Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
When Marna woke, it was dark. No sunlight streamed through the windows, and the room was lit only by the faint glow from the stars and the moon.
She was in Tanner’s bed, with his arms around her. They’d made love twice—three times?—that day. She’d fallen asleep with his name on her lips and now she’d just awoken to?—
The feel of his lips on her back. Pressing lightly against the blade of her left shoulder. The spot where her wings had once been. The touch of his mouth against that sensitive spot had her whole body tensing. Her nipples were hard. Her legs restless. Just that soft touch…
The touch of his mouth sent pleasure streaking through her. Stronger than before. He’d kissed the scars another time, but it hadn’t been like this.
Her breath heaved out. Marna didn’t move. She wanted him to keep kissing her. Her sex was wet, her body tight.
He licked her. She bit her lip to keep from crying out. So good. It had hurt so badly when she lost her wings, but this… pleasure.
Tanner had taught her so much about pleasure.
His lips brushed over her again. “I’m gonna fucking miss you.”
He was going to—wait, what? Marna stiffened and tried to turn and face him, but he held her still in a grip far too strong. Shifter strong.
“When you go back, remember me, okay?”
She wasn’t going anyplace.
“Should have known I couldn’t keep you with me. Too good for me…” His breath rasped against her skin. His fingers skimmed over her, and she shivered. “Remember me.”
“I could never forget you.” What was he even talking about? “And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yes.” Sad. “You are.”
Another kiss on her scar. Another caress that sent a shudder of pleasure through her. Then he said, “Your wings are growing back.”
Her world seemed to stop. No, maybe that was just her heart. “That’s not funny, Tanner.” He should know better than to joke about something like that. Angry—no, furious—she ripped away from him and rolled from the bed. “I lost my wings. They won’t ever grow back. They?—”
“Would you go back to heaven, if you had the chance?” His face was tense, but his eyes were blank, showing no emotion.
Go back to heaven? Marna hesitated. No fear. No pain.
“Right.” Tanner climbed from the bed. Jerked on his jeans. Turned so that she could only see his back and the scars that crisscrossed his skin in a painful reminder of all that he’d suffered.
“Angels don’t lie,” he said the words without looking at her. “Shifters, though, we were born to deceive. Born to be beasts who hide beneath the guise of men.” His shoulders were strong and straight. “But I never lied to you.”
No, he hadn’t. From the very beginning, he’d always told her the truth. Always been there, trying to help her.
Was it any wonder she loved him? Love. She finally knew what the humans talked about. No wonder it made them crazy. It was wonderful. Consuming. Addictive. Terrifying.
“I’m not lying to you now.” Tanner still wasn’t looking at her. “Your wings are back. They’re growing slowly, but they are growing. Small, silken, pure white and?—”
And she was across the room in an instant. Marna grabbed his arms and yanked him around to face her. “Angels of death don’t have white wings.” Their wings were touched by the darkness and despair of their work, so death angels and punishment angels always had black wings.
He blinked at her. “But I saw them. You’re growing white wings.”
Marna whirled away from him and raced for the bathroom. She flipped on the light and twisted as she strained to see her body in the mirror. He has to be wrong. He has to be wrong. He has to ? —
But she had wings growing from her back. White wings. Her hands gripped the marble countertop so tightly she almost ripped it from the wall. “How?”
Tanner had followed her. He stared at her with eyes that seemed so empty. Cold. Not like Tanner. Not like him at all.
“Wings don’t grow back.” She shook her head. The words tumbled from her. “Not after a fall. All the angels know that!”
“You didn’t fall.” Said simply. Sadly. “A shifter tried to force you to earth. He hurt you. But now, you’re healing.”
Healing. The breath in her lungs seemed to burn. Her gaze lifted and locked on his. “You did this.”
Tanner shook his head.
She grabbed his hands. She was still naked. So what? He’d seen her naked plenty of times and would do so again. “ You did this,” she repeated as the puzzle pieces slipped into place. When her scars had been itching, she’d been healing. Because he’d healed her. “When you brought me back…” Maybe even when he’d kissed her scars that first time? Was it possible? It must be. “You healed my wounds.” All of them. He’d given her his power, and he’d healed the flesh that had been clawed open—and the wings that had been savaged.
He’d given an angel back her wings .
Marna laughed and threw her arms around Tanner.
But he didn’t hug her back. Didn’t so much as move. A chill skated down her spine. “Tanner?” She pulled back to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
His smile was bittersweet. “I’ll miss you.”
But she wasn’t?—
A wind swept through the house, ripping through the bedroom and rushing into the bathroom. The wind grabbed at Marna and pulled at her body. She waved her hands as she conjured clothes and tried to fight the force of the wind.
It was pulling her away from Tanner.
The wind felt like hands on her skin. Not rough. But steady, strong.
Tanner watched her. The wind tossed his hair, but didn’t move him.
Then Marna was back in the bedroom. The big window was wide open, letting in that rush of wind, and the angel that came in with wings of white.
Carmella.
Marna recognized the angel instantly. How could she not know her? Carmella—with her light brown skin and the jet-black hair that trailed down her back—was the leader of the guardian angels. She’d been protecting mortals for as long as death angels like Sammael and Bastion had been taking their souls.
“It’s time to come home with me,” Carmella told her, the angel’s voice soft. Almost sweet. She lifted her hand. “We’ve been hoping you would join us.”
Marna shook her head. “I’m…not a guardian.”
“You are now.” Carmella’s gaze drifted over Marna’s shoulder. To Tanner. “Your fate changed.”
And she understood. He’d changed her fate. An angel’s wings weren’t supposed to grow back, but Tanner wasn’t just a shifter.
Healer.
She turned away from Carmella and walked to stand right in front of Tanner. She could feel the small growth of wings now. Not itching so much anymore, not since the wings had broken through the skin. “You really did this.” With that light of his. When he’d healed her other wounds, he’d given her back her wings, too.
But it was Carmella who spoke. “Your wings didn’t burn away, Marna,” the guardian told her. Carmella’s voice was so easy and gentle, but without any emotion. “The burn is forever, but your injuries…even if your shifter hadn’t sped up the healing process, your wings would have returned to you eventually.”
Your shifter. “But would they have been black?” And would she have gone back to taking souls?
“You earned the title of guardian,” Carmella informed her. “Because of what you did here on earth. You guarded those closest to you.”
Marna stared into Tanner’s eyes, and realized, too late, the words that Sammael had spoken hadn’t been for Tanner. They’d been for her.
Guard what you want the most.
He’d known that the death touch hadn’t come back to her because she wasn’t a death angel any longer.
She’d always wanted this. To be close to the humans. To be able to see them while they were happy, alive, and not on the brink of death. But…
But she wanted more now. Not just to see emotion. She reached for Tanner’s hand. He was staring down at her, but his gaze was blank.
“It’s time for us to go,” Carmella said.
“Just like that?” Marna whispered. After all the months she’d been down here, now the angel appeared to whisk her away? “Why didn’t you come sooner?” Marna didn’t look away from Tanner. He’d been there the whole time. He’d been the one guarding her.
“Because the battle wasn’t mine to fight.” Carmella’s sweet voice was starting to annoy her. It was that whole lack of emotion. Would a little bit of passion really kill an angel? “It was yours, and the end result—that result determined your fate.”
Her fate? Marna’s chest had begun to feel hollow. “I was supposed to die.”
“Or become a guardian.”
Why wasn’t Tanner talking? “Say something,” she gritted, angry. “Talk to me!”
His eyelids flickered. “I’ll miss you.” Growled. He’d said that before. Each time he said those words, she felt as if he was ripping into her soul.
And, what? That was all he had to tell her? He’d miss her? How about… “Baby, don’t go. My heart will be torn out if you leave me”? Couldn’t he just growl those words instead?
Because if she left him, that was how she’d feel. The wings didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but being with him.
Well, he could stand there, look all stoic and strong and act like this was the big dramatic end for them, but she wasn’t playing that game. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Now that got his attention. His eyes widened and suddenly, his hands were gripping hers hard enough to bruise. Good thing she wasn’t human. He might have just accidentally snapped some of her bones if she had been.
“You’d choose me?” He shook his head. Looked stunned and thrilled and hopeful all at once. “But…with your wings, you can have everything you ever wanted. You can have your life back.”
“I don’t want that life back.” It had been so cold and empty. And she didn’t want to be a guardian—just watching life pass by. She wanted to keep living and loving. “I want what I have with you.” Didn’t he understand? “Tanner, I meant what I said. I love you.”
Love. Not just a human emotion. Shifters loved. Vampires loved. So did angels.
Now only hope lit his face. His lips curved in a smile that took her breath.
“I’m sorry, Marna.” Carmella’s voice was still soft. “But that isn’t how this works.”
In a blink, Marna found herself across the room and at the angel’s side. Tanner stared at them in confusion for an instant, then he lunged toward them. “Marna!”
Wind ripped through the room and tossed him back against the wall. The same wind seemed to grab Marna and lift her up. Up and toward the open window.
“Marna!” Tanner was fighting against the wind. He roared his fury and slashed out with his growing claws as he tried to reach her.
And Marna fought, too. She kicked and clawed with her own hands against the unseen force that lifted her higher and higher. She didn’t want to leave. She belonged on earth, with Tanner. This was her life. She wouldn’t go back to that cold, emotionless existence. Not now.
The wind beat faster. Tanner was fading from sight. She was losing him, and the last thing she heard him roar was, “Stay with me! I love you, Marna. Stay. With. Me!”
But fate had other plans. Fate ripped her away and lifted her so high that she couldn’t even hear his roar anymore.
The wind died away, slowly freeing him from its unbreakable grip. Tanner hit the floor when the last of that powerful blast faded, but he was on his feet a mere second later. He raced for the window. His claws sliced into the wall. “Marna!”
She wasn’t outside. Not on the ground. Not above him where the angel had been.
She was just…gone.
The beast inside was snarling with fury. Wild and desperate, he seemed to be clawing Tanner apart from the inside out.
Marna hadn’t wanted to leave him. I love you. Her words echoed in his head. She’d been so beautiful when she said them. Eyes clear. Face lit with happiness. She’d been choosing him.
And then she’d been taken away.
He leapt through that window and landed on the ground. His bones were already popping and snapping. The panther wasn’t being held back on a leash this time. He was free, and he was pissed.
As pissed as the man.
No one took his mate. Marna had been afraid. She’d been fighting.
She wants me.
And he’d kill to get her back.
His paws raced over the earth. He had Marna’s scent. He’d track her, find her, fucking break down the door to heaven if he had to, but he was getting her back.
Heaven couldn’t take her, and if the angels thought they were finished with him, then they’d better think again.
The panther threw back his head and screamed his fury to the night.
Heaven was as perfect as the humans thought. The floors were lined with gold. The walls made of heavy, white marble. Everything was clean and glistening. No darkness. No evil.
The world below was full of that darkness. So much evil and hate.
“Why would you even want to go back?” Carmella asked, but her voice held no curiosity. Why would it?
“Because I love him.” So simple. Why couldn’t Carmella see that? Marna turned away from her and marched toward the elaborate doors that sealed the room. Those were made of gold, too. Heavy gold that wouldn’t move beneath her touch.
Carmella followed her. “For him…for one doomed shifter, you’d trade all that heaven can offer?”
Now Marna stiffened. The doors weren’t budging, and little Ms. Sunshine there needed to watch herself. Marna turned on her heel and eyed the angel. “Tanner isn’t doomed.”
But Carmella nodded. “I’m afraid he is. I’ve watched him. I know what he’s done. All the lives he’s taken.” Carmella seemed to glide toward her. The angel’s voice dropped as she announced, “He’s evil, you see.”
“No,” Marna snapped right back, “he’s not.”
Carmella blinked. Was that surprise on her face? “How can you not know? You were with him. You had to sense the darkness he carries.”
“Yes, well…” She had. “There’s more to life than a little darkness, okay? People can do some very, very bad things, but still be capable of good, too.” That was the beauty of life. You could find goodness even in…
Well, even in hell on earth.
She squared her shoulders. “Tanner isn’t doomed. He has me.” And she’d watch out for him. Just not from a perch on some fluffy white cloud.
Guard what you want the most. “I’ll guard him,” she said, nodding because this was a duty she’d gladly accept, “but I’ll do it from his side.”
Carmella’s eyes widened the smallest bit. “You know what you’re saying…?”
“I’m saying I want to go back to him.”
The angel shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that.” Her white wings skimmed over the golden floor. “To go to earth, to stay down there with him, do you know what you have to do?”
Marna’s gut was tight with fear and dread because, yes, she knew. All angels knew. If you wanted to live with the humans below—or even with a certain sexy shifter—then first you had to kiss your heavenly life goodbye.
You had to fall . “I lost my wings once.” These white wings were so new, she’d barely grown used to the whispery feel of them. “I can lose them again.” She’d survive. No, she’d do more than survive.
She’d be happy.
But first, Marna swallowed and realized Carmella was looking at her with emotion now. Finally. And in that stare, Marna saw pity.
“How can you give up so much for one man?”
“It’s not just for him. It’s for me.” For the life she would have. A child. Memories. Laughter. Passion. She understood what Bastion had meant. The fall wasn’t just about Tanner. For me.
“You’ll burn,” Carmella warned her.
Her chin lifted. “Yes, I will.”
The heavy doors swept open. Her choice had been heard. The howl of the wind filled her ears. Marna closed her eyes as the wind lifted her body. She hoped she didn’t scream. Hoped she could hold back the cries.
But then she started to fall and the fire came at her…
Tanner. It was his name that she screamed.
The panther leapt through the window and sent shards of glass flying into the interior of the antebellum home. Not a home in mid-construction like his. One that blazed with glory and wealth. Snarls and roars escaped Tanner as he charged for the stairs—and for the man who was already racing toward him.
“Are you insane?” Sammael demanded, glaring at him and stopping short in the middle of the stairs. “Or do you just have a death wish?”
The panther roared again.
Sam’s mate—the blonde with the eyes that saw too much—rushed up behind him.
Tanner had hunted through the city. Gone into the swamps. Searched every place he could think of, but he hadn’t been able to find Marna. Her scent had faded. She’d just vanished from the face of the earth.
Gone to heaven.
“Shouldn’t an angel be with him?” the woman asked as she peered over Sam’s shoulder. “I mean, there’s something missing from this picture, right?”
Tanner snarled.
Sam sent a bolt of fire at him and singed his fur. “You don’t snarl at her. No one snarls at my Seline.”
Fine. He’d just take off the Fallen’s head. The panther charged at Sam.
“He’s hurting,” Seline said, sounding sad.
Sam lifted his hands, not to attack Tanner, but to ward him off. “Easy, beast. I don’t want a war with you.”
The panther’s claws dug into the gleaming hardwood.
Sam winced at the damage, then sighed. “She’s gone, isn’t she?”
And because he couldn’t speak as a panther, Tanner let the shift sweep through him. Fast. Brutal. He didn’t even feel a whisper of pain. Too much fury rode him. He kept his claws out even as his body became that of a man again, just in case he needed to behead a Fallen.
Tanner would make Sam help him. “Her wings grew back.”
“Impossible.” From Seline.
But Sam nodded. “I thought your healing magic might work on her.”
And he hadn’t bothered to pass along that little bit of info? Tanner jumped up and hit him in the jaw. The blow would have shattered a human’s jaw, but Sam just lifted a brow. “Feel better?” the Fallen asked him.
Hell, no. He wouldn’t feel better until he had Marna back.
“And, damn, man, put some clothes on.” Sam waved his hand and conjured a pair of jeans on Tanner’s body. “Or are you trying to make me go blind?”
The Fallen was an asshole. Tanner lifted his claws. “You knew I’d lose her.”
Sam didn’t back down. “I knew Marna would have a choice. She didn’t fall, not technically, so she could go back, as long as she had her lovely black wings.”
“Her wings were white,” Tanner growled out. “The ones growing back were white.”
“Interesting.” A little shrug. “But then, I never thought she belonged to the death angels.” He caught Seline’s hand. Sam pressed a kiss to her palm. “Maybe she’ll get to guard you. It seems as if she’s earned someone’s favor, so perhaps your angel will be by your side.”
Sam brushed by him and left Tanner standing on the staircase, just feet from Seline.
“If she’s my guardian…” Tanner cleared his throat, almost afraid to hope. “Will I see her again?” Get to touch her? Hold her?
“Guardians aren’t meant to be seen,” Seline told him quietly, voice even sadder now.
“And never meant to be touched,” Sam said, his voice rising from below them. He was staring out of the shattered window. His gaze was on the darkness that waited beyond the house.
Tanner’s breath heaved out. So she could come back, but still be forever beyond his reach? That sucked.
“She could fall for you.” Seline’s voice again. Her words had him stiffening because, hell no, he didn’t want her falling.
“If she falls…” Tanner knew his voice sounded too hard and too rough. “If she falls, then she burns.” He’d never want that agony for her. She wanted her wings.
“Yes.” Seline stared at him.
“It’s the only way.” Sam shrugged. “If you want her back here with you, then she has to fall. She has to choose to come back.”
While he stayed there, helpless? She would have to suffer?
“Does she love you enough to burn for you?” Sam turned slowly to face him. Tanner could see the shadows of the Fallen’s wings. As dark as the night behind him.
Sam’s gaze drifted slowly to Seline, and Tanner knew the woman had suffered the fire for Sam. She’d burned for the Fallen she loved so much.
Did Marna love him that completely?
“I don’t want to know,” Tanner said, and he forced his feet to move. His chest ached, not from the shift, but from the giant freaking hole where his heart had been.
Gone. Marna was gone, and he didn’t want her to suffer in order to come back to him.
He stopped near Sam and his bare feet crunched the glass beneath him, courtesy of the window he’d shattered on his way in. “How does a shifter make it to heaven?” He’d suffer. He’d take the pain, whatever it was.
“Even when you die, you won’t see her.” Was Sam just trying to piss him off? “The carried souls have a different paradise waiting. You won’t be with the guardians.”
So he was never going to see her again? Never?
That hole just burned hotter.
“Tanner!”
His head yanked up. That had been Marna’s voice. She’d been scared, hurting. Screaming.
Only…Sam looked like he hadn’t heard a thing. Sam was just staring at him. Pity was in his eyes again.
Tanner shoved the Fallen out of his way and pushed through that broken window. “She’s calling me!” Maybe no one else had heard it, but they didn’t have the ears of a shifter. He knew that she was out there. Not in heaven. Not watching over him, but out there, on earth, and needing him.
He’d find her.
Hope began to fill the hole in his chest.
“I’m guessing you just heard her scream. Huh, that happened fast.” Sam seemed a bit startled. “When we fall, the fire always makes us scream. A thousand times hotter than anything here on earth, no angel can stand that pain.”
Sam’s words iced his blood.
A shard of glass cut into Tanner’s arm as he looked over at the Fallen.
Sam shrugged. “I guess she does love you that much.”
Marna was in pain because she was burning for him?
Sam’s hand closed over his arm. “You should know…after the fall, things will be different.”
He didn’t care about different. Marna was falling. Her scream echoed in his ears, and he needed to find her.
“Most angels don’t remember who they are right after they fall.” Sam’s voice was bleak.
“I didn’t remember for months,” Seline admitted as she came to the bottom of the stairs.
Sam stared straight at him. He was getting damn tired of the pity in the Fallen’s eyes. Sam shook his head. “When you find her, you’ll be a stranger to her. That’s just the way the fall works. Fallen angels need time to heal.”
Stranger or not, that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was getting to her. Making sure that she was safe. That she wasn’t alone.
He didn’t want her to open her eyes and have no memory of her life— of him— and to be afraid.
Tanner shook off Sam’s hold and rushed back into the night.
He would find her.
“Follow the scent of ash,” Sam yelled after him. “You’re already a lucky bastard, you heard her scream! You know she’s close.”
Tanner kept running.
“I didn’t know.” Sam’s voice was lower now, fading in the distance. “I had to hunt for my angel.”
And Tanner would hunt for his. Hunt until he found her and had her back in his arms.
Then he’d never let her go again.
He found her at dawn, just as the darkness was fading away. She was walking along a dirt road near the edge of a swamp. She was naked, and long, angry burn marks crossed her back. Marna moved slowly, her head down, one foot in front of the other.
“Marna!” Tanner yelled her name and rushed toward her. Most of his hunting had been done in panther form, but when he’d finally caught her scent—ash and innocence—he’d shifted back to the body of a man. He’d stolen some clothes and raced after her.
He hadn’t wanted her to see him as a beast. Not this first time. She’d be scared enough as it was.
Marna turned toward him. And just stared blankly. Not with fear or love. With no recognition.
Then she turned away and kept walking.
No. No. Tanner ran after her, grabbed her in his arms, and held her tight. “You aren’t alone.” She’d never be alone again.
Marna began to struggle in his arms. He held her tighter, being careful not to touch the wounds on her back. “It’s me. ”
She kicked against him. Clawed with her small nails.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. She broke his heart.
“I can fix this,” he promised her. She had to be hurting. Those wounds on her back…he’d heal them. Heal her.
Heal her.
That was it. Sam had said that the angels needed time to heal after their fall. He could heal Marna right now. She wouldn’t need any time. He could take away all of her pain.
He would take it away.
His fingers hovered over her wounds. The power began to bleed through his skin and pulse through his body. He pushed that power at her, and Marna stopped struggling.
She gasped and her eyes—so blue—widened.
“My name’s Tanner Chance.” His voice was ragged as the healing energy drained from him and slid into her body. “And I’d die for you.”
Her stare held his.
“I love you,” he told her as he gave her all the power he had, “and by some freaking miracle, you love me, too.” Enough to fall.
Her breathing had steadied. The paleness in her cheeks wasn’t so stark. He kept pushing his magic and energy into her. “Remember me.”
She shook her head.
“Remember.” And he pressed his lips against hers. His hands were on her back now, hovering over the wounds there. Carefully, he put his fingertips on her. As he touched her, the skin scarred over, the blisters and burns fading, as her flesh healed—as much as it could, anyway.
Her lips were closed, but so soft and silken beneath his. He kept kissing her. She had to remember him. Pain and pleasure. Fire and life. Hope.
Love.
“Please,” Tanner breathed the ragged rasp against her lips. He was as close to breaking as he’d ever been in his whole life. “Just remember…me.”
Her lips parted. Her tongue snaked out. Touched his. Tentative. So uncertain. He forced himself to stay controlled. To kiss her gently when?—
She pulled away from him. Marna’s eyes searched his. “How many times…?” Her voice was weak, as if she’d broken it. When she had been falling? And screaming for him?
I’m here.
“How many times…” Marna whispered again, “do I have to tell you…I want to stay…with you?”
His heart almost jumped right from his chest.
Marna smiled up at him. Stared at him with eyes that knew him and said, “I…know you. I…love…you.”
Tanner’s control snapped, and he pulled her as close as he could get her. His mouth took hers. Wild, hot, and desperate.
He’d found the one woman in this world who could make him whole. Who could make him be more than just a monster.
She’d chosen him over heaven. Brought him out of hell.
And he’d spend the rest of his days making sure she never suffered again. No more fire. No more pain.
Only pleasure. Love.
Life.
“You gave it up,” he breathed against her mouth as he lifted her into his arms. “You came back to me.”
Her arms wound around his neck. “I wasn’t letting you…get away.” Her voice was weak, but growing stronger. Just as she was. “Someone told me…guard what I want…the most.”
She was the only thing he wanted. He’d take her back to his home. Their home. He’d get her in bed, and he’d kiss every inch of her body and make absolutely sure this wasn’t just some desperate dream.
“For the rest of my days, I’ll be…guarding you.” Marna’s lips curved in a faint smile. “I don’t need to…have my wings…to be your guardian.”
A killer shifter, with a guardian angel always by his side? Maybe fate was playing a game of makeup with him. Whatever was happening, that plan sure sounded fine to Tanner. Damn fine.
An angel and a shifter together forever. Hell, yes. He kissed her again. Curled his body over hers.
And knew that even heaven couldn’t be any better than this.
Nothing could ever be better than holding his angel tight in his arms.
Together, forever.
He’d found his paradise.