Chapter 20
Sutton
When I agreed to come back to the Center, I had no idea how restricted my movement would be.
Layla has more freedom than me but not much.
Since my mark isn’t as strong as Zayd’s, I have to accompany Layla everywhere.
But as long as I’m with her, we can go to the cafeteria comb or visit her friends in their rooms, but when she wants to hang out with her friends at the Courtyard, I’m left waiting in the corridor.
No males are allowed in the Courtyard, and since I’m not an alpha, I’m not allowed in the Commons, the alpha equivalent to the Courtyard.
Kydax hasn’t invited me back to the training comb, and since I’m not about to show up without an invite, risking them taking it as an insult or disrespect or something, I’m stuck doing a lot of waiting.
While I’m glad to be back with her, if it weren’t for the unbelievable sex Layla is starved for, I’d be going out of my mind with boredom.
I’m glad she has her friends and has built a life here, but I’m struggling to see how I fit into it. And it’s scaring the shit out of me that I never will.
Take tonight, for example. Angie and Razyr invited us over for dinner and games. It’s not been a bad night, but I feel so out of place with the alphas.
Sparing with them in the training comb is easy.
I’d faced plenty of strangers in the octagon in my MMA days.
But I never went out to dinner with them afterward.
I had friends that I fought and hung out with, but those friendships predated our time in the sparring ring.
I don’t know how to be friends with the alphas.
They’re still the opposition in my mind, and I get the sense that they feel the same way about me.
Well, maybe not opposition but… Other. Layla and I have both noticed the ways my body has changed since that alpha bit me.
I think the alphas have started noticing, too.
They don’t know what I am, and I can tell they don’t like not knowing what I might become.
Every now and again, I catch Razyr flaring his nostrils. I’m pretty sure he’s taking measure of my scent on Layla. It’s been two weeks. Zayd’s scent has faded, but hasn’t totally worn off, so I don’t think he much cares for mine being in the mix.
As I watch the other mated pairs, I start to wonder again if it would be better for Layla to bond with Zayd and for me to leave them be.
“It’s your turn.” Layla nudges my elbow.
“Hearts are trump?”
“We’re playing rummy,” she whispers.
“Oh, right.”
Layla gently squeezes my arm after I take my turn. “Are you okay?”
“Just tired,” I say, knowing full well how lame of an excuse it is.
What have I done that would make me tired? I do nothing. I go nowhere. Layla knows this, so I’m not surprised when she slips me the side eye. But because we’re not alone, she doesn’t pry.
The cat is out of the bag. Now that she knows I’m distracted, I can’t hide it, and I feel her eyes on me between her turns, judging me. Wanting desperately to know what’s really going on.
I’m sure conversations are happening, but I can’t concentrate on them. Layla pokes me every time it’s my turn, and everyone laughs. Even me, trying not to make things more awkward than I already have.
“I think I should get him home,” Layla says at the end of the next round.
Home.
Now that is laughable.
This isn’t our home. It pisses me off that she calls it that.
“Sutton,” Razyr catches me on our way out. “I was wondering if you would drop by the med comb tomorrow. My tests on the samples I took the last time you were here have not offered much more information about your designation. I would like to take more and maybe run some other diagnostic tests.”
“Uh, yeah. In the morning?” I ask.
“See you then,” he says with a polite nod as I follow Layla out the door.
“Seriously, what’s going on with you?” Layla says when I catch up with her, marching down the corridor toward our room.
“Don’t worry. I think it’s just a little cabin fever.” It’s not a lie. I do think that’s a big part of why I feel like shit. Razyr asking me to stop by the med comb tomorrow made me feel surprisingly better.
She’s quiet until we get to our room. The second the door closes, she spins on me and says, “Don’t you dare do this to me again, Sutton.”
“Do what?” I ask, even though I know playing dumb with her never works.
“Just say it. You’re unhappy.”
I take a step and reach for her. “Layla—”
“No.” She backs away from my advance.
“You’re not going to charm me out of this. You’re not happy here. Just admit it.”
“So what if I am? It doesn’t change anything. You still can’t leave the Center without being bonded to an alpha. Either I suffer the boredom of being an outcast in this place, or I leave you here again. It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference how I feel because it doesn’t change a goddamn thing.”
“What makes you think you’re an outcast? Everyone loved having you there tonight.” She gestures in the direction of Razyr and Angie’s room.
“I’m not one of them, and my scent on an omega? They’re only tolerating it for your sake. I can tell that they expect me to step aside when Zayd comes back. You belong here because there’s no question about what you are. There’s no place for me here. I’m nothing. I don’t belong.”
Layla huffs and proclaims confidently, “You belong with me.”
“But that’s not good enough for them.”
Layla plants her fists on her hips and stomps her foot. “I don’t give a good goddamn what’s good for them. Honestly, I’m sick of playing by their rules. You’re my husband. And whatever we decide to do, they’ll just have to deal with it.”
“We can’t leave the Center. My mark isn’t enough to keep you safe out there.” She finally softens enough to let me near. I rub my hands up and down her arms.
She lets her arms slack at her sides. “But you’re miserable here.”
“We can’t leave. No matter how determined you are, I don’t think they’d let you. You’re too precious.”
She rolls her eyes and sneers. Then she grumbles and says, “Unless…” She sighs heavily. “I was bonded with an alpha.”
I consider it for a moment, waiting for jealousy or anger or some other emotion to scream at me.
When they don’t, I confront her with the absurdity of her suggestion, “If you think Zayd will be okay to bond with you, then let you go with me, you’re crazy.
Besides, I couldn’t do that to the guy. After everything he’s done for us?
He deserves to be able to bond with his own omega. That would be cruel.”
“I know. It was stupid. I’m just desperate to make this work for us. At this point, I’m willing to do anything not to lose you again.” Layla falls against me as I pull her in and wrap my arms around her.
“You’re not going to lose me, Layla.” I stroke her hair and kiss the top of her head.
“I tell you what,” I say, leaning back and placing a knuckle under her chin to lift her face.
“I trust Zayd. Why don’t we just wait until he gets back?
Maybe he knows something that can help us.
He wants to keep you safe as much as I do, and he wants to make you happy as much as I do.
Between the three of us, I’m sure we can find a solution. ”
Layla smiles and wraps her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re back. I love you so much.”
Squeezing her tightly, I tell her, “Love you too, Layla baby.”