy to be completely exposed on camera, but Joseph told Astrid he is confident you will make these scenes jump off the screen. He has a lot of faith in you and has taken an interest in you, which will be good for your career.”
“I’m just grateful to have gotten this role. I want to do everything I can to make him, Astrid, you, and the studio believe they made the right decision, giving someone without much experience a chance.”
“Keep doing what you’ve been doing, and really focus during filming because the camera will be close. With the new technology, all the nuances register: breathing, pelvic movement…I don’t mean obvious grinding or swaying but the slight tightening of muscles, even your skin pebbling. There’s no need to overact it. It’s more important that you're in it mentally. Oh, and a piece of advice from a woman who was with someone for years who did not fulfill me. If thinking about your boyfriend touching you or doing whatever he does…” Tanya started, cocking an eyebrow, “makes you squirm like you did in the bathroom, then keep him around.” She snorted. “We may need to hire him.”
Rakell snickered. “Lord, don’t tell him that. He’s already pretty damn sure of himself.”
“I bet you unravel that…I mean, that jock type is only so confident. He’s lucky to have you.”
“Thank you, but all the women on social media would beg to differ.”
“Fuck them.”
“Yeah, I try,” Rakell murmured.
“Rakell, you have to block out the outside opinions.” Tanya’s tone took on an instructional air. “He’s high profile, and you’re about to skyrocket, so the only way to hang on to what you have with each other is to build an impenetrable emotional wall.” She sighed, “Remember my story? When I finally made the jump and trained to be an intimacy coordinator, many people weighed in, and a lot of the input was discouraging. I found out who my true friends were and learned to block the negative people from my mind.”
Opening her arms, Rakell hugged her. “I for one, am so grateful you are my intimacy coach,” she whispered, her arms wrapped tightly around Tanya.
A couple of weeks ago, when they were still prepping for filming in Atlanta, she and Tanya had gone down to the hotel bar and chatted over a couple glasses of whiskey. She learned that Tanya had been married for ten years, but when she and her husband tried to have kids and couldn’t, he changed. As Tanya stated, she had, too.
She poured herself into her career as a stage actress, but he became resentful of her time away from home and attributed their difficulty conceiving to her career. Her marriage ended bitterly, which took a toll on Tanya because they’d been best friends since eighth grade, and their families were very intertwined. When Rakell asked how she became an intimacy coach, Tanya expounded, “Well, the last two years of my marriage, I was disconnected, and he wasn’t really into making sure I had fun. So, I learned to fake it, to get it over with.” She rolled her big root beer-colored eyes, then added, “You know…it, it.” The corner of her mouth turned up, offering Rakell a small smile, the mass of curly dark hair piled on her head bobbing as she nodded, as if making sure Rakell knew what “it” meant.
Rakell laughed sharply. “Oh, I know,” she said. When Tanya probed, Rakell said, “Boyfriends, there are too many boyfriends to count who didn’t know what they were doing, so I often faked it.”
“Yeah, sometimes it’s easier than saying, ‘Hey, you’re completely missing my bundle of nerve endings designed so you don’t have to guess, asshole.’” Her small smile had leached into a venomous sneer. “Our designer made it easy and still men act like it’s some big mystery, the female orgasm.” She cocked her head and raised her hands, turning her palms up as if to say, ‘what the hell? ’
There’d been no way to contain her snicker. "Yeah, it is pretty straightforward,” Rakell interjected. “So the frustration led you to become an intimacy coordinator?” she asked, amusement dusting her voice.
Tanya sighed, a glint of realization in her eyes, like remembering something, and then Rakell watched her expression shift to somber. “No, after my marriage ended, I threw myself into acting, mostly live theater, and I met another actress who performed in erotic films…” Her eyebrows lifted, her gaze narrowing on Rakell as if waiting for a reaction. Rakell kept her gaze unfazed, purposefully wanting to hear more.
She shared a lot about how the better production companies worked with the actors to make things comfortable yet believable and obviously sensual. “It got me interested, and I heard that directors were trying to be more conscientious. After some pretty extensive training, here I am,” she said, shrugging her shoulders, grinning as Rakell clapped.