Chapter 36
Zayd
Ilearned something about myself today. Something I do not know if my alpha brethren could ever come to accept or understand. I love another male.
At first, when all of this started back on Earth, I thought my desire to be with Sutton was merely a side effect of Layla’s scent on him. I could not help being aroused when he was near because Layla’s scent is meant to arouse me. I believed the same to be true for Sutton.
So, Layla’s suggestion that Sutton and I were meant to bond without her seemed preposterous.
But then, the bond with Layla did not work. And I enjoyed being intimate with Sutton.
I still do not believe Sutton and I are meant to be together without Layla, but I do believe it may be necessary to explore the possibility that Sutton and I are meant to bond. Physically.
The subject is not as sensitive as it once was, especially after our activities in the cockpit this morning, but I am still not sure the best way to broach the subject without triggering our omega’s abandonment issues.
Layla would tell me to just be honest and open. Sutton values bluntness, and the trust we have built, I believe, is more than strong enough to handle it, but I am not sure I am strong enough yet to shoulder another failed bond.
“It’s weird how space doesn’t really look any different here than it did from Earth. Still just a lot of blackness and stars,” Layla says, sitting next to me in the cockpit again, after lunch.
“What did you expect?” I ask her.
“I don’t know. Maybe things would be closer and bigger.”
“But if we get too close to a star, we die,” Sutton says, coming in and standing between us.
Sutton and I laugh as Layla shoves him playfully.
“So, what are we going to do to celebrate our last night in space?” Sutton asks.
“Probably shouldn’t party too hard. Need you in good condition for reentry,” Layla says, and my heart swells knowing I did not bore her to tears when I walked her through our reentry and disembarking procedure.
“How do you know that?” Sutton asks.
“Zayd told me.”
“Is there anything I need to know?” Sutton asks me.
“I did not intend to leave you out of the discussion. I simply walked Layla through the procedure because she wondered if landing would feel the same as taking off.”
“Relax, Zayd. I genuinely just wanted to know if there was anything I needed to know.”
“Are you okay?” Layla asks, placing a hand on my forearm.
“I am a little overwhelmed,” I tell her.
“Earth was not a safe place, but you knew the dangers. Knew how to avoid them. How to protect yourself if they find you. Even I do not know all the dangers that await us on Tilopria. I worry I will not be able to protect you. And I do not think it would be so worrisome if we had been able to complete the bond. The ability to communicate through the bond… No matter where you were, I could find you.” My words may sound as if they are for a single person, but I make sure they know I am speaking to both of them.
Even though I have no idea if the bond, should we discover how to complete it, would allow all three of us to communicate through it.
“See?” Sutton exclaims, throwing up his arms. “This is exactly why we need to let loose tonight. Ease some of this anxiety. Whatever happens when we get there, we will deal with it. Just like we have been. Together.”
“I agree.” Layla jumps out of her seat. “Now, come on. Let’s see what these replicators can really do.”
Layla’s and Sutton’s positive outlook makes me feel a lot better about the path ahead. And they are right, if more trials are waiting for us, we should enjoy every minute of the calm we have left.