Chapter 10 #2
It didn’t take long for his breath to deepen.
She felt his body go lax and heard the rhythm of his breath.
How soothing would it be to listen to that low rumble every night before drifting off?
How wonderful would it be to have her best friend right next to her just in case something happened, like a bad dream or a bad day?
Or what if she thought of something funny she wanted to share?
He could be right there for her. She could whisper just what she wanted into his ear.
Wasn’t that what she’d secretly yearned for all those times she’d stayed on his couch?
She was still imagining the wonderful possibilities when she fell asleep.
* * *
Delicious feelings stirred from her slumber. A tickle at her neck. A tingle as it spread down her spine.
She hummed deep in her throat as she stirred.
The tingling continued, and she arched her back as her toes curled.
Someone pushed her hair aside, and the teasing at her neck became stronger, almost like teeth scraping down toward her shoulder.
It felt good, and she took a deep breath as she began to wake.
Oh good. A full breath. No asthma issues.
“Shhh,” someone whispered. “Stay asleep a bit longer…”
It was Gary, and he’d said exactly that a thousand times before when she’d fallen asleep on his couch and he let her sleep in, but she’d never awoken to feelings this good. She snuggled deeper into her pillow, letting her lips curve in happiness.
“Is this okay?”
She felt a brush of heat against her hip, sliding up under her tee shirt. His hand stroked her belly until it quivered.
Gary.
Should she tell him to stop? She was sleeping, after all, but she also liked what he was doing. Loved it, actually.
“Okay,” she whispered.
She felt his mouth on her neck, the press of his lips on her skin, and the occasional scrape of his teeth. It felt really nice.
“I’m not sleeping anymore,” she finally said.
“But do you feel good? Do you like this?”
She did. Very much. But what would come next? Guys always went from sweet kisses to groping at her breasts. Then he’d want to dig between her thighs with his big hand. Then—
“Hey, hey, you’re okay. Just relax.”
She grabbed his hand where it was pressed flat on her belly. Weirdly, her breasts ached to be held, but the rest of her was clamping up tight.
“Gary, I don’t like sex. I’m not built that way. Why can’t you understand?”
“Because your body is reacting, and you said, ‘okay.’ You liked it when I kissed you, and you liked my hand here.” He twitched his fingers on her belly. “So, where did you go in your head? What happened in that moment? Unless it’s that you don’t want to be with me.”
She took a deep breath, trying to sort through her feelings. “It’s not that. This is nice,” she admitted as his breath heated across her back and neck. He’d licked a tiny spot, and the wet sensation was kind of erotic.
“But?” he prompted.
“But this is bound to end. We’re asking for too much, no matter how I feel about you. You’re going to push too far, want more. I like cuddling. That’s about it.”
“So we’ll cuddle, and I’ll just stroke you lightly. Tell me to stop if you get nervous.”
She believed his intent for a moment. He hugged her gently then pressed a light kiss onto her neck. She’d started to relax—and to appreciate that she was a little disappointed—when she felt his hand at the back of her bra.
“This thing is so tight,” he whispered. “Wouldn’t it be more comfortable if it was off?”
A hundred times more comfortable. But…
“Come on,” Gary coaxed. “You’ve gone braless around me lots of times.”
She had. Halfway through movies she would take a bathroom break and strip it off. It was so much easier to relax on a couch without an underwire digging into her ribs. With her asthma, she hated anything that restricted her breath.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Okay?” he confirmed.
She nodded and felt the quick release of her bra. Taking a deep breath, she had to admit it felt better.
“Thanks,” she said, and Gary rewarded her with a light kiss on her neck.
“Anytime.”
He settled in behind her, a furnace if ever there was one.
Suddenly she was too hot, so she kicked off the covers.
Now she was lying there in her jeans, tee, and unhooked bra, and she was again feeling hot and bothered, an entirely new sensation.
Gary’s hand lay flat on her belly, large and kind of nice.
She forced herself to relax and blew out a slow breath.
“Will you talk to me now?” he asked.
She frowned. “What time is it? How long were we sleeping?”
“A while, but I think you needed the rest.”
“We both did.”
He murmured an agreement, and she felt him set his head down on the pillow behind her. So, this was nice. They were spooning together, more or less, and he was just holding her as they talked.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
“Uh-uh. We’re talking about you,” he corrected.
“Says who?”
“Says me. And you promised, so says you too.”
“Gary—”
“Do you ever pleasure yourself? To orgasm?”
She felt her cheeks heat. Damn, it was weird to talk about this.
“Embarrassed?” he said, reading her silence. “Seriously? We’ve talked about my bodily issues ad nauseum. Do I need to start telling you masturbation jokes?”
She snorted and then gave in. He was right.
If he could talk about using a condom catheter, she could talk about how she’d tried to pleasure herself.
“Yes, I’ve done it. You guys just dig in like you’re shoving into a baseball mitt.
Then it’s scrub, scrub, scrub, and you think we’re going to explode into a million screaming Os. ”
“Wow,” Gary murmured. “You’ve had some crappy boyfriends.”
She wanted to argue, but it was the truth.
“So, when you do pleasure yourself, what do you do?” Gary asked.
Margaret closed her eyes. God, she didn’t want to talk about this. How did she masturbate? She didn’t even like thinking the word. But at least they weren’t facing each other. No way would she be able to have this conversation while looking at his face.
“I’m your best friend, remember?” he said. “That’s exactly what you said to me when you learned how to cath my ‘shriveled raisin dick.’ I was embarrassed and humiliated, and you just picked up the damn tube and said, ‘Show me what to do.’ You wanted to help. You wanted me to be happy and healthy.”
She closed her eyes. He was right. She’d bullied and cajoled and downright threatened until he explained what worked and didn’t work with him. She could hardly cry “too personal” now when the tables were turned.
“Okay, best friend,” she said. “I play with my nipples. Eventually I rub my clit. Gently. Slowly. I take my time with all of it, and yes it feels nice, but all in all, it isn’t that great.” That’s why I’m broken.
“I can see why your crap boyfriends weren’t that great,” Gary said.
“No man is that patient,” she replied. “Not really.”
“Challenge accepted.”
She froze for a moment, damning herself for an idiot. Of course he would take this as a challenge. Of course he would think it was some sort of manly competition to show his prowess, even if she’d never been able to give herself a screaming O, either.
“This isn’t about you,” she said.
“No, it’s about you—and the fact that you are closing off an entire part of your life because of some bad boyfriend choices.
” Gary levered himself up enough that he could press his cheek to hers.
It was a sweet gesture. “You just jerked me off and gave me the best orgasm of my life. Allow me to return the favor.”
“It’s not the—”
“It is the same. Let me do this for you. No strings attached. Teach me how to be a patient, tender lover.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Think of it as your way to prove how wrong I am—or a generous gift to whatever woman I eventually end up with.”
A slice of jealousy cut through Margaret at the idea he would be with someone else. It was sharp, quick, and wholly irrational. Of course he needed to find a woman who was perfect for him, someone who could match him in sexual appetite. Wasn’t that why she was planning to leave him?
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
She’d always been honest before, so there was no sense in holding back now. “That I don’t like the idea of you with another woman. I know that’s illogical. I know—”
He dropped a sloppy kiss on her temple. “I love that you just said that.”
“Ew!” she cried, wiping herself off. “Okay, lesson number one. No sloppy kisses.”
“Got it.”
She could hear the humor in his tone. Also, the satisfaction that he’d gotten her to say yes.
Margaret exhaled slowly, forcing herself to face her fears.
Gary was right. If she wanted to find out if she could ever enjoy sex, then she might as well start now.
She could try with the man she actually wanted to be with.
“Margaret?”
“Yes?”
“Can I play with your breasts? Just a little?”
“Um…okay.”
His hand flexed. It had been so still on her belly, but she was hyper aware of it now, knowing what Gary intended. His every shift and caress had her tensing in reaction. There was so much pressure, so much awkwardness.
He didn’t say a word. Neither did he go straight for the boob grab, which was what she half feared.
But Gary was better than that, and he curved his hand to run the edge of his nails lightly across her belly.
Up by her neck, he started to nuzzle her.
There was no other word for it; he pressed his nose into her neck and lightly rubbed.
“I love the way you smell,” he whispered.
“That’s my deodorant.”
“Nope,” he argued with a chuckle. “It’s you.”
When he rubbed his big nose under her jaw, she joined his laughter. He was playing with her. And, yeah, maybe this was more intimate than ever, but it felt…comfortable. Familiar. And completely different as the hand on her belly inched upward.
“How do you like to handle your breasts?”
Margaret grimaced. “I don’t know.” She’d never analyzed it.