Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Julia pulled the covers up over her eyes, feeling sluggish and as though her mind was underwater.
She groaned, wanting to pretend that there wasn’t sunlight streaming through the windows of her and Cooper’s bedroom.
She’d just had another nearly sleepless night.
She’d slept fitfully, feeling wired, until Quinn had awoken at two in the morning.
After Julia had taken care of her, she’d gone back to bed but not back to sleep.
Quinn had woken up again at four, and then Julia had felt much too alert to go back to sleep.
She’d lain in bed, closing her eyes and willing herself to drift off to sleep, but she’d only caught brief moments of sleep here and there instead of falling into a consistent slumber.
She opened her eyes, looking at the way the sunlight lit up the pale blue fabric of the sheets. It was pretty, she thought, almost like a sky lighting up at dawn. It was well past dawn, she knew, and it was time for her to give up her attempts at sleeping, at least for now.
She pulled the sheet away from her head and leaned over to glance at the clock. It was a little past seven in the morning. She sniffed the air, thinking to herself that she smelled eggs and maybe toast.
It’s Cooper’s day off, she thought with a flush of relief. Thank goodness. This way we can take turns resting and watching the kids during their morning and afternoon nap and play schedule.
She clambered out of bed, feeling a little achy and as if she was made out of stuffing. Her head felt puffy with sleepiness, and she let out a huge yawn, stretching.
Feeling a little better but still half-asleep, she padded out to Quinn’s nursery in her slippers and bathrobe, wanting to check on her baby before she got breakfast or coffee. She saw that the crib was empty, and she realized that Cooper must have gotten Quinn up already.
It’s so nice to have somebody else on baby duty this morning, she thought as she wandered into the living room, looking for her family.
Sure enough, they were all snuggled up on the couch together, watching cartoons. Julia smiled with joy as she watched her husband looking down lovingly at Quinn’s face as he held her. Macey was cuddled up next to him, happily watching TV.
She felt her heart stir with happiness, knowing that although the transition into having a newborn had its challenges, without a doubt, she would not trade a moment like this one for anything.
Cooper hadn’t noticed her standing in the doorway, and she slipped away, heading into the kitchen where she made a pot of coffee. The rich, nutty liquid filled the air with its delicious scent, and she took deep breaths, feeling more awake simply from smelling the beverage.
Once the coffee had brewed, she poured a cup for herself and a cup for Cooper and carried them back into the living room.
“Good morning, sweetie,” she said, sitting down next to Cooper on the couch and leaning over to give him a big kiss.
“Hey, hon. I was trying to let you sleep.” He gave her another peck on the lips before nuzzling her nose.
“I know, and I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, it just seems that sleep wasn’t really in me last night or this morning. I’ll try to take a nap later –” Her sentence was interrupted as she let out an enormous yawn.
Cooper chuckled. “Well, thank goodness for coffee.”
“Oh, I know.” She took a long sip of the velvety brown liquid. “This is giving me life.”
They sat comfortably together, sipping their coffee for a while as they watched the silly cartoons with Macey. Cooper kept laughing at the characters’ antics, and Julia felt herself falling a little more in love with him.
After a while, Quinn started to fret, and Cooper passed her over to Julia for nursing. Just as he was settling the baby in her arms, he yawned hugely.
“Did you get as little sleep last night as I did?” she asked, chuckling at the way he was accidentally imitating a lion.
Cooper shook his head, smiling ruefully. “I feel like I didn’t get any.”
“Oh, Cooper!” Julia shook her head, laughing. “We’re a fine pair. We’ll have to take turns resting today—and when both the girls go down for their afternoon naps today, hopefully we can both get a little shuteye.”
“Sounds amazing.” Cooper let out another massive yawn. “We make a good team, Mrs. Harris.”
She grinned at him and they went back to watching the cartoons and sipping their coffee.
Julia’s expression became thoughtful as she thought about teamwork, and how it was built on trust. She absolutely trusted Cooper—she would have trusted him with anything.
She wanted to use that trust and that teamwork to build a future filled with security for their children.
Her heart sank as she thought about how her father hadn’t treated her mother that way, and how he hadn’t been trustworthy, even though Vivian had given him her full trust. Frank hadn’t let Vivian into his secrets, making it seem as though he hadn’t trusted her.
Regardless of the answer to that question—which Julia had to accept that she would never know—it was clear that her father had betrayed his family’s trust by making the foolish decisions that he had.
She lost track of what was going on around her as her mind spiraled down a path of sadness. All of a sudden, she felt Cooper tapping on her shoulder.
“Hey,” he said softly. “You look upset. Is it just the no sleep?”
She shook her head, grateful for how alert he was to her emotions. “No, thanks for checking. I started thinking about Dad again, and the whole money situation.”
Cooper nodded sympathetically. “What’s on your heart?”
Julia sighed. “I was thinking about trust. I want Macey and Quinn to be able to trust us completely, and I know they’ll be able to, just like I trust you completely.”
“Oh. Sweetheart.” He kissed her cheek.
She laughed. “I mean it. And I want them to grow up feeling secure and knowing that we wouldn’t ever… you know, betray their trust.”
“Yeah.” Cooper’s eyes traced over her face sadly. “You feel betrayed by what your dad did?”
“So much.” She took a deep breath, which she released a moment later as a sigh. “I want to be able to see the situation from his perspective, but all I can feel right now is that he let me down. That he let all of us down.”
“I understand that. But try to focus on the fact that he was trying to fix what he’d done, even if you wish he’d told your mother about his situation.
It’s a lot to process, but I think in the end you’ll feel as though this is a better reality than the one you thought you were living in before—when you thought that your father simply had all those debts and hadn’t erased them at all. ”
“I hear what you’re saying. It’s a good point.
I’m just hung up on the trust element. I think the fact that we just welcomed an entirely helpless, sweet innocent little baby into our lives has me feeling this way more than anything else.
I would do anything for her, even confess that I’d done a bad thing, if that’s what was best for her. ”
Cooper nodded, taking Julia into his arms. “Your dad loved you. He did his best.”
Julia shook her head. “No, he didn’t. His best could have been better than what he did. But I do still love him, and you’re right—I should try to focus on the positive side of all this.”
“Has your mom decided what she wants to do with the money yet?”
“No, she hasn’t. I think that may take a while. Mom isn’t one to spend a lot of money on herself, and she’s right that the pub doesn’t really need anything extra right now. Business has been better than ever.”
“That’s great. Not knowing what to do with a lot of money is a very nice problem to have.”
Julia laughed. “So true.”
“I know she’ll find something to do with it eventually. I’m hoping you all can come to think of it as an unexpected present from your father, instead of a symbol of how he failed you.”
Julia bit her lip. “Yeah. I hope we can think of it that way too.”
He kissed the top of her head, and they went back to watching cartoons. Julia’s mind was far away from the screen, however, as she traced over memories of her father, trying to remind herself of how caring and fun he’d been.
He loved us, that’s for sure, she thought. I still can’t understand how he could hide something so important from us, but maybe someday I’ll be able to see things from his perspective.