26. Rosa
26
ROSA
I t was a bright but cold November morning and Rosa was in the shop. She’d opened up an hour ago but felt restless, so when Vinnie arrived, she asked him to watch things. She felt the need to see Christopher and check on him.
‘I’ll be back in an hour,’ she said to Vinnie.
‘No problem.’ Vinnie nodded as she left the bookshop and walked out into the cold.
Wrapping her scarf around her neck, she strode along the pavement. The sky was navy blue and clouds were being whipped along like trails of smoke by the brisk breeze. She knew the gunmetal grey sea would be freezing cold today and imagined wading into it and plunging beneath the waves to try to get rid of the ache in her heart. The thought sent a shiver running down her spine, and she tucked her hands into her pockets.
Since Halloween, she hadn’t spoken to Henry, and she felt sick every time she thought about it. She had behaved badly in running away and not giving him an explanation, but the shame of what had happened to her in her marriage was dreadful. How could she share the truth and see Henry’s eyes cloud over? See him realise that if her husband, the man who had sworn to love and protect her for the rest of their lives in their wedding vows, had hurt her so badly, then she surely wasn’t worthy of love. Because that was how she’d felt after it had happened and she’d found out what had been going on. She’d put her trust in her ex and he had betrayed her in the worst ways possible. He had acted as though her hopes and dreams, her feelings, were of no consequence to him and, like she was worthless. And that was how she had felt — utterly worthless, and it had taken a long time to try to convince herself otherwise. Surely, if she told Henry about what her husband had done, it would change how he looked at her. He would deny it, but it would plant a seed of doubt and he would wonder why her husband hadn’t thought she was worthy of honesty and fidelity. It was better to leave things the way she had than to try to convince herself that Henry could really love her and want a future with her. What if she believed him, believed in them, and then he changed his mind? What if he hurt and deceived her, leaving her with nothing again? It would be more than she could bear and so it was better to face the pain now rather than later. At least now she hadn’t been taken for a fool.
Fool me once and all that…
When she got to Christopher’s, she knocked on the door then used the key he had given her to let herself in. He’d said he wanted her to have a key just in case there was an emergency and that she was to use it when she came to see him. He’d told her he’d given Henry a key too and she’d nodded but stayed quiet. It made sense for them both to have keys, but she tried to avoid being there when she thought Henry could be visiting.
She called out as she entered his home and waited. A bark echoed from inside the house, but Christopher remained silent, prompting her second call.
Bobby shot through the hallway from the direction of the kitchen and pawed at her leg, so she crouched down and stroked him.
‘What is it, boy?’
He barked again, then ran towards the kitchen.
Unease filled Rosa, and she hurried after the small dog, hoping everything was OK.
When she entered the kitchen, she looked around and spotted him.
The world seemed to stop turning, and she froze as she looked at his inert form on the floor next to the Aga. He was wearing his brown cardigan and beige trousers, his checked shirt, and the battered old corduroy slippers that he refused to replace because Dolly had bought them for him.
‘Christopher?’ she breathed. ‘It’s me. Rosa.’
Bobby was sitting next to Christopher, pawing at his chest.
‘It’s OK, Bobby,’ she said, even though she didn’t think it was OK at all.
She pulled her phone from her pocket and crossed the kitchen, then knelt next to her friend. Placing a hand on his chest, she waited.
A sob caught in her throat, and she typed in 999 on her phone, then waited for the call to connect.