Chapter 5 #2
“Deal,” he said. “Assuming it’s not some weird sex kink. ’Cause then I’m going to find a million jokes on the Internet and hit you with them daily.”
She gave him an arch look, so he started shoving huge forkfuls of food into his mouth. God, it was good to eat. But then, halfway through the omelet, he lost all interest in food.
“I’m asexual,” she said. “Or whatever it is when you don’t like sex.”
“What?” He let the question hang as he tried to link her words with the woman he knew. “You flirt with me all the time.”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I can talk about sex. We had a long discussion about the merits of penile piercing. Remember that?”
Yeah, he did. He’d considered getting one just to please her.
After all, it wasn’t like he would feel it.
Except, she’d never said she enjoyed the idea.
She’d never indicated that she liked what a pierced man could do for a woman.
He supposed now that it had been more of a clinical discussion with a ton of dirty jokes.
And now didn’t he feel like a shit for his “weird sex kink” joke?
So…
“Are you a virgin?”
She shoved back from the table, obviously uncomfortable. “No. I’m not a virgin.”
“Okay, okay. I was just asking.”
She poured herself more coffee. “And before you ask, yes, I’ve had orgasms. They’re muscle contractions. They’re…not bad. They’re just not all that exciting.”
His eyebrows rose. It had been a long time since he’d experienced an orgasm, but it sure as hell had been a lot more fun than simple muscle contractions.
She shrugged, and her face was stone. “I just don’t like sex, okay? Kissing is nice, but it never stops there. And as for the act itself, I tend to just let the guy do what he wants and wait for it to be over.”
“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” Gary said, and he meant it. Sex was one of the great joys in life, and perhaps the greatest loss from his accident. The idea that she’d never enjoyed it, ever? That was just…awful.
“Was the asshole bad at it?” he asked. He meant her ex. The one she’d broken up with before moving in next door.
She sighed. “He was fine. No better and no worse than anyone else.”
Well, hell. “Did you tell—?”
“Yes!” she interrupted, temper making her words sharp. “And it ended out relationship.”
Gary rumbled deep in his throat. “Asshole.”
Margaret shook her head as she stared into her coffee. “It’s not his fault. He had every right to expect a normal girl, and I’m…abnormal.”
Every part of him rebelled at that statement, but he kept his emotions contained. He didn’t want to spook her, especially since she looked like she was seconds away from running. “So, um, did you try talking about what you like? What feels good?”
The look she shot him was equal parts embarrassed and exasperated.
“Of course I did. Don’t you think I want to feel the things other people do?
” She shook her head then stabbed her fork into what was left of her omelet like she was trying to kill it.
“It’s always awful. The sweating and grunting, then all the sticky stuff.
Much better to watch a Grey’s Anatomy rerun. ”
Gary still didn’t buy it. Not really. “So, because of one bad boyfriend you think you’re asexual?”
Margaret looked annoyed. “It’s not about the guy, Gary. It’s about me.”
“But you’ve experienced sex. You’ve had orgasms.”
“Yes, because you guys want them. You want me to have them. So I do it to please you, not because I want one.”
Gary didn’t know what to say. Of all the reasons to avoid a relationship with him, he’d never guessed that…
And then it clicked, the real reason they were best friends, the explanation of why a sexy woman with quick wit and a great sense of humor spent so much time with him.
“You like me because I’m paralyzed. Because I can’t expect things to go farther than they have. Or you thought that was the case.”
She stiffened. “That has nothing to do with why I like you! We have a thousand things in common. We love science fiction and you indulge my silly birthday ritual. I love hearing about your day, and you are interested in what I do, where I go… I love talking to you, Gary. I love being with you.”
“But we’re friends because you thought I was harmless.”
She blew out a breath, her expression tight. “I like you for you. It has nothing to do with sex. But, yeah, it helped that you can’t jump me. I hate that. And, for most guys, that’s a deal-breaker.”
His head was spinning. She’d liked that he was paralyzed.
She pushed to her feet and grabbed her phone off the table. Her shoulders were halfway to her ears and she looked at the door. He could feel the shame surrounding her, and he just couldn’t bear it.
“Don’t go,” he said. “You shouldn’t be ashamed—”
“Just let it go, Gary.” She stared up at the ceiling and he knew she was fighting tears. “I’m sorry it’s hard for guys to understand this, but it’s the truth: I wasn’t traumatized as a kid. There’s no deep dark abuse in my past. I just don’t like sex. I never have. I’m sorry you don’t get that—”
“I’m trying to,” he exclaimed. “Just give me a moment to—”
Bang, bang. Heavy thumps on his door. Then his father’s voice.
“Gary, it’s me. Can you open the door?”
Hell. This was so not the time for an interruption. If he left it like this, he feared Margaret would run. Not just from the room, but from his life. He could see the shame of her situation burning her cheeks and she wouldn’t even look at him as she snatched the front door remote and pressed OPEN.
The lock released, and the door rolled to the side to reveal his father, large and rumpled.
In a tux or sweats, his dad always looked rumpled.
His mother was all about dressing right and she’d taught Gary to always look his best. But at the moment, rumpled was…
reassuring. No matter what else was going on, Dad was still Dad.
But there wasn’t time for that. He had about two seconds to keep Margaret from disappearing. So he had to pull out the big guns. He had to use the only excuse left to keep her by his side until they could talk more.
He wouldn’t feel a shred of guilt about using it.