4. Chapter Four
Linorra cracked the door open, looking out. The first thing she noticed was the smell of roses. Beyond the door was a lovely garden with giant yellow flowers she didn’t recognize. They were as tall as her castle and as wide as a drawbridge. She pulled the key out of the doorknob and watched it transform back to its original shape, then dropped it into her coin purse and tied it shut, pushing the door all the way open to step through. Somewhere in the distance, a deep roar vibrated through the air, straight through her body. She steeled herself and closed the door behind her.
The blue light engulfed me, seeping into my flesh and dissolving my skin like acid. I squeezed my eyes against the light, but it had a crushing physical presence that penetrated through my eyelids, directly into my brain. My skin bubbled, melting away from the muscles and bones.
I had an instant to ponder that before all coherent thought was banished by pain. My entire being, every inch of skin, every organ, every bit of real estate inside my body and spirit, lit up with what could only be described as agony.
I think I screamed, but I couldn’t hear myself. All I could hear was a ringing in my ears so loud that my whole body vibrated with it, making me feel like I would rip apart from the inside out.
Out of nowhere, a terrible anguish struck me, a deep self-loathing I couldn’t explain or sufficiently justify until, in a moment of horrifying clarity, I realized that so much of me had burned away that I could see my own soul.
And it wasn’t good.
Evilina, who had always lurked in the back of my mind, was actually my truest self. I was not only capable of carrying out evil deeds, but I thoroughly enjoyed them. I was that person in the movie theater who laughed at the wrong times, like when everyone else is fighting tears. I was that person who saw horrific news stories and shrugged. I was that person who was the last to know everything because I didn’t much care about what happened to other people.
I wasn’t all bad, of course. I loved my parents and my friends, but I had spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about myself. I was selfish and spiteful. Was I really even that close to my friends? I’d been essentially friendless until my twenties, and when I finally did make friends, I always kept them at enough of a distance that I would emotionally survive it when they inevitably realized they’d made a mistake. I really only had one friend I hadn’t slept with, and Marti was arguably a bigger bitch than me.
If I was being honest, my best friend was a dog, and even he had abandoned me.
In that moment, I didn’t think so much as know, irrefutably, that I had earned this pain, and I was now in Hell, as was only right and just. Despair filled me, but I couldn’t cry. I only trembled, rigidly braced against the pain as I floated, weightless, useless, and appropriately forgotten in that merciless light.
I lost all sense of time, but at some point, I regained an awareness of my physical body and realized that I was waking up. The pain was gone, leaving behind a blissful numbness. Whatever I had been before had surely been burned away.
Good riddance.
I still squinted my eyes against the piercing light, but it had turned into a cool presence that was ecstasy by comparison. I relaxed, reveling in the sweet absence of sensation. I stretched out my arms and legs experimentally, but I couldn’t feel my injured wrist, ankle, or anything else.
I could sort of feel them. I feared that my moment of respite would soon end, and I mentally braced myself against it. Unlike the initial experience of intense pain, however, I now had a dull throbbing that started in my chest and gradually spread outward. The stronger it got, the more I understood that this was not pain. It was pleasure.
It was as if a devoted lover embraced me, gently massaging away all the pain in my body. Having come face-to-face with the worst part of myself, I surrendered to my fate. Shockingly, the despair that had consumed me was replaced by unqualified acceptance. The throbbing in my chest traveled down the length of my arms and legs, pushing out a joyful warmth.
Hesitantly, as if addicted to the feelings, I released the fear and anguish that had skulked in the background of my psyche for years, terrorizing me and simultaneously tricking me into ignoring its presence.
The gentle throbbing built to a crescendo of emotional and sensory pleasure, transforming into something resembling physical pleasure. It was like waking up to the smells of sizzling bacon and baking bread on Christmas and then finding out that someone had gifted you an industrial-strength vibrator. Every physically or emotionally gratifying feeling I’d ever experienced mixed together like a warm broth and soaked into my body and spirit.
I had never really believed in Heaven, and if I did, I was pretty sure that Evilina and I wouldn’t be making an appearance there, but this place came close. Tears spilled down my cheeks as a surge of profound relief flooded my entire being. I screamed out my excitement, only to realize that this place still blocked all sound. Maybe I was wrong, I thought, as the pleasure reached a terrifyingly intense climax. I do belong here. The feeling pulsed through me over and over until I thought I might overdose on it.
Finally, the sensation ceased just as abruptly as the pain had begun and I drifted limply in the silent aqua-blue light. The ringing in my ears subsided. All was calm and still. I took a deep breath in and out, wondering idly how I could breathe at all in this strange place, and let myself relax completely. I’d dozed off when the whooshing sound started again, first as a low grumble and quickly escalating to a roar, and then I fell a few feet through the air, landing with a soft squish onto wet grass. I had the uncomfortable impression that I had just been flushed down a toilet, or maybe out of a birth canal.
A cold, misty rain drifted in from the side instead of from above, cooling my face and arms. The return of scents and sounds overwhelmed my senses. I opened my eyes to look around, but my light-assaulted eyes could now see nothing except blackness and a fading afterimage. I closed my eyes again and just lay there, shivering.
Low, muted thunder rumbled somewhere in the far distance. Leaves rustled in the wind, mixing with the rhythmic pattering of rain on the ground to my left. The familiar scent of redwood trees wafted into my nose, quickly replaced by dog breath and a disgusting, all too familiar tongue licking my face.
I opened my eyes again, squinting. My sight adjusted, and I could just barely make out Rogue’s form in the dim moonlight. I tried to push him away from my face, but I was too weak. He eventually stopped to snuggle his huge body into the space between my knees and chest, half sitting on me, and sticking his wet nose under my chin. I managed to flop an arm up over him, but it was an absurdly strenuous effort.
“Where are we, Rogue?” I asked. He made his little dog groaning sound, then licked my neck. I squeezed him, grateful for his warmth. “I missed you, too, buddy,” I whispered. I was uncomfortable, but for the first time since my accident, my heart didn’t ache.
After a few minutes, my eyes adjusted fully to the dark and I noticed, with shock, where the dim light came from. It wasn’t moonlight. It was me. The arm I’d placed over Rogue glowed faintly with the same light that I had seen in the . . . whatever it was.
A portal.
“Maybe I’m in the nether,” I mumbled, laughing weakly to myself. “I better get some glowstone while I’m down here.” I was glad no one was around to witness my pathetic attempt at Minecraft humor.
I looked at my arm again. The glow was fading, taking my vision with it. I closed my eyes again, thinking I would just rest for a few minutes.
I’m not sure how long I lay there, but when I opened my eyes, the rain had stopped. The first hint of sunlight cast a faintly golden glow over an expanse of meadow and forest. The air smelled of pine and damp earth and was saturated with the moisture of last night’s rain.
Rogue was gone.
I lifted my head and, though still weak, it was more like weakness after a long run. I stood up and was only a little dizzy. The straps to the splint were loose, and I yanked it off with little effort. I found my pack, which had landed nearby on the ground, and picked it up with my right hand to test it out. There was no pain.
Okay, just a bit of SM and I’m all fixed up, I guess.
I unzipped the bag and stuffed the splint in there, then peered down at myself. My clothes were muddy but intact. I didn’t know how it hadn’t all been burned away. My hat was gone, which meant I had some auburn highlights to look forward to, but at least I wasn’t stark naked. I also noted, with relief, that I was no longer glowing.
I turned in a circle to survey my surroundings. To my right, a sheer cliff face shot up into the sky, hanging over me just enough to block the worst of the rain. Otherwise, I was surrounded by shoulder-high grass, topped by feathery seeds. The spot where I had been lying left a perfectly circular patch of muddy grass that was sheared down to the ground, bits strewn everywhere.
Did I really sleep in the mud all night? I really need to quit drinking.
It was foggy, but I could see a grove of redwoods across a small meadow. Wildflowers, somehow delicate and also larger than I had ever seen, poked their heads above the tall grass here and there in a vibrant eruption of yellow and purple.
A large, flat stone leaned against the cliff face. It had an X carved into it, similar to the one I knew, but standing upright.
X marks the spot.
I stared at it for a moment, thinking that I had better remember where this place was. Then I backed away from the stone to see a mountain rising behind it. My heart skipped a beat, and I nearly stumbled backward. This snow-capped mountain was enormous. My parents’ stables were in the foothills of Klamath, nowhere near a peak like this one. I squinted at it and rubbed my eyes.
Yep, still there. Where the hell am I?
I searched for my phone but didn’t see it anywhere. I patted my bra. Nope. I searched in the tall grass around the circle, finding nothing, then gave up. At least I had my watch.
I heard barking and glanced up to see Rogue trotting toward me on a footpath through the redwoods, followed by a man in strange clothing. I felt a brief moment of relief at seeing Rogue and possibly even getting help from someone who might know where the hell I was, but my hopes were dashed when I saw him scowling in my direction as if he envisioned imminent violence. My heart rate spiked. Even worse, despite his expression of wrath, he was still uncomfortably handsome, which always makes me uneasy. Especially when I look like an avalanche victim.
As always, when coming across an unknown man with no one around to help me, I performed a quick rape threat assessment, or RTA, as Marti used to call it. This man seemed to be in his late twenties, maybe early thirties. He appeared healthy and clean, like he took good care of himself. That was a good sign. He wore his dark brown hair tied at the nape of his neck, and his beard was trimmed and well-kept. His clothing was super weird, though. A dark brown tunic hung to his knees and was belted with what looked like red snakeskin, paired with knee-high boots of the same material. On second thought, perhaps my muddy, disheveled appearance was in my best interest.
Rogue obviously knew him and trusted him. That was a very good sign. As he got closer to me, though, I noticed how massive he was, at least a foot taller than me and twice as wide. He reminded me of a bear. That wasn’t good or bad by itself, but could be very, very bad if combined with a bad RTA.
I decided to trust Rogue’s judgment. The man had already seen me, despite the tall grass. I could have run away, I suppose. I was pretty fast, and I could run for hours. Then I remembered that I had bear spray tied with a quick-release strap on the outside of my pack.
“Trust, but verify,” I whispered to myself. I found the canister and yanked it loose. The little orange safety clip was still intact. I decided to risk it and left it that way. The pair came out of the redwoods, wading into the grass. Rogue must have sped up when he saw me because a swish of grass blades outpaced Bear Guy.
“Rogue!” the man shouted in a deep voice. “Get back here!” He had the same strange accent Psycho Snow White had, like he was North American but from some region I had never visited.
The man held some kind of metal weapon. It looked a bit like a crossbow but much smaller and narrower. He lifted it up to point at my head. Suddenly, my bear spray seemed rather naive and stupid.
Rogue ignored him, jumping up and almost knocking me over. He planted both front paws on my shoulders and licked my face. He also blocked any shot that Bear Guy might have had since, standing on his hind legs, he was as tall as I was. Bear Guy knew Rogue somehow, so he wouldn’t shoot through him to get to me, or so I nervously hoped.
I was glad to see that Rogue had not run away again, and I smiled despite my possibly desperate situation. I felt weird about it, though. Obviously, my Rogue had not only been my Rogue. His name fit him better than I had ever understood. I hugged him anyway as I tried to remember where we’d gotten his name from.
Bear Guy closed the distance between us, scrutinizing our little reunion. Now that he was closer, I could see that his eyes were an extraordinary shade of ice blue that contrasted sharply with his bronze skin and dark brown hair. He was even more attractive up close but exuded a menacing energy that beamed out of his hard eyes.
“Rogue!” he called again.
“Excuse me?” I said. “This is my dog. See this collar?” It came out a little angrier than I meant it to, but his sharp attention and overpowering presence had me flustered. I pointed to the metal tag. “I’m the one who had this made for him,” I said. “It’s literally got my name on the other side.” The man’s eyes widened, bringing my attention back to their unusual color. They were magnificent. I barreled on. “I named him. He’s my dog, and I will hug him when and where I want to.”
I finished my rant and then, not wanting to be a complete Marti-level bitch, I said, “Thanks for your concern, though. Now, please stop pointing that little toy at me and tell me which way the road is so I can get home.” I probably failed on the not-being-a-bitch thing, but I had just spent a whole day searching for Rogue, and I wasn’t about to relinquish custody.
Bear Guy stared at me for a long moment, then down at Rogue, then back at me again. He didn’t lower his weapon. “Avelina Silva?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, taken aback that he knew my name. He must have gotten it from the dog tag, but it still unsettled me. “You wanna see a driver’s license?” The man knit his eyebrows together but didn’t respond.
I rolled my eyes, slid Rogue’s paws off my shoulders, and turned to walk away. It was a calculated risk. I wasn’t going to overcome his ranged weapon with my bear spray, and if this man wanted to assault me, there was very little I could do about it.
“Come on, Rogue,” I said, hiking down the hill away from Bear Guy. Rogue followed on my heels. I wanted to get his leash out, but I was afraid that Bear Guy might get spooked and shoot me out of an abundance of caution.
“Stop!” he commanded. I almost stopped just from the sheer force of his authority but overcame it just in time. I had a point to make, and if he was gonna shoot me, then he was gonna shoot me. Talking to him while I was in Marti mode wasn’t going to help my case. After the intense emotional roller coaster I’d been on for the last twenty-four hours, I wasn’t taking any shit from some random dude with a toy crossbow.
“Bite me,” I said over my shoulder and kept walking.
He sighed. “Wait. Please.”
I stopped, turning to give him side-eye. He still had his weapon up. I gestured to it with an open hand, giving him my famous What the hell? look. He pressed his lips into a flat line, but he put it down.
“Who are you?” he demanded.
“Um, I’m Avelina. We just covered that. Like, twenty seconds ago.” Okay, Evilina, seriously. Rein it in. I squeezed my eyes shut to banish my evil twin, then I clenched my fists, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes to face Bear Guy squarely.
“Let me start over. I’m Lina. I live over there.” I pointed up at the mountain, then I stopped, glancing around. “Or maybe it’s that way,” I said, pointing in the exact opposite direction, down the hill. “Um, which way is the road again?”
Bear Guy wrinkled his brow, ticking up one corner of his mouth. I wasn’t sure if it was a small smile or utter contempt. He pointed down the hill and said with feigned patience, “Well, no one lives in that direction for about fifty kilometers.” He turned to point up at the mountain. “And no one lives in that direction for at least a thousand kilometers, which is good because they would be eaten by ridge wolves. Or mountain bears, I suppose.”
My stomach dropped. I ignored, for the moment, his strange use of metric units and focused on the fact that if what he said were true, then I was nowhere near home.
Because you went through a portal, idiot.
“Wait, did you just say wolves?” I asked. He nodded. “And are these wolves white, by any chance?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said, giving me his own version of the What the hell? look. “What other color would a wolf be?” He dropped his eyes to my muddy clothes as if trying to decide if I were crazy. By the expression on his face, his conclusion was not in my favor.
“Oh, okay,” I said, growing irritated. “You’re right. I’m the strange one here, but let me ask you a question. If you had to choose, would you rather fight Medusa or release the Kraken?”
Rogue coughed. I looked down at him, smirking. “I know, right? Who is this guy?”
“I don’t know who the Kraken is,” said Bear Guy, “but if we don’t get out of this clearing soon, we’ll both be fighting. The wolves have likely smelled us already.” He turned toward the mountain, then said under his breath, “Especially you.”
I fingered the cap on my bear spray. Bear Guy obviously wasn’t my biggest fan. But how did he even know I would be here? He knew Rogue well enough to have seen my name on his collar. Did he really just follow Rogue, not knowing where the dog would lead him? That seemed unlikely.
Maybe he knows about portals. Find out what he knows.
“Where did you come from?” he asked.
Well, that was convenient.
“Over there,” I said, pointing to the X stone. “I just sort of fell out of the sky, I guess.” I laughed nervously. He narrowed his eyes but said nothing.
He knows something. Pry it out of him. Evilina’s demands were more insistent than usual. In fact, that didn’t even sound like something she would say.
My own confusing thoughts distracted me just long enough for Bear Guy to sigh and march away. His ponytail whipped up behind him as he moved through the tall grass. Rogue gave me his best What’s for dinner? look, then trotted off behind him. Bear Guy didn’t even ask us to follow. He just expected it.
“Well, can you at least tell me your name?” I called after him.
“Aaron,” he shouted over his shoulder. He didn’t turn back. I sighed and hurried after him. At least I still had my running shoes on.