Chapter 7 #2
The thought of being so far away from Killian and Skylar caused a painful ache in my chest I just couldn’t ignore.
Killian had been my only family for so long and I, more than anyone, knew how important family was and how fragile life could be.
I didn’t want to miss out on the important moments in Killian’s life and I didn’t want him to miss out on mine.
I wanted to be there after he proposed to Skylar, to be a bridesmaid at their wedding, to cradle my niece or nephew at Skylar’s bedside, and babysit for them when they needed alone time.
And I wanted Killian and Skylar to be there for me when I went through all of those moments with Hudson. Because, as crazy as it was, I couldn’t imagine sharing those moments with anyone else but Hudson.
Heartbreakingly, I couldn’t imagine not sharing those moments with my brother and the woman he loved. It would put me in the middle of an ocean being emotionally pulled in opposite directions. I’d have to either swim in one direction, leaving someone behind, or I’d drown.
“Oh, Autumn.” Catie reached over the table to squeeze my free hand while I wiped the corner of my eyes with the napkin in my other.
I blinked back tears, mortified I was getting upset at breakfast in public.
Catie and Kyle had taken one look at my face when I approached their table that morning and had known something was really wrong.
“I’m being silly and melodramatic,” I huffed, throwing Kyle a look of apology.
“You’re not,” Catie assured me. “But I think Skylar is right. You need to talk to Hudson before this goes any further.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes again. “Has my mascara—” My words fell away at the sight of Hudson marching across the breakfast room, scowling.
“Why are you crying?” he said without preamble.
Shocked that he was there and had witnessed said crying, I could only stare at him. Then I blurted, “I thought you were skiing.”
His frown deepened. “I have an hour between my first two lessons, thought I’d see if I could catch you and have breakfast, and gotta say, angel, not liking I’m finding you here in tears after last night.” He flicked a look at Catie and Kyle then returned his gaze to mine. “Can we talk?”
I threw my friends a reassuring but wobbly smile and got up from the table.
Hudson immediately clasped my hand tight in his and led me out of the dining room.
He turned left toward the restrooms where there was a mobile coat rack in the hallway.
He gently nudged me behind it and pressed me up against the wall, not only securing some privacy for us, but overwhelming me in a possessive, macho man way that felt a little too much at the moment.
He braced an arm on the wall beside my head and rested his other hand on my waist.
“Hudson.” I pressed against his chest but he only eased back a little.
“Crying, needing space. Yeah, not liking this at all. I left you smiling and happy in bed this morning. What the fuck happened after I left?”
I bit my lip. “I… I started to think about the future.”
“Yeah, so?” He squeezed my waist. “What’s the problem?”
“You want to stay in Colorado. I want to stay in Scotland.”
There. It was out there.
Hudson studied my face for a moment and I couldn’t miss the concern that flickered in his eyes. Finally he asked, “Would you consider staying here… at all?”
“I can’t leave my brother, Hudson. He’s the only family I’ve ever had and I don’t want to miss out on all the important moments in his life or vice versa.
If something were to happen to him and I’d missed out on all of that…
I’d have to live with so much regret. And it’s not just that.
I mean, Killian hasn’t even met you. What if you don’t get along or he’s upset that this is happening so fast? ”
For some reason that caused Hudson’s expression to darken and he stepped back from me entirely.
Moments ago I’d felt overwhelmed by him and now that he was giving me space, I didn’t like it.
And I really didn’t like it when he practically growled, “If you plan to make decisions about our future based on what your brother thinks about us, we’ve got even bigger problems than a location issue, babe. ”
Okay, so I was definitely ‘angel’ when he liked me and ‘babe’ when I’d pissed him off. Noted.
Also, I hated pissing him off.
But I was also a little pissed off he was being insensitive. “You’re coming at this from your perspective, Hudson. Big, boisterous loving family—parents, brother, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I only have Killian.”
“Yeah, I get that. But I’m close to my brother, too. However, what you don’t see is me waiting to see if Jake approves of you before I decide to make you a part of my future. You are my future. Period. The fact that I’m not that to you until I have your brother’s approval fucking pisses me off.”
Now I was really angry. My face flushed and his eyes narrowed at whatever he saw in my gaze.
“Don’t you understand why I’m so upset? I have decided you’re my future.
All those important moments I was talking about?
I can’t picture them now with anyone else but you and the reason I’m upset is because I want to share those moments, our moments, with my family who happens to be my brother and I’m scared shitless because whatever happens here”—I gestured frantically between us—“I’m going to lose someone that I love! ”
The word rang out around us for just a fraction of a second and then Hudson was kissing me.
He was kissing me like the only way to get oxygen was to kiss it out of me.
I wrapped myself around him, completely forgetting where we were.
When he finally pulled back, he said, sounding breathless, “You love me?”
I shrugged, helplessly. “Heart on sleeve girl here.”
“You love me?”
“I love you.”
He crushed me against him, holding me so tight. “I love you, too. Fuck, I love you, too.”
I shook my head against his chest, feeling a spectacularly confusing rush of bliss and fear. “What are we doing, Hudson?”
After a moment of just holding me, Hudson tipped my head back with his thumb against my chin, and butterflies rushed to life in my belly at the way he looked at me. All barriers were down.
He loved me.
It blazed out of his eyes.
Hudson loved me.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whispered fearfully.
Shaking his head, he hushed me. “Let’s just sit on it for a few days, okay?
We’ll each take time to think, to really think, all the while enjoying the fuck out of loving each other.
And when your vacation is coming to an end, we’ll sit down and we’ll hash this out.
But whatever happens, Autumn, you won’t lose someone you love.
So I’m asking you to just hold on a few more days. Can you do that? Can you hold on?”
I nodded, knowing there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for this man. “I can hold on.”